[Type One: Anger - 2](#type-one-anger)

[The Social One: Inadaptability/Superiority - 3](#the-social-one-inadaptability-superiority)

[The Sexual One: Vehemence/Zeal - 18](#the-sexual-one-vehemence-zeal)

[The Self-Preservation One: Concern - 28](#the-self-preservation-one-concern)

[Enneagram Type Two: Pride - 41](#type-two-pride)

[Social Two: Ambition - 42](#the-social-two-ambition)

[Sexual Two: Conquest - 49](#the-sexual-two-conquest)

[Self Preservation Two: Privilege - 60](#the-self-preservation-two-privilege)

[Enneatype III: Vanity - 69](#type-three-vanity)

[Social Three: Prestige - 70](#the-social-three-prestige)

[E3 Sexual: Attractiveness - 78](#the-sexual-three-attractiveness)

[Self-Preservation Three: Security - 93](#the-self-preservation-three-security)

[Enneagram Type Four: Envy - 105](#type-four-envy)

[Social Four: Shame - 107](#the-social-four-shame)

[Sexual Four \- Hatred - 113](#the-sexual-four-hatred)

[Self-Preservation Four \- Tenacity - 125](#the-self-preservation-four-tenacity)

[Enneagram Type V: Avarice - 132](#type-five-avarice)

[Social 5: Totem - 134](#the-social-five-totem)

[Sexual 5: Confidant - 155](#the-sexual-five-confidant)

[E5 Conservation: Refuge - 161](#the-self-preservation-five-refuge)

[Enneatype VI: Fear - 169](#type-six-fear)

[E6 Social: Duty - 170](#the-social-six-duty)

[Sexual 6: Strength - 177](#the-sexual-six-strength)

[E6 Conservation: Warmth - 189](#the-self-preservation-six-warmth)

[Type VII: Gluttony - 201](#type-seven-gluttony)

[E7 social: Sacrifice - 202](#the-social-seven-sacrifice)

[E7 Sexual: Suggestibility - 211](#the-sexual-seven-suggestibility)

[E7 Preservation: Family - 224](#the-self-preservation-seven-family)

[Enneagram Type VIII: Lust - 233](#type-eight-lust)

[SO 8 \- Complicity - 235](#the-social-eight-complicity)

[E8 Sexual: Possessiveness - 244](#the-sexual-eight-possessiveness)

[E8 Self-Preservation: Satisfaction - 252](#the-self-preservation-eight-satisfaction)

[Enneatype IX: Sloth - 256](#type-nine-sloth)

[E9 Social: Participation/Belonging - 257](#the-social-nine-participation-belonging)

[E9 Sexual: Symbiosis - 265](#the-sexual-nine-symbiosis)

[E9 Self-Preservation: Appetite - 279](#the-self-preservation-nine-appetite)

Type One: Anger

To understand the Passion of Anger, we must first distinguish it from rage as an emotion.

While rage refers to the emotional reaction of attack in response to danger or invasion, Anger, in this case, is a furious and uncontrolled drive that this personality experiences in the face of the existential void caused by the loss of the original state of wholeness.

It is as if, having lost the earthly paradise, the Enneatype I sees this loss as a mistake that must be rectified.

Whereas for mental types—and even more so for emotional types—passion is an attempt to regain existential wholeness through contact with suffering and fear of loss, the Enneatype I distances themselves from both pain and fear by adopting an attitude of superior detachment, which they regard as a corrective for what they perceive as an error.

From this, it follows that their method of rectification will be a drive toward concrete, perfect action—something tangible—that will eliminate suffering.

The Enneatype I generally did not experience being a child who was guided and cared for but rather a child who was compelled to behave prudently, renouncing their instinctiveness, emotionality, and expressiveness—qualities typical of childhood. In essence, they were burdened with very high expectations that left no room for error.

The child’s sensitivity to their parents’ suffering quickly transformed into a willingness to solve their problems for them.

What drives the Enneatype I is the solution; in this sense, we can understand to what extent Anger is not an emotional aspect but a fiery energy that always propels them forward, bypassing contact with the feelings tied to the context and the corresponding mental processing.

The Enneatype I’s attitude of “pushing the river” reflects an inner need to try to change the context rather than consider the possibility of adapting to it; from this arises their sense of superiority and disdain for those who "are wrong."

Rage manifests in different styles depending on the subtype: in the social subtype, as well as the self-preservation subtype, Anger underlies a reactive formation that transforms it into imperturbability or benevolence.

In relationships, the Enneatype I exhibits an automatic tendency to impose their mental and behavioral rigor, demanding the same perfectionism (the fixation) from others that they demand of themselves; they control and insist on discipline so that, both behaviorally and emotionally, order and rigor are maintained, which they believe will lead to the elimination of errors.

Their sense of superiority stems from a self-certification—since they hold a self-concept as a virtuous and just person—that grants them the merit of occupying a position of authority and dominance.

This is a normative and neurotically ethical character, with the specificity of dictating personal norms that they consider absolute codes. This allows them to transform desire into a behavioral rule, so they feel exempt from perceiving themselves as imperfect simply for having impulses or emotions (which they view as flaws).

The Social One: Inadaptability/Superiority

The character of the Social One is very different from the other subtypes of Type One. This results from a characteristic identified by Óscar Ichazo—whom I learned from—as inadaptability. For a long time, I preferred to simply use the word rigidity to describe this character, referring to something resembling a schoolteacher mentality, as well as what Wilhelm Reich observed when speaking of an "aristocratic character." However, the term rigidity describes more of a behavioral style or a specific personality trait and not exactly a need or passion. For this reason, I felt the need to formulate a neurotic need from which the rigid character could be understood.

In this search, the case of a woman was particularly enlightening. In addition to being intellectual and cultured, she was part of a university philosophy department, yet she spoke with a marked Midwestern American accent. It was striking that, despite having lived in California for a long time, she retained this strong accent, often associated with less educated people. Being a Social One, one could say her inadaptability was expressed through this, but how could such a behavioral trait be understood from an underlying motivation?

In this case, since people usually adapt their way of speaking to their environment, one might ask: why did she care so little to do so? It became evident to me that the answer lay in her generalized attitude of feeling correct. She acted as if the thought, "My way is the right way," implied that it was others who needed to adapt. This was also evident in her making language mistakes inconsistent with her cultural level, which could easily be understood as stemming from her sense of being exemplary.

However, the feeling of "I am correct" does not constitute a motivation or passion. To explain the contrast between a Self-Preservation One—who, as we will see, is the quintessential perfectionist due to their chronic awareness of their imperfections, driving them to perfect themselves—and a Social One—who already feels perfect and can therefore make grave mistakes—we must trace it back to the need for superiority. This need leads Social Ones to adopt a stance of being impeccable and perfect. The Social One has a true passion for feeling, "I am right, and you are wrong." This, in turn, implies a certain power over others, for they can make others feel wrong. It is as if they were saying, "If you're wrong, then I have more right than you to dominate the situation."

This technique of dominating by making others feel wrong is a great strategy, understandable as an alternative to the dominance that the Sexual One establishes through mere assertiveness in taking possession and feeling entitled. Yet, since these characters primarily feel an implicit moral superiority, it is useful to note the significant difference between morality and moralism. The immorality of the Social One, seemingly so upright and honorable, lies precisely in the fact that their apparent morality is mere moralism.

The Transformation of the Social One

By Antonio Ferrara

This analysis of the Social One is based on the testimonies of five participants in the SAT program and data from exercises conducted in that program, as well as notes collected during various therapy sessions.

I begin my presentation by addressing the paradox that the Social Type One adapts to the world by being maladapted. To demonstrate how this character type is organized, I have chosen some experiences from my childhood, accompanied by images of myself as a very young boy.

I am at home; there is little light, almost twilight, and much silence. My parents (especially my mother) are immersed in their tasks, and they look worried; they don’t talk. Later, I would learn that their life, at that time, was difficult. Both had experienced several bereavements, and a sense of precariousness prevailed. The echoes of war were still felt, and memories of shelters where we sought protection from bombings lingered. They lived in a small town in northern Italy, near the Austrian border, in an unfamiliar world with a predominantly German-speaking population. They felt like strangers in that environment and in a culture so different from their own, as they were southerners from Naples. It is easy to imagine that the child, faced with these constant difficulties, decided not to create additional problems, withdrawing and limiting his demands, reducing his needs and desires to a minimum. “I don’t want to bother” seemed to be the foundational decision, and based on this, he learned not to ask and not to rely on others. He dulled his natural liveliness and transformed into a quiet—too quiet—child, a good boy. He did not ask for anything, nor did he accept anything, shyly saying no, even when it was a small gift. He felt embarrassed when people showed concern or paid him, in his view, too much attention. He was considered a fragile, weak child: “Don’t get tired… don’t run… are you tired?” they would say. I didn’t like it.

Later, I discovered I had a heart valve insufficiency and was at some risk. At the time, surgery was not an option, and nothing could be done. I somewhat understood my parents’ concern but did not want special treatment; I avoided speaking to anyone about my condition, which had become a family secret. Fortunately, I reacted. With unconscious courage and a desire to live fully, I organized my life around evaluations and decisions like: “What you give me and do for me makes me suffer; I feel bad; it’s better if I do things my way, as I like, and if it’s too much for you, I’ll manage on my own. I want to feel capable, I want to get tired, I want to run, to risk hurting myself, I want to be on par with my peers.” And I began challenging my fragile heart.

This began when I was about ten years old. Nevertheless, I remained a sensitive, very emotional child who retained his emotions by repressing them; I didn’t want to show them, but they devastated my chest inside. I blushed and felt ashamed even over small things. Little by little, over time, I learned to control myself, becoming stronger, tougher; I didn’t want anyone to discover what I was truly feeling. I didn’t want to be “weak, fragile, sensitive,” so I hid my moods, my difficulties, and refrained from asking for help. The way they cared for me made me feel different, incapable, limited. Deep down, I didn’t trust my parents to meet my needs.

Social Connections

It was important to interact with neighborhood friends, encounter social diversity, and play with my peers. Later, as I grew, I organized more structured activities with them. I poured great effort into what I did, challenging my limits and enduring fatigue to the point of ignoring it. “Just a little more”—I didn’t even need to tell myself—became a way of living: constant effort, tireless. During adolescence, the patterns of my family and the environment I lived in began to feel narrow. I wanted something else, something different from what my world offered, and I wanted to feel it was mine. Despite being fearful and shy, I felt curious about facing other realities. In discussions with friends, my ideas often differed from theirs, and I found it odd that they didn’t share them, but I held onto them and defended them to the end because it made me feel whole. In school, I was not a brilliant student; I struggled with scientific subjects but moved forward anyway. I did the minimum necessary with little interest. Perhaps, in this case too, the environment did not meet my expectations. While not formally rebellious, I wanted to do things my way and tended to go against the grain, imposing my views. It wasn’t against others; I simply wanted to stay true to what I believed was worthwhile and important to me. These traits developed mainly during adolescence when I began making choices that not only went beyond family expectations but also those of the relatively large group of people I socialized with. Over time, I realized that many of my behaviors masked a profound feeling of inadequacy and a strong desire for recognition. Paradoxically, I felt ashamed and blushed when I received it.

Childhood Reflections and Existential Decisions

From a young age, I rejected being seen as a child and wanted to be perceived as a small adult who didn’t cause problems. I often stayed with adults instead of playing with siblings or peers, as if saying, “See? They are children, but I’m already grown up and can be with you and your friends, participating in your conversations. Even if I just listen, I’m here.” Over time, my inadaptability increasingly turned into a need to differentiate myself, to be special. It was also a way of rebelling against boring routines and an urge to escape, to breathe...

All the people interviewed stated that from an early age, they were older than their age. P., one of them, says that as a child, she cared not only for her sick mother but also for other relatives. C., from a young age, went to the hospitals where relatives were hospitalized and spent whole days there taking care of them. At first, it was terrible, she was forced to do it, but then she got used to it; she no longer felt even the fear and suffering of being in such harsh places. She quickly forgot that she was a child. Returning to P., she was not just a little nurse: at ten, she accompanied her father—who had an important social role—to parties and ceremonies. Like a wife. She replaced her mother, who was sick. She quickly learned to be a boss among her companions, and in this case, she assumed a masculine role that she maintained even in adulthood. In general, the social type Is I have spoken with—although with different nuances—have similar stories, not only in content—often diverse—but also in the existential decisions these stories led to. One of them, B., emphasizes his desire to maintain his own identity: "If I adapt, I die," he says, "it's like suffocating. The explosion is almost mandatory, it's a matter of life or death. It's important to do what I feel, I don't want to be manipulated. The consequence is not feeling at home anywhere. A feeling of not belonging." O. says something similar: for him, "the feeling of estrangement and non-belonging is recurring." He never felt "entirely" in the environments he found himself in. In the family environment of origin, he feels "a movement of rebellion, distance, and also of fight." Returning to B., he is convinced he cannot be part of a group: "the group can lead to error," it's better to give it up. He does not want contamination. It could be "dangerous," and he does not explain why. It could be imagined that in his fantasy he would relive what he forcibly experienced as a child. The shoulds that opposed his desires. M. also feels a need to distance herself. In her case, from a world in which she does not see a space for herself because the values, she says, "are mercantile and linked to power games." "I seek honesty, integrity, coherence, and spirituality," she assures. O. also dedicates himself to spiritual experiences and attends religious group meetings. M. emphasizes that she generally has very high expectations and aspirations for a kind of purity that does not belong to this world. The experience of rejecting reality as it is, to a greater or lesser extent, is a common and fundamental trait of the social One. They do not want to be entirely part of it. At the bottom, there is a lack of trust in others that holds them back. But they also fear being unpleasant if they clearly say no. Consequently, when they do, they express themselves with often excessive vehemence and determination.

In a scene lived during a therapeutic experience conducted with the timeline technique (coming from NLP), both A. and U. recount an episode from the past where there is a group of people talking among themselves. They stay at a certain distance and observe. They would like to join the group but do not dare to approach. They fear their presence might be bothersome and not well received. U., in particular, will say: "There are people gathered inside, but I stay outside; I might not be well received, I feel alien to them." Several of the people consulted express little willingness to participate when they find themselves in a group. For A., the main concern is: "don't let yourself be seen... don't express your ideas and opinions." They might discover how uninteresting what they say and think is. And so, they prefer to keep quiet.

Parents

The feelings and consequent behaviors of inadaptability can be considered the result of the child's encounter with their environment, especially with the parents, and also of specific internal elaborations. All the interviewees speak of a father endowed with a certain fascination, intelligent and quite admired. For some, he is a good talker, with a marked tendency to dialectics, capable of proving his theses and being right. He generally has a severe aspect. A look from him is enough to obtain obedience. O. describes his father as "strong, hardworking, responsible; he liked to joke with people," make friends. O. experienced his father as flattering, and he did not like this. Regarding the education of his children, he was severe; sometimes he hit them and argued a lot with his wife. "For this reason, I thought he was violent and was very afraid of him." He did not feel either presence or care from his father.

The mother is presented with more diverse images. Unlike the father, she seems afraid of life. In most cases, she appears submissive to the husband and dedicated to the family. Sometimes she is counter-dependent, and others describe her as superficial. For B., she is more affectionate and protective than the father. She gave him a lot of freedom, bordering on unconsciousness. In other cases, however, she suffered from physical ailments and hysterical tendencies. P. was, from birth, rejected by the mother and for this reason, she has hated her. O. presents his mother as a "strong, combative woman and a great worker. Very intelligent and alert." She has a notable religious feeling and, like the father, is critical and authoritarian. But also kind and generous: she likes to help those in need. She tends to isolation, while the husband is more sociable. "She gets very involved in the children's lives, feels responsible/guilty," and expresses her love through worry. She is stubborn and obstinate, holds grudges, and "does not easily forgive offenses received."

The parent that the social type I most evidently incorporates and identifies with is the father. From here derives a greater development of love-admiration. Secondly, empathetic love is present, which generally increases with age. The least developed is erotic love. For A. and O., especially, love-admiration is also directed towards knowledge and spirituality, not just towards people. For almost all, the initial idea is that they lived a happy childhood, although this view changes over time.

In summary, the social type I convinces themselves that what their parents offer is not enough for them. They believe that their needs cannot be met. They think it is better to organize themselves. From a very young age, they have claims to autonomy, whether obedient or rebellious. From very early on, they are a small adult. They want to do their things directly, declaring it, or more subtly, pursuing their goal without making much noise. Finally, they tend to impose their own model and are unlikely to adapt to what the external world offers them.

Existential Decisions

Inadaptability is structured around decisions such as: if things are this way and I don’t like them, I’ll do them my way. Even when I need help, it’s better not to rely on others; I surely won’t get what I need, and in the end, I’ll have to manage on my own. I must make an effort and work hard to achieve it. I’ll be strong, so I can face life and overcome my limitations and incapacity. I won’t let fever or illness stop me; I’ll always be on my feet. I won’t bother anyone, and then they’ll love me. I’ll strive to be deserving so that I’ll be recognized and have the right to live in this world...

P. literally says, “I care for others and don’t let them care for me. I take care of everything that concerns me, especially the difficult things. Since I need things but it’s unlikely that they’ll meet my needs, I’ll manage on my own. I’ll be strong, good, brilliant, perfect. I’ll be like my father and the opposite of my mother.” For others, the roles of father and mother may be reversed, but the ultimate decisions remain essentially the same.

Perfectionism

Inadaptability entails constant effort and dedication to doing things well, which escalates into an unattainable demand: to be perfect. This leads to the belief that things must be done better and better, never being satisfied with the outcomes. This attitude produces a state of constant tension, preventing relaxation or enjoyment of achievements. One quickly moves on to the next endeavor or obligation. Those who follow this path are driven by an irrational and insane idea: “Only if I’m perfect will I be loved,” says B. The challenge to oneself is to “make it solely through my own abilities, so others will admire me.”

Demandingness

The quest for perfection requires an instrument of execution: demandingness. Demanding oneself to the point of torture, with sacrifice and using only one’s resources. The goal is to improve, improve, and improve. “I will prove to those parents, sometimes both, sometimes mainly the father or the mother, what I am capable of.” It’s a kind of ransom the child demands, and the adult unconsciously continues pursuing an impossible goal of perfection. They develop a special eye for spotting flaws and blemishes. Effort and demands aim to project a good image of oneself.

The Defensive System

The Social Type One, like the other subtypes, bases its defensive systems primarily on reactive formation. Repression of experiences is not enough; they must be transformed. They seek improvement, believing that their thoughts or feelings lack sufficient value or won’t be well received. Thus, they transform them into something else. The Social subtype, in particular, rarely expresses anger—unless Sexual is their secondary subtype—and replaces it with more socially acceptable forms. Their attitudes and expressions tend toward seriousness and restraint, displaying controlled coolness, a subtle smile, and a kind of aristocratic superiority that can escalate to indignation. They appear calm and composed. In activities generating high tension, anger transforms into a diffuse demand, leading to an obsessive desire to improve and correct—primarily others, but also themselves. Anger hides, remaining beneath the surface, and is converted into a drive to improve, a demand, and control of oneself and others. Thus, the objective becomes seen as more noble: to do things better, to be better.

For P., the outcome of all this is disastrous. Despite not being programmed to have children, she has one through artificial insemination. She is both mother and father to the child, refusing to see the biological father as sufficiently capable. She puts in immense effort, striving to offer her child everything possible. “I raised him the way I was raised.” Her father wanted her to be perfect; now she wants her son to be perfect. “No crying, no laughing, no fear allowed.” The result is that the child inflicts small cuts on himself and suffers; he cannot tolerate all the presence and perfection.

Other Characteristics

The Social subtype is the most intellectual of the three One subtypes and is often a great thinker. Claudio Naranjo states: “They hide their anger with imperturbability.” He also adds: “Aristocratic, elegant, circumspect. Underneath lies the fire.”

Many of the individuals involved in this research dedicate themselves to volunteering and helping others. B. works in labor advocacy, though in an administrative role. They work for a union they consider “moderate.” All of them seek to be recognized for their value, which is quickly diminished when they receive criticism or realize they’ve made a mistake. There is a tendency to adhere to their internal standard: “The true standard is the one I believe in.”

The Transformation

The individuals mentioned earlier underwent the SAT experience. For B., the significant change is manifested in having achieved, in recent years, a certain kind of serenity. Today, they accept that they can make mistakes—something that was previously unthinkable. They allow more room for play and permit themselves to enjoy it more often—though with some lingering doubt—without fear of stepping out of line. They no longer feel the fear or sense of danger they used to when others saw things differently than they did. There is greater surrender, even when they don’t fully understand the knowledge or perspective of the person they are surrendering to. Today, they recognize that if they go to war, they must expect bombs. They still use strong and determined language, but they are aware of it. They hope to further develop erotic love, sensing that it is not as dangerous as they once believed.

P. noticed a significant change after their wedding—which, they emphasize, was for love—even though their family opposed it. They recount that from that moment on, they began to "live emotionally," experiencing those feelings they had always repressed. Another profound experience was the birth of their child at an advanced age. They couldn’t have children, and when the child arrived, they became a “complete mother.” Later, they realized how their character influenced their relationship with their child, understood it, and began questioning themselves. They started psychotherapy and attended the SAT program, working especially on surrender and trust. Controlling every little thing doesn’t help. They began to trust even people they didn’t know. They also came to understand that it didn’t matter whether people were more or less “competent” to relate to them. For other Social Ones, too, the tendency to evaluate the competence of others to establish relationships is evident. Above all, they realized it wasn’t necessary to be perfect to love themselves, nor did their husband or child have to be perfect for them to love them. Today, they still have goals: they want to cultivate gratitude, accept others even more, and embrace all kinds of pleasure—not just the kind they feel they deserve. They want to learn to bring people closer and to experience motherhood, aging without always searching for meaning: valuing life for what it is. Letting things flow naturally, taking them as they come, and stopping the constant questioning of, “What should I do?” and trying to plan and solve everything. Recently, they experienced a deep sense of gratitude towards someone who helped them during a difficult time. They communicated this feeling a few days after the interview—a feeling they had never made room for before. It was as if admitting they needed someone else, that they couldn’t do it alone. They felt happiness and liberation. Finally, they were able to recognize the absurdity of the belief that they could never rely on others. At last, they could say thank you.

M. has, as a project, a focus on love in partnership (like B.); they want to cultivate erotic pleasure—long neglected—which they now feel is lacking. Through the SAT program, they discovered meditation, which today provides them with “energy” tied to a sense of gratitude and compassion. They also have the intuition that the meaning of life is something subtle, a “vibration,” and these are the experiences they are now immersed in. Spiritual practice represents the only antidote to what they call “the fatigue of existence,” and through it, they are learning to trust. Their aspiration is to be a serene mother and to find fulfillment in a job they believe in: helping others.

L. decided early on that to save themselves, they had to know, to understand. They pursued this quest to the point of arrogance: “I know.” They worked hard to make a living and had to prove their responsibility (something expected of them from a young age). But they overdid it—working too much, without pause. It has been a great achievement for them to accept that things are as they are and that it’s okay to let go. Today, they give more space to desire and increasingly choose to do what they truly want. They discovered erotic love and now find pleasure in simple, natural things: “the air, the people...” Their aspiration is to replace duty with pleasure. They now admire knowledge for its own sake, rather than teaching others to gain recognition. They seek understanding. They look to the divine, to higher realms, and recognize that things are perfect just as they are; there’s no need to change them.

A significant transformation for O. was recognizing that their rejection of others was tied to their own self-rejection. They also realized they had sought in homosexual affection “the care from a father I never had, and in the way I needed it.” Over time, they concluded they had repressed heterosexual desire in their search for paternal love. Finally, they dared to surrender to a sexual attraction toward a woman.

For E., the tendency to educate and convince others of her beliefs has decreased. Previously very focused on her own convictions, she has only recently—and in her mature years—begun to learn tolerance and accept that people may have characteristics and differences she once stubbornly resisted seeing.

U. wants to be more spontaneous, to reveal themselves more freely, and to play. They are beginning to speak about themselves and want to feel freer to show themselves in the groups they participate in. Passionately committed to the fight against injustice, they also feel the need to give more space to the playful, open, joyful, carefree inner child. They aim to give more value to emotions and feelings and seek spirituality.

As for my own process of transformation, it occurred gradually and under various circumstances. From the defiance of an adolescent who no longer wanted to be the good, fragile, withdrawn child, I confronted my peers and sought a place of my own. Theater helped me—a space for creative expression and improvisation. It allowed me to experiment with different roles and work in groups. Theater became an antidote to shame, but most importantly, it was something I chose and loved beyond what my parents expected of me, and it eventually became my profession. The friends from my neighborhood and the social center were very important because it was there that I opened myself to relationships and learned to manage activities collaboratively using an assembly model. In that environment, I found a sense of belonging. Later, I encountered Gestalt therapy, which opened the doors to transparency, spontaneity, and the expression of emotions I had always repressed.

It was also fundamental to become a transactional analyst, completing my career in this way. This school provided clarity and structure, including in my work, which I integrated to complement my Gestalt experience. Even more important, though, was meeting Claudio Naranjo, who from 1982 onward became a constant presence in my life. Through the SAT program and our personal interactions, I experienced profound changes and learned to integrate everyday life with subtler levels of consciousness. My personal development has progressed slowly, and I perceive it as a harmonious process in which the different aspects of myself tend to form a unified whole. From Claudio Naranjo, I learned gratitude; I learned to view life’s phenomena from multiple perspectives and to cultivate trust in growth and transformation. His faith in transformation always moved me deeply. I already had faith, but with him, it grew stronger.

I believe that everything I have shared so far in these lines constitutes a set of important factors that characterize the path of transformation for the Social One. Confronting their coldness and rigidity requires loving acceptance and appreciation of their abilities, as they often do not recognize their own worth. They need to temper their harsh self-criticism and negative judgment, which they project onto the world. Another key aspect is the spiritual experience, initially faint but which gradually became very significant. I found spirituality outside my Catholic tradition—through Tibetan Buddhism and Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, whom I consider my first and foremost teacher—and later in the model and presence of Claudio Naranjo. These spiritual teachings have given me greater lightness in facing life and more altruistic love, two factors I consider essential for the transformation of the Social One. Spirituality has helped me let go of perfectionist tendencies and useless idealisms. Altruistic love has led me to be less demanding and more benevolent toward others.

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Other Changes

Regarding my parents, I admired my father and later rebelled against him. I learned to love him when he was old, weakened, and fragile, no longer the man I had idealized in my early years. He was human. Accepting him as someone so different from the image I had as a child allowed me to better accept my own fragility and limitations, and even to reveal them. There came a moment when I could say, “I don’t know,” and admit my ignorance without feeling inadequate.

It took me longer to appreciate my mother. I had always rejected her fearfulness, but it was wonderful to recognize her courage, which I hadn’t seen before, her generosity in always supporting the family, and her capacity for love. Then came my own family—my children. With them, I discovered tenderness, the ability to care, and to play. I never imagined this would happen. I had them later in life and didn’t feel ready to be a father. But I took care of them, and I liked it. It was a profound transformation. I took them with me to work, even to SAT Program courses in Spain. My wife, my children, and I became a symbol for the participants—at least, that’s what they told us.

Later, thanks to my work as a therapist, I learned to respect others—not just formally, as I always had, but genuinely, beyond what I perceived as their limitations or even the rejection they showed me. Today, even when expressing discomfort or anger, I focus on behaviors rather than devaluing or offending the person, even in conflict. Working with patients and students has been a great teacher for me, and what I’ve learned with them, I’ve applied in daily life. In therapy, I prefer deep work, but I’ve also learned to allow more immediate permissions and freedoms to experience life in the present. More often, I find myself saying, “It’s fine as it is.” I laugh at the idea of always striving for more or better. I no longer seek perfection.

In therapy, I enjoy joking and light teasing in good humor. I often use irony, metaphors, and paradoxes, and I enjoy it—especially in Transformative Theater, another gift from Claudio Naranjo, who inspired me to bring it to life. Theater has been a therapeutic practice where I developed creativity and intuition, bringing out hidden and dormant aspects of myself. I follow my sensations and emotions with a strong desire to witness transformation in others. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly and quickly. I inspire vitality in others, and I love what I do; it amazes me what emerges. Finally, I recognize myself. I sometimes play the clown, the fool, the seducer, and other roles alongside the other actors. I feel a wide range of sensations and express myself freely, without shame or restraint. The permission I give myself, I also pass on to others, my actors. Theater, of course, helps me in this.

---

And Then...

Then there is life and its adversities—sometimes unexpected. More than ever, I feel like someone living in the moment. This isn’t meant literally, but it still rings true. Living in the moment means letting things happen without constant control, allowing plans and projects the time to organize themselves—even independently—and gradually take form. For me, this means staying open and surrendering to the unforeseen. My personal mantra in recent years during times of stress has been: “Let what wants to come, come.” This phrase has become a powerful antidote to the effort and compulsion to perfect myself or the world. Most of the time, it brings a smile and peace. In moments of deep surrender, I can laugh at myself and play with the strange things I say or do. I no longer mind if I sometimes seem superficial or ridiculous; being serious, capable, and intelligent all the time is exhausting. Now, it’s genuinely enjoyable to “make a fool of myself” and discover that no one criticizes me—in fact, people find me likable. Increasingly, the Neapolitan in me emerges from behind the English-like mask I once wore (a metaphor I used years ago in a seminar led by Claudio Naranjo). I enjoy using the colorful language of my hometown.

Recently, my mood has become changeable. I shift quickly from seriousness to joy or to brief bursts of anger that soon dissipate. I feel less controlled and more alive, in the midst of change. What’s left to change? I don’t know—maybe very little, and maybe in ways that seem insignificant. But for me, it’s about staying alive. Overall, I feel more at peace with life and, as I said, a deeper understanding and respect for others. I’m curious about the motivations behind the actions of people who hurt me or do me wrong. I don’t think of it as malice; I want to understand their reasons. I dislike breaking relationships. My greatest achievement has been starting to reap the benefits of meditation practice, which includes greater acceptance when I don’t meditate perfectly. If once I believed I had to be perfect to be accepted and belong in this world, today I can say: “What a gift not to be perfect—it allows me to grow and enjoy life\!”

A Concrete Example

In mid-2007, after a challenging experience that lasted for some time (an unexpected and unforeseen separation while I was experiencing what felt like a rebirth and was even reorganizing my emotional life with a new partner), I faced another traumatic event: I discovered I needed heart surgery to replace a valve implanted in my aorta in 1977, which was now failing. It was urgent—my life was at stake. The doctors clearly told me the procedure was high-risk given my age and the fact that my heart had already undergone a previous surgery. I liked the surgeon who was recommended to me, and I trusted him.

Today, I feel immense gratitude toward him. During the time between the diagnosis and the surgery, I continued all my activities. Deep down, I trusted the process, and it almost felt unreal. I felt calm, though at times I experienced fear and thoughts about the possibility of death. I had professional commitments and didn’t want to cancel them. I prepared everything I needed and traveled, returning just a few days before the operation. I spoke with friends and even strangers about what I was about to face. As I did, I was struck by my lack of hesitation. I didn’t feel like an invalid—unlike years before, when I had been ashamed of my congenital defect, a secret that had to be kept.

The surgery took place in early June, and naturally, I suffered. But I had my loved ones around me, and I let them care for me—even indulging in some capriciousness. The post-operative recovery was quick, and there were no complications, though they had not been ruled out. The doctors were very satisfied. I also attributed this positive outcome to certain meditation practices and a different kind of vital energy. How different this was from the previous experience when I was younger, yet my life was truly at risk due to viral pneumonia (contracted in the operating room), severe chest pain lasting for months, and a profound depressive state. None of that happened this time. Within a few days, I was back on my feet and already thinking about my next trip to attend a SAT course. “Too soon,” the doctors said, but my character won out. A month later, I was in Seville, bundled up against the heat to avoid catching a chill from drafts.

As I write this, I smile. Were the risks I took—then and now—a matter of recklessness? Madness? Did I absolutely have to go to Seville? Of course, I acted under the influence of my character, but this work gives me meaning and enthusiasm, and I’m not ready to give it up yet. However, alongside these character-driven actions, there were also new aspects in this situation, which I consider part of a deep change. This experience was imbued with a subtle acceptance and serenity I had never felt before in the face of such an important event. Returning to work so quickly—there in Seville—I carried with me the physical and psychological limitations of convalescence in an environment where I had a significant role and was responsible for addressing the discomfort of others. I didn’t hide; I showed my fragility, as I was at that moment, and carried out particularly profound therapeutic work.

In the following months, I maintained this relaxed attitude, and my desire to laugh and bring lightness to my family grew even more. The dominant traits of my character haven’t disappeared. I am still an angry-maladjusted person, but today I can move very quickly from a state of demandingness and reforming impulse to one of acceptance and tranquility. For me, this marks a significant difference.

*The Sexual One: Vehemence/Zeal

Oscar Ichazo used the Spanish noun celo* in reference to the characteristic passion of the Sexual instinct, a word with a dual meaning. When referring to an animal *en celo* (in heat, that is, in estrus), the word denotes great sexual excitement. In the context of personality, when one does something *con celo*, it implies care, dedication, or fervor. Thus, it can be understood that *celo, in its broadest sense, is analogous to the intensity with which an animal in heat seeks the object of its instinct.

We could say that a Sexual type is characterized by a special intensity in their desires, making them urgent and vehement. To understand why anger in the sexual sphere results in this celo, we can say that anger amplifies desire by infusing it with aggressiveness. In other words, anger gives any desire a special force and intensity, leading the person to feel not only strongly drawn to its satisfaction but also to feel entitled to it.

The result is a type characterized by a strong spirit of dominance and conquest. Let me explain this with an example of collective behavior: When emerald and diamond mines in South Africa were exclusively exploited by Europeans, many objected, arguing that this was unjust, as such wealth belonged to Africans. However, others, utterly convinced, replied: "What use is it to them? They have no culture\!" It seemed obvious to them that diamonds belonged to the Europeans due to their "civilized" character, in contrast to the supposedly barbaric nature of the "primitives."

\!

The same thing happened with the Spanish conquerors, who in the name of their very Christian emperor felt authorized to take gold from the Aztecs or the Incas.

Similarly, certain people feel more entitled than their fellow human beings to the good things in life, to the satisfaction of their desires, or even to exploitative behavior. And in this, there is not only vehemence of desires but also an illusory and exculpatory conviction that this satisfaction justifies aggressive acts.

A young man in one of my groups explained that when he was about six years old, he liked to put his penis between his sister's buttocks. His mother would say: "No\! Don't do that\!" And he would reply: "Why not?"

I had never heard such an anecdote from a small child before: "Why not?"

Because we live in a sufficiently repressive culture, it is usual for children to experience shame, and sometimes even guilt that leaves traumatic traces, when reprimanded by their parents for sexual activities. For a sexual type, however, the force of the impulse is sufficient to make the person—just as happens in the case of the lustful type—more willing to question the censorship of authority than the strength of their desires.

TRANSFORMATION IN THE SEXUAL 1 by Isabel Herrera

I will start by saying that I am the first surprised by everything that my self-knowledge process is bringing me. I start from a total ignorance or lack of expectation of where I am going in this transformation... In summary, I would say that by observing myself in my characterological mask, everything else comes. Today I can say that I feel serene with myself and with the world.

Although I am and am considered generous, I have always been selective in showing my generosity to others, both materially and emotionally, although this generosity was rather driven or directed from the body; I mean that I had no pattern to sustain it but rather generosity occurred if my body-intuitive impulse led me to it or not. With children, the elderly, people with some type of disability, animals, and plants, I have always felt available and generous; it is like protecting the lives of the most vulnerable. Now my emotional life is more attentive and less demanding, more tender and warm explicitly, as before it only occurred in the intimacy of my home and in friendship. The recognition of the freedom of the other continues, as well as the appreciation of my own freedom, which is not detachment but respect for one's own space and time, as well as for the needs of the other, without making them mine.

In material terms, the most significant change is giving myself more time for myself and my needs, being less attentive to the needs of others, as I tended to take care of others sometimes forgetting my own needs. On the other hand, my desires have been reduced to almost nothing: it is like discovering that I need less and less to live and, from that simplicity, living with more serenity and harmony with myself and my surroundings. With less need also comes less self-demand and demand towards others. I even have more to share and give away, almost as if I could live off the air...

Before, my generosity consisted of giving to whom I thought needed and what I thought I could give; I was empathetic, although my empathy was filtered through ideology. Now I am more spontaneous and feel more compassionate, more lived with what happens in the moment.

I remember that when I was about eighteen years old, I told a friend from the neighborhood group: "I like who I am, but I lack serenity." I also intuited quite clearly that I would find some of it with age.

A very clear sensation that I usually feel in my body—and more specifically in my belly—is that of a fiery impulse that seeks an outlet, that wants to expand outward and does so also through my feet and hands. I feel great vitality that has two faces depending on the circumstances: one, playful, expressed through sports, dance, erotic or sexual sensuality, play, enthusiasm, humor, and laughter or what I call "the representations of the pleasure of movement." The other, aggressive anger, appears especially when I feel that something or someone is crossing my boundaries or may somehow threaten my integrity. It is short-lived and very intense: it is like baring my teeth and marking the distance. A familiar image to me in felines, my favorite animals.

This anger occurred on few occasions, but it was overwhelming. Hurtful words could come out of my mouth that could make others feel like shit. Then it would pass, I would apologize, and the discussion could continue normally, and we could even make peace despite the disagreement.

The lack of serenity has to do with that fiery impulse, with feeling that anger would carry me away, that I couldn't control it, and with realizing how I could swing from one extreme to the other in a short time. This also disconcerted and disoriented the people around me, and I felt how it hurt them, which also made me suffer. The only saving grace was that it didn't last too long.

In SAT 2, I discovered that when I was born, I fell in love with the world, the light, life, but my father's rejection for not being a boy and the abuse and anger with him made me distrust people, though not life. Finding the key to this understanding led me to the harmony that comes from trusting life and people.

Serenity now comes from having conquered my guts and letting myself be carried by trust, from not feeling my two extremes so polarized, although I know where and how to visit them since they are very familiar and still live in my body. They exist in me as a bodily memory that allows me to put them at my service instead of putting myself at their service. I feel that with this serenity, I have found what I needed most, and from there, I have reached other places previously unimaginable to me.

I no longer strive to push the river; I simply recognize that I wouldn't have wanted to live any life other than mine. Attention to that second before automatism gives me the freedom to choose: I feel free.

Before, my way of thinking was to want to do everything as well as possible, demanding from myself and others. When it wasn't like that, the ease of criticism or angry outbursts was the order of the day. I thought that the injustices in the world could be solved if everyone did their part. Therefore, when I encountered a flagrant injustice, my aggression would automatically jump out, and I would confront the situation without hesitation. I had the fantasy that I could improve the world, and maybe I can do something, but not in such an aggressive way. Approaching it with a more loving and compassionate attitude, while still being firm, is giving me better results without people feeling attacked. However, that doesn't mean that on some occasions, I haven't consciously put that aggression into play.

As I said, I think I have conquered my guts, which is where I feel aggression, the anger that no longer directs me. It's been a long time (since SAT 1, in 2003\) since the volcano erupted (to everyone's relief). I also leave more space for my emotions, those that in childhood I was taught not to show because they were considered a sign of weakness, sadness, vulnerability, pain... This feeling, pain, is the one that still costs me the most to show publicly, but now, when it appears, I let it be, before anyone. The paradox is that my impulsive reactions have considerably reduced, so my moods and emotions are more balanced, have fewer oscillations, and are less intense than in the past. I would say that by lowering the intensity of the sexual instinctive sphere, the other two instincts have been balancing, especially the conservative one (the most deficient in me), and in passing, I have connected more with the emotional. I could describe my sensation as if the strong potential energy of the hara had risen to the heart, impregnating all other spheres with that heart tenderness that I know I have.

The relationship with my father, an E8, was an authentic battle. I felt a need to confront him about everything. On the other hand, with my mother and siblings, I developed a more protective bond to defend them from an abusive father and husband. My mother, an E3, I didn't consider much because I negatively judged her passivity and living through others.

With my siblings, the relationship became distant, although I still feel great affection for them. Each lives for and with their families, and it doesn't seem like there will be any changes between us. On the other hand, with my parents, the relationship has become closer, warmer, and less confrontational. I take care of them more than my siblings do, as although we have talked about it, they are not willing to give up the resentment they feel towards our father. I don't judge them for it; I understand them. If I take care of my parents, it's because I want to, and I do it from a compassionate feeling of accompaniment, without wanting to change anything. They enjoy it, and I enjoy taking them to places they've never been, visiting them frequently, and dedicating time to them whenever I can. I like taking care of them. They are very old now, and on some occasions, even my father has shown me that spark of tenderness we all have inside.

For twenty years, I lived in a relationship with the father of my daughter. Then I was widowed, and later I had several relationships lasting three, two, and one year. Now, it's been five years since I had any intimate sexual relationship with a man.

In meditation, the need for solitude and silence arose, and that's where I still am. In that solitude, I have never felt alone or depressed; on the contrary, I feel more part of the world and humanity than ever; discovering myself in the deep intimacy of meditation has been and is of great richness, experiencing the subtle energy of my body, the silence of the mind, and the noise of the world. It's curious to discover how difficult it is to enter that inner silence when living in such an overstimulating and noisy world.

From that stillness, my being in the world is more solid and firm, while also warm and tender, and also more serene and joyful. I have lost desire, both sexual and for other things, and it has surprised me as a woman not even to desire to feel desired. I remember that Claudio once said that to leave something behind, you had to have experienced or lived it first. I think that's what I've done: live my sexuality intensely and playfully. And now I have reached a great peace, after everything learned through that path and others.

All my time is for me, and I can dedicate it to being useful to others, which is my genuine impulse. My dedication is not to a man but to life.

The more demanding and judgmental paternal energy no longer pushes; it has been replaced by admiring and devotional love, initially represented in Claudio and then expanded towards the mystery that sustains us all and everything, towards the divine and sacred in each of us and in nature as an expression of sublime beauty. This gives the respect I feel for life and all things a deeper and more subtle connotation. I went from fighting and rejecting a god who resembled my father to feeling part of that divinity.

The filial energy is expressed in a less erotic-sexual and more sensual way and is more connected with all senses, and also with intuition and a playful joy related to rediscovering my capacity for wonder at the simplest and most everyday things, like a child discovering something for the first time, with the difference that it is not the first time, but it is always different. I feel like I have discovered the surprise in each moment, the richness of impermanence. I also discovered that I can bring play into my relationships with others, surprising in the spontaneity of the moment.

The maternal love I relate to the bond with the earth and the body. From there, it is easier for me to feel the strength to support whatever comes, being as it may be, with tenderness, trust, and even humor, trusting and feeling joy in life, which is so familiar to me. It is a caring and nurturing energy from accompaniment.

Before, I lived my social and personal relationships with more need to be seen. The truth is that people of my trait do not go unnoticed, but now it no longer matters: detachment can have a healthy and positive aspect, which is the ease of letting go of what hinders us. I think that has been my case, experiencing non-attachment. I don't have an agenda full of pending things to do as before; for a long time, I have let the day flow, and so I have the necessary time for whatever appears. It is a very gratifying experience because there is space for spontaneity, and each day seems different without doing anything special for it. My friends have surprised me by defining me as a joyful, generous, warm, tender person, not resentful, and with a lot of humor.

Before, in my personal relationships, men predominated, and for about ten years now, women predominate. In general, I feel very close to them, and there is a bond of cooperation, complicity, and sisterhood. Lately, I relate a lot with E4 women, whom I have been able to support without judging or demanding, and they have been able to lean on me. There are also some E9 and even a few E1 sexual who feel good and comfortable with me, and I with them. I have to say that reflecting on violence has made me reconsider some misunderstandings that exist in society about it. I also feel empathetic and supportive of women.

Previously, distrust was more related to people. I suppose my father's mandate: "you have to be careful; people are very bad," was very present, starting with him, who was a violent person, and no one was safe around him. I always trusted life, as from a very young age, I related to nature and animals. I have felt little guilt, as living a double life was a way of transgressing norms, and I did it without fear, as a way of getting my way, of breaking my father's imperative by letting my little devil out to play. I learned early to lose my fear of my father; I felt strong from the age of six. But that also put me in danger several times, though not out of recklessness. I would say that the aspect that has changed the most is distrust, as now I don't defend myself or try to change anyone or anything, but I have understood that everyone has their path and does what they can, how they can, and when they can. I have seen what is in me in others and what is in others in me. I would say that my trait and subtype have generally softened: my character is less consistent, as if the contours had blurred. Now I say that my trait is decaffeinated sexual E1.

The trait of worry is not familiar to me: I have heard it applied to E1, but I don't feel it is mine. Let me explain: from the age of eight to sixteen, I did competitive gymnastics, then risk sports like high mountain, climbing, caving, diving, etc. The focus was on the here and now and breathing, which was very natural for me. Perhaps that is why I trusted the body impulse, letting myself be carried by what the body advised at the moment. Taking a step, not staying stuck ruminating on where to go, was always my way of doing things. I would say that the step itself marks the direction towards a goal, even if I don't know what it is.

Sometimes my experience has been to seek a solution to a problem in the following way: I want to get my husband out of jail (where he is for political reasons), I know what the goal is, and I make the path as I walk. I involve all the people, organizations, and institutions that can do something; I don't care if they are not of the same ideology, if I have to visit the Attorney General of the National Court in Madrid or the Minister of Justice of the country: I do it. And if in the same effort others can benefit, then a list is made with all of them. And it worked. Of the six involved, all received some type of pardon; my husband the most.

Along the way, I took steps that did not prosper, and there were others who wanted to take the credit, but that did not discourage me or make me dwell on the same thing over and over again.

In that aspect, the before and after have not varied much. However, that impulsiveness, the demand for things to come out and quickly, and the push as a result of the demand have softened.

Life before was to be lived, explored, and wanted all of us to live better, with fewer injustices and inequalities, which is why I joined clandestine political activities against Francoism from a very young age. Before, the mystery was in death, what is beyond life? Today, life is that great mystery that penetrates us and we do not know, regardless of what science says, and I give myself to it, trying to explore some of its inscrutable paths that have brought me closer to the divine.

Another important element of transformation has been the use of aggressiveness and the ability to confront in the task of helping others. The fact is that both are generally very repressed and confused. There is also in this character a great ability to move from one extreme to the other of the polarities and that we can put into play in therapeutic work. Our strength and determination can be at the service of accompanying and containing, especially in therapeutic work with strong enneatypes like E8 or sexual E6.

In the process of transformation, the angry aggressiveness of sexual E1 is transformed into determination with warmth, and also into acceptance; judgment and criticism into acceptance; control into awareness that controlling is an illusion (and this ends up generating a transformation of control into spontaneity); vehemence into serenity; zeal into love of heart; idealism into loving compassion. I have discovered a genuine indomitable spirit that I believe is linked to what in a dream appeared to me as the spirit of the girl who, to survive, made a pact with the potential warrior in her to take her place in the world.

Another contribution we E1s can make who are dedicated to therapeutic help is to work from the body and the sensual, the senses, and erotism: from self-knowledge we can accompany the other in their self-exploration. I call it the eagle's gaze, or how the ability to see defects becomes the ability to capture significant moments in or for the links, interrelations, and interdependencies. It would be comparable to being able to see the forest and the trees at the same time.

Today I feel that benevolence is genuine when it appears; in reality, if they don't point it out to me, I don't even realize when it emerges. I do know that in me both poles have integrated: confrontation and benevolence, which coexist side by side. Perfectionism has become a "everything is fine in me as it is," and that is a relief. Playing with my poles and taking them out for a walk like someone takes the little devil out for a walk makes me laugh and brings sparks to my eyes. That girl has not lost the desire to play or see the wonder of the world.

"A great heart is never closed by ingratitude, nor tired by indifference." Leo Tolstoy

I started therapeutic work from the roof, that is, through the analysis of deep dreams, about six years ago. On the first occasion, I saw my resentment, its link with a violent father and the mistreatment I received in my childhood. The resentment towards my deceased partner, the unresolved grief, I forgave myself and could forgive him, in a process I called "The Squaring of the Circle."

When reading Character and Neurosis, I immediately identified, although there was a part of E1 that I didn't see in me: it was, clearly, due to the peculiarities of my subtype, the sexual one. Discovering the Enneagram as a tool for self-knowledge was the spark that ignited everything else for me. I have always been a seeker of knowledge, and now I had found it. Then the desire to expand my training as a therapist arose, and I began training in Bodywork and Gestalt in 2001\.

In SAT 1 (2003), even with a broken leg, I devoted myself to the work. Discovering my mother's manipulation was very painful and made me see her more clearly, especially when she tries to force my will. Regarding my father, I also discovered the strength in my hands and arms, from so much accumulated aggressiveness over the years, wanting to return every blow he gave me. The containment of that murderous rage came out with all its potential; it was for a short time, although very intense, and then I sang with satisfaction.

The good came afterward, as my aggressiveness progressively diminished considerably: first, I feel my guts, and then I can see that inflection point where I tell myself: "more of the same or not." I didn't realize how much I had changed until the day during a weekend workshop, my ex-partner (sexual E4), who seemed very angry because he couldn't reconnect with me either by good or bad means, threw a jug of water on me. I saw everything as if in slow motion: I was sitting and looked at the empty wine bottle on the table in front of me. But my guts didn't even move. And I understood with all clarity that responding to him meant getting caught in his game. I didn't do it. This vivid anecdote still impresses me now, as in another time, I would have jumped at his throat or broken the bottle over his head. I am impressed by the capacity of SAT to transform people, especially by generating contact with love.

Other discoveries of the process consisted, for example, in realizing that my madness was thinking I was less crazy than others. Or seeing the murderous force of my rage, the feline strength and agility of my body. Lately, I have delved into the idea that I have to prepare for death, and from there, discovering that this way of looking at the world and what happens in it in a childlike, curious, and naive manner is the same look of the old woman I am, an old woman who, by the way, no longer pushes the river.

Shortly before SAT 1, I entered a process of deep sadness that didn't correspond to anything specific, although it didn't prevent me from living other things. It lasted a year and a half and has been the best learning to be with the patient without ceasing to be in me. Throughout the process, I have been able to publicly show my tenderness, my playful and playful spirit, which sometimes disconcerts patients and also amuses me. In SAT 2, I discovered the great love I feel for life. My commitment is to life: without this commitment, there is no love. That is why I know I belong to no one: I belong to the world, to life. In SAT 3, I discovered that my father's rejection was due to a clumsiness: believing in that masculine privilege that confuses authority with power, respect with dominance, and love with obedience, and instead saw the love that exists in every human being, in him too.

The place of meditation in my life

It is the place where I stop being an ego, where I am without being what I know myself to be. It is from meditation that I see clearly; I stop thinking/interpreting to simply observe with the eyes of the curious child that I still keep; from there, the rest is enthusiasm for life. Everything has always been there, and at the same time, it is always new. Everything is impermanent, fortunately, including me. Thus, I am only a gaze that recognizes itself alive in what surrounds me and in the vibration of the body and the universe. I also owe meditation the development of the intellectual aspect; through insights, it has brought me clarity and neutrality. From the first day, I discovered the serenity of the position and stillness of meditation and the pleasure of attention to breathing: it is the smallest movement of my body\! The serenity of stillness has effortlessly led me to integrate small changes that come alone. And I simply recognize that I wouldn't have wanted to live any life other than mine. Attention to that second before automatism gives me the freedom to choose, and I feel free.

Two years ago, I also reached an understanding of a spiritual type: the truth is that I don't know how to explain it... Since then, I have discovered the spirit in other things. A year and a half ago, I felt the need to seek solitude and silence, the need for introspection and being with myself; I feel a subtle and deep pain, a pain related to the pain and suffering of the world, and mine within it. The pain is the emotion that still costs me the most to show; now I do, though with difficulty. My being is from presence and silence, and my difficulty or limitation with language to express certain experiences also leads me to silence.

At this moment, I am savoring:

* That the origin was not aggressiveness but a determination to live and occupy my place in the world.

* The knowledge of the body at birth of its path to extinction.

* That upon coming into the world, the curious girl, the angry warrior, and the old woman with a sense of humor already came together. The girl, to survive, made a pact with the warrior, who protects her, although sometimes she exceeds her functions.

* That my childhood was not sexualized but sensualized; I still have that sensitivity of the senses, especially in touch and skin. Sexuality was a sensualized (with all senses) way of channeling energy or vitality—of which there is a lot—in a playful way.

* And, of course, gratitude without ceasing for what life brings me, which gives me a lot, and yet I need less and less to live.

*The Self-Preservation One: Concern

Ichazo referred to the characteristic passion of the conservation One as "anguish." However, I prefer to use the word "concern." In fact, it could be said that for this type of person, concern becomes a true passion. And it is not simply a behavior that could be described as worrying too much—or even feeling a need to worry—but rather, they concern themselves with things that are already fine, and sometimes ruin what they touch by trying to fix what does not need fixing.

This need to worry can be understood as an exaggerated necessity for foresight and having everything under control, driven in turn by a fear that their survival or preservation might be threatened.

In reality, their self-image is that of being excessively imperfect, and as a result, their activity becomes a constant and obsessive effort at self-improvement. Their anger, however, hides behind a kind benevolence and a service-oriented attitude that conceals their rage and resentment. In other words, they transform their anger into goodwill.

The Transformation in the Conservation One

It is not difficult to conceive that questioning can be more creative than clinging to pre-made answers. The iconoclastic stance rejects symbols and seeks the source of meaning beyond form. If a moderate iconoclastic stance can be healthy even in the face of valid solutions, how much more so when confronting pseudo-solutions that we cling to in order to keep sleeping peacefully? After all, all the values we cherish originally emerge from questioning, from seeking, and even from despair.

The water that quenched the thirst of our ancestors may not be the water we need today; it must be found anew each time and cannot be stored.

Claudio Naranjo, The One Search, p. 13

Perfection, as a mechanical pursuit, is a trap that prevents achieving what is truly sought. The anger of the conservation One, being so controlled and repressed, often goes unnoticed by them. Their control over reactions fosters a lack of self-awareness. The fundamental question points to how to stop being trapped in the cycle and the egoic script. Put differently, how to awaken and stop "sleeping peacefully."

The conservation One believes they are on the righteous path of transformation. Their zeal for perfection and effort to improve themselves appear to contain strong doses of consciousness. Furthermore, their choice to prioritize duty over pleasure makes them believe they are on the right track. Their awareness of the ideal, the sacrifices to achieve it, the inner judge continually dictating what is right and wrong, and the accompanying sense of guilt make them think they have everything in their favor. But this is the trap that clouds awareness and prevents seeing things as they are.

Perfectionism and the anger tied to it are mechanical responses, pre-written scripts. There is no freedom, only rigidity. No love, only correction. No consciousness, only control. No essence, only ego. How could someone expend all their energy on a misguided cause?

If perfection is not worth pursuing for its own sake, there is no possible salvation. If concern and anguish—which have been thermometers marking the temperature of their commitment to personal improvement—are useless, what other alternative is there?

Oviparous animals must break the shell of the egg to live their lives and fully develop. The shell of the ego, the egoic circle, like the Yazidi circle of Gurdjieff, must be broken. Thus, the first step of transformation involves awakening, becoming aware of egoic mechanisms, and untying the ropes that keep a person trapped in their existential script.

But how does this change, this awareness, this awakening occur?

Awakening is traumatic. The habit of always wanting to be right and the systematic rejection of reality, which does not align with the ideal pattern of perfection, hinder the recognition of one’s own mechanical nature. When it happens, the ground opens beneath one’s feet, and they are swallowed by the abyss of annihilation. On the other hand, if awakening causes trauma, trauma provokes awakening. An existential crisis, a breakup, an economic crash, a professional failure, sinking into despair—an experience of the limit—shakes the ego.

Control over the situation is lost. Personal demands yield no returns. Effort becomes ineffective. Faced with the impossibility of managing their own conflict, one must open the doors to trust in others, knowing that a teacher or therapist, though imperfect, can help—a proposition more difficult than it seems.

Letting oneself be led: “When you were young, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Renunciation as the path to freedom. Renouncing perfection as the way to attain it.

Thus, the paradox of transformation unfolds: “If the grain of wheat does not die, it cannot bear fruit.” To gain the security of preservation, one must lose all security. When there is nothing left to lose, concern dissolves, and anguish disappears. Descending into the depths is the first step. For the elevator of essence to rise, the counterweight of the ego must descend to the bottom. Everything falls apart. The greatest achievements are valued as insignificant.

This is how vision begins to be recovered because anger blinds. The purgatory of anger, as Dante describes it, involves being blinded by smoke: “I could not even open my eyes.” Thus begins the path of awareness.

The challenges of sustaining awakening in continuous work lie in perfectionism and concern, which keep the mind engaged in striving for virtue. There can be no metanoia (conversion) without descending into the world of feelings and instincts.

“I have used the image of my inner castle to describe this situation. Throughout my life, I have explored its various rooms, from the ground floor to the attic. I have moved comfortably through them, as they represent areas of control and mastery. But, one way or another, I avoided going down to the basements, where I know the dogs and dragons reside.

It is now time to face them, to look them in the eye, and to dialogue with them. Keeping them hidden and repressed can only cause me problems. Talking to them has its risks: they may scratch me, bite me, or attack me. The fear of losing something—or even of discovering them—has kept me from descending to the basements.

Through therapy, I have sought to explore these forbidden areas, the thresholds I had not yet crossed. There have been very difficult moments when I experienced fear and anguish. I have spoken with the rabid dogs in the subterranean depths of the castle. At times, they have bitten me, but now we each know where we stand.”

This brings to mind words by Friedrich Nietzsche:

"Anyone who has built a new heaven has drawn their strength from their own hell."

When the spiritual self is born, the carnal self knows it is destined to die sooner or later, and this does not make it happy. However, on the level of individual consciousness, there is no greater happiness than that of the immediate moment following metanoia (a change of mind or “conversion” in the most profound sense of the term).

This individual state can be characterized by a spiritual intoxication and immense happiness, which naturally accompany a moment of rebirth. Not many reach this stage, as the aforementioned suggests: many people seek the rebirth of the spirit, but “few are chosen.”

Claudio Naranjo, Songs of Awakening, p. 59

The Setting: A Fundamental Change

We live in a society where many changes occur—some expected, others feared. Stable situations find little place here. People seek to change apartments, jobs… and sometimes even partners after a crisis in cohabitation. Not every change is an improvement, as one can end up worse off, but risks often need to be taken when there is a profound inner need to respond to the unease that arises from within each person’s heart.

Is a fundamental change possible in the relationship between essence and personality? Should our work consist of eliminating the personality so that essence can flourish? How do we become aware of our personality?

Nicoll affirms: “Essence can only grow through increasing awareness of personality and the slow and gradual discovery of what personality is in a person.”

(Psychological Commentaries on the Teachings of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky, vol. IV, p. 235).

To answer these questions, I turn to a passage from the Gospel of Luke (5:17–26):

“One day, as \[Jesus\] was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there, who had come from every village of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with him to heal.

And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, but finding no way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus.

And when he saw their faith, he said, ‘Man, your sins are forgiven you.’

And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, ‘Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?’

When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, ‘Why do you question in your hearts? Which is easier, to say, “Your sins are forgiven you,” or to say, “Rise and walk”?

But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’—he said to the man who was paralyzed—‘I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home.’

And immediately he rose up before them and picked up what he had been lying on and went home, glorifying God. And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, ‘We have seen extraordinary things today.’”

Our protagonist is a paralyzed man lying on a stretcher, dependent on others to move from one place to another. He is not autonomous, unable to fend for himself, and always reliant on others. Yet he possesses four very positive attributes:

a) He is aware of his illness and paralysis.

b) He wishes to overcome it.

c) He has a group of friends who are committed to helping him improve and who will go to any lengths to ensure he achieves it.

d) He seeks the source of life—in Jesus—for the solution to his problems.

Every fundamental change typically involves a price and effort, in the Gurdjieffian sense of the word. The man wants to reach Jesus, but the crowd prevents him from doing so. There is not enough space to move forward. Change requires personal commitment and not losing oneself among the crowd. He does not shy away from difficulty or abandon his endeavor. With imagination and boldness, he accomplishes the unthinkable: they climb onto the roof and lower him before Jesus through the tiles. Inner work is woven from creativity and dedication.

Spiritual adventure requires connecting with the divine. Jesus provides the key to initiating fundamental change: the forgiveness of sins. Sin is acting outside the impulses of love, which generates paralysis. Forgiveness involves the humble acceptance of one’s own errors, weaknesses, and fragility. Inner change begins with humility and the renunciation of apparent greatness.

Jesus offers him forgiveness because he sees in the paralyzed man and his friends great faith. They have accomplished significant work and overcome obstacles because they believe paralysis is not the ideal state for man. They wish to evolve.

The word of Jesus announces the fundamental change: “I say to you, rise, take up your bed, and go home.” In this text, there is something surprising: why does he instruct him to take his bed? Can he not now dispense with it, being healed? The bed is the personality, and the paralyzed man is the essence. The bed carried the paralyzed man because personality ruled over essence—a weak and paralyzed essence. With healing, the man carries the bed because essence governs personality.

He should not dispense with it but instead carry it with him. The paralyzed man regains his autonomy, his freedom of movement, and he can go home—in other words, he is no longer dependent on others’ expectations but begins to live in self-remembrance. To be home means to connect with self-awareness.

The Gospel narrative continues: “And immediately he rose before them, picked up what he had been lying on, and went home, glorifying God.” There is no delay, no doubts, no postponement. He acts immediately, in front of everyone. He does exactly as Jesus instructs but goes beyond simply taking up his stretcher and going home: he glorifies God.

The relationship with God allows essence to unfold its enormous possibilities. We are not going to eliminate our ego. We are simply going to remove its scepter and power over our essence, which from now on the personality will serve.

The Script

A conservation One woman comments on a statement by Claudio Naranjo that says: “The One pushes the river and does not trust the natural rhythms of life.”

“This phrase from Claudio,” says the woman, “hit me very hard during SAT I. It struck me like a slap in the face, with all the force of truth. I perceived the entity, the monstrosity, the madness of my continuous effort—of forcing myself, forcing situations, forcing others. Effort, control, and an inability to trust in organismic self-regulation, in the natural rhythms of the body: inspiration-expiration, hunger-satiety, tiredness-rest, commitment-leisure, expansion-contraction, lightness-heaviness.”

Carly Simon sings in Working Girl* the song *Let the River Run. Let the river flow. That’s the essence of it. Transformation, once the circle is broken—which involves awakening and the collapse of egoic constructions—takes on the contours of liberation.

The image of pushing the river reflects the ego of the One very well:

“I’m convinced it’s necessary to intervene with the river, to spur it, push it, criticize it because it is too slow, because it doesn’t follow the course I indicate, it doesn’t obey me, it could do more and better, not waste time, not get distracted, but focus on its task of reaching the sea—quickly and properly, in the best possible way, without mistakes.

If it continues like this, it won’t make it; other rivers will get there first, and it will make a poor impression. In any case, it cannot allow itself to reach the sea at its own pace; that’s not fair. It’s disrespectful to those who work hard and grant little or nothing to themselves. If I don’t push it, who knows where the river will end up? It will get lost in countless twists and turns, lose its strength and importance, and the sea won’t even want it if it arrives late…”

Let the river run… Let the river flow. There is no need to do anything. The river will reach the sea. Before merging into the sea’s waters, it will carve out more or fewer meanders, perhaps leap spectacular heights, transforming into splendid waterfalls. It will trace either a short or an endless path, joining the source of the spring with the end of the sea. Without haste but without pause. Confident of its arrival, convinced that nothing needs to be forced.

Seeing things from this perspective deactivates the conservation One’s perfectionism, their drive for control, their level of demand, and opens horizons of freedom and trust in life. Worrying about whether the river will reach the sea no longer makes sense. From this arises the virtuous effects of personal transformation: acceptance and serenity, which are the essential qualities of the higher emotional center of the angry type.

Acceptance points to the virtue opposed to anger. It involves opening up to reality, to the inherent dynamics of things, to not forcing events, to accepting oneself and the rhythm of life. It implies letting go of excessive control and worry. The childish desire for omnipotence gives way to the acceptance of reality without needing to manipulate it or impose one’s own standards on it. In this way, the relentless judge, the chronic controller, the irredeemable perfectionist is deactivated. Things are as they are. It takes much more energy and virtue to accept reality than to change it, not forgetting that acceptance is the first step toward profound transformation, as no deep metamorphosis arises without love.

What a relief for the obsessive One to know that the river will reach the sea without needing to push it\! “To let oneself go is to lose one’s roots temporarily. Not to let oneself go is to lose them forever” (Kierkegaard). What sense does it make to worry about something that doesn’t depend on me? If it’s a problem, it can be solved. If it’s an impossibility, it must be accepted.

Serenity also points to the virtue opposed to anger. It is understood as overcoming a (self-)critical attitude and letting events flow without intervening in them. It involves adopting an attitude of relativizing things, events, and outcomes. Perfection can take many forms and levels. It can be this way or another. Concern then loses its substance, as do the fixations that feed perfectionism.

Emotions gradually transform. From anger and resentment, one moves to acceptance and serenity. Awareness and expression of anger take on new contours. It is not denied but rather acknowledged: it is expressed without needing to maintain a veneer of goodness and correctness: “I express more clearly my anger, what frustrates and bothers me, my impotence. Therefore, I also express more of my pain, insecurity, shame, fragility, fear, gaining in humanity.”

Educational or moralizing techniques are no longer used as subterfuges for releasing an inexpressible anger. Just causes are no longer sought to justify an inner anger that erupts. When anger arises, the mechanical response is to act. By contrast, the conscious—and therefore transformative—response is to face the feeling, see where it arises from, express it if appropriate, perhaps soothe it.

This avoids the trap of wanting to transform the world and others without confronting oneself. The result manifests in a serene and confident attitude.

Connecting with one’s anger also leads to connecting with one’s needs, which the conservation One tends to postpone satisfying. Unmet needs generate anger and resentment. They reflect the cry of the neglected and abandoned inner child. It is enough to be in order to be loved. Perfectionism, the mask of goodness, and correctness are false currency for obtaining a love that, if bought, is nothing but prostitution.

An indicator of transformation is the fluidity and spontaneity of feelings, which no longer interfere with personal development. This involves being more trusting of oneself, letting go, and reducing controlling behaviors. Achieving perfection is no longer the goal, so as the mechanisms of control deactivate, feelings can emerge more naturally: “I express more love, affection, and tenderness. I am more physically demonstrative, using touch more to communicate. I laugh and feel joy more easily. I am fresher and less serious.”

Perfection no longer polarizes vital energies, and this change translates into greater sensitivity and attention to others. It becomes less important whether the other person fits the ideal of a good person that the One has constructed. Instead, a serene acceptance of their reality and trust in their possibilities prevails. There is no judgment, only appreciation.

Action ceases to be an escape from uncomfortable feelings or instincts, or a price paid through hard and sustained effort to achieve perfection. Emptiness, loneliness, and silence once generated worry and anguish. Acting was a way to disconnect from these realities. As the One undergoes transformation, their approach to action changes: “I worry less, I occupy myself more, and I disengage more and more every day: leaving myself in peace, leaving others and the world in peace.”

Little by little, they begin to find meaning in realities previously ignored: “I can spend more time in silence, doing nothing, or doing nothing in particular—being in contact with myself.” Meditation, retreats, silence… these things become possible.

Transformation is also evident in the removal of penalties from instinctual life and the openness to pleasure. The conservation One’s anxious and worried outlook makes them think that this de-penalization throws them into the hands of taboo and prohibition, as if enjoying life had no nuance. They operate within an unhealthy polarity: between repression and taboo. Taboo, in some cases, might even be the gateway to breaking repression. However, they gradually learn to enjoy a walk, listening to music, contemplating nature, chatting with a friend, or sharing feelings: “I feel freer to live in the present, to enjoy the little things of each instinct, to feel myself, and to connect with others. This helps me calm my mind; it helps me feel alive and in good spirits.”

They leave behind the harshness they directed at themselves, the deprivation of healthy pleasures (vacations, rest, a good massage, bodily care...). Duty remains present, but it no longer imposes itself at the expense of pleasure, which ceases to be a threat, a risk of losing control, an expression of chaos, or an immorality. Productivity, self-demand, and the drive for improvement are put in their proper place, no longer monopolizing energy—nor even the primary focus.

Nonetheless, the neurotic tic of the conservation One struggles to maintain its dominance, to put things back in order, to restore structure. Two steps forward and one step back remain a path of transformation and progress.

These changes also impact social relationships and one’s view of reality: “I am more respectful, tolerant, and flexible. My perspective is broader, and I have more vision than before (when everything seemed to lie on a single plane, as if reality were flat). Now I can accommodate much, much, much, even if I don’t always agree with everything, manage it well, or understand it—but I embrace it, and I make space for it: these are possibilities of the Whole.”

People become more important than the rules of the game. It’s not about pushing the river but enjoying its waters. Not about guiding it but contemplating its course. So it is with others: no longer being a potter but being the clay—malleable, flexible, flowing. Rigidity then loses its meaning.

The means (perfection) of obtaining love have become the end. This displaces the most important objective of life—love—in favor of recognition. Such existential mutilation cannot be lived without anger, resentment, worry, or anguish. Transformation consists in putting love at the center.

Here are some methods that the conservation One finds useful for becoming more aware of their dominant passion: “Personal therapy, SAT programs, silence, meditation, keeping a journal, studying character through the Enneagram, regression work, working with irrational ideas, therapeutic theater, Gestalt training…”

To heal the dominant passion, they highlight: “Learning to recognize my needs, which are hidden behind my anger, and progressively learning to express them; taking the risk of expressing anger without fearing that the relationship with the other will suffer a fatal disturbance or rejection; adopting an appreciative and serene attitude toward myself, my failures and successes, and toward others; finding perfection in the unexpected; letting go and allowing myself to be carried along, accepting things even when I don’t fully understand them.”

More indicators of transformation:

“Facing my reality completely (entering the basements), greater self-awareness, deactivating certain needs (emotional, sexual), increasing detachment, a deeper sense of my fragility (if I play, accepting defeat or victory), dialoguing with my inner fears (relationships, losing security…), allowing the dominant passion (anger) to surface. In aversion or rage, there is an unmet need of mine. I can come to believe the other’s need is more important than mine. Greater capacity for enjoyment and pleasure, a more spontaneous spiritual sense that flows from within.”

The One identifies the following traits as characteristic of their optimal state:

“Not striving to make myself loved, listening to and respecting my needs and those of the other, feeling tolerance toward what is, less demand for perfection, not seeing rejection (aggressive intent) in the other, trust in life (in the good of life), losing fear, allowing myself to be spontaneous, abandoning emotional control, flowing, being creative, letting go of rules, accepting reality—things are as they are—valuing things in themselves without comparing them, connecting with my own needs and desires, giving myself permission to enjoy, to ask, to show myself, trusting and dialoguing with the forces of instinct, reading anger as just another unmet need, without suppressing or disguising it, relativizing solutions—there isn’t just one way.”

Transformation unfolds in phases. It follows a process. There may be moments of qualitative leaps, but the journey has a continuous thread. St. John of the Cross establishes the purgative way, the illuminative way, and the unitive way. Purging the ego, trying to remove the character-based encrustations of the true self, involves hard and ascetic work. The changes seem imperceptible.

The angry type, in Dante’s words, “could not even open his eyes.” The smoke symbolizes how anger clouds understanding, preventing discernment between good and evil. Being blinded by anger makes the role of a guide indispensable: “Like the blind man who follows his guide so as not to get lost or stumble over obstacles—or worse, die.” This phase demands surrender, being guided, and letting go of control. The One’s response might be: “By my faith, I promise to do what you ask of me.” Yet doubts erupt internally.

The illuminative phase is also described by Dante: “As when the damp, thick mists are dispersed, the sphere of the sun enters faintly through them.” As anger dissolves, vision is regained until it reaches great intensity: “A light struck my eyes, much brighter than I was accustomed to.” In the fog, there is worry about missteps, about unwittingly falling into an abyss, about being hurt by unrecognized obstacles. In the light, serenity emerges, though each new stage brings new risks.

The dominant passion is like a mutating virus. It transforms and takes on other subtle forms that once again elude the individual’s awareness. The satisfaction of reaching this new vantage point, after the purgative process, increases awareness of one’s errors and imperfections, which are now known and conscious. The effects are worked on, but the root cause remains deep. Despite this, the angry tic, like an automatic pilot, remains the first reaction. The desire to have progressed enough to stop feeling anger is present, but transformation doesn’t annul it; rather, it shows constructive ways to live with it. One learns to coexist with anger.

The unitive phase opens new horizons: “The last rays of the sun, followed by night, were so high that the stars began to appear” (Dante). The person’s many fragments are called to integration. The beatitude of the peaceful is heard—they are free of harmful anger. The light of the stars is magnificent, but it can only be seen if there is deep darkness. Darkness returns, but it is not the same as in the beginning. Thus, one can move “in the dark and safely.”

The next circle is sloth (acedia), because the night can mean a return to unconsciousness, believing everything is already achieved, or it can signify the challenge of greater awareness and vigilance. Essence begins to take ownership of the person, while the ego, though not disappearing, becomes subordinate to it—not without struggles or new attempts to regain control.

The conservation One has been wounded by perfection. Striving to achieve it egotistically becomes their ruin. Their problem is that they misdirect it because they strip it of its soul. It is not so much a conquest as a gift. St. John of the Cross expresses this affliction:

“Who can heal me? The light of essence in God:

‘Extinguish my anger, for no one else can undo it;

let my eyes see you, for you are their light;

and I want to keep them only for you.’”

The key lies in:

“I no longer tend my flock, nor do I have another occupation,

for my only practice is love.”

The priority of conservation, of concern, of anguish, is abandoned: “I no longer tend my flock.” Perfection is discovered in love: “My only practice is love.”

Type Two: Pride

In all spiritual traditions, Pride is considered the primary sin, as the proud person resolves the loss of meaning and connection by filling the void with a grandiose self-image.

The construction of a luminous and exalted self-image must be fueled by the need to be loved and adored by others. Their pride requires others to see them as indispensable and irreplaceable, without realizing to what extent they themselves actually depend on others.

The E2 confuses their own pleasure with giving pleasure to others; they lack direct contact with their essential needs.

In their family, the E2 child was often a source of joy and fulfillment. They often took on the role of alleviating pain or deficiencies and bringing light to the family's shadows.

This difficult role did not represent authentic recognition or value for them but was the only way they found to be seen. However, it became a massive defense against the pain of the humiliation of being used.

The great narcissistic satisfaction of being "the light of mom's eyes" for boys or dad's for girls comes at the cost of being unable to fulfill their own role.

The E2 forms loving bonds primarily through a compulsion to be seductive. They could be defined as "specialists in falling in love," a situation that makes them feel alive. They cannot help but conquer people and territories, without even questioning whether the person or territory is genuinely interesting to them.

Being at the center of attention, or occupying a privileged position (for the self-preservation Two), gives them the assurance they will not be abandoned, as they are the irreplaceable partner or friend.

In relationships, they cannot withdraw from their task of filling others or satisfying their demands. They must present themselves as someone who has everything to give, someone without needs. This false abundance defines their interpersonal style, their fixation.

The ease with which they form affectionate and erotic relationships is reflected in their body—soft and flexible, with a gaze unafraid of direct contact, sometimes bordering on invasive. The expression of their eroticism is free.

*The Social Two: Ambition

In the social Two, the passion of pride manifests as satisfaction in conquering the public.

It may not take much intelligence, nor the appearance of it, to awaken a great passion, but for a social Two, simply being seen as a "dumb blonde" would never be enough. A social Two needs to be someone, and to achieve that, they must use their mind more. As someone who seeks to be important to feed their pride, they must be capable of seducing the social environment, becoming a seducer of groups, a distinguished being, and perhaps not only someone superior but also endowed with leadership qualities.

Ichazo spoke of ambition, but we could describe it as a passion for being, in a sense, "above." Through this being above, they gain influence and advantages. This type of person presents themselves to the world as grand or important, unlike the sexual Two, whose primary interest is in being important to their partner, or the conservation type, which, as we will see, is a counter-Two.

The transformation of the social Two by Paolo Baiocchi

Therapeutic change for the social Two involves traveling a path of humanization that, in essence, could be described as the journey from leadership to equality. This journey unfolds in very slow stages: small conquests, crises, discoveries, nourishment for the spirit, healings, and the opening of new existential and relational perspectives. In the following pages, we will describe the main areas of therapeutic change, focusing on dysfunctional structures and ways to avoid them.

Position of superiority and role disorder

The first consideration in the therapeutic change of the social Two concerns the sense of superiority they establish towards their own parents, which later gets projected onto other authority figures, whether professional, emotional, etc.

The social Two places themselves above their parents in a non-authoritarian but ambivalent way. On one hand, they adopt the role of authority, and on the other, they wish to acquire from that authority the power to shine. As it is often said, the social Two wants to "sit at the right hand of the father." At the psychiatric level, when a social Two experiences a psychotic crisis, it often manifests in manic delusions, frequently — at least in our culture — believing themselves to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. The mythological image of Christ aligns well with the manic structure of the social Two, characterized by pseudo-generosity, the internal idealization of affection, and a sense of superiority.

The first step toward transformation is, therefore, to assume the proper place in relation to the parents: the role of the child. In other words, the social Two must be contained by the authority of the parents.

In a very particular way, it is necessary for the social Two to relinquish the idea of having to take responsibility for their parents' difficulties. How can they become attached to this idea? Typically, it stems from an incestuous collusion with the father. In many cases, the mother tends to be depressed, neglectful, or childlike, requiring the child to take on a parental role, while the father places the child in a role of equality or superiority. This initial disorder, which persists into adult life, creates problems with boundaries and a lack of clarity in roles.

Thus, the social Two relates to others in an unclear manner, behaving in a friendly way and then placing themselves above as a figure of containment, or sometimes also asking to be contained. In this case, it is necessary to develop a great deal of clarity with the social Two regarding role definitions, paying special attention to respecting boundaries.

Narcissism

Becoming aware of narcissistic traits in one’s personality is an important task. The social Two exhibits a narcissism based on territorial and sexual competition. The need to stand out and conquer in these areas arises from a shift from emotional self-esteem to territorial self-esteem. The fundamental traumatic experience involves maternal emotional deprivation, leading to a state of profound despair—a feeling of not being loved. The sense of loneliness and deep lack—essentially a depressive experience—transforms into a sense of incapacity and inferiority in competition for territory or in the pursuit of a partner. Thus, there is a shift from the system of affection, warmth, and emotional connection to the reptilian system, which is relationally cold but capable of generating the enthusiastic drive for territorial conquest and dominance over a partner.

The positive emotions that emerge from the reptilian zone of the brain relate to an authentic manic force characterized by enthusiasm, firm confidence in one’s abilities and perceptions, impulsivity, and a determined sense of bright objectives that the manic state makes appear within reach. The warmth of these positive sensations, amplified by the dominance of visceral behavior, replaces the lack of genuine intimacy in relationships, where there is a profound emotional devaluation. This devaluation and the resulting depression translate into distancing through feelings of indifference and hatred, often leading to a certain autistic withdrawal in emotional relationships, accompanied by a disdainful and contemptuous attitude. Just as a child typically exhibits an attitude of angry indifference toward a mother who has been absent for a long time, the mammalian heart of the social Two withdraws from emotional relationships.

At the core of the deep wound of affection in the social Two lies a nucleus of despair which, when reactivated, produces a cooling of relational potential, a coldness that transforms into indifference and emotional disengagement. Similarly, erotic mania leads to a constant attitude of sexual seduction, another source of warmth in response to the void left by maternal emotional warmth.

A significant therapeutic shift for the social Two occurs when they stop seeing themselves as merely neurotic and begin to recognize the harm they can inflict on others—what Fritz Perls referred to as discovering one's "criminal nature." In my own experience, I spent many years in therapy searching for the causes of my suffering and striving to enhance my well-being and strength. When I discovered my capacity to hurt others, I changed course and began focusing more on how my actions affected others, with the goal of increasing my well-being and strength. My self-study shifted from a search for weaknesses to an analysis of how I behaved unethically toward others and unconsciously acted as an exploiter.

Fritz Perls categorized people into two simple groups: "neurotics" and "criminals." Neurotics tend to put their own needs second to meet the needs of others, while criminals exhibit the opposite imposture: they pursue their own goals directly, placing the needs of others in the background. While everyone has areas of life where one or the other of these attitudes prevails, it is crucial to understand which structure predominantly governs our behavior.

A neurotic can learn a series of skills to help assert themselves, integrate guilt, bear the weight of loneliness, and develop abilities for differentiation and leadership. Neurotics tend toward submission, so therapy must help them develop the ability to assert their territoriality and dominance to restore their internal balance and make their relationships with others ethical. Frequently, to achieve these therapeutic steps, individuals need to examine and heal childhood wounds to recover lost strength, enabling them to experience the journey toward independence and assertiveness.

On the other hand, someone with a criminal character structure tends to impose their own rules on others, either implicitly or explicitly. An aggressive criminal structure imposes through force, while a manipulative character achieves the same goal using less visible means of control. In relationships, the criminal structure tends to skew the balance of giving and receiving in their favor. Therapeutic change for these individuals involves becoming aware of how they seek to occupy positions of power and control over others and how they attempt to gain advantages at others' expense.

One initial change concerns developing empathetic understanding toward others. A social Two benefits from developing a sense of guilt and becoming aware that their actions threaten their belonging and risk exclusion. It is also helpful for them to stop finding good justifications for every unethical act committed. A shift in this direction involves developing the capacity to accept criticism and uncover one’s deeper motivations.

According to Perls, every criminal has a secret life and a public life, the latter being a socially acceptable facade that hides their transgressions to avoid legal or social penalties. Criminal structures contain a series of hidden intentions, lived in secret and invisible to others.

The secret intention of the social Two is to be adored, to achieve power, and to gain individual success. In contrast, their social facade is one of warmth, relationality, and a willingness to help in a magnanimous and loyal manner.

A significant change, therefore, involves speaking honestly, revealing selfish intentions, confessing unethical actions, and exposing one’s deep vulnerabilities.

Just as speaking openly to others effectively reveals hidden parts of the ego, asking for and accepting deep feedback while striving to understand it leads to an awareness of the effects one’s actions have on others.

The contrast between the reality of feedback and one’s own ideas about one’s character-driven actions highlights the justifications and madness that sustain one’s passion. The collapse of these justificatory thoughts opens the possibility of seeing one’s actions more clearly and reveals to the consciousness the passionate motivation driving them. Only then can the social Two discover their true intentions, hidden from awareness through justifications. From this realization, an initial sense of guilt can finally emerge, along with the ability to empathically perceive others. Over time, these transitions tend to encourage ethical development, where the tendency to place oneself above others subsides, opening more genuinely to the needs of others.

In my experience, I began to realize that many of the emotions I felt were, in fact, narcissistic emotions. Among them, I highlight territorial mania, protector mania, exhibitionist desires, and erotic-sexual desires for conquest. These narcissistic emotions are exhilarating, intense, pleasurable, and, above all, capable of creating a positive emotional barrier against the difficult emotions experienced by the organism.

Underneath the narcissistic structure of the social Two lies an organism in pain, whether due to childhood wounds and altered emotions or to the current lack of awareness and fulfillment of one’s needs, caused by investing nearly all energy into maintaining narcissistic processes. In other words, the organism that bears the wounds and deprivations of childhood ends up experiencing chronic emotional lack in adult life. Consciously, these needs and emotions are not considered or seen, just as the proud person pays little attention to others’ hearts as to their own.

In the case of territorial mania and protector mania—placing myself in the parental role—overstimulating these visceral components leads me to experience a sense of omnipotence and superiority, accompanied by a feeling of inviolability and a complete absence of relational needs.

Territorial mania stems from a sense of struggle for power and the feeling of domination. This perceptual deception serves to fight against the common fear of pain and is reinforced by the territorial success that the social Two often achieves. My main source of fuel for this mania was my intense work commitment, where on one hand I achieved success, and on the other, I developed a dependence Americans often call "workaholism."

The mechanism triggering territorial mania has to do with competitive challenges: another man, real or symbolic, accepts the challenge and is really or symbolically defeated, reinforcing the excited and omnipotent state of mania. Another powerful fuel for territorial mania was my tendency to challenge death and feel omnipotent by practicing risky sports: motocross, skydiving, hang gliding, martial arts…

Another significant source of fuel was relational: I surrounded myself with less capable, less developed people who depended on me, ensuring I could continuously "win" in a secret competition disguised as pseudo-compassionate kindness, which I will discuss shortly. This secret, internal competition aimed to infinitely stimulate territorial mania. The effect this attitude evokes in others is devastating, translating into a slow and chronic sense of devaluation that poisons relationships with those around the social Two, leading others to become dependent and adoring. All of this secretly aimed to enslave others, subjecting them to my will.

An ingredient of this structure involves the tendency to blindly believe in one’s own ideas and cognitive maps, presenting them with such certainty and truth that it creates a powerful seductive effect on weak and insecure individuals. Another mode of seduction, as I have noted, is disguising this secret competition as pseudo-compassion. The structure activated in the brain in this case is protector mania.

Every mammal near a child or cub experiences an omnipotent sense of love and generosity that serves to overcome the difficulties and fatigue of a challenging biological duty. In the case of exhibitionist desires and erotic-sexual drives, the narcissistic emotion engendered by the social Two promotes constructing an idealized self-image as a winner, beautiful and desirable. In their relationships, the search for confirmation predominates, serving to sustain a constant state of excitement. Exhibitionist desire can be metaphorically explained as the perception of being the protagonist of a movie that others watch with pleasure, generating envy and a sense of imitation.

Erotic-sexual desire, on the other hand, activates sexuality and infatuation in the search for an intense emotional warmth that, in passing, provides a strong sense of invulnerability, self-importance, and worth. Exhibitionism is fueled by public displays where attention and applause can be captured. Conversely, the experiences that fuel erotic-sexual desire are, on one hand, real contact with the opposite sex and, on the other, a particular form of imagination where the search for stimulation is continuous. Sometimes, half-jokingly, I have heard it said that the social Two has a pornographic mind. This exaggerated imagination is a form of addiction, similar to compulsive work or the pursuit of competitive territorial challenges, allowing the stimulation of erotic desire to be infinitely sustained to generate pleasurable emotions.

What Remains Behind

My own story is one of long-term work on awareness and careful listening to the feedback offered by others to recognize my work dependency and my sense of superiority in personal relationships. After achieving this understanding, I began a process of detoxification that undeniably involved connecting with an organismic pain I did not clearly know but had already experienced during moments of crisis. Only after several years was I able to concretely modify my professional habits, aided by a significant injection of relational and loving strength received during a one-month community experience with Erving Polster.

As I left behind my work dependency, I entered a mildly depressive state that persisted over time. It was only after months that I realized my deepest wound was connected to the feeling of belonging—to my relationship with my mother, my group of friends, and to the panic and emotional despair I had experienced. It also took me several years to process the traumatic losses I had suffered throughout my life, losses I had not previously confronted. The goal of this work was to restore the function of emotional bonds.

The dynamic of superiority, the need for competition, the indifference stemming from hidden despair, and the individual need for glory and adoration oppose, in the social Two, the possibility of relating as an equal to others.

The entire narcissistic structure of this trait is founded on the denial of the emotions of others, whether these stem from the particular relationship with the proud individual or independent events. Similarly, others’ needs are also denied, as they do not appear important in the theater of the proud individual's consciousness. Personal narcissistic desires, in fact, always take center stage, leaving others’ needs and emotions in the shadows.

The practice of Martin Buber’s “I-Thou” relationship represented for me a true remedy to the narcissistic trap. The key to accessing this level was given to me by Paolo Quattrini. It involved asking people what they thought I felt about them, revealing to others the feelings my heart held for them, and finally asking and listening with genuine interest to what they felt about me. This task, which may seem trivial, is actually very challenging for someone affected by such deep narcissism.

Training oneself to listen to what one feels for others, to acknowledge those feelings, whether vulnerable or strong, and to make an effort to perceive the same in others are tasks that help shift the point of view of consciousness from a narcissistic life to an organismic life.

The metaphor that could be used here is that of a king living in a castle, isolated from his people. The king is the consciousness, the castle is the narcissistic structure, and the people are the organismic needs. Narcissistic life unfolds amidst comforts and power games within the castle, where the king indulges his vices surrounded by an adoring court, while the people are unjustly treated and exploited to allow the court to live in luxury. Practicing a dialogical relationship would involve speaking with the people to understand their needs and dedicating the court’s work to ethically meeting those needs.

For years, I struggled greatly to implement a dialogical relationship with my patients so that I could integrate it and, later, gradually extend it to my own life. The effect I achieved was finally feeling connected with people on a level of equality, where I could allow myself to demand and offer, reject and accept, and to be accepted or rejected. Indeed, I experienced the healing power of exchange among equals.

Emerging from Anesthesia

Once that first illusion of the ego that generated narcissistic emotions was questioned, I began a journey of contact with organismic emotions. The process involved learning to recognize emotions that had been long suppressed and anesthetized by narcissistic feelings.

All the denied emotions belonged to the category we might call vulnerability: shame, panic, despair, resignation, guilt, self-devaluation, mistrust, jealousy, envy... I realized that I did not yet know how to name the difficult emotions I felt. Confrontation with emotionally more intelligent and experienced friends greatly helped me in this regard. Instead of hiding my emotions behind the usual facade of an omnipotent leader, I began to show them to people I trusted, whose ability to name emotions allowed me to put a face and name to my difficulties.

In doing so, I began to understand and recover the lost language of my organism. As Gedling states, it was like beginning to relate and dialogue with a part of myself I did not know, one I started to approach with care, containment, and firmness. The next step was to understand the needs these emotions spoke of.

I also began to use my capabilities—usually wasted on increasing my professional and personal power—to care for these needs. Over time, I discovered that they wove together the fabric of my emotional, personal, and family history, and that many of the most painful moments in my life were merely echoes, repetitions of those original wounds.

Thus, I began to work on myself in two main directions: the first was to develop existential antidotes to soothe these emotions, much as a mother soothes a child’s anguish with an act of containment and love; the second was to heal, one by one, the wounds that made these emotions so strong and recurrent. In this long, still-unfinished process, I came to experientially understand the extent to which I was responsible for my emotional states and how deeply rooted they were in my emotional history.

The emotions I learned to recognize, modulate, and heal do not belong to a single level; rather, they permeate all layers of the psyche and body. Like the various circles of Dante’s Inferno, some emotions are more superficial and easier to contact and regulate; others belong to the deeper layers of being and are therefore harder to recognize and manage.

In my experience, the deepest layer is affective despair, followed by panic, and above that, resignation. At a still more superficial level are jealousy and envy, followed by shame and mistrust, and finally, at the most superficial layer: self-devaluation and guilt.

Each of these emotions seemed to me to be linked to particular personal or family experiences that were etched into my inner world and needed to be cared for or set right in order to return the emotions to their natural functioning and deflate their excessive activation, which was so disruptive to consciousness.

*The Sexual Two: Conquest

The Sexual Two is the quintessential Type Two, as if we say this character is a seducer, we can also add that the Sexual Two is the most visibly seductive of all.

In American Enneagram culture, it is more common to say that the Two is a "helper," owing to my characterization of Type Two in the 1970s as a "Jewish mother," but this has the drawback of lacking discernment regarding the difference between a truly helpful character and one that seeks affection and recognition through kindness.

These are people who might say, "I’ll do anything for you," but when the opportunity arises to take them up on such an offer, it becomes evident that they are inconsistent with their offers of help. For this reason, it seems more accurate to say that the central theme is seduction (that is, an expression of affection intended to elicit interest, loyalty, affection, protection, etc., from others) and only apparently help.

The term "vamp" reveals a lot, as does the expression "femme fatale." Both refer to a beautiful person, but of a dangerous beauty, one who needs to have you in their grasp and might end up devouring you.

The Sexual Two’s need to seduce implies a need for the other’s desire. But to say that this desire is merely sexual would only see the most apparent layer. When exploring the issue and asking such people what they truly want, one might hear more original responses, such as: "I want everything."

Just as we think of Helen of Troy as the archetype of a woman for whom wars are fought and for whom men are willing to lose their lives, we can say that Sexual Twos aspire to an irresistibility capable of inspiring the greatest passions. However, most of these people are not honest enough to admit: "What I truly want in a man is a pocket-sized Samson," or "I want a giant who will give me everything I want, when I want it."

It is understandable that some may think that inspiring great passion could solve everything in life and that sexuality might entail money, castles, and essentially blank checks: this is how the Sexual Two thinks.

Transformation of the Sexual Two

By Consuelo Trujillo

This work is inspired by the written testimonies and transcriptions of meetings we held over three years—continuously, though irregularly—as a group of individuals of the Sexual Two subtype. These meetings were convened as part of Claudio Naranjo's proposal to deepen our understanding of the subtype.

I have also taken into account contributions from Alba Arenas, an Italian psychiatrist and fellow traveler of this type. The group of Twos included Pablo Caño, Rosa López, Enrique Pérez, Leda Luttman, Toni Aguilar, Ángel Saavedra, Pasqualle Centro, Magda Martín, and myself. All of them contributed with their testimonies (reproduced in the following pages), their questions, and their presence during the meetings.

I heard Claudio say more than once, "Many Twos will never arrive at a spiritual path or therapy except through a relationship crisis. Why would someone so ‘wonderful’ question themselves unless external support or confirmation fails them?" This reflection has been a guiding inspiration for this work, for my process, and for the process of many others.

The path to healing for a Sexual Two involves a descent, but this descent has many layers, as pride and seduction can easily disguise themselves, masking themselves with good intentions.

The Justification of Love is Dangerous

A Sexual Two can justify many acts, words, madness, destruction, and egocentrism in the name of love. It is as if love were the only emotion, the center of life, the experience that justifies everything...

This person has created an image of themselves as someone desirable, lovable, affectionate, warm, a good companion—a person who occupies the hearts of others. Thus, they justify all their actions as being in pursuit of love. But this "love" becomes confused with pleasing, enchanting, seducing, attracting, and always occupying that special place by their own perceived right.

One testimony says:

"I believe that at the beginning, Twos do not love: we love ourselves, and we love love—that strong, intense, deep feeling where one is the protagonist and deeply desired. We love the magic of infatuation. We do not see the other. It’s not love; it’s self-idolization."

This person cannot be questioned. This person cannot be touched because they are in a very high place, on the side of love. Therefore, they are unquestionable. They will only emerge from their enchantment, their idolization, and their idealized self-image when their beloved abandons them—when they experience romantic failure, the breakdown of the relationship, or the abandonment by their children... the Fall.

Losing Love: The Fall Helps Me

However, this person often avoids experiencing abandonment or romantic failure by abandoning first, before they can be abandoned.

Thus, the first step toward healing is to not abandon: to be vulnerable to abandonment, to stay. The next step is to feel the abandonment, to listen to its causes, to hear that they are not the wonderful lover they believed themselves to be, that they are not the only one.

To fall from their pedestal. To feel the pain. To place themselves among those who suffer, who are not chosen:

"Abandonment. Being abandoned. How is it possible that I, the ideal lover, am left? That is how a great tower of my pride collapsed. My neurotic passion kept me away from love."

Another testimony adds:

"I became proud to avoid losing love. Life stripped me of that sense of superiority that pride helped me create. Falling was important, and the falls were always related to experiences of abandonment."

Someone who values themselves so highly as a lover benefits from losing love—that cherished gift for which they fought so hard and invested so much energy. Only through this can they perceive the gaps, the falsehood, the shadow, the collapse of their idealized image, and finally, see themselves.

To endure another person’s destruction of your idealized image as a spouse, lover, or companion. To fall into that void, that unknown space of responsibility, loss, and the realization that "I, too, am that." To fall until the image crumbles. To experience solitude, fear, and failure.

This Experience of Losing Love Can Also Be Liberating. It allows one to stop playing the role of the ideal lover, to let go of that image of overabundance, that representation in which one is always attentive to perceiving the other’s needs, always striving to earn love. To release the belief that, to be loved, one must do, must be special, must be unique.

Here’s a testimony that illustrates this clearly:

"Feeling loved for who I am, just as I am, has been one of the most healing experiences. Two examples of this:

"With my parents, when I told them I was marrying X (a person of my same sex): it was the first time I could stand before them with my whole truth, without needing to do anything to be loved by them. That night, my mother came to wish me sweet dreams, hugged me, and gave me her blessing. I felt that something that had been separated was now united forever. A strong warmth filled my heart, and I slept as deeply as when I was a child. Feeling my parents’ love and acceptance of all that I was launched me into life with new strength and love for myself.

"After a regression exercise during SAT 3, I was lying on the floor like a rag, drained of life, unable to move. I had the sensation of being a fallen angel, of dying. At that moment, I saw Claudio as a great patriarch who descended to me, dying in my own hell. He lifted me up and said, ‘I love you as you are, for yourself.’ My heart opened. If the master loved me like that, stripped of all seduction, beauty, power, or intelligence—if he loved me when I was a creature devoid of everything, even the primary impulse of life—what more proof of God’s love could I expect to feel worthy of it, to bow before it, and recognize myself as His child?"

Limitation, Weakness, and Contact with Death Help Me

For someone who feels chosen, who lives as if life’s difficulties don’t touch them, who believes they can handle anything and does not accept limits, the contact with pain, illness, and death are necessary antidotes for healing. In our meetings of Sexual Twos, we spent much time discussing this, and all of us had transformative experiences related to illness and death:

"Connecting with that dark part of myself was aided by the death of my son. It connected me to that pain. This death was a wound I did not allow myself to feel. Overlooking this pain was deeply unhealthy. My escape from pain and my flight forward caused much destruction in my life.

"What has helped me most is becoming aware of my miseries, taking hits, being unemployed, feeling abandoned, almost ending up destitute, powerless. Unfortunately, it had to be this way for me to start listening and seeing the other, to begin being human, ordinary. To accept my mediocrity."

Another testimony adds:

"This period has helped me greatly in accepting my limitations. I could never fully confront my limp—I always acted as if ‘I’m not lame; I’m incredible.’ Internally, I struggled with my limp because it connects me with pain.

"Now, age has forced me to acknowledge the limits of my body, something I ignored before. My energy was overflowing. Now, I connect more with fear, pain, and the need for support."

Another testimony shares:

"The day I came out of surgery, a thought hit me: ‘I’m not immune.’ Internally, I had the belief that diseases wouldn’t touch me. In my fantasy, I thought I wasn’t on that side—among the vulnerable, the weak, those in need.

"I also realized, ‘I can’t control my life.’ Illness takes control away from me, and it’s helping me descend, to feel more defenseless, more human.

"On the days I could do nothing, needing help for everything, I began to understand more about surrender, about letting go, about experiencing being in someone else’s hands. I felt a void, a lack of maternal love, of unconditional love. I allowed myself to do nothing, to let myself be cared for, without pleasing or behaving well—simply to exist. Suzy Stroke told me, ‘Let yourself be cared for, just because, and receive God’s gift, just because.’"

If Nothing Strong Forces Us to Connect with Pain, There Is No Healing for Twos. As I heard Claudio say many times: pain is what is truly healing.

Seeing My Limitations Helps Me

Here are some testimonies to begin:

"Once, I took ayahuasca and had a vision of the Archangel Michael. I said to him, ‘Archangel, I’m just a normal person, with my kids and my little job, and I’m fine.’ At another time, I might have responded, ‘I’m going to save the world, I’m enlightened.’

"During the session, they took me to a bed, and I became aware that I’m 56 years old, that I can’t be here as if I were 20, which is how I normally act. Accepting that I no longer have the strength I once did, that my body can no longer endure as it used to, I said, ‘Well, the Archangel Michael is here, but I can’t.’ And I felt peace."

"The experience of illness helped me realize I’m nothing special and let go of that part of me that felt above good and evil. At 17, I began studying nursing. I was a good student, but it was very hard for me to go to the hospital, to be with the sick, to see them die. I began to see that I could also end up there, to see myself on the other side of the bed. It was this contact with illness, with the solitude of the sick, with those who die alone, that helped me most to come down, to consider myself one among many, and to understand that I could also be there."

"Through illness, an ancient thought arose in me: ‘I have to pay for life.’ ‘God gave me life, and I have to pay for it by doing, by giving’... Until I realized life is a gift. What omnipotence, who am I to think I can pay God for life? Life is a gift, and all I can do is honor it."

In contact with illness, pain, and death, we realize we are not special—that we share mortality with all other human beings. When a Sexual Two surrenders to this experience, there is a sense of returning home, of encountering their true existence.

At last, the possibility arises to feel compassion, to embrace my fragility, my pain, my lack, my weakness. Only in compassion is there true strength.

Contact with True Need and the Acceptance of Lack Helps Me

This trait and subtype must journey a long way to consider that needing is not bad, that lacking is human. This means recognizing the other’s value without feeling diminished, being able to acknowledge that the other is better than me in many ways.

It is healing to descend into the Type Four, to finally stop pretending we lack nothing, to recognize that we do have deficiencies. To admit that feeling—so feared, so labeled as negative, so avoided. To accept myself with my shadow. To come down from the pedestal and be one among sinners, to acknowledge that I am not free from sin. To see myself in both sin and virtue.

But beware: the great problem of the Sexual Two may be believing they are healed, beyond, cured. And then again, it is necessary to begin unmasking a new image...

Because transformation begins with understanding that absolute transformation never arrives, that one is never free from sin, that we are not only angels but also demons, that we never stop learning, making mistakes, suffering, and losing. All of this is part of life; there is no such thing as being immune to lack.

And It Is Good to Feel the Need. "The belief that I cannot need, the taboo surrounding that word, the fear of dependency—these stem from something beyond my childhood... Now, I need to undo that mandate, to rediscover this experience: the primordial need that is legitimate, that is human, that connects me to others."

This character has falsified this primordial need throughout their life, transforming it into false needs, whims, entitlements to do as they please, not to ask but to take by perceived right, to demand, to take things for granted… Once again, the path involves frustrating these false needs to encounter the true need.

Wanting to See Myself, Becoming Conscious, Helps Me

The most challenging part is recognizing how we seduce in countless ways, how we justify seduction, how we cast the net and refuse to let it go, driven by the insatiable desire to have everyone, to be liked, to be desired, to maintain that excitement in relationships, to feel attractive...

How can we untangle this seductive game so deeply ingrained in our skin, something we do so unconsciously? It helps when the person you love tells you they cannot trust you, that it’s over. But it must be someone you genuinely love—someone who can disarm you with love and sincerity.

That’s when the mask begins to crumble, and slowly, layer by layer, the mechanism that was so deeply hidden, even from yourself, begins to emerge. It’s like peeling back countless layers. It takes a lot of time, a lot of suffering, a lot of love, a lot of wanting to hold on to someone, and, most importantly, a real willingness to open your eyes to that internal seductive, deceptive, manipulative motivation.

You must want to see the lack of respect for the other, the selfishness and egocentrism. You must desire to see the shadow, to acknowledge that not everything in you is driven by good intentions. Beneath the unconsciousness lies an intention to capture, to hunt, to conquer.

"Suzy Stroke once told me, ‘If you want to truly know yourself, if you put all your will and your senses into it, you will see the mechanism of your seduction and your pride.’ And it’s true: I can see it when I want to see it, and I can see its consequences in my life. But, of course, that is painful."

Detaching Myself from Emotion Helps Me

What is destructive is a neurotic reaction to frustration. I don’t get what I want—it hurts—but it’s an egoic pain tied to pride, to not accepting the "no."

This can lead to very destructive behaviors toward ourselves, particularly concerning food, the body, and sexuality. We perceive the "no" as a withdrawal of love, and if the other does not love me, life no longer feels worth living. Inside, there’s a sense of fury, of rage, which we quickly emotionalize into tears.

It can even seem believable to ourselves, appearing as real pain, but it’s a performance—it’s ego. True pain has a different taste, a different depth.

What Is the Healthy Way Out? Sometimes you begin to realize that this behavior isn’t as genuine and doesn’t yield the expected results with the other person. Then, you may try to repress it…

In my experience, repression is not the way either. The path—at least one possible way—is to breathe through what I feel, to meditate on it, to observe it as if it weren’t mine, to move through it, to be a little skeptical of myself, and not to take my emotions too seriously. It’s something like letting go of emotional intensity, detaching from it.

For the next testimony, what helps is this:

"Training myself to be more skeptical of my emotions, to dissolve the emotional storm and adopt a more austere attitude. Silence helps me. Not talking helps me. Focusing on my actions helps me. Actions speak louder than words."

How to Heal from False Generosity?

The crazy idea is that I must give to receive, that I have to satisfy all the other person’s needs, that I cannot say no for fear of disappointing them. Deep down, there is the belief that, by myself, without doing anything, I am not worthy of love. But I believe the strongest driving force is the need for pride: to be exceptional for the other.

And in this giving, we don’t see the other person’s real needs. There’s a sort of invasion, an excess of senseless generosity because it doesn’t come from what the other needs or asks for but from what I want to give them, or what I believe is good for them—which often aligns with what is good for me.

The path opens when, upon feeling frustrated by the other, I can resist the initial proud reaction of leaving in offense and instead manage to stay, to listen. Maybe the other person doesn’t want or need what I want to give them. And it also helps to recognize that I haven’t perceived or listened to their true needs, blinded by my excessive giving.

How can one realize that this excessive availability—this overabundance, this constant presence in the other’s life—is nothing more than a sin of omnipotence?

"During a deep meditation, I could see how much I insist on holding the world together, on helping everyone… When I suddenly realized it, I thought: Who am I to hold the world together? The world is already held by God."

Humility: Learning to Embrace Smallness Helps Me

In the Sexual Two, seduction is sexual because it has a strong component of wanting to capture the other, to possess them. But this craving doesn’t stop at sex, which is just the first layer. If we go deeper, we can see and feel the seductive mechanism at play in the urge to help, in goodness, in good intentions, in sanctity…

Seduction and pride create an image of someone unquestionable: a person who does not let their darkness or bad intentions be seen, someone who has great difficulty showing their deficiencies.

So, what now? It takes going very deep to see that what lies behind this image we present is a fierce critique, a condemning judge of what we might call negative feelings. The path is not to reject them but to see them, to understand them, to embrace them: "I am also that," until you fall into smallness, into humility.

"It’s good for me to bow, to kneel, to feel my smallness, the greatness of God, of Life, of those around me, and to acknowledge their virtues."

Personal relationships must be approached with humility. Learn to restrain the impulse to give excessively. Learn not to offer more than can be given. Modesty—this is an inspiring word for the Sexual Two.

A Note from Alba Arenas on Transformation: Here’s a quote from Alba Arenas, taken from her autobiographical work on transformation:

"For change to occur, I believe that the ego wounds most feared by the Sexual Two are precisely the ones that can become transformative resources, as they help crack pride. In this sense, if arrogance yields, humiliation gives way to humility. For this to happen, the individual must accept the opportunities that everyday life offers to take responsibility for simple tasks proposed by existence, with a learning attitude and the ability to delay gratification.

"I believe that, in this Enneatype, humility can manifest as a tendency to tone oneself down a notch from how one has always been, while maintaining that ounce of pride without arrogance that supports personal dignity, critical capacity, and a sense of justice toward oneself—completely distinct from self-indulgence.

"The ability to accept what life brings me and to be profoundly grateful for it is enough."

True Freedom

How can someone who appears so free truly be free? Someone who shows themselves to the world cloaked in false spontaneity, who justifies their actions as their right to be free? There can be no true freedom in dependency. There can be no freedom when the intent of my actions is to secure another’s affection or to enchant them.

There is only one way: to let go of the other in order to claim myself, to recognize my true needs, my desires, and to take the risk of being—even if it means losing the beloved. To be and accept the consequences, to begin listening to myself, to turn inward, and to perceive the subtle movements of my soul.

For this, it is necessary to seek freedom, not as the obsessive pursuit of freedom understood as an intolerance of all limitations—so characteristic of people of this Enneatype. Instead, one must discover intrinsic freedom, which consists of the awareness of the will of my true existence. In this awareness, my will harmonizes with a greater will. In that freedom, there is healing, virtue, and guidance. This journey is a search—one never fully arrives, but it is a path of realization.

Sexuality as a Path to the Sacred

For the Sexual Two, sexuality is the center of the relationship: intimacy is always understood as sexual intimacy. The need to be loved is confused with the need to be desired. The pursuit of power occurs through sex. The search for intensity is to feel alive. The belief is: I must give the other pleasure. I am in control; I search for and provide the orgasm, clinging to my way of doing it.

Deep down, there is a lack of creativity hidden by an apparent disinhibition and boldness. There is a clinging to one way of doing things—a rigidity.

Sexuality is experienced as a weapon of conquest and, therefore, is more genital, more masculine. The Sexual Two wants to achieve the orgasm, provoke it. There is a lack of faith in the energy that moves, in the experience of receiving the other, of letting go.

As always, one begins to question this when experiencing frustration and dissatisfaction. It would be miraculous for the lover to express sexual dissatisfaction, to break through the fiction, to confront us, or to show their need for a different rhythm, for doing things another way—with more sensitivity, gentleness, tenderness.

This crack gives us the opportunity to embark on one of the most difficult and challenging paths for this type.

The Path of Transformation Through Sexuality

The journey requires unlearning what has been taught, releasing control, and having the courage to be left without weapons—defenseless.

The path involves not seeking the orgasm, not pursuing known results, allowing the other to take the lead, experiencing passivity, and embracing femininity.

During a session in the SAT Program, I heard Claudio tell a group of Sexual Twos:

"Could it be helpful for you to practice the experience of sex without orgasm for a while, to see if it transforms into a delightful tenderness? Perhaps Twos could benefit from the discipline often recommended by certain schools… These schools focus on reducing orgasms to transform that energy into a deeper emotion, to nurture emotional bonds. For a Sexual Two, this must be incredibly difficult."

This is the essence of the journey: to desexualize the loving experience to give space to the heart, to the senses, to tenderness, to sensuality. As always, it is a matter of rediscovering the small, the subtle, the delicate trace…

Alba Arenas writes in her work on transformation that a Sexual Two in the process of healing "transforms the romantic idealization of love into true intimacy, which is something simpler and humbler. Sensuality is no longer confined to sexual conquest but expands into an open sensitivity to the pleasure of looking at a leaf, a stone, a ray of light, or listening to the murmur of water or the roar of a storm. No longer enslaved by the pursuit of intensity and pleasure, they begin to discover small and simple joys.

"The desire to be the center of others’ desires and admiration gives way to a new perception of self: the realization of being simply ‘nothing special.’"

A Testimony on the Tantra Path

One companion shared her experience of transformation through Tantra, titled: "Don’t Seek the Orgasm, It Comes on Its Own":

"In terms of sexuality, I used to think that as long as I could sleep with whoever I wanted, have great orgasms, and even outperform any man, I had no issues. What could be wrong with that?

"Then I met someone, and we started a relationship. He had difficulty with erections, and penetration was particularly challenging for him. I, being confident and experienced, had no problem—I was a seasoned lover.

"Then he began talking to me about Tantra, about experimenting, about taking another path. The path of bringing awareness to the moment, of connecting without a goal, letting energy move with minimal effort, relaxing, releasing, and opening space throughout the body.

"Aha\! My friends, being in that space where things either happen or don’t happen, where energy moves or doesn’t, but you let go of the role—you are left exposed. I discovered I didn’t feel as much as I thought I did. I did a lot to feel. I wasn’t as amazing a lover as I believed. I felt insecure. I realized my difficulty in surrendering to the masculine, in being actively passive, in letting go and flowing, in experiencing my femininity as something beautiful.

"Oh, of course, the pleasure is much greater now—it’s joy.

"And I can open my heart."

Sexuality as a Gateway to Transformation

Indeed, revisiting one’s experience of sexuality is a transformative journey for this subtype. It is not only that—it can become one of the openings that allows us to step into a deeper realization, an authentic and profound sense of love for others and for ourselves. It is an opportunity for surrender, a wave that propels us toward communion with divine energy, a doorway to transcendence.

In Summary: Things That Help

* Experiencing situations that help dismantle the ego and uncover essential needs.

* Meditation.

* Silence.

* Reviewing the intention behind my actions and words.

* Being willing to question myself and be questioned.

* Staying present with discomfort and pain. Breathing through it.

* Listening to my limitations and allowing them to be my teacher.

* Consistency, perseverance, and commitment.

* Finding joy in the ordinary, the small, and being unnoticed.

* Faith that in this life, I can free myself from the yoke of suffering.

* Asking for help.

* Solitude and reflection.

* Writing—whether a presentation like this or a personal diary.

*The Self Preservation Two: Privilege

In the case of the conservation type, seduction can be compared to that of a child towards their parents. Just as the social type appears "big," this is someone who is perceived as small, childlike, in their attitudes and even in their physical traits. Just as the social Two seems hyper-adult, over-mature, and the sexual Two—like Bizet’s Carmen—appears as a force of nature, wild, the conservation Two comes across as tender and childlike.

Precisely for this reason, psychoanalysts have referred to this as a childlike character. Ichazo used the phrase “me, the most important” to describe this type’s neurotic need, which I initially misunderstood as referring to the Napoleonic attitude of someone puffing out their chest. Finally, I came to understand that, unlike the ambition-driven need for importance, this “me, the most important” of the conservation type refers to childlike egocentrism, which is a desire to be the center of attention without having to achieve importance through qualifications, accomplishments, or feats. A child wants to be loved not for this or that, but simply because they exist—as they are, for who they are.

The most prominent characteristic of this human type, then, is the need for love, a bare need for love, not obtained through sexual seduction or the self-importance of the social type. But why might a person feel the need to remain childlike or to act like a child? Naturally, there is some advantage in it. Children are more likable than adults, and babies are very attractive to people with a maternal disposition. We could say that childlike traits themselves are seductive, and that the neurotic need of this human type is to seduce through childlikeness—which implies a need for tenderness, delicacy, and fragility, even though it also involves egocentrism and an avoidance of responsibilities.

The Transformation in the E2 Conservation

By Cati Preciado

“I don’t want to grow up\!”

I believe the most difficult part of the transformation process is growing up, maturing, and accepting that I am no longer a child who is forgiven for everything—because of ignorance, innocence, or whim—living on pampering, privileges, and comforts, as a right and just because. Leaving childhood and adolescence behind has been a difficult task. I have been in love with my image as a young girl throughout my entire life: an image that has seduced me, enchanted me, and that I have allowed to direct most of my life. My attachment to the childlike aspects of my personality is more than a preference or fixation: it is a way of life, a lifestyle where responsibilities never rested on me or my decisions, but rather on circumstances, others, or the randomness of life.

Growing up is a process that, looking back, I can describe as complicated, difficult, uncomfortable, but above all, unpleasant. Falling out of love with myself has been the most important and decisive task for maturing. This is perhaps why relationships only grow when they transcend the infatuation phase and move toward building love.

And so, this is precisely what I have encountered: realizing that to grow, I must build myself—not based on the superficiality of my bad character habits, but on the bittersweet reality that constantly surrounds me. I have learned that sometimes I just need to stay still or silent to listen to the inner voice of my needs, of my soul.

The work of growing has been worth it: it has meant entering a reality shared by others and myself, where I have been able to experience companionship, support, fear, and the ability to confront my own ghosts, in addition to learning to ask for help. The transformation process continues; it doesn’t end—it is happening right now. Part of it has involved an effort to tolerate frustration, accept the weight of things, and the consequences of my actions. I have only managed to achieve this condition by recognizing a profound sense of incapacity, ignorance, and laziness of being.

Becoming a woman and growing up has meant acknowledging the need to connect and build relationships with other women as equals, as sisters, friends, mentors, and guides. It means integrating into the feminine world not only to cultivate seduction and persuasion, but also to connect with receptivity in the face of demand, with sensitivity in the face of insensitivity, with love in the face of dependency, with reality in the face of fantasy.

Becoming a woman has made me flesh and bone: I feel. I don’t just want to feel myself in relation to others; I also feel mortal, with age, with boundaries I didn’t see before, in the arrogant heroism of my super-powerful child self.

Why super-powerful? Because I believed I could sit on the lap of Lucifer himself or an all-powerful God and thought I could kiss them, charm them, make myself irresistible, and get whatever I wanted. I always felt I could handle anything—of course, anything that interested me. My unconscious surely protected me by steering me toward situations that didn’t require great intellectual effort or special skills; my childlike charm was enough, along with the promise of offering unconditional love, like that of a child, without limits or barriers. Who could resist such an offer?

I remember the feeling of being like some kind of beast tamer: when the other was angry or needed something, when conflict arose, there I was—almost willing to do anything—like an oasis in the desert for the thirsty, like a siren's song in the middle of nowhere. Deep down, this was about needing the beast and its grotesque nature to minimize my own flaws, my deepest desires, and needs. Clearly, my own beast would ultimately end up dominating me.

My search began when I became fed up with living at my parents’ house. At 21 years old, freshly graduated from psychology school, I managed to find a job that allowed me to pay for an apartment of my own. I didn’t think much about it and went looking for a place to live alone. My fantasy was that my problems would end once I achieved economic and physical independence: I would finally be free\! Free from my parents’ demands, free to do whatever I wanted with my time, free to use my space as I pleased, and so on.

A few months later, I began to feel depressed. I gained almost 20 kilos… The feeling of loneliness and having to take care of myself filled me with anguish and dread, but I didn’t dare confess all these feelings to anyone and lived through them in silence. However, I carried on with my plan to live alone. I hardly spent any time by myself; I always had visitors or activities to keep me occupied. I asked my boyfriend at the time to move in with me, and he refused. That rejection left me feeling even more depressed, and I began to develop allergic reactions on my skin.

Sick, I visited a dermatologist, who said to me:

—You are under a lot of stress. What’s going on in your life?

Hearing that question felt like dying. An uncontrollable rage took over me, and I wanted to take it out on everyone—on my parents, my boyfriend, the world… I felt like yelling at everyone for not taking care of me. Life seemed overwhelmingly complicated, and I felt powerless, in total crisis.

Now I understand that beneath the rage, there was a deep pain—a sense of feeling unprotected, useless, insignificant, and devalued—that became evident when I moved out and lived on my own.

At that time, I was so disconnected from myself that I lived in a rundown apartment. The old wooden ceiling had termites. When it rained, water leaked into the kitchen and bedroom. I remember putting out buckets and containers to catch the water, and I didn’t even complain to the landlord. I was so desensitized that I didn’t even question whether I should move to another apartment. It was as if I couldn’t see the negatives in the house or in myself. I lived in that den to escape family life, which I was tired of, and where there was no longer a place for me in the way I wanted.

Ten months after moving out, I switched to a new place where everything was comfortable, convenient, and beautiful. It took me almost a year to realize where I truly wanted to live, as the first attempt had just been a desperate escape from my family home.

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My job at the time involved managing a clinic for terminally ill patients. I fulfilled my duties whenever I felt like it, was consistently late, and although my starting time was at 8 a.m., it was common for me to arrive at 10\. Sometimes I would call in sick just to take a day off and go on an outing. I also used money from the office expense fund for personal expenses. I gave the appearance of working and often told lies to excuse myself.

My search for myself began during this crisis, where I had no one to talk to about the truth of what I was going through. I had no one to rely on, felt overwhelmingly alone and unprotected, ate poorly, slept poorly, had nightmares, and was plagued by fears at night. My boyfriend at the time was a depressive young man who I felt I had to take care of. I was increasingly exhausted, and to cope, I threw myself into parties whenever I could, or went shopping, racking up debt on credit cards, or ate anything I craved—bread, desserts, chocolates...

It was a completely disordered lifestyle aimed at avoiding contact with myself and evading, at all costs, the feeling of sadness. In exchange, I never rested: euphoria became my companion, distracting me from my inner life with a constant pursuit of sensations and experiences to keep me from confronting the sense of abandonment I felt toward myself. I maintained an attitude of avoiding frustration at all costs, avoiding the emptiness I carried deep within, and evading the constant anxiety of not knowing what to do with myself. This led to hyperactivity, surrounded by people who helped me stay distracted.

One particularly low day, when I was feeling deeply depressed and alone, an old professor from my psychology faculty called me and invited me to join a training and personal development group. It felt like a small light at the end of the tunnel. I joined the group and started a psychotherapy process with him that lasted five years.

This process was like a kind of detoxification: I began to eat better, started doing some exercise, and began changing my habits. I attended therapy once a week and was also part of a training group that met weekly. Those five years were like climbing out of a hole and discovering that another way of living was possible. They helped me recognize my depression, my pain, and my lack of affection and support.

Today, I realize that I can protect myself, be self-sufficient, and contribute to my relationship. This gives me confidence that I can take care of myself and others. I feel less anxious and less preoccupied with what to do with myself.

I feel committed to what I do, to my work, and to the simple things of daily life, like cooking or going for a walk. Life is becoming simpler, less complicated.

The euphoria is gone too: I feel calm and can enjoy life without having overly high expectations of myself or others. I often find myself speaking the truth about what’s happening to me, what I think, and what I feel.

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I never regained the weight I gained at 21\. For me, this is a very concrete indicator of learning to control my compulsive eating habits, which were a significant struggle for me since adolescence. Now, in general, I maintain a steady weight and can regulate myself.

I also feel less burdensome: I always felt like an overwhelming, sticky person, like honey that can’t be easily wiped away—a spoiled child constantly demanding affection, attention, and care. Now I see myself as lighter: I no longer feel perpetually like a child; instead, I find myself desiring more adult things, such as commitment, responsibility, or being present with another person without the usual selfishness of trying to gain something in return.

I see myself understanding my parents' lives, and my demands on them have also diminished.

I take myself more seriously: my voice matters because I am a person, not because I am special or because I always manage to get my way.

I find myself choosing situations I want to be involved in, rather than compulsively offering myself at every moment just to remain the favorite.

I think of myself as a woman, not as an eternal adolescent, and in this way, I manage to take care of my health.

I feel mortal: before, I didn’t see death or the finiteness of life. Now, I find myself considering that life can end at any moment. Sometimes I forget this, but more and more, the awareness of life’s finitude is present in me.

The biggest difference I notice now is that I think and decide for myself. I realize that I don’t have complete control over my relationships; instead, relationships are alive, with their own dynamics, and their evolution depends on both people involved—or all the people if it’s a group dynamic.

I’ve entered the world of adult women. I see them as equals, and I’m aware of my competitiveness, complicity, envy, and admiration towards them.

What’s new, too, is that now I feel tired, notice the absence of euphoria and tantrums, and pay attention to my need to live an orderly life.

I have stopped treating my family of origin as if they were my property, as if they owed me loyalty.

I have learned to commit to a relationship, to listen to criticisms and flaws within it.

I recognize my intellectual laziness, my ignorance, and feel the emotional pain it causes me.

I have learned to be with myself and also to know the satisfaction of that.

I have learned to trust in help, in support. It helped me to identify that the feeling of being “wonderful” was a facade masking the insecurity within, tied to not even knowing what I wanted for myself.

Today, it’s easier for me to feel connected with others, to live the experience of being just one among many, of being on the same boat as everyone else.

Above all, what has helped me grow the most is accepting my mistakes and flaws, seeing how inattentive I can be, and recognizing that I often acted like a parasite—feeding off others to feel protected, favored, and indulged by them.

It has helped me to de-idealize the world I’ve lived in, to de-idealize myself in front of others, to feel the pain, the disillusionment, and to face the fall of fantasies.

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Working as a psychotherapist has helped me greatly; it has allowed me to feel useful, to serve a purpose that requires effort and discipline. As a psychotherapist, I’ve learned to experience what it’s like when patients leave: when they end the process, when they no longer need it, when they no longer need me.

Establishing discipline and routines where limits exist—where I can’t just do whatever I please—has been fundamental. Some examples include attending psychotherapy consistently for the past ten years, keeping my home in order, organizing meals, eating at regular times, never skipping breakfast, taking my medications as prescribed, paying my credit card bills on time without accumulating debt, taking care of my car (bringing it in for maintenance, refueling, keeping it clean), taking care of my health by eating well, avoiding late nights, taking naps, resting, not attending to every demand from those around me, and running a psychotherapy group uninterruptedly for the past eight years. This has required me to commit to providing a space for listening and support, as well as preparing each week’s content in advance.

Ten years ago, none of this would have been possible—I lived in constant chaos.

I am leaving behind an idealized childhood. I am leaving behind being endlessly lenient with myself, the fear of not being liked, the fear of not being charming. I am leaving behind inefficiency.

I am also letting go of the expectation that all my desires will be satisfied, of wanting to be unique and special. I am letting go of the expectation that my family will be as I want them to be, the desire for them to love me the way I want to be loved.

Looking back, I see myself as a prisoner of my need to appear pretty and pleasant most of the time. I was trapped in my compulsion to please everyone, to give without truly seeing the other person. I have also let go of the feeling that I was born into the wrong family and the sense of being enslaved.

Now, a life of simplicity is emerging. A 40-year-old woman is emerging, with a presence that feels like a woman’s. The recognition that death exists is emerging, along with the fatigue, the interest in learning about aspects of life I once found impossibly complicated—like philosophy, history, and life itself. I now realize these didn’t interest me before because I didn’t want to make the effort to learn.

What’s also emerging is better organization in my work: I’ve learned to manage my finances, save money, and optimize my work, among other things. I have also grown in my acceptance of my parents—I have managed to accept my origins. And I feel a desire for a satisfying life, not a wonderful one. With all this, a sense of freedom is emerging.

Psychotherapy has been crucial in helping me process the content of my life, allowing reason to take over.

Dr. Claudio Naranjo helped me immensely by recommending readings, and I found some on my own that were key to my self-awareness and helped me identify or distinguish myself in the process. Exercising reading, analysis, and reflection has been a way to activate the intellectual side of me that I had so undervalued.

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In my psychotherapy process, it has been particularly helpful to work with a woman. For Type Two, the relationship with the mother often has a distorted dynamic, and reparenting myself through female psychotherapists became a very important step.

Experiencing admiration and the divine through music has been a fundamental exercise. Dance has become a way to access flexibility, spontaneity, and creativity.

Looking ahead to my future process, I want to avoid anticipating, avoid getting ahead of myself, avoid creating illusions. I want to continue the work of building myself, feeling more real, more solid, more present, and simpler, seeing things for myself and trusting in life and what I can do.

What I’ve learned from my growth process is that it’s important not to despair when feeling alone, to have patience, and to know that just beginning to understand yourself can help you feel accompanied.

For an E2 Conservation type, it’s important to recognize the extent to which their relationships are utilitarian: to see how they always involve an exchange of advantages and conveniences. The Type Two personality uses others and ends up being used by them, which eventually leaves them with a sense of being objectified or of seeing others as objects.

From my experience, I would recommend that an E2 Conservation type resist their tantrums when confronted by those who care about them, learning to stay and face things, to nurture the relationship with the other person. It’s important to acknowledge the desire to control relationships and to understand how manipulation and lies are used to steer the other person where the E2 wants them to go.

I suggest that the E2 Conservation type consider the cost of their childish behavior—what they lose every time they act like a child. They must see how this small form of power becomes a way of degrading themselves and ends up leaving them isolated.

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In the therapeutic relationship, the E2 Conservation type is initially compliant and very affectionate, attempting to seduce the therapist with their childlike charms and significant idealization. This seduction acts as bait to prevent the therapist from confronting them or treating them harshly. They aim for the therapist to grow fond of them and find it difficult to treat them as an adult. Through this false tenderness, they try to soften the relationship, creating a dynamic where they are treated as friends or accomplices. In this way, the E2 Conservation type’s ego remains intact.

In my practice, I have worked with E2 Conservation patients. In all cases, they were women. What always strikes me are the reasons they give for seeking psychological help. In some cases, the problems are related to their romantic partner, and the issue lies in the fact that their manipulations are no longer effective, or they’ve been given an ultimatum. Often, there is a problem with setting boundaries in the relationship. This manifests in behaviors such as spending family money irresponsibly or secretly, failing to keep agreements, or feeling victimized by the partner without recognizing their own role in the conflict.

Additionally, they often harbor the feeling that they are always giving more than their partner—more sex, more joy, more time, more dedication. I have frequently observed significant difficulties in separating from their family of origin. These patients expend energy, money, and effort trying to get their family of origin to behave according to their wishes. Added to this is the fact that the E2 Conservation type often struggles with setting boundaries, leading to situations where their family of origin becomes more important than their current family. They also cannot relinquish control, needing to be the protagonist within their family of origin. As mothers, they find it difficult to act like adults and behave like children with their own children. There is a strong identification with the children’s childhoods and a desire for them to live a life completely free from pain and suffering.

As long as they are in the honeymoon phase with their therapist, the E2 Conservation type will seem like an excellent student—the most dedicated, the most affectionate. However, the moment this illusion fades, they tend to leave therapy and seek someone new who will pamper them, show them affection, and treat them as they wish.

For the E2 Conservation type, it is beneficial to be encouraged to experience what it feels like to stop being childish. The therapist must inspire them to embrace the freedom of being an adult, to make independent decisions about their life, and to avoid being enslaved by their desires and relationships.

Another important aspect for the E2 Conservation type is recognizing their implacable childlike narcissism. To self-regulate, it is crucial for them to understand that everything they do ultimately leaves them without the ability to fend for themselves. While they succeed in finding protectors, they generally become enslaved to them in a utilitarian relationship where the E2 Conservation type feels privileged while suppressing their frustrations and personal desires—a position that is highly suspicious for true growth.

For all these reasons, it is essential to tell them the truth, to confront them despite their sweetness—that false sweetness that is merely the facade of a titanium armor built to shield them from an uncomfortable, hostile world they don’t want to see or acknowledge.

To transform, the E2 must accept constructive challenges that teach them to face the adult world, allowing them to confront it with the resources they genuinely possess—not with promises they fail to keep. It is necessary for them to understand how their whims not only fail to satisfy them but also fuel their frustration. They need to see that acting childishly guarantees loneliness in their life and that by avoiding effort, they remain stuck in immaturity, leaving them feeling useless.

In summary, their path involves understanding their limits. This exploration offers a valuable experience of security and containment.

Type Three: Vanity

The Passion of Vanity is the need to falsify one’s own self, constructing a presentable personal image for the world, with the expectation that this image will be accepted, loved, and validated.

We could say that the Vanity character represents the neurotic construction of that part of humanity that is compelled to manipulate itself to maintain emotional relationships (false self in Winnicott’s terms).

This passion leads E3 to transfer its energetic charge into functional action, in response to the expectations of the external world; it develops a considerable ability to perceive what the context demands and adapts to it. The self-manipulation as a "product for sale" manifests both on the aesthetic level and in operational efficiency; thus, the illusion is forged that this transformation can be identified with oneself.

This strategy implies a disconnection from one's own emotions and needs; they are so immersed in this exhausting activity that they even adapt their thoughts and actions to those of others. They identify with what they have falsified, believing in their false image (fixation) and losing all connection with their inner truth.

In order to capture the gaze of others, they combine their capacity for transformation with sexual attractiveness, but their seduction is more directed toward responding to the pleasure of others than to the satisfaction of their own pleasure.

The passion for constructing an acceptable image of oneself underlies the flight from everything undefined or non-concrete. Therefore, uncertainty, unfinished situations, mystery, waiting, and ambiguity become a source of anxiety; every shadow is perceived as destructive to the constructed image.

During childhood, they learned to be a pleasant, smiling, and compliant child to meet the expectations of a mother who, in most cases, is demanding and cold, and who tends to project onto the child her own narcissistic satisfaction needs. Whether it concerns the father or the mother, people with a Type Three character report feeling like a beautiful object to be presented to the world, an extension of their parents.

In relationships, they demonstrate hyper-adaptation and fear of conflict; in their eagerness to "do," they become disconnected from their inner world as well as from the inner world of others.

The Social Three: Prestige

For the distinctive passion of the Social Three, Ichazo proposed the term prestige. We can say that the Social Three is someone who has a passion for shining—not only through work but also in how they present themselves to others. It is as if they have an internal public relations department. By elevating the drive for prestige, understood as a passion for social recognition, to a need for universal applause rather than selective approval, they expend excessive energy, which naturally interferes with spontaneous action.

None of the Three subtypes are described in the DSM-IV, which likely reflects the fact that their characteristics—focused on high performance, practicality, and success—are idealized in modern culture. In fact, it can be said that the Social Three, in particular, has become the dominant personality type of the secular and technocratic world.

The Social Three is the most chameleonic of the Three subtypes. It is also the most vain of the vain. Compared to the other Threes, this subtype exhibits a strong and reactive character, with a love for power—even if they do not manage it directly but rather through the people they support.

The Transformation of the Social Three

By Eustaquio García Valles

If, as Claudio Naranjo says, the journey that transforms us is not so much an ascent but rather a movement forward and downward, then the process for the Social Three involves going beyond external appearances and beyond the evaluation of others, in order to see what has been hidden, what has been denied and negatively valued in ourselves, and what has been identified as foreign to our ideal self.

The transformation process often begins with dissatisfaction over what has been achieved, which keeps us feeling lost, internally disconnected, and in a crisis of life purpose.

Through personal work, we begin searching for and reclaiming what has been rejected. We learn that what we uncover is ours and for us, rather than another achievement to showcase to the world. We must walk into uncertainty, which means getting lost—getting lost in order to embrace change, inhabiting a disorder—born from a dose of madness—to recognize the most authentic parts of ourselves.

It also involves expressing what we are not and what we do not know, thus opening up an inner space that is increasingly broader and freer. Eventually, what we rediscover and value as our own also starts to lose weight, leading to a gentler and less demanding relationship with ourselves. This allows us to connect with trust and awareness of what is new, letting ourselves be, letting ourselves perceive what arrives, what life brings us.

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Our Personality Before the Journey

The original scene—at least the one in which one remembers how the trait was fixed, the moment when the distress of the abandoned child found an escape route—is marked in the Social Three by the experience of the gaze: a gaze that returns us to a lost paradise, to a state of well-being, but which, from that moment on, falsifies us forever. Something had to be found to show, something that would give me a place, something that would satisfy my parents so that I could receive a kind of support in the form of their gaze—not for who I was, but for what I showed.

Some testimonies express it very clearly:

* "Look how smart my little girl is—she's already reading and she's only three\!" they would say. And I, clinging to my mother's skirt, without an arm to hold me, became her shoulder to cry on and would say, 'Come on, Mom, don't cry.'"

* "But you can't imagine how well my little girl folds clothes," my mother would say.

* "When I was five or six years old, they asked me, 'And you, little girl, what will you be when you grow up?' We lived in a humble home, and I was spinning on the carousel in the park, everything turning and turning in a lullaby of metal, and suddenly I answered, 'I am going to make money to fix this house, make it beautiful, and buy a refrigerator\! When I grow up, I'm going to be successful\!' And in that moment, when I felt that would be the case, I felt at peace."

* "As a child, they showed me off like a trophy: 'Look how beautiful my boy is, with his blond hair—he looks like an angel\!'"

Before consciously beginning the process of transformation, Social Threes have their eyes fixed on achieving social success. This is their motor—the pursuit of a prestigious social position in the environment they move in, a space where they can shine, be admired, and where they almost always succeed.

We easily create a network of people whose primary function is to admire us—friends, teachers, bosses, students, patients…

We want to be the center of attention and of the gaze of those we admire, and we deploy all our seductive abilities to achieve it. These abilities vary depending on what has been reinforced in our biography. Some show intelligence, culture, and class—we flaunt what we know and the degrees we have. Others emphasize material symbols of social status—a beautiful home, an eye-catching car, expensive clothes, luxury watches. Others focus on their body and face—being attractive, knowing how to dance…

Through all of this, we receive a gaze of recognition, but not for us*—instead, it is for the *persona we have maintained for years with great effort and a deep sense of emptiness. We know how to sell ourselves, how to draw attention, adapting skillfully to whatever context we are in. But internally, we remain lost—in the midst of so many roles, we do not know what we feel or who we really are.

"I was not authentic: what I believed were my feelings, my emotions, were not real, and I wanted to be authentic, but I could not achieve it. I wanted to tell the truth and did not know what my truth was. This is very distressing—asking myself what I feel and not knowing, or what I think, what I want, and seeing that I do not know that either. This, in contrast with a personality that appears very structured, seemingly very clear, in which I do know what I want, I do it, and I impose it. For many years, I believed that I always knew what I wanted—this was my delusion."

Adapting to each environment stiffens us, cools us, and freezes us. However, we believe we are always fine. We simply function in the world and function well—with efficiency, impatience, responsibility, and competitiveness—without realizing what is happening inside.

To fill the void, we reinforce our blindness in doing: we always try to stay busy, refusing to stop so as not to become aware of how lost we are. We can turn into machines of work and production, with a demanding and sometimes authoritarian attitude, but dressed in friendliness and good humor, where the other person is not seen as a person but as an instrument for our objective. As Montaigne points out, we rarely do anything for someone, rather, we only do something for them while we are doing something else.

When we gain admiration in work, we expand: "The more people approve of me and applaud me, the more I expand, the more I dominate, and the more I control. Here, our madness is revealed: we seek to feel sustained by people through admiration and applause. Admiration is the foundation that supports us and distances us from the experience of that small child who feels sad, alone, and abandoned. The feared scene is being worthless, not having money, being poor, or not succeeding in our profession. That scene brings us into contact with abandonment and pain."

"Therefore, we can collapse at the possibility of feeling questioned. The reaction is to freeze and wait. What hurts is not shown: it is repaid coldly with distance and indifference, through a sly revenge, with no awareness of the pain."

Awareness of the Process: What Arises as New

Where are you going to get lost? We are lost without recognizing what we truly feel. We cling to superficiality, to what is visible and socially valued, looking to others, to their approval, to convention, constantly adapting to external circumstances. We act and express only what we consider correct and appropriate, taking it as certainty, thereby fleeing from our wound.

In the process of "falling," what emerges is a profound pain—a great pain upon seeing the lack of connection, which has been occupied by the desire to please others. It is an unmasked sense of emptiness when we realize that all we see is vanity. A nausea arises upon witnessing how vain our actions are, how useless they are, how superficial we are. We seek impressive things or situations until we begin to realize that what is truly impressive is that which is not—that which calms us. Thus, the desires that once filled the entire spectrum begin to break apart.

When we discover ourselves, we feel shame for being this way and fear that others will find out, that our well-crafted image will shatter before those who matter to us. What a horror if they find out\! “I will never be able to get out of this.”

In the process, the mechanism of modification is immediately activated—now we strive to conform to what is healthy, to what is right—and suddenly, people tell us: You have changed so much\! But of course, we remain trapped in the same cycle, trying to perfect it and put it to our service.

What is truly healthy always involves accepting what I am, what is, what naturally arises from within—acknowledging the lack and inhabiting it, rather than covering it up with actions or performance.

For us, what is healthy involves recognizing our failure, our falsehood—acknowledging what we present but are not—and realizing that it does not kill us, that we can bear it. It also requires confronting our ambition, doing only what we are truly capable of. Our connection with the body is our barometer—we must pay attention to discomfort and our ability to express it, despite the fear of rejection and inadequacy.

To show what is incorrect, what is unpleasant, with trust in the spontaneous, without being overtaken by emotion in search of a profitable outcome. When we manage to make this our own, laughter, calm, and peace appear.

We heal by setting and accepting boundaries, by saying no when that is what we truly feel, and by recognizing what expands us—such as embracing the everyday, enjoying what is present: a walk, a simple pleasure, that which nurtures us, that which encourages us to engage our capacity for cooperation and connection.

Where once there was a need for applause, there arises a need for pause—a pause that allows us to connect with ourselves. Although the need for success does not disappear, it loses weight, and a certain renunciation is born, a restraint that is no longer mere conformity. How healthy it is to be able to say and acknowledge: This is for me, and I will keep it, without external witnesses. The engine of success loses strength, but it does not vanish—we can recognize it more and more, and at the same time, we punish ourselves less for being this way.

Transformation happens through self-exposure—not to be used, but to be shared as both a painful and healing experience, to the extent that it connects us with our authentic selves. Observing how I despise, how I flatter, how I seek attention, how I manipulate without directly asking for what I need—in short, how I cover up my negative self-image—now allows me to call myself out.

Experiences of authenticity strengthen us and distance us from the feeling of falsehood, from feeling unworthy, which has been based on I am valuable because I do.* In its place arises *I am valuable because I exist,* which makes us feel worthy of ourselves and connects us with tenderness and forgiveness—helping to melt the iceberg that formed in the heart. For us, a healing affirmation is: *I respect what I feel.

After the fall, solitude does not appear as something to be feared but as the necessary space to be present, to know ourselves. We no longer flee from emptiness; emptiness becomes the space where we can be present and observe.

At this stage, we recognize the importance of intimate relationships. We learn to be someone who needs others and who is needed by others. We learn to share our time—now we can let go more and do less: Seeing that the other needs affection just as I do makes me softer, less demanding of others, and also of myself.

But without a doubt, what emerges as new, what opens up to us in the process, is an encounter with life, with something greater, with spirituality, with God. As in every process of transformation, approaching our parents—examining who they have been, what we have needed, what we carry from them, what they could and could not give us—makes them and us larger, allowing us access to experiences we had never imagined.

From this place, I experience spiritual openness as something that brings me into my humanity, into real connection with others, recognizing that anyone in the world can teach me. Spirituality reveals itself as the encounter with an inner space that lifts us out of the certainties tied to control and leads us beyond pain and loss, into a space of connection and recognition. It allows us to leave behind the arrogance of seeing ourselves as unique, separate from the rest.

Spirituality also reveals itself as the strength to navigate suffering when the only thing present in our lives is a relentless voice saying: This is ego, this is ego, this is ego—until, at a certain moment, calm arrives. That alien we carry inside emerges again and again, and the only possibility of reconciliation with it is to give it a place, because only from that place do we find peace—when we recognize it and understand that we are incapable of annihilating it. Furthermore, we are less and less afraid of that alien—just like in the movie, we now know when it will emerge, whether it is the second or the eighth passenger.

Being lost, doubting, ceases to be something to hide and instead becomes a fundamental part of the process that allows us to find ourselves. It is no longer something to avoid but will instead be an integral part of our journey. As in the Tarot card, the Hermit sees no further than the place illuminated by his lantern.

What Would It Be Like to Reach Full Development?

What would it be like to fully repair that lack, that original wound of love, and to move beyond strategies such as false modesty—to rediscover spontaneous enthusiasm, to enjoy laughing at things, and to participate without fear of being exposed, without fear of revealing who I am? I wanted to recall the Delphic commandment:

"Look within yourselves, know yourselves, become attached to yourselves; listen to yourselves, respond to yourselves; focus, resist; they betray you, they scatter you, they conceal you from yourselves. Do you not see that this world keeps its entire vision turned inward and its eyes open only to contemplate itself? For you, it is always about vanity, inside or out, but it is less vanity the less it is extended. Every creature studies itself before anything else and has, according to its needs, limits appropriate to its efforts and desires. There is none as empty and as needy as you, who encompass the universe; you are the one who scrutinizes without knowledge, the magistrate without jurisdiction, and, after all, the jester of the farce."

To develop means reaching a level of acceptance—of non-judgment, of non-manipulation, of non-denial—without losing humor and while still enjoying a certain joy of living.

In fullness, we would find ourselves before a very free being—before a person who is attentive to themselves, rather than to what is expected of them, someone who embraces their impulse toward falsehood and, with their ability to bring out the jester within, can move beyond their image and reveal their heart, their struggles, their bad moods, their needs, their pain.

As the narcissistic drive diminishes and loses weight, the drive for competition gives way to a need for collaboration. Self-esteem ceases to rely on maternal praise and instead shifts toward recognizing and opening up to the present, feeling joy simply for being here, for living, and for doing the small things in life with greater calm.

A fully realized social Three would be in contact with a love that is no longer just an admiring love—a constant reference in their search for admiration and recognition—but would instead find a balance between the three types of love.

We would see a person who expands their instinctual and maternal love—not only toward others but toward the other—someone who can give themselves beyond seduction, and who, overcoming their sense of having been used or disrespected, moves from an experience of utilitarianism to an experience of genuine giving in their encounters with their beloved. They would no longer attempt to dominate, instead facing their own shortcomings directly, without seeking to cover them up by finding something in the other. At the same time, they would allow themselves to truly experience their own sensitivity and emotional depth.

Being with other human beings in a more egalitarian way—listening, sharing, creating beautiful things—would also be a consequence of this development. In this way, the social Three would move from looking in order to control* to *looking in order to discover, like a child who, upon looking, discovers sounds, space, scents—leaving behind functionality and living for themselves, without obsessing over being useful.

How to help to understand

Helping an ego type Three, just like helping any other, does not mean showing them the way but rather accompanying them. What helps in this process is sensing whether love is present: with the reassurance of its presence, one can go deeper. Love is the panacea, the universal medicine. Where there is love, there is no fear, and real work can be done, because love creates a space where one can simply be without judgment, without being subjected to the machine that erases individuality.

Of course, the process is continuous and ongoing. The ego always resurfaces, and in this sense, it unites us all. It is difficult to accompany someone without letting one’s own ego interfere or without getting stuck oneself. However, we can still accompany—despite fear, despite insecurity, despite mistakes—which can also serve as a way to help. The most important thing is to accompany from a place of truth.

The social Three needs to recognize their own truth, and for this, real contact—beyond automatic behaviors—helps. What matters is not achieving results but learning to feel good simply by being, by becoming aware of their external orientation, which is often a compulsion disguised as pleasure. It is necessary to acknowledge fragility, but not to identify with it to the point of turning it into another tool for self-image.

One can help another understand through presence*—by being present with what is happening, by paying attention to what unfolds, without looking for external cues to hold onto. Just as in an airplane, when a loss of pressure occurs, you are told to put on your own mask first, to breathe, and only then to help others with their difficulties. In this sense, a fellow Three once had a revealing dream: *She woke up because someone grabbed her arm, saying, “Someone sent me to find you\!” And when she looked at the face of that person, she realized it was herself.

Helping means being present with what is, moving through emptiness and solitude without trying to change anything. This allows direct growth, the release of anchors, and the experience of being oneself.

It is also helpful to become aware of fear—the fear of being, the fear of letting go, the fear of being inadequate or selfish—by moving toward spontaneity, toward what is not controlled.

We are helped when others accompany us in discovering our real needs, beyond our idealized self-image. This means connecting with the emotions we have rejected—anger, shame, envy—in order to reach the pain that underlies them, to face it directly in the presence of another person, and to validate ourselves in the process.

Finally, we can unmask the ego through real contact with another person—someone who helps us experience silence and recognize what is happening inside us without the need to do anything. And all of this, not from a desire to annihilate the ego, but from a more patient, more serene, and more loving encounter with ourselves.

Got it\! I'll start from the beginning and translate it section by section.

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*The Sexual Three: Attractiveness {#the-sexual-three-attractiveness}

For the passion of the sexual Three, Ichazo used the words masculinity* or *femininity, depending on the case. I used to explain it as an excessive attempt to conform to cultural images (perhaps Hollywood-style) of what it means to be masculine or feminine.

Nowadays, I believe that the fundamental pathology of these individuals lies in the fact that, instead of acting from instinctive freedom, they invest all their passion into the thirst for love and the corresponding seduction—either through compliance or by projecting an image that is meant to be attractive and exciting.

The result of this is that a woman, by being overly focused on pleasing a man, loses her ability to enjoy herself.

Additionally, this personality type tends to have a certain passion for family, which, while it does not appear as a flaw, represents an exaggerated need to please others, perpetuating self-alienation.

Among the three subtypes, the sexual Three is the most dependent. They do not usually display aggression and cannot tolerate rejection. Their seduction is aimed at being embraced and validated, confusing their self-worth with the attractiveness of their body.

The Transformation in the Sexual Type Three

by Lorena García de las Bayonas

This work has been made possible thanks to a team that spent three years collaborating with me on a study of the sexual subtype of Type Three, as proposed by Claudio Naranjo. The team is composed of the following individuals: Anik Billard, Mario Jiménez, Rosa Morales, Yolanda Catalán, Bettina Deuster, María Guerrero Escusa, and Axier Ariznabarreta.

There are other individuals whom I interviewed specifically for this presentation, and who contributed their testimonies. They are: Lolique Lorente, Isabel Serrano, Debora Gane, and Kornelia Dietrich.

The section headings correspond to questions posed by Claudio Naranjo, which serve as a guide for the structure of this text.

As a sexual three approaches character healing, they become free to be, to feel, and to express themselves authentically, without being imprisoned by the beautiful physical image, being able even to be ugly and show the ugliness of their life, such as pain, anger, sadness, jealousy, envy, resentment, and everything they consider shameful or that makes them lose control.

In this way, they are freed to be able to make mistakes without the fear that they will stop being loved. They also leave behind the dependence on approval and love from others, especially from a partner, which results from a lack of self-love. What remains is a more real sense of self-love, through which they can feel a greater warmth inside after passing through the hell of breaking through internal numbness and the inability to love.

"I understand how my ego was destroying me and preventing me from finding love. Now, at this stage of my life, love is above all the love I can feel for myself, truly knowing myself and considering myself. That is where everything begins to be more real. Love is not a goal, nor a task, nor an achievement, nor a conquest."

When a sexual E3 heals, they also appear more relaxed and carefree: they let go of the compulsion to do things to have everything under control and to be loved. With their gaze turned inward rather than outward, they can see the difference between what they truly feel and need and self-deception. In this way, they become stronger and more mature, and the sensation of fragility disappears, the kind that makes people say, “Better not touch them, they might break.” They also become more independent, knowing they can survive—sometimes even better—without a partner, feeling loved and valued for who they are, not for what they do.

Healing also involves finding the freedom to enjoy sex without being merely an object for the other’s pleasure, being able to let go of control and be less focused on their image, which does not allow them to feel pleasure and, in many cases, reach orgasm.

"After working on myself, I have opened up a lot sexually, and I am also more aware of what I want and don’t want, and I allow myself more pleasure. In my life, I have often used sexuality for other purposes: to get affection, admiration, recognition, to feel close, to give thanks, or as a way of manipulating, as a reward or punishment. Also, to maintain my romantic relationship. Many times without any connection with myself or with the other person, only to please, to fix things, or to avoid problems. As I have had greater contact with myself and my body, there have been periods when I didn’t want any sex at all, or the opposite, of great excitement. I like having control in sexuality. I realize that something has become unblocked on a sexual level, now I feel a lot of energy, I am very open, enjoying myself and feeling a lot of pleasure and in greater connection with myself and with the other. Movement and bodywork have greatly influenced this."

The sexual E3 woman in the process of healing sees herself learning to live without the need for the gaze and recognition of a man, which is related to having experienced some kind of absence of a father figure. For a man, it would similarly involve the need for the gaze of a woman—a childish and narcissistic need for constant applause, which leaves him increasingly empty because his romantic relationships are based on doing things so that the other applauds him.

Many times, achieving that applause becomes very difficult, leading to great frustration that results in a permanent state of unhappiness in their romantic life.

A healed sexual three becomes aware of self-deception and falseness in their romantic relationships. Unmasking the image of being good and perfect in order to be loved and realizing their difficulty in truly loving represents one of the greatest shadows for the sexual three, as they have always believed they had a great capacity to love. However, their underlying narcissism leads to a superficial and false approach to love, as can be observed in the following excerpt from the novel Belle du Seigneur by Albert Cohen, where the protagonist, after an encounter with her lover, is left alone:

Upon returning to the little sitting room, she walked toward the mirror so as not to be alone. She curtsied before the mirror to Belle du Seigneur*, tried different expressions to check how she must have looked to him at the end of that night, imagined once again that she was him looking at her, played the supplicant, pursed her lips, congratulated herself. Not bad, not bad. But with words, it would be clearer. "Your woman, I am your woman," she said to the little mirror, motionless, sincerely moved. Yes, really good expression, she must have seemed splendid to him. And during the kisses of great passion, the underwater kisses, what did she look like with her eyes closed? She opened her mouth, closed her left eye, looked at herself with the right. Difficult to tell. The impression of amazement disappeared, she just looked cross-eyed. Too bad, she would never know what face she made during the operation. What horror, I say *operation, and just a moment ago with him, it all felt so serious. Ultimately, to see how I look during deep kisses, I just need to almost close my eyes and glance sideways through my eyelashes. Although no, actually, it's not worth it, because in those moments, his head is so close to mine that he can't see me, so it has no importance.

What would motivate a sexual three to enter a therapeutic process?

If a sexual three looks inward even slightly, they will realize that they feel a sadness that has always been there. What happens is that, by not expressing it and being constantly preoccupied with not showing it, they do not even reveal it to themselves.

The motivation that a sexual three finds to begin therapy is initially related to the fact that someone they admire has spoken to them about the benefits of the process and has told them they might need it.

A sexual three may also come to realize that they have had a difficult life. I say realize because perhaps they have been disconnected from their personal tragedy until they share something about their life or childhood, and someone reflects back to them the tragic nature of the experience. Another reason for entering therapy is simply that the therapeutic world is trendy, and maybe everyone around them is doing therapy, so they begin a process to please someone or to avoid feeling like an outsider.

Rarely, the motivation comes from feeling a true need for transformation, something that may take time in the process due to the deep disconnection a sexual three tends to experience. Also, because showing their need means letting part of the mask slip and revealing something they consider very ugly and that has been strictly forbidden. Perhaps they may feel like a very fragile and sad person, but they do not show it, or they embellish it to use it as a seduction tool.

Where they may clearly feel the need for introspection is usually after a breakup. In that case, they will likely connect with a primitive pain related to reliving an abandonment by their father or mother.

For a sexual three, a breakup is their worst nightmare: better to die than to separate, they seem to think, or they imagine that it is the closest thing to death. When facing a breakup, they may even have suicidal thoughts and start using drugs to drown out their suffering. They are terribly afraid of pain, and when they enter it, it feels like they will never come out, no matter how many times they have been in and out of it before. They may also quickly abandon therapy when a new love appears, as they tend to jump from one relationship to another to avoid experiencing the pain of separation. It is astonishing how quickly they can disconnect from their previous love.

"My life revolved around the romantic relationships I had. Since childhood, I believed that happiness was to be found through a romantic partner. One day, I would meet a prince who would awaken me with his love, and I would be happy until the end of my life. That already speaks to the deep disconnection and numbing of the self, which I sought to find through another person... Since I was 16 years old, I have never been without a romantic relationship. To be able to leave one, I would find another."

There are questions that help people connect with themselves. What do you feel? What do you need? What do you want, or what are you looking for in therapy?* When confronted with these questions, the sexual three will come into contact with their emptiness and lack of identity, realizing that if it is not through another person, they have no self-image. They may also experience a deep fragility through that emptiness or begin to cry over things they haven’t cried about in years, without even knowing how to name what is happening to them, as they realize that they never had a space of their own, were never truly seen, and were never loved for their essence. Instead, they were a child who *did things in order to be loved.

"The first thing I realized in my therapy was that I didn't know what I felt. It was very difficult for me to connect with my feelings, and I felt bewildered and anxious when I became aware of my deep disconnection. I found myself facing the emptiness that lay behind my appearance. Without it, and without the resources I used to maintain it, there was nothing—just an agonizing space."

A sexual E3 feels and lives in a permanent prison. They feel suffocated by vanity, and this suffocation leads them to want to remain unnoticed and to be extremely shy, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. The need to free themselves from this is another motivation that might lead them to therapy when they gain greater self-awareness.

What is left behind?

In the process of transformation, emotional, sexual, and physical disconnection is left behind. The fear of real intimacy. The dependence on love and the self-deception surrounding love. The thirst for loving and being loved, and the superficiality tied to seeking and conquering this type of relationship. The compulsion to put all energy into seduction, conquest, and pleasing the other. The dependence on recognition and applause in a romantic relationship.

"I have left behind the belief that happiness is achieved through effort and by reaching goals, the belief that I have to earn this life. I have left behind expectations of life, ideals, and childish fantasies. I have left behind my overly 'good' side: I would rather disappoint someone than betray myself."

The fear of confrontation is also left behind, as well as the self-deception that comes with the stories one tells oneself to avoid confrontation. Finally, the sexual three dares to experience conflict and sustain it—something so feared and difficult for them.

Therapeutic Recommendations

The first thing a sexual three needs to enter a deep therapeutic process is to be able to fully trust their therapist in order to step away from seduction and image. They need to feel the unconditional support of the therapist; otherwise, the fear of not being liked, of not being appropriate, of not doing it well, will inevitably lead them back into seduction and self-deception.

It helps if the therapist does not show ambiguity regarding seduction. There is a risk of staying too long in the realm of seduction if the therapist is susceptible to being seduced or does not understand the Enneagram of personality. Self-deception can be contagious. With self-deception and seduction, there is also the danger that the patient will end up taking control of the therapy and will not truly surrender to the process, seeing the same relational patterns repeating: feeling like an object, only seen for their charm and beauty rather than for their essence, which is what they truly need.

Once they manage to get past the first layer of seduction and the display of their charms in therapy, the sexual three will connect with the void of not knowing who they are outside of another person. At this point, they will begin to experience an internal conflict, feeling completely lost—sometimes so intensely that it may feel unbearable. If they feel the affection and unconditional support of their therapist, they will be able to move through it; if not, they may not endure the process.

Once they pass through that emptiness, they can begin to see the self-deception they have lived in all their life. They may realize that their entire life has been a great lie they constructed out of hunger for love and admiration, rather than from an authentic need or true love.

"I came to therapy with great internal confusion and physically exhausted, entangled in an abusive relationship without being able to leave or even recognize it. After 15 years, I woke up, and the idyllic dream had turned into a nightmare and a prison. I saw that I didn’t really like my life and that I was enormously tired of sacrificing myself and feeling dead inside."

To begin valuing their essence, the person first needs to know it, and here the therapist must be very patient. The therapist must also be careful not to fall into the trap of making a diagnosis too soon, out of their own susceptibility to being seduced. It is crucial that the patient comes to their own conclusions and is able to see themselves—of course, with the help of the therapist. An externally imposed diagnosis will never allow the patient to truly see themselves; instead, they will adopt that diagnosis like a chameleon and fall back into the game of self-deception.

The sexual three internally feels that they have nothing to say: when they look inward, they usually see nothing, only emptiness. This is where their healing begins. Having someone in front of them who values their perspective and who can hold space for that emptiness, accompanying them through it, is crucial for later helping them name what they do not yet know how to name.

For a woman starting therapy, it may be better to seek a female therapist at first, since she may still be too blind to her power of seduction. If she is given the opportunity to seduce her therapist, she may not be able to resist it.

It is important that, at the beginning of therapy, the therapist does not position themselves above the patient and simply remains present to accompany them—initially without confrontation, judgment, or criticism—being permissive and creating an atmosphere of trust so that the patient can begin to open up.

"In my experience, the therapeutic work was initially focused on discovering my self-deception, then on connecting with myself beyond my lie, thirdly on accepting my dark side and dismantling my fantasies, and finally on gaining the courage to show myself as I truly am, exposed, without the image that once sustained me."

Group therapy can also be very helpful. Feedback from others is beneficial, and realizing that neurosis is universal—that it is not something shameful or horrible—can help the patient stop feeling like a freak and become more open.

Recommended Exercises

Reconnecting with the Body

To help them experience their emotions, bodywork is fundamental, whether through massage, dance, theater, or any type of expressive movement.

On one hand, connecting with the body and physical sensations will help the sexual three feel alive in a physical sense, rather than through their image. It will also help them identify and name what they feel. On the other hand, expressive work helps them let go of their “beautiful image” and explore other aspects of themselves that can be liberating.

"Through theater, I have been able to live and experience my hidden, repressed, and ignored characters. It has given me great insight into who I am, into my polarities, and it has helped me accept myself, to more openly express my aggression, my vulnerability, my fragility, my desire, my envy. I have also been able to gain a lot of strength, to set boundaries, to say no to what I don’t want, to recognize my intolerance, my hardness, and also my tenderness."

"I have never forgotten the first request I made to my first therapist: 'I don’t know what I feel.' I had no idea what I was feeling and couldn’t identify my emotions. My therapist worked with the body, and through simple postures, she helped me begin to identify, in my body, what was happening to me."

Meditation

Meditation allows for deep connection, breaks automatic patterns, and slows compulsive behaviors. It facilitates a slower pace, helping to connect with what is authentic. Being able to sit in silence, letting go of external identifications, helps uncover self-deception. For example, one can learn that thoughts—whether good or bad—are just thoughts and do not define who one is.

This experience stops the compulsion to want to be a good person.* Experiencing a space of silence, where one can simply *be*, is profoundly transformative. It creates an *invisible but strong internal structure that allows the three to hold space for the emptiness they fear so much, resting in it without fear.

Daring to Be Authentic

Expressing oneself authentically, without seduction or masking. Allowing oneself to express what one considers “ugly” also helps—whether that means showing sadness, pain, or crying to release emotions.

Setting Boundaries

First, it is necessary to connect with one's own needs in order to identify what one wants and does not want from others. This allows the sexual three to set the necessary boundaries so that they no longer feel used—a feeling they often experience.

Humility

This means going beyond the vain need to be more, to be someone special, to have their partner recognize everything they do. It involves letting go of control—the tendency to manipulate situations to get something from the other person while making it seem as though it was the other who needed them, rather than the other way around.

Apologizing and taking responsibility for one's mistakes is also crucial for the sexual three. Since they experience criticism as something deeply threatening—because it dismantles their mask of being a good* and *perfect* person—they often create elaborate manipulations to avoid admitting fault. They tend to present themselves as victims, deceiving themselves and twisting situations so that it seems as if *the other is harming them simply by criticizing them.

A useful exercise is allowing oneself to be cared for* by their partner, stepping out of the automatic pattern of *always being the one who takes care of everything. This can begin with something simple, like asking their partner to make them dinner.

Sense of Humor

Being able to laugh at oneself is very beneficial for the sexual three. Acting a little silly helps loosen their need for perfection and control. Working with clowning is an excellent way to laugh at themselves, see their flaws, and move through the deep fear of failure.

What a Sexual Three Must Come to Understand

It is important for a sexual three to understand that nothing bad will happen* if they emotionally surrender to another person, if they lose control, if they let go of their mask, and if they show themselves authentically. On the contrary, it can bring immense relief and allow them to build relationships that are deeply fulfilling—ones where they can form a *true bond with their partner.

Letting go of the need for power in relationships* is key. This need for power and control comes from fear: the fear of no longer being the one who serves, seduces, or conquers; the fear of not being *the best lover* or *the best spouse—which essentially means selling oneself to external validation.

When they release their perfectionism, something more human* and *sincere* emerges. But this is terrifying, because it means letting the mask fall. And behind that mask lies the terrifying sensation that *there is nothing there*—only an enormous fragility, someone who, deep down, needs *a lot of love.

In relationships, the sexual three must understand that refusing to commit to one person and constantly seducing others—just in case something better comes along—only leaves them feeling increasingly alone and empty.

The more they use life to seek applause and recognition,* the more unhappy and isolated they become. They must come to understand that happiness comes from feeling their wounds, their miseries*. If they do not become conscious of these internal shadows, they will never be able to fully recognize their own light.

Testimonies

The Hunger for Love

"I confused love with the obligation to endure everything. If I love my partner, I endure them, and by enduring, I receive their love."

"I felt such desperation from my husband's sexual and emotional rejection that my conclusion was: if he no longer likes my body, it means he no longer likes who I am. I was willing to do anything to win back his love (I would have thrown myself onto the train tracks if he had asked me to), and in a state of complete disconnection and impulsivity, I went to a plastic surgeon to get breast reconstruction. I was at the peak of my neurosis, of the madness of vanity, where being and body are confused, where giving and receiving love is confused with image. I was convinced that I could win back his love by becoming sexy again\! When I started my inner journey, I realized it had been an act of self-harm and an attack on my own femininity."

"The disconnection from pain and fear led me to do something else: on my birthday a few years ago, my husband and I fought so badly that the argument ended in physical violence. He wanted to strangle me, he wanted to kill me… I was frozen, in panic, I lay down, and a few hours later, I let him fuck me. I didn’t feel anything anymore, I was like a piece of meat, like a zombie, but I opened my legs, screaming in silence from emotional pain. And yet, despite having gone through all that violence just hours before, I told myself there was love… I didn’t feel anything anymore, I was numb, but the illusion of being loved through sexuality made me stay in that relationship and keep telling myself that I loved him and that he loved me."

"That I was able to separate from my husband and leave such a destructive and obsessive relationship seems like a miracle to me. I recognize that I left him because, deep down, there was not even the smallest trace of love for him in me. The truth is, I don’t know what it means to love a person, and even less what it means to love God. I always thought that I had loved my husband deeply, but that because of his alcoholism and violence, I couldn’t live with him. Today, I know that the lack of love was not about him—it was about me. The truth was within me, not in the other person."

Authentic Confidence

"My confidence has always depended on men. I have never known true confidence in myself, only an illusion where, for moments, I could feel like a superwoman. If a man I was interested in or loved cared about me, then I was valuable, someone worthy. That way, I could take care of myself and believe that I truly mattered. If that person lost interest in me, it was a catastrophe—my false sense of confidence would collapse, and I would see the truth: that deep down, I felt nothing but hatred and contempt for myself because I wasn’t able to win or maintain their love."

"Now, I see the absolute necessity of strengthening what is mine: my home, my work, my way of spending time… that my desires are not just a way to pass the time while I wait for someone to love me for real. I try to avoid falling in love or loving in a compulsive way, as a form of escape that saves me from facing daily life, boredom, the emptiness, the meaninglessness that sometimes traps me. I try to be silent often—to quiet my runaway fantasies, to pause the urgency and need to rush into action at the slightest stimulus, especially if it comes from a man. At the very least, I try to observe how the machinery of charm and seduction starts up inside me, and I take deep breaths before I let all my planes take off at once. I tell myself and repeat that no one will take care of me better than I can. If I am willing to sell myself for affection and tenderness, I remind myself that I am also capable of giving myself love and kindness. Then, a little more calmly, I look at the person in front of me and try to see if I actually like them, if I genuinely care about them, if I can look at them without projecting all my centuries-old anxiety onto them."

Breaking Free from Merging with the Other

\*"In my life, the gaze I have sought most is that of a man, and it has come at the cost of losing myself. In the presence of a man, I have never given myself space to know who I am, what I desire, or what I need. I simply merged with him. I have sought out men who, from the beginning, showed signs of emotional absence, which required me to exert even more effort to be noticed, as if I were repeating over and over the endless search for my absent father. I was trapped in the crazy fantasy that if I just did enough, the other would stay by my side.

So, I took on the responsibility of making sure that the presence of the other depended on how well I could be* and *do* things. I sought men whom I idealized for what they represented in the world, because, through them, I could build a more solid identity for myself: *'If I am with someone who is important, maybe that means I am important too…'

More and more, I connect with the need to have men in my life who can actually listen to me and recognize me. I have started to have male friends—perhaps I no longer seek them out only as challenges to conquer in order to feel valuable, but rather as companions*, people with whom I can sometimes lean on and who can also lean on me."\

\*"In recent years, my learning through relationships with men has also been a path of suffering. I had to separate from the man I loved—and still love—because my process of autonomy, of knowing who I was without the other, could not happen within a relationship. I had to break free from my tendency to merge with the other and the confusion that came with it, distancing myself physically so that I could discover who I was in my solitude.

Although this separation was painful, I experienced that my life is not solely centered around men, that I can also be nurtured by friendship and by relationships with other women. Until then, I had always seen women as rivals—competitors whom I had to defeat in order to win a man’s recognition. I never realized that by rejecting them, I was also rejecting myself and my own feminine identity.

I have now begun to see other women as equals*. My reconciliation with women has allowed me to seek them out and find in them strength, solidarity, affection, support, and understanding."\

\*"On this journey, I have started to reconnect with my affectionate and sexual nature after years of living as though these two parts of me were separate. I was never able to fully show my sensual side—I either controlled it, censored it, or faked it—when I was with a man I truly cared for, giving myself to him emotionally from the place of a needy, wounded child.

The process of recognizing myself, of becoming more independent, and of allowing myself to be more me*, has led me to experience my sexuality in a much more fulfilling way. My sexual relationships with others are no longer just a means to seek approval, as if I were taking an exam where I had to pass a test. Instead, they have become a way to *surrender to my own senses, to experience my own spontaneous pleasure.

I have opened a door to joy and to the pleasure of truly feeling my body."\*

\*"My journey continues. It is in the very process of discovering myself that I find meaning in each moment. The awareness and connection with myself—which have often made me feel fragile—have also given me a solid foundation, an inner strength that pushes me to keep looking at myself, both in my sweetest and most beautiful moments and in my most lost and disconnected ones.

And I feel deep gratitude* for the people who, on this journey, are helping me to find in both my connection with myself and my connection with others a place of true rest."\

Reclaiming Authenticity

\*"I always believed that I had a happy childhood, but later I realized that from a very young age, I was deeply disconnected from myself. Although I perceived myself as a sensitive child, I quickly learned that if I expressed what I felt, I could upset others—mainly my parents, who were always very busy: my mother raising children, my father always tense and working. So I learned not to express my emotions or my needs, and I became very good at controlling myself.

I became self-sufficient, a prudent, well-behaved, responsible child, with no major complications—but completely alone when it came to emotions. Sometimes, I went unnoticed; other times, I achieved success and recognition at school or was chosen as a leader in activities, and I loved that, even though I was somewhat shy."\*

\*"Now, looking back, I see that my childhood was filled with difficulties in recognizing what I felt, what I wanted, and what my needs were. I struggled to trust my sensations and my intuition because they were always denied. It was as if I had to feel what my parents wanted me to feel, which is why I grew up feeling immense confusion about what was real for me.

I gradually suppressed pleasure and spontaneity. I learned to disconnect from my feelings easily and appropriately because I believed that expressing them would complicate things for others, and I shouldn’t be a bother. I stopped validating what I felt and began hiding everything I considered 'not good.' I struggled to see the shadow side of things—of people, of situations, of myself. I couldn't see the ways in which I was being mistreated, the dark side of life. I didn't even recognize my own fears."\*

"Internally, I felt insecure, but externally, I always showed confidence. Now I can see how much energy I have spent maintaining an image, making sure my insecurity wasn’t visible, covering up what I didn’t want others to see by always appearing pleasant. I had, and still have, an immense fear of ridicule, a panic about disappointing others. Because of that, I feel a great need for control."

\*"It’s like constantly putting on makeup, fixing what I don’t like about myself, hiding what makes me feel ashamed. Over time, I start believing in the illusion I create—and that’s where self-deception begins. Eventually, I can no longer tell what is real and what is not.

Now, I can see this pattern much more clearly and recognize the exact moment when I activate this mechanism. I can allow myself to be more vulnerable, to show my fear or insecurity, and at the same time, I have a deeper connection with my own fear."\*

\"During adolescence, the game of seduction became very powerful for me. Being seen was like *existing, like being confirmed as real. I remember my father’s gaze—one of pride, validation, admiration, even desire. From then on, men became the center of my world.

Pleasure became more about pleasing, and desire only surfaced when I felt desired by someone else, when I felt their gaze on me. I didn’t take ownership of my own desires. If I was in a good relationship with a man, I felt safe and at peace. I had an immense need for affection, but at the same time, I was highly sexualized, so I unconsciously equated affection with erotic love without realizing it."\*

\"The game of seduction continued, but something has changed—I now allow myself to *feel more, to be in contact with love and pleasure, and I feel that I am in a moment of great expansion where I want and allow myself to be loved.

I believe that, for the first time, I am being faithful to what I truly* want and need. Right now, I feel happy with my husband, and I have stopped fighting to change the things I feel are lacking in our relationship. I no longer cling so much to the fantasy of the 'ideal couple'—especially after so many years together. What I have with my husband is good as it is."\

\"At this stage of my life, my work is about *being with myself.* I also move toward others, but I always return to myself, allowing myself to feel without erasing myself, and also *seeing the other person*—because I have realized that I had never really *seen anyone. I only did things for myself, and even when it seemed like I was doing them for others, I was only looking to see my reflection in their eyes.

Now, I feel more present with myself and with others, even though there are still moments when I lose myself."\*

\"I have become aware of how I seduce and *why* I do it. I have taken responsibility for my own desires and needs. Sometimes, I go from one extreme to the other—I can be either seductive or cold and distant. I continue to observe myself in this, because when I allow myself to be more instinctive, freer, and more relaxed, I notice that I become more attractive. But I don’t want to confuse myself or fall back into rigidity. I try to stay aware so that I can remain *faithful to myself* and also *avoid harming others."

\*"In my relationship, I have let go of the expectation of the 'ideal man.' There is greater acceptance now. I can recognize both my own deficiencies and those of my partner, my longings, and how to fulfill them without expecting the other person to be responsible for my needs.

There is more dialogue, fewer fights, clearer boundaries, less aggression, better listening, more patience, and more acceptance of the other as they are, without trying to change them to fit my expectations."\*

\*"Through my work in the SAT Program, I have confronted many fears I didn’t even know existed. I have ventured into deep, dark, painful places, as well as places full of light and love.

I have found new ways of relating that are loving and honest, based on my truth. I have dared to be vulnerable, insecure, open. I have seen my own harshness and falseness, my jealousy and envy, my attachment, my immense emptiness, my shyness.

I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, fragile, tender, sweet, loving."\*

"I believe that there is now more honesty and less self-deception in me, though there are still times when I don’t know what is real and what isn’t."

"Confronting my pain has allowed me to feel compassion—for myself and for others. My heart has opened, and I can now accompany others in deeper, more truthful places, even when those places are painful."

\"Transformation has also meant being able to *see with more clarity—seeing what has happened and what is happening, what I needed and what I now need.

Now, I have a greater awareness of my psychological mechanisms and my self-deception. I can show myself more, speak about my inner world, reveal my shadow, be more transparent. I can say what I don’t like—even at the risk of disappointing someone or distancing myself from those I care about.

I am more real*. I can exist in simplicity, in the ordinary, without so many expectations, with greater trust."\

\*"I have reclaimed my body. I am connected to my breath, to my sensations, to my instincts. I can play and reconnect with my inner child, with my needs and emotions.

I can be vulnerable. I can see my shadow, recognize my desires, admit that I seduce and see how I do it.

I can simply be, without needing to perfect myself.

I can stop pretending that everything is fine.

I can feel God.

I can trust."

In Conclusion

In many cases, sexual threes were children who were abandoned, mistreated, used, abused, beaten, or violated. We were taught to be objects, and our loved ones used us according to their needs. They did not know how to love us for who we were but only for what we did. We became the caretakers of our parents.

We were never taught the difference between good and evil, and we learned to disconnect from painful experiences by beautifying them so as not to betray our abusers. We confused mistreatment with love and learned to take responsibility for their actions, transforming them into “good people” and idealizing them to preserve their image—and, by extension, our own.

All of this left us with very low self-esteem and a total lack of self-love. We believed we deserved everything that happened to us and assumed the guilt, always keeping a pleasant demeanor, appearing sweet, being compliant, and hiding our strength. Through perfection, we sought moments when we could feel loved and adored—especially by ourselves.

Enamored with the idea of love and with being adored, we have drained our lovers and partners, suffocating them with our narcissistic love, demanding a level of attention that no one could possibly fulfill. We sold perfection in order to be loved and demanded that same perfection in return.

For much of our lives, we chose partners who despised or mistreated us in order to reinforce the deep sense of worthlessness we carried inside. We endured unbearable situations that would eventually be followed by sweet reconciliations.

By tolerating mistreatment again and again, we were willing to pay any price to relive the phase of conquest—where we were once again adored, where we once again became the center of the other’s gaze.

And for that, it seemed worth it.

We continued to protect our original abusers and repeated the same pattern—enduring everything in the name of love.

When we began to connect with our inner world, we realized that in our partners, we had been searching for what we never received as children. And as we failed to find it, our frustration and resentment only grew.

Our vanity led us to believe that our false love could transform the monster into a prince.

Through our healing process, we came to see our vanity and arrogance—how we tried to place ourselves above those who had hurt us, in order to maintain our untouchable image of goodness, generosity, and purity. By doing so, we denied them their responsibility.

When we finally handed their responsibility back to them, we experienced it as a liberation.

At that moment, we began to distinguish what was ours and what was not.

And then, we were able to begin feeling our pain and our rage.

And that rage, in turn, transformed into strength—a strength that allowed us to know what we want and what we do not want in our lives.

And in this way, as we began to find our own power, we stopped handing it over to others.

*The Self-Preservation Three: Security {#the-self-preservation-three-security}

When considering Enneatype Three from a broad perspective, what tends to stand out are its social and sexual manifestations. However, when we encounter self-preservation Threes, we can't exactly say we're facing a third form of vanity. Just as the proud in the self-preservation subtype don't appear particularly prideful, the self-preserving vain don't seem visibly vain either — and I’ve come to describe them as counter-vain, using language analogous to psychoanalysis when it introduced the notion of the “counter-phobic” character, one who hides fear through visibly bold behavior.

Over the years, I’ve come to see that this same dynamic holds true in the self-preservation versions of each passion. In the case of Type One, for instance, it's striking how little they appear angry — they mask their anger while also defending against it through benevolent attitudes.

The case of the self-preservation Three, who seems minimally vain, is akin to someone so determined to be a good person (that is, to follow the perfect or ideal model of the good mother, the good homemaker, etc.) that living this way results in an implicit taboo against vanity. For this reason, it can be difficult for someone without much experience to recognize a self-preservation Three, who could easily be mistaken for a One or show traits of other types.

If we ask what their neurotic need is — what a self-preservation Three needs above all — it might seem that they are mainly trying to be good. But that’s a universal commandment present in the lives of nearly everyone (even if some rebel against it). What is more specific to the self-preservation Three is the concept of security, a notion emphasized by Ichazo.

It seems to me that a threatened sense of security leads these individuals to develop a special form of autonomy. Because they weren’t sufficiently cared for, they learned to take care of themselves — and eventually, they also come to take care of others. There is an atmosphere of security around self-preservation Threes, and they are often people others turn to for advice, as they seem to specialize in problem-solving.

However, this passion for security can lead to excessive simplification in their lives, as they reduce their interests to what is most practical and useful. Moreover, when too much emphasis is placed on efficiency, one ends up making efficiency itself efficient.

The Transformation in the Self-Preservation Type Three by Assumpta Mateu

The following individuals also contributed as co-authors: Amor Hernández (Spain), Elia Gerardi (Italy), Ferran Pauné (Spain), Ilse Kretzschmar (Mexico), María Teresa Ceserani (Italy), Maribel Fernández (Spain), Nilda Paes (Brazil), Sandra Geralda Ferreira (Brazil), Suzana Stroke (Brazil), Vera L. Petry Schoenardie (Brazil)

Claudio Naranjo refers to a gesture when speaking about a person's transformation process: as if it were a sign, this something gives us a hint that we are already “somewhere else,” in another state of consciousness, another attitude, another perceptual dimension of the ego and its workings, in the growing certainty that the machine dominates us less and less.

If the inertia of the self-preservation Three is based on being seen—on action directed by the gaze of the other—the gesture toward healing lies in looking inward, emphasizing that this gesture must manifest in attitude, not in striving to achieve it.

From everything we’ve gathered, what stands out is an evolution toward self-awareness, an understanding of the compulsive process, and the ability to catch oneself in one’s own traps. There is talk of a more awakened consciousness, which points to a reduction in self-deception.

From this place, the need to sell ourselves to an external image is called into question.

“I notice myself reworking paths, less concerned with my image. I feel less need to please everyone. I speak more frankly with people, saying what I like and what I don’t. That means not burying a person alive when I’m hurt—I say clearly what hurt me. I feel that today I have a truer self-esteem, less narcissistic, less dependent on others’ evaluations,” writes Nilda.

The maturation and transformation process of the self-preservation Three allows them to become slower, less agitated, less active and flamboyant; they know themselves to be more capable of being in contact with a sense of emptiness without the frantic need to fill it, and more capable of being in any situation without succumbing to the compulsive impulse to act in order to flee or change it.

“If before I was a foamy sea, now I’m a calm sea,” says María Teresa.

When the self-preservation Three begins to take life as it comes, without trying to steer it as they once did, they begin to rest, lean back, and trust.

There is in the self-pres Three a pressing need to believe they can handle everything, even at the cost of their own health and self-care. Gradually, that attitude begins to fall away. Age seems to be a determining factor here, as physical strength declines; one would hope that wisdom and understanding increase.

“I stopped being the superwoman of the family and at work—something I used to be proud of. I ask for help and acknowledge my fatigue and the limitations imposed by age. I’m not afraid of aging; I’m getting through this phase well... but I still fear dependence, the loss of my intellectual capacity. Another thing to work on, right? I think it’s the hardest,” says Nilda.

One of the loops we observe in self-preservation vanity is that, when one finally realizes they are vain, censorship appears: “How can I be vain?” “Being vain isn’t right.” “It’s not virtuous.” But if we don’t dare to clearly and authentically show our vanity, we are then accused—or worse, we accuse ourselves—of false modesty, and we’re back at the start again: “I show vanity—I mustn’t. I show modesty—it turns out to be fake.” It’s a vicious circle.

“I recognize in myself a sensitivity I didn’t know before, as well as a genuine kindness that doesn’t need recognition (am I being vain?),” writes Nilda.

She wonders whether feeling what she feels is being vain: the necessary gesture here would be a simple “so what?”, to accept the doubt generated by her present attitude as natural and stop trying to correct it, to let herself be.

A self-preservation Three, as they progress on the path, gradually dissolves their anxieties. The obsession with security relaxes, and they move more quickly toward relativizing that need, even if they feel physically depleted. It is about surrendering to what is, so that one can discover the spiritual dimension, the sacred within oneself, and recognize oneself as worthy of love.

“I feel more secure in myself—this is a security that comes from an internal place, from the sense of being, and hardly at all from external achievements,” says Ferran.

“My daily practice keeps me in continuous contact throughout the day. I can say I feel capable of dying and also of living with enthusiasm and intensity,” says Suzana.

“The greatest shift is linked to letting go of a purely mechanical, cause-and-effect, materialistic view of life, in favor of a more spiritual dimension where I’ve been able to recover—or discover—a sense of devotion to God and an awareness that everything that happens, even the most dramatic, fits into a divine plan that’s incomprehensible to a rational and objective mind like mine,” reflects Elia.

Meditation is a fundamental path in this sense, and some participants in this inquiry speak of their experience in retreats, especially in Claudio Naranjo’s meditation retreat, where they encountered the Holy Idea corresponding to their Enneatype.

“The perception that there is a Universal Order to which we are subject was the starting point for the transformation now underway. God doesn’t need my help,” believes Nilda.

“When I truly commit to the practice of meditation, it becomes a balm for me—experiencing that I don’t have to run anywhere, realizing that everything is just as it is, and that I don’t need to control it. I like to recall a phrase I once heard as a joke: ‘Want to make God laugh? Then tell Him your plans.’ It helps me quickly realize that my need for so much control is ridiculous, a mental construct,” says Assumpta.

Avoidance of conflict, for someone acting from the gaze of the other, becomes intrinsic to their being, their mask. The process of confronting conflict is shaped by the need for everything to be okay for everyone. This trait is so socially accepted that it makes the path to transformation difficult. Some begin to let disagreements take their course, refraining from interfering in the process of things, attempting not to avoid life’s darker and more chaotic areas.

The transformed self-preservation Three is less afraid of others’ anger, more considerate, and more respectful of their own needs, allowing themselves to set aside others’ needs without guilt. They learn to love themselves well. They begin to allow contact with their own emotions, especially sadness. Their expressive capacity grows while becoming less theatrical. They are more direct, leaving behind detours and manipulation. They become more able to accept and express insecurity, vulnerability, fear, and the need for help. They are less overbearing, more assertive, and less aggressive. They discover and accept their envy, competitiveness, and sense of inferiority—traits they previously denied completely to themselves and others.

In compulsive action, from neurotic inertia, the self-preservation Three loses the reference points of authenticity. In the transformation process, they realize how important it is to learn not to act, and to unlearn how they act. This allows for the resurrection of their inner being, their essence. It’s not easy, of course—at first, it only happens occasionally, and it’s about cultivating the willingness and intention to discover oneself.

“I first notice a growing awareness of my body—how I somatize (sinusitis), which foods are good or bad for me, my sleep, my tensions… And, though still a bit shyly, I’m starting to prioritize my needs more,” writes Maribel.

“Any situation that got out of my control left me confused, scared, lost. These situations included events where I lacked the right response. I would then feel a sense of injustice, misunderstanding, or even being lost. This could escalate to the point of freezing, doing the opposite of my normal action-oriented mode. After freezing, I would cry like a child—a hysterical reaction that melted the ice. I needed the tears to feel myself, to breathe, and to reconnect with myself. Today, with a more grounded presence, the disorientation has softened: I can breathe and calm the anxiety by grounding myself and becoming aware of what’s happening. I’m less invasive now, and a bit more intimate (that’s the paradox of the self-preservation Three). I can now see with a different quality of seeing—a gaze that recognizes the other from their unique, distinct point,” shares Vera.

The self-preservation Three fears allowing themselves to feel emotions and feelings, to lose independence, to need help… But finally, when they recognize the fear, they also recognize that they need others, that they need to surrender and let go.

“I used to think love was about pleasing the other’s needs, meeting their expectations, doing what they needed. I thought love was doing. I never thought it could be just feeling. Then I realized I had a huge difficulty giving and receiving. I was afraid of being in someone else’s hands,” says Sandra.

“I imagined I could go anywhere, do anything I wanted, with a sense of total independence, cross the world, work until I collapsed, get recognition and applause. All that—without vanity, without showiness, with modesty. I didn’t see that I was a slave to myself. Seeing this is still painful at times,” says Assumpta.

In the self-preservation subtype, maternal love tends to dominate as a channel for expressing love through being useful to others. For someone of this subtype, there’s a compulsion to ensure conditions of safety and stability that give the needed sense of control over their life.

The need for affection is expressed in constant care for others and in avoiding conflict or inappropriate situations. Adaptation becomes so intense that they forget their own feelings in favor of a loving ideal. This attitude, though self-generated in childhood in relation to parental figures, reaches its peak tension in romantic relationships.

By contrast, admiring love never fully encompasses their existential core—it doesn’t occupy much space within the individual. Thus, a self-preservation Three feels admiration only for certain people—those who are very obviously worthy of it, such as spiritual teachers, scientists, or influential figures in domains important to them.

Erotic love tends to be the least developed or most dormant at the conscious level. Somehow, their compulsion to act—to always be in doing mode—interferes with their openness to pleasure. It’s not uncommon, then, for this type, when they do feel admiring love for one of these figures, to devote themselves to the work or cause that person represents, neglecting pleasure and everyday life.

How does a self-preservation Three experience love? Generally, they expect to receive admiring love in all areas of life, while giving little admiration to others. How can they give admiring love if they are the ones who are supposed to be admired?

From their partner, they expect to receive all three types of love, since the romantic relationship is one of the most important spheres for them. The partner is everything for many self-preservation Threes, especially for those who are sexual subtypes, and important for the rest—essentially for social self-preservation Threes. For the latter, the professional sphere takes on more prominence, and with it, the need for validation earned through their efforts and service.

In the case of admired figures, such as teachers, the individual expects both compassionate and valuing love. In turn, they give valuing love and often also compassionate love, in the form of admiration, loyalty, commitment, affection, and service.

The following testimonies are especially revealing of the dominance of the different kinds of love:

“Erotic love is camouflaged in being useful to the other. If I’m useful, the other will give me what I need out of obligation. I don’t understand a love based on mutual sharing, a love without a price. That’s why instinctual and pleasure-based love seems meaningless to me,” says Amor.

“Accepting my insecurity was one of my most important achievements. But the decisive turning point came during a meditation retreat. I handed over my weapons of war to the teacher: my lipstick and my watch (appearance and control). I entered the retreat very afraid—I thought I wouldn’t be able to be with anything other than what I had made of myself. What did I have to offer from just myself? Yet those were days of joy, a sense of freedom, of peace, of love for myself. For the first time since childhood, I was able to connect with my true feelings, without blockages. Finally, I knew what I felt. I truly cried over all my mistakes. I felt a deep joy that gratitude could bring me. I became fully aware of the love I had for my teacher, my family, my friends. I discovered I was a much better person than I had imagined; I began to like myself more and take care of myself by respecting my body’s needs. The teacher awakened in me the faith and surrender to a universe that is beyond my control. Today, nearly four years after that experience, when I feel myself faltering or slipping back into old patterns, I return to those sensations,” remembers Nilda.

Crisis is often an essential gateway into awareness and the beginning of transformation. Without that nearly insurmountable obstacle, the self-preservation Three—like many Enneatypes—would likely find it very difficult to change. In particular, it’s especially hard for the self-pres Three who clings to the omnipotent idea of being able to handle everything through sheer effort. The following testimony addresses the typical self-deception of the self-preservation Three:

“In my experience, I can say that for a Three, approaching a therapeutic process is very hard. You don’t naturally feel drawn to dive into issues, because you basically live your life without a sense of having important problems to solve.

“In fact, until I faced a real possibility of dying and saw my physical appearance completely altered, I didn’t truly take the work on myself seriously.

“I think I needed to see, concretely, the collapse of my idealized self-image as a self-preservation Three—and also of my physical image (as an attractive and charismatic woman)—in order to convince myself of the need to look beyond the material side of life.

“When I came face-to-face with a deformed face and could no longer rely on my physical appearance, I had to ask myself who I really was, since the image no longer gave me any security. That brought me shame, and I saw this even in my relationships with others—because I found myself isolated,” shares Elia.

Sandra adds:

“I believe that for a self-preservation Three, walking the path of true healing requires making some renunciations and a conscious choice: letting go of the attachment to work that generates economic security as a vicious cycle that feeds the ego, and allowing oneself a pure and sincere surrender to oneself, to others, to the divine—without worrying about how it looks. Changing one’s relationship to the ego requires the wisdom to see the hungry, uncared-for child within, and to stop giving importance to the internal hunger that fuels action as a vengeful way of not needing anyone and becoming self-sufficient in front of others and the world—while hiding, from oneself and from others, a deep internal suffering caused by not allowing oneself to feel and by becoming increasingly lonely. I believe that when a self-preservation Three is able to make that choice—difficult as it is—they begin to understand what Holy Hope means.”

What has been left behind?

Security, that fixation...

"Security is now an inner security. I’m less affected by things I don’t like. I observe them, but I get less angry. Now I’m much more honest with myself and with others; I’m more in touch with my inner world and its needs. I feel more balanced between the external and internal worlds. I take the outside world less seriously," says Ilse.

The compulsion with image, with being liked, with achieving

"I feel like I’m no longer dependent on others’ approval. I feel free to act, to be, and to live in accordance with my heart, with the ability to recognize mistakes and correct them when they happen, without guilt or cover-ups. I listen, assess, and can accept criticism—also advice or viewpoints—when they come from people I care about, who I respect, and who, above all, love me," says Suzana.

"The need to be the good and pretty girl dissolves, is unmasked, and is replaced by a desire to connect with inner truth," says Assumpta.

"My energy is now more focused on deepening and reflecting, more on subtle details than on duty, on what I really like, what I’m passionate about, and what opens windows both inward and outward," shares Ilse.

"We leave behind unconscious effort, the struggle for achievements, the need to build a safe environment (being in good standing with others, house, work), the fear of transgression (one can allow themselves to transgress any rule or social role). In a way, a Type Three, energetically, becomes a little like an Eight. They become able to shout, to get angry, to express rage, to relate sexually with whomever they please, to accept or leave jobs as they please, to value themselves economically..." testifies Ferran.

Falseness

"The transformation process has led me to understand how I used to adopt a false way of relating to others, without real listening or empathy, just my physical presence—but not an authentic one—just to keep up appearances. I also believed others behaved falsely; maybe that was a way of justifying myself and avoiding other alternatives," says Elia.

"Another thing that has been left behind is the indirect way of speaking—with vague subjects, metaphors, and half-words. I think people now feel more comfortable with me because they also feel more free to express themselves, without diplomacy or pretense. It’s been important to learn to say yes and no directly. A real absence is better than a false presence," adds Vera.

False maternal love

"I feel like I deceive myself less. I’m more truthful with my feelings, even if I rarely express them. I’m more tolerant, less demanding of others. I don’t feel like the best; on the contrary, many times I feel like the worst. I have much less energy for action, even though I’m still a very active person. I feel I’m much more emotional, much more sensitive, more compassionate, more understanding of human suffering in general," writes Suzana.

"Realizing that it doesn’t matter so much whether the other person loves me, admires me, or acknowledges me, and that what really matters is that I love them—that realization comes like a gentle wave that arrives without making noise, grows and fades, and then returns again, in a rhythmic motion that makes me feel very good. It connects me with gratitude, peace, and serenity," says Vera.

"Maternal love seems the most developed in our subtype—the empathy, the pleasing and understanding of others, to the point of erasing ourselves: that’s giving in order to be loved. I feel that this is slowly dissolving. I’ve learned to receive, and I want to receive from a place of the honor I deserve, not from emotional manipulation, which is what I used to do," says Assumpta.

Unconscious effort, self-demand

"I feel very meditative, with the inner observer quite active. One longing is to sit down and meditate more regularly—which I still don’t do. But I no longer demand it of myself, I just wait for it to arise naturally. I like having less discipline," says Ilse.

Control

"I’m less demanding of myself and less controlling. I’m tired of so much effort. I’ve relaxed more," shares Ilse.

"Self-control and control of others: the anxiety that everything should go smoothly, anticipating any possible red flag, the belief that emotions, feelings, and thoughts must be the ‘right’ ones in order to be a good person. The constant question is: ‘What should I do?’ instead of the healthy: ‘What do I want to do?’" explains María Teresa.

"The physical fatigue that comes with age helps me understand and accept the limits of my need to control everything. It also helps me see the falseness of that need," concludes Assumpta.

Disconnection from instinct

"A fundamental achievement in my process has been reconnecting with my instinct, even though it was buried after so many years of control. Seeing and accepting my instinctive side has also meant accepting my most human side, linked to my more earthly self. It has meant recovering physical strength and, in some respects, even health," says Elia.

Compulsive action, haste

"I feel a strong need for more unscheduled time, to see what I engage in—or don’t. I thought about using the time to write a book but decided to take the time without planning, without preoccupying myself in advance with any defined task," says Ilse.

"The compulsion to act and to move quickly, the demand for speed, the ‘there’s no time,’ the idea of ‘I must do everything because I do it best,’ the difficulty of being in contact with feelings of insecurity, doubt, and ambivalence—all that is gradually left behind," says María Teresa.

"One of the best things that has been left behind is a great oppressor: haste. The urgency to do, do, do... I harmed them a lot—especially my children—because, in my rush, I stopped them from taking responsibility for their learning, their initiatives, and their tasks by doing it all for them," adds Vera.

Omnipotence, self-sufficiency, drive

"I enjoy receiving much more than I used to," says Ilse.

"Also, a sense of fear—terror, really—has surfaced and is much more present and constant than at any other time in my life. I connect with my basic anxiety, with the anxiety I’ve always felt and that I used to associate with constant doing. Now I see that it’s rooted in a terrible fear related to pain, torture, and destruction (probably linked to experiences of war), which I have repressed and tried to keep buried all my life," confesses Suzana.

Narcissism

The omnipotent idea of being able to determine the course of one's life and actions. The idea of “achieving at any cost.” The difficulty of trusting and surrendering. The belief in knowing what is right and wanting to save the world. The need to feel superior. The denial of one’s competitiveness. The denial of one’s envy and opportunism.

Coldness

"What is left behind is the need to control the world, the insensitivity, the lies, the arrogance, the fear of feeling, the superheroine persona, the fantasies about the world and the ideal self, the false power, the idealization of happiness, a bit of rigidity and a bit of detachment," says Sandra.

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Therapeutic recommendations and useful tasks

The therapist must pay close attention to the condescension of the self-preservation Three patient and their "everything’s fine" attitude, as this subtype tends to take on the role of the good patient, enhancing the therapeutic alliance. They will try to figure out what the therapist wants from them, what they like or don’t like, what interests them most—in order to align as effectively as possible with their expectations and thus feel safe.

It’s important to continually guide them back to themselves, to work on their expectations, and on the idealized image of the "perfect patient" they strive to become in order to be accepted. Very skilled in manipulation, they will play on the therapist’s narcissism: if they are the best patient, the therapist must be the best therapist. Since they idealize, they can also easily destroy the therapist’s self-image.

The self-preservation Three’s greatest difficulty is letting go and showing emotions—especially sadness through tears—as they experience this as a dangerous weakness. Every shadow aspect that emerges in therapy is felt as a threatening narcissistic wound.

Their main avoidance strategy is to remain on the surface, recounting events in detail, thereby losing sight of the process, dynamics, and symbolic level. It’s important for them to recognize their inner rhythm and to experience being in pain and difficulty without rushing to do something to escape it—so they discover that they don’t drown in the pain, that the current of life lets them see the way more clearly.

When in distress, forcing themselves to be still allows them to become aware of how they control emotional flow—felt physically as tightness in the stomach, chest, back, and throat. These tensions are soon recognized as fear of losing control and of feeling pain.

It is essential to work on envy, competitiveness, and the sense of inferiority—central, denied aspects that often fuel their neurotic behavior when unconscious. These traits can become great resources for transformation when brought to awareness.

It is useful to encourage the direct expression of anger and disagreement with the therapist.

When the idealized self-image begins to shatter like a mirror struck with a stone, the self-preservation Three comes into contact with deep pain and the terror of being nothing—a hollow vessel—and becomes aware of having played a role their entire life, to the point of no longer knowing who they are.

The self-preservation Three seeks in the therapist a solid container that gives them safety—someone they can finally trust, through whom they can discover their own vulnerability and, gradually, in their own time, rediscover their human identity. It is important to restore the permission to exist beyond all performance. Physical containment and touch work well ("as you are is fine; you don’t have to do so much to be accepted").

It is important to dismantle their mechanism of self-justification and external attribution of responsibility, so they can reconnect with their interior life.

It is worth exploring their tendency toward easy enthusiasm for activities (hobbies, work) and the ease with which they get stuck or lose interest. One should investigate what moves them and what blocks them.

First, one must offer a psychologically safe environment (where the patient feels seen, welcomed, heard, and respected). At the beginning, strong confrontation is not advisable, as the Type Three might withdraw or disengage. However, at some point in their process, it becomes essential that they are confronted and not kindly accommodated.

It is healing to reconnect with one’s masculine or feminine energy, as the case may be—this means allowing space for direct and clear confrontation, for going after what one truly desires or needs (to penetrate the world). For this, it is necessary to experience that there is another man (or woman) there who supports you, who serves as a reference point, and with whom you collaborate (not compete)—which is equivalent to recovering trust in the other.

As therapists, being aware of our own neurotic defenses—and understanding that what shows up as a flaw in the foreground can be a quality in the background (and vice versa)—allows us to use these traits therapeutically in the process.

The self-preservation Three therapist can offer strong containment and security to the client. When they are authentic and in touch with themselves, they foster and encourage the client to dare to be more authentic. Their self-awareness of their own falseness makes it easier to detect imposture in others.

The drive to “do it well,” when it stops being a neurotic need, allows the therapist to pay close attention to the impeccability of their presence, and therefore to their therapeutic work. The self-preservation Three therapist will not settle for doing the bare minimum.

Their tendency toward control can be transformed into a therapeutic presence with a panoramic view of the process and the field.

"I feel I now use the characteristics I consider positive in my personality, even if they feel less dominant—such as efficiency and quick thinking and action. I’ve also learned to wait for signs that confirm the validity of my intuition before acting," writes Suzana.

What must a Self-Preservation Type Three come to understand?

* That attention must be directed inward, not outward.

* That one exists independently of others.

* That one exists independently of any environment that provides something (security, acceptance, validation).

* That what matters is the present and its cultivation; neither the future nor the past matter.

* That one must not project, but rather feel and remain attentive.

Especially, it is essential not to project expectations onto others or onto situations.

* That the therapeutic process is not an external one, but an internal one: it’s not about solving things with a therapist, or sharing things to gain reassurance or security, but about undertaking an inner journey—reconnecting with one’s deepest feelings and experience.

* That one is not more or less important than others. One is simply another human being.

* That what is relevant is not the person, but the presence.

* That one is a presence—not an ego.

* That happiness comes from giving—not compulsively, but from genuine feeling. And also that happiness comes from receiving, rather than compulsively feeling the need to give back.

Type Four: Envy

Envy is the passion for controlling and calibrating one’s own existence by comparing it with that of another. The meaning of existence largely depends on the level of lack and frustration concerning what is perceived as desirable in others.

The desire to have what the other has is not a wish whose end is to obtain precisely what the other possesses, but rather the only possibility of being in relation with them: “as long as I lack, I have the possibility of being with you and in the world.” Being dependent on the other or their qualities gives the E4 the illusion that through lack they can escape the inevitable separation. False lack is the E4’s fixation.

They are very in touch with their desire to be loved and recognized, and they idealize this fulfillment in such a totalizing way that nothing can satisfy them. This paradoxical search for unhappiness is like a home always lit, waiting for the departed one to return.

Being passionately envious means, in a way, being eternal children with a demanding gaze directed at the other. But, since envy is a neurotic need, the goal is to always maintain the state of waiting and lack.

It’s quite common for an E4 in childhood to have had a real experience of frustration and loss: typical events could be the loss of one of the parents, the presence of a sibling perceived as privileged (or who held an important position due to the need for special care), or a family situation in which the E4 felt they had to step aside and renounce a paradise they had already tasted.

In relationships with others, they perceive themselves as inadequate, guilty, and submit to abusive relationships in order to reconfirm their victim position.

They are very emotional and empathetic to the suffering of others, empathy whose function is to highlight their own suffering.

They dedicate a lot to the relationship and are always ready to sacrifice. This dedication to the other does not aim to adapt to them, but to reclaim an omnipotent position as a sacrificial victim.

Most of the time, the seductive call (especially in the social subtype) is that of the fascinating wailing siren that stimulates in the other the need for protection and to be narcissistically powerful.

Unexpressed aggressiveness (except in the sexual subtype) produces retroflection at the body level, even leading to self-harm; the body itself is used as a channel to draw the other’s attention, expressing deep needs through suffering or illnesses.

In the sexual subtype, the expression of envy takes on different characteristics: crying is replaced by aggressive shouting and demanding. The demand to fill their deep lack is overpowering, reaching the point of destroying or hating the one they love when they show their human limits and therefore do not live up to their great idealizations.

*The Social Four: Shame {#the-social-four-shame}

The contrasts between the character types of the four are the most striking, as their different subtypes seem more differentiated than in the other passions. When I explain this topic in Spanish, I usually say there are “sufferers, endurers, and the insufferable”. The sufferers are the social fours.

The social E4 is a person who complains too much, is very tearful, and often plays the victim role. In the DSM-IV, a category of person given to self-sabotage is suggested. The characteristic indicated by Ichazo for this character is shame, which descriptively seems accurate but doesn’t fully describe a neurotic need. Indeed, these are people who undervalue themselves and, therefore, feel less than others. But how can we explain that these people are so prone to self-blaming and unfavorably comparing themselves to others?

The answer, it seems to me, is found in what Melanie Klein called the depressive position, through which the child prefers to blame themselves rather than vent their anger against the mother, whom they desperately need. Similarly, we can consider that the social E4 prefers to swallow their own poison rather than express it towards their loved ones; they’ve learned to internalize their aggression due to an exaggerated emotional dependency.

Type IV Transformation in Social: by SONIA GAJNAJ

In the past, I didn’t recognize the chained thoughts of envy or the envious emotion. The world was against me, and nobody gave me what I wanted or needed; I didn’t push away: I was pushed away. This way, I often set up situations where I was the victim, and others were my perpetrators. I projected my own hatred onto others and didn’t take responsibility for my envy. I felt a fierce competitiveness that I couldn’t acknowledge: a competition for recognition, to be unique and special, to have a place… A place to exist, but sought from an eternally boycotted ego, always consumed with complaints and laments.

My Immature Personality

The rage I felt was intense, and I had turned it into crying and victimhood. It also became an excuse to let others make decisions for me and thus repeatedly return to feelings of dissatisfaction and hatred towards the world and myself for not being able to make my own choices or maintain my perspectives. Confrontation, naturally, became impossible.

Love only came through complaints and pain. I would put myself in situations where someone could leave me, so I could only see my partner through my self-devaluation and self-hate, despising them more the longer they stayed by my side. This manipulation was evident in all the relationships I formed. It served so that others would give to me, and it was also the way to reflect my hatred and envy towards others. Another common aspect in my relationships was my dependence on the maternal figure and the deliberate deceit used to maintain the relationship at any cost. I lived with abandon and at the same time believed that I was being abandoned: first, I would indulge in excessive contact and then completely withdraw.

I used to live in a chaotic way as a means to create situations of social rejection. It was typical of me not to be able to uphold any work commitment unless it was on my manipulative terms, which involved displaying a very loving and pseudo-supportive style at times, only to later abandon the task with the feeling that my energy was draining, and I couldn't maintain it over time due to any minor event that occurred. Thanks to this, I would fabricate the feeling of being rejected, of not being recognized, of others receiving more than me…

Back then, I didn't realize all of this; I simply felt that I couldn't handle responsibilities, nor could I be in a relationship because, undoubtedly, life had given me less than others.

I remember a strong feeling whenever I found myself in exposed situations: my stomach would churn from the shame I felt. The immense anxiety these moments of exposure brought me was often alleviated by temporary disappearances: I would lock myself away, isolate, and then indulge in eating, which led to significant weight gain issues.

My self-degradation was obsessive, and I found it impossible to be alone as tormenting thoughts constantly invaded my mind.

Now, I associate the sweet taste of self-degradation with the internalization of a negative maternal image. It's the childish way, perpetuated into adulthood, of having a mother.

Looking back, I am left with a sense of superficiality, even though I also believed I was deep due to my tangled thoughts and intense emotions masked by an appearance of gentleness and sweetness.

I could be very sweet, pleasant, and exceedingly kind in public, but become aggressive and irate in private, pouring a lot of energy into it because of the emotions I had suppressed in social situations and would release when alone with those I devalued.

The suppression of socially frowned-upon emotions, like anger or hate, were transformed into sadness and victimhood due to the inability to confront them.

The love within a relationship was the central theme of my life: to have or not to have a relationship was the purpose of existence. Life was melancholic and filled with impoverishing experiences in this sense.

The Fruits of Labor

Through my work with the enneagram, individual and group therapy, and also thanks to my training as an actress and later as a theater teacher, I have been able to develop greater awareness. This is reflected in taking responsibility in the workplace and being able to uphold long-term commitments. All of this is accompanied by a more positive attitude towards difficulties, which consists of seeking solutions for complex situations.

I can also be more practical and slightly more efficient in specific tasks. In my work and study objectives, I have a greater capacity to pursue what interests me. I'm more proactive, can handle multiple matters simultaneously without succumbing to despair or anxiety, and often achieve the goals I set for myself.

From the difficulty I felt in finding my place in a group and society, today I can deeply experience the sense of belonging. At the same time, finding my place has given me a sense of being more independent in emotional relationships, where I can now set clearer boundaries.

I am also less extreme and give a more relative value to life situations and the emotions that overwhelm me. Shame — my egoic passion — is greatly reduced in social and work situations: I am more articulate and clear in what I wish to convey.

In romantic relationships, I was able to remain alone for several years, having casual relationships, enjoying the moment without committing to a stable relationship. I prioritized life in all its aspects over romantic love and remained consistent with this in my thoughts, emotions, and actions to this day.

I learned to have astonishing, unfamiliar, positive, and reassuring thoughts about myself. I learned to encourage myself. Today, self-degradation has disappeared, and I feel capable of fulfilling my responsibilities, whether or not I have energy. I also feel more compassionate towards some of my egoic limitations: I don't punish myself as much for what I cannot let go of or transform, and I'm less ambitious about my personal transformation.

At the same time, I have more faith in something higher and believe I can support my internal processes without seeking external help. I feel an urgent need for more autonomy, and I am currently seeking it.

I am more satisfied with my present, I don't miss the past, and I feel happier and more fulfilled in the present moment.

For this, it has been crucial to relativize and idealize less what others say or do, and allow myself to sometimes rejoice in others' achievements. It also helped to give more credit to my thoughts and beliefs instead of listening to so much well-intentioned advice, even if it might be right and helpful. I want to live my own life experience and make mistakes if necessary, taking responsibility for my errors.

In my future process towards greater consciousness evolution and better health, I realize it would be good to develop my autonomy through work and study. To position myself in my relationships with others with a more generous attitude, so I can give without speculation and move away from the old neurotic need to establish symbiotic relationships.

In personal relationships, a social four acts from competition and comparison, trying to find value in themselves. For me, health means finding my own recognition and satisfaction.

In romantic relationships, what's healthy is positioning myself as an equal to my partner without being swayed by emotional tremors.

To achieve harmony and stability, both internally and within the couple, it's fundamental to cultivate thought and the ability to cognitively process experiences.

What Helps in Working on the Ego

Initially, the main help I received was undergoing individual therapy, where I transferred my dependence to my therapist. However, it was a positive relationship that allowed me to experience internalizing a caring mother who gave me a favorable view of myself.

Group therapy and the ability to share made me confront my feelings of envy, jealousy, hatred, and competitiveness. Participating in the SAT Program and sharing these traits with others of my same enneagram type, alongside my group therapy, was greatly helpful. Suddenly, I felt I had fellow seekers, and this feeling opened up the possibility of delving deeper into understanding my ego.

Useful Tasks for Working on the Ego

Theatre has been an indisputable means of opening up and channeling my emotions and creativity. Dance, singing, and artistic expressions that progressively expose one personally through creative language are very beneficial.

For a social Four, enjoying a leading role for a certain period, with external support, is very important at first: it helps develop a positive self-image and de-dramatize life. It also reduces the fear of shame in exposure situations.

In theater, placing emotions in a situation or character is a way to avoid being overly exposed while still expressing oneself. This way, the shame that restrains the always intense emotions and tangles emotional thoughts can gradually give way to expression and integration of various aspects of oneself.

Meditation is a valuable tool for every enneagram type. In my journey, certain mantras such as "You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do" have been very helpful, especially when emotions threatened to impede action.

Concrete actions, even if I didn't feel like doing them, were also greatly beneficial. Examples include presenting a better personal image or dressing up even when not in the mood. It's like theater: I seek the character outside so that it can later become ingrained inside me. Starting to give was very helpful concerning my poor self-image and the attitude of seeking attention.

Organizing my activities and keeping a simple agenda is also helpful. Engaging in situations where it's necessary to develop the thinking muscle, like studying something theoretical, has been beneficial.

In interpersonal relations, it's healthy to find a balance between contact and withdrawal. This aids in enjoying greater independence: becoming indispensable to someone or having someone be indispensable to you certainly feeds the ego.

Some Behavioral Changes

One of the most noticeable changes I've experienced is self-support: I used to live in the shadows of others, doing things for them for whatever ego-driven reason, but not taking charge of my life. Later in my process, I began teaching on my own. First with twenty-five students, which has now grown to a hundred. I have four pedagogical assistants and a secretary. My identity is present in my work, and people say I have a unique touch in what I do. I would've never dreamt of this. From the outside, I seem confident, committed, and solid. But the truth is, I wake up every day eager to work on my insecurities; it's part of my current journey and seems to be yielding good results.

Today, I can support my home and children on my own. There's no longer a huge gap between my public reactions and private ones; my emotions flow more balanced. My relationship with my children is filled with love and communication. Being at home is a joy, and being alone is a pleasure: reading, listening to music, praying, doing nothing. I'm also in a relationship where we both enjoy tremendous independence and abundant love.

Sexuality is the best journey: there's no more repression or inhibition. I validate everything that comes from me, without tying it to torturous situations or feelings of guilt.

I love my parents just as they are and see them as individuals with their own lives and missions. They do the best they can, just like we all do.

I remember a time when I lived a kind of pseudo-spirituality. Later, I went through years of disbelief, tied to letting go of all my dependencies. Then, faith arrived, an absolute trust in something higher. I experience it through dreams and feelings that have nothing to do with the psychological and bring me immense peace and joy. That's how my search is today: happier and more enthusiastic. I feel God in my own way, not following anything or anyone. And I believe it will remain this way for at least several more years.

*The Sexual Four \- Hatred {#the-sexual-four-hatred}

If the E4 social subtype suffers more than the other subtypes, feeling guilty about any desire, the Sexual 4 turns against shame by becoming shameless to satisfy their intense desires. Therefore, even if it’s shameful, they will bang on every possible door. They become insistent, even against frustrations, as if thinking that the loudest baby gets the most milk. "The more I complain, the more I'll get," they seem to think. Only, this strategy, which works well in childhood, doesn't work so well in adulthood. People who are too insistent, demanding, and exacting tend to be annoying and get rejected, and thus the vicious circle emerges, where rejection leads to protest and protest leads to rejection.

The name Ichazo gave to the characteristic passion of the Sexual 4 was "hatred," which is descriptively appropriate for these people who are very expressive about their anger. However, this might not sufficiently explain their motivation, so it seems better to talk about competition or competitiveness.

We could characterize the envy of the sexual subtype as an aggressive oral envy, one that bites. Psychoanalysis speaks of "cannibalistic" impulses. It's not just about wanting, but wanting with anger. This is the sin of Cain—our ancestor: "I envy you, so I kill you." I envy the rich and start a revolution. I envy your intellectual superiority, so I'll cut off your head (then... I'll seem taller\!). And when talking about beheading, we're discussing invalidation, contempt, and the aggression expressed in devaluing what's enviable—like the fox claiming the grapes it can't reach are probably sour.

Transformation in the Sexual 4 by Annie Chevreux

The major obstacle for the Sexual 4 in deeply working with its character is to recognize itself as sick, to surrender to the evidence, to step off the stubbornness that assumes that, most of the time, what it considers sincere and authentic in its way of expressing is actually pure hatred and competitiveness.

It's essential for the Sexual 4 to understand that hatred is a hard drug, an addiction from which one never truly recovers. I stress this point because it relates to the extremist stances that those of this subtype usually adopt, which are true barriers to growth. The euphoria of seeing progress in the healing process, like the despair when one stagnates, are dangerous emotions that justify getting discouraged, giving up, surrendering to chaos. These emotions feed back into self-hatred and project it outward with all the unhappiness it brings to oneself and others. I experienced all of this through my therapeutic process. The following texts are excerpts from my autobiography:

"In the first individual sessions with the master, I fully encountered the childhood lack, the terror and fascination for my father, the sexual fears. As I began to rid myself of the guilt for feeling like the villain of the story, responsible for things not going better at home, I felt heard and valued by Claudio. Until then, no one had given me this opportunity, to talk about what was happening to me without being labeled a liar like my father did. This marks the beginning of the work for me and, within that work, the first healing memory. Then came less idyllic sessions, those where it seemed nothing was happening beyond realizing my own limits. Even if I seemed to handle those situations well, I think I couldn't fully endure the tedium of the inner desert. It felt as if nothing mattered without emotional intensity. I tried to calm myself but I know I became agitated, distracted from the void. It was so unbearable that I would divert my attention outward... In group work, when peers felt differently than I did, if I was in pain and they were joyful, I labeled them frivolous and shallow. If the opposite occurred, they were boring. By constantly looking outwards and comparing experiences, I lost my center, my focus on what I needed to work on. Over time, I realized I was puffing myself up, thinking I was the most transparent, the most mature of all, but deep down this was all a way to avoid addressing my spiritual laziness. If things were going well, I got excited. If it was a period of emptiness, I got moody. Reflecting on the process now, even though I've worked hard, I understand that what drove me back then was the belief that I was part of a very special group, something extraordinary. The SAT school was my Arcadia, Camelot, and personal Bloomsbury. We were also a family back then, and I wanted to make up for my real one. I was still naive enough to think this one would be perfect and idyllic. Stepping away from that childlike belief was what made me grow the most.

Recognizing one's addiction to hatred is healing in itself because it implies accepting relapses, not to get discouraged, but to learn from them and how one has been dragged down. In this self-observation task, the Sexual 4 encounters an internal barrier that must be named without deceiving oneself, even if it stings; or precisely because it stings, for there begins the real commitment to inner work.

This barrier is called intellectual laziness and manifests in attitudes we of this subtype are prone to: impatience, resistance to continuous effort, too much faith in improvisation, in impulse, with all the difficulties it entails to face the void without filling it with disparate words and emotions that distract and overwhelm. When one becomes aware of this limitation, they begin to develop the right attitude for deep work and set the necessary tasks to grow. It's not about distrusting impulse, as it's the engine to get started, but learning that it's not enough and that perseverance is required. I became aware of this challenge professionally:

"At the same time that I began training in Gestalt Therapy, I was interested in Tarot, and Claudio showed me how to work with the cards. My first workshop was a resounding success that went to my head. I thought my future was set and that people would flock to me. People loved the way I worked with the Tarot, but of course, it wasn't that easy to get clients, and I grew impatient. Now, with experience as a psychotherapist, the same thing happens. I know the new experimental work proposals I make are interesting and useful to people, but I have to be alert not to get discouraged or abandon everything when there isn't a quick and unanimous response. Instead, I should revisit the idea, see what's missing or what's in excess, in a word: work, not give up. I think it's crucial for the Sexual 4 not to confuse a lack of perseverance with a lack of talent because it leads to disconnecting from reality, hating it, hating oneself, and by extension, hating others."

Self-realization and transformation then involve allowing oneself to be frustrated, to de-dramatize, and to develop compassion.

Frustration

The Sexual 4 must understand that they are bound to feel frustrated because they mistake their desires for reality. They need to accept that neither they nor the world are as they had imagined. Not everything will be unbearably bland and boring if they set aside their romanticized view of life. This unrealistic way of grasping the world is not harmless, and excessive aesthetic valuation harbors hatred and contempt for basic survival aspects. Healing comes from self-nurturing, realizing that one is flesh and blood like everyone else, and that to survive, one needs to eat, clothe oneself, organize, develop a practical sense. In essence, learn to be in one's favor as a way to stop hating oneself. One must curb the tendency towards self-destruction. Impose tasks and schedules, be productive to avoid sinking into chaos. Discipline is needed in anything that makes one feel good about oneself. The discomfort caused by low self-esteem increases hatred, and it's a vicious circle from which one must force oneself to exit. It's a matter of will.

I believe what's transformative is realizing that it's not just about maintaining a discipline that the Sexual Type 4 must impose on themselves to escape chaos and sickly disorder they tend to sink into, but also discovering that attending to the everyday is gratifying. It's not a mere parenthesis in life while waiting for something more exciting. It's life itself unfolding. My first realization of how I distorted reality by embellishing it came through work with a master, where I discovered: "The obvious way of looking. Using eyes to see, not for the sake of imagination. The staircase was the one I saw in the present, not from some place or movie or museum from years ago. There was no need to romanticize distant mountains, or strive to remember the last mood or special circumstance I saw them. The mountains were there, and I was looking at them. Now, with time and deeper introspection, I see how this cognitive and emotional distortion led me to detach from reality, not belonging to the environment in which life flows."

What was transformative was later realizing how often merely adding adjectives to reality was a subtle way of discriminating against it, of distancing myself from it, of not living it. I discovered that "car or bus trips weren't mere transient episodes and that daily tasks made sense if I didn't yearn to finish them quickly to engage in what I thought was my real life. To savor every moment, I often treat myself as a whimsical child and remind myself: 'You must feed on what's available now because there's nothing else to consume. Sure, meeting this person or today's tasks may not excite you. But you can do it without enthusiasm.'

For the Sexual Type 4, it's essential to consistently forbid discriminating against what daily life brings. It's an antidote to the almost automatic tendency to always oppose and to enjoy being alive. As a child, I was told I was very imaginative. Now, with a broader view and time passed, I realize I've made up many stories, cultivated legends, invented roles, and embellished reality to survive the hate I had for myself for being physically clumsy, for having been poor, inadequate, and fearful. "Overprotected by my grandmother and overly watched by my father, I grew up distant from other girls. I was forbidden from going to the park for fear of catching bad manners and diseases. Clumsy in games and social interaction, I tried to be the center of attention during breaks by performing my father's theater operettas. I had partial success, as my songs sounded strange and ridiculous to them. I covered up the pain of feeling inadequate by aligning myself with immigrant girls. I strived to understand them better than anyone. With them, I built a world apart, opposing the local girls, whom I labeled as insensitive and mediocre. I killed them internally with hatred and disqualification."

"In reality, we lived modestly because my father was a stagehand, not a theater decorator as he claimed. I was also ashamed of my neighborhood. I said we were from Montmartre, but that wasn't entirely true. Our house was much lower, on a street increasingly filled with prostitutes. The place had declined, but the way I used that fact was exaggerated."

"Later, in Madrid, I never stopped lying about my origins and my 'great performance' in May '68. First, that revolution ended before I entered university. At best, I had experienced it from the distance of high school, where I attended student meetings. But it wasn't political commitment that interested me, because it seemed boring. I had enjoyed the fashionable sexual freedom and originality in dressing."

She cultivated an outward image of a free and daring girl, knowing deep down (and hating myself for it) that she was so fearful, so terrified of police beatings, that she didn't participate in the protests.

The Sexual 4 finds it hard to recognize that in this creation of characters, even though it seemingly provides security and makes them interesting, they hate and kill themselves. Moreover, as one works on oneself, one realizes that this somewhat unrealistic way of being in the world, with an emphasis on aesthetics, is not harmless but also turns into hatred towards others, competing with them in the name of exquisite sensitivity.

This elegant way of attacking relies on another, more warrior-like, forceful, sectarian, and Manichean way of judging others. In friendship, elitist affinity (tastes, hobbies, opinions, and shared moods) prevails over simply being with another without having to prove anything.

It's hard to admit without deception or justification that one isn't as empathetic as believed, that one is clumsy in relating to others due to a lack of naturalness in treatment, as if affection wasn't enough. Upon introspection, the Sexual 4 encounters the subtype's narcissism: they don't see the other, they only see themselves trying to impress, provoke, exuding brilliance, humor, etc., to be the center of attention.

It's essential to learn to calm down and focus. The Sexual 4 needs to understand that most of the time they believe they're explaining themselves when they're merely getting agitated. They must acknowledge that it's challenging to follow them when they're passionate, hard to understand, and not break contact with the speaker when that happens. It's essential to observe how one sends mixed messages when communicating with another: excessive gestures, sighs, laughter, jumping from one topic to another, seeking complicity, seducing with winks, and insinuations. All these are smoke screens, performances that distract from the real content of the conversation and encounter. As one heals, one realizes that this is another form of aggression, of fighting.

This stance of power against the world deflates when the Sexual 4 is alone. Healing involves discovering how external verbosity turns into internal cannibalism: constantly revolving around one's navel, revisiting moods, recalling who offended, overlooked, praised, who agreed or disagreed, etc. For healing, it's necessary to inhibit inner chatter, realizing that it freezes one's existence, fossilizing it in the past.

On the other hand, the extreme demand for transparent friendships, the impossible search for the ideal friend who understands and shares everything, leads to a labyrinth with no exit where one faces their reduced, absurd hatred: "My unconditional and perfect friend should be just like me, but it turns out I hate myself, so there's no solution...". I believe this is where the root of hatred hides, touching the genuine feeling of lack, the real deficiency. It's better to realize, though it's chilling to acknowledge, that when alone with oneself, there's a tendency to want to die because one doesn't truly know who they are, what they want, or desire.

It's crucial in the process to recognize the tendency towards self-destruction and wanting to destroy another because it highlights lacking aspects that arrogance covers up. It helps to see oneself as a spoiled and indulged child when the common biography of the Sexual 4 attributes that to another sibling. It's not easy to accept that one hasn't been the favorite. One knows, but it's necessary to surrender to the evidence without making up stories, without placing oneself above, surrendering to the pain of reality, that one hasn't been overly cared for or attended to. The Sexual 4 complains, laments, is unsatisfied, suffers a lot but doesn't fully let oneself be touched by what hurts. It's necessary to deeply feel it, without escaping the harshness of discovery with excessive crying, tantrums, hateful outbursts that distract from the real deficiency. Healing involves replacing complaints and laments with the conviction that if one has the strength to oppose, one also has the strength to face reality, no matter how painful. This last part reminds me of my childhood memory of "how I defended myself from not being the favorite by competing with my sister with qualities I had and she lacked."

With maturity and by delving into working with character, the sexual 4 realizes that they remain particularly vigilant when it comes to affection, struggling not to become envious, measuring whether they are loved more or less than others. It's healing to cool down the emotion, stop feeling so much, and use their head, realizing how absurd it is to want to control something as uncontrollable as affections. Moreover, they shouldn't deny others what they freely allow themselves: expressing love and hate as they please. Thus, the path to healing involves no longer feeling exceptional (in the sense that everyone is in their own way) and leads to a genuine desire for equality and belonging. Anger and moodiness often serve to avoid feeling clumsy, tired, or depressed. It's therapeutic to soften, not fight, not go against what one considers as weakness, and recognize feelings shared by all, including dependency, which is the battleground for the sexual E4 because they vehemently deny it. It's as if their life depends on it because of the deeply ingrained and distorted internal image of being free and independent. While it's true that many have lacked support in life and had to fend for themselves, it's essential to note that their complaints and vulnerability manipulations are so convincing that they easily find someone to help or rescue them.

Personally, they know they've had to walk alone but have clung to strong supports along the way: partners, teachers, people who have stood up for them, instructors who supported them in challenging times. It's been hard to admit they've received more support than believed, perpetuating dissatisfaction and justifying mistreatment towards themselves and others. It's been difficult to dissolve the arrogant attitude of not feeling indebted to anyone, believing that successes were only due to personal charm or worth rather than the generosity of others. The sexual E4 becomes passionate with the belief that if the credit isn't entirely theirs, they get nothing. The words "everything" and "nothing" are especially dangerous for this character as they open the doors to irrationality, leading to a hateful hell. They need to prohibit entering there and accept their deficiencies and vulnerabilities, which humanizes. As the belief that they've made themselves fades, they begin to genuinely express gratitude. When they manage to do so, they realize they can follow their own path, free from the burden of counter-dependency.

Ceasing to place oneself above or below in personal relationships helps integrate character aspects that are often projected outward. The sexual E4 resists seeing themselves as authoritarian, intolerant, rigid. Profound change comes when they become aware of how they silence or intimidate with moodiness, anger, and tantrums. They especially can't tolerate changes in plans and often blame those responsible as if they'll never forgive them for ruining their imagined perfect scenario. They detest unexpected visitors and show their displeasure for the "unforgivable sin" of disrupting their day's plans. The real reason for their anger is not having time to prepare, ensuring the meeting isn't mundane, and the rational explanation they give themselves is a lack of food, even when the fridge is full.

In such cases, empathizing with others helps understand the impact of hateful behavior. It's healing to develop an outward receptive attitude, which this subtype lacks. This aids in recognizing how often others become diplomatic with them. Taking seriously the suspicion of being feared is transformative. It's vital to inquire, listen, and especially hear feedback regarding harshness, aggressiveness, and outbursts without defending oneself with the common excuse: "Yes, I'm unpleasant, and so are you\!" Admitting harmfulness helps in relinquishing the right to attack when something is bothersome. It's a wake-up call for the subtype to realize they don't have the exclusive right to be offended by others' inconsideration. In any case, it's therapeutic to delve into this, questioning why they deny others the feeling of being offended when they themselves are so sensitive to offense.

To address the difficulty in listening and developing receptivity, "teamwork has helped me a lot, to re-educate the little wild one inside me, and to face competitiveness: the resistance to share, produce, carry out tasks, and hinder the common project. It's therapeutic to observe how one becomes hypersensitive and systematically refers to things others say (especially the negative ones)."

Teamwork helps them socialize and discipline themselves not to dramatize the disagreements inherent in living together. It helps realize that they have a good head on their shoulders, can think, make decisions, and develop common sense: "I'm on this team because I need to work, and I need others because I can't handle everything alone."

In their role as therapists, it's crucial for the sexual 4 to trust their ability to absorb the group's emotional atmosphere, especially regarding hidden aggression. Transforming this capacity into a therapeutic tool means being attentive not to get intoxicated by swallowing or acting out the conflict and pointing out to the group how it intoxicates and attacks unconsciously.

In individual work, they learn to inhibit the tendency to solve the client's life for them. Often, they rush to get a quick understanding of who the other person is and what's troubling them. Their profession helps the four sexual therapists realize how they rush to give feedback, and the quick conclusions they reach help them bypass feeling insecure, clumsy, or uninspired. It's therapeutic to endure the void or tell the patient: "I don't know how to help you right now," or "I don't understand you," or "How does my feedback resonate with you?"

Everything previously said regarding inhibiting hateful behaviors, developing empathy, and recognizing aspects they tend not to see means taking responsibility, self-observing, correcting oneself, trying to improve, and most importantly, de-dramatizing.

De-dramatization

Dramatization sabotages the task. For example:

"In the current situation of political and economic uncertainty and loss of civil rights, I find myself believing I'm bound for unemployment and liable to be expelled from the country like a poor immigrant, until I realize the drama I'm making up and that it obviously has nothing to do with reality."

For healing, the sexual E4 must develop a continuous vision of their process and life. It's healing to learn from one's own experience to avoid falling repeatedly into the hells into which the subtype tends to fall. They need to connect what they are now to what they were, to not remain dramatically attached to the past and to be in the present. It's healing to get rid of the crazy idea that everything needs to be changed, as if one could start living from scratch, that what's there is worthless, that everything is to be done, and stop lamenting for not realizing sooner the egoic blindness:

"Often any reproach made to me, no matter how trivial, I experience as a disqualification of my entire person. Although discovering this is disheartening, it is important to rescue how much fragility is hidden beneath the apparent ease and security of the persona one has built."

The sexual E4 must understand that dramatic excesses are distractions from what really matters: specific actions on the day they overdid it, were clumsy, or messed up. This doesn't mean eternal condemnation but leaving behind the self-image that is either undervalued or overvalued (believing oneself to be the worst without remedy or the most authentic with a right to attack).

To heal, it's necessary to inhibit the temptation to caricature oneself internally as a dangerous monster or as inferior. It's transformative to discover how dramatic exaggeration often involves matters related to guilt. From the outside, it's easy to recognize the sexual E4 as deeply guilty. However, the subtype commonly feels they've denied guilt due to excessive confidence in the veracity of their impulse. They don't recognize themselves as guilty because guilt is a natural state in which they systematically and robotically apologize without knowing why. Healing involves taking responsibility, being attentive to when one truly hurts another. Apologizing also means forgiving oneself naturally, without dramatizing, without beating oneself up, without giving oneself too much importance, as hatred is rekindled.

Transformation involves discipline, remembering how easily they fall into the aggression/guilt/aggression dynamic and trying to nip it in the bud. This requires developing intellect, not blindly trusting emotion as absolute truth. It's necessary to develop a vision of the future, project oneself there, and draw on experience: one knows that the pleasure of exploding is short-lived compared to the remorse and guilt that torment afterward.

Being attentive to this aspect of character helps to leave behind attachment to masochism and develop social skills simultaneously. For the sexual E4, it's transformative to accept that they're not impervious to criticism or bad opinions others might have of them. It's good to think before acting and tell oneself: "The scene I'm about to make now, how many enemies will it get me? Is it worth getting involved if I'm going to regret it later?" Because one is not as strong as they appear. Regarding discord, the sexual E4 gets overwhelmed, confuses, shields, or confronts aggressively. When they realize this, they no longer cultivate a negative stance. They change their perspective on themselves and life: they want to be accepted, recognized, and loved, and it's a bad deal to be against that.

Accepting that one is fearful means recognizing that others can also be aggressive, get tired of one, or leave them stranded. It's not cowardice or laziness, as they often reprimand themselves. One won't disappear from the face of the earth by accepting they're fearful. It's healing to develop prudence. For the sexual E4, it's wise to negotiate socially, take care of one's interests and surroundings, exit dissatisfaction, and start being okay in the world.

\\*Developing Compassion\*\

For the sexual E4 subtype, it's a matter of will to find peace. It's a kind of mental and spiritual exercise to feel good and cultivate well-being. To feel pity is to recognize that one is made of the same stuff as everyone else. Everyone is as they are, has their own life story and path, and we all do what we can. We are all equally both awful and divine, as Perls said, even though the sexual E4 tends to value themselves either too high or too low.

If one recognizes their dependence on others, they become more autonomous, do their own thing, stop interfering with others, and don't need to hate them if they don't think, feel, or have the same opinion. Developing compassion means not defending oneself from what disturbs by anticipating disasters: stopping being pessimistic, becoming stoic with pain, feeling it only when necessary is a relief to oneself and avoids making good coexistence transform into a battlefield. For the sexual E4, it's a learning experience to discover that being calm and in agreement with the environment is not living half-heartedly but a state to which we all naturally aspire. It's essential to understand that one doesn't deserve the mistreatment they give themselves or others. Living is both complex and simple. "You don't have to take anything from life, don't stop to think if you're liked or not, if you're loved or not, just breathe."

Breathing is listening to the body, being aware of how one accelerates robotically. Feeling compassion is realizing how one exhausts themselves and how they stress and strain their environment. It's necessary to stop the internal whirlwind and redirect the excess energy towards work, enjoyment, and creativity. It's not a frivolous and superficial attitude; it's pure gratitude for being alive. There's nothing better to do in life. To be like this is to live. To stop, try what life brings, get to know and then form an opinion. Get to know and then judge.

For me, developing compassion is "relaxing my brow, not tensing my face, loosening my muscles, distancing myself, laughing at myself. Realizing that it's not a crime to make mistakes, that I won't sink if I acknowledge it, and the world won't stop, even though egotistically I'd like it to."

Becoming compassionate is also about regaining self-esteem, feeling worthy. It's not about being solemn or arrogant but an open, benevolent, natural way of being in life. Personally, I associate it with renouncing excessive histrionics: "I know I have to be attentive because the tendency to trivialize or make light of what I want to say is pure automatism, and I often realize later because of the bad taste it leaves me. It's like debasing myself, selling myself short, not standing firm in what I maintain, losing my footing, and thus attacking myself and deceiving others."

Feeling compassion is continuing to work on oneself, knowing that one can't always stop the runaway horse of hatred: watching oneself and not persecuting oneself. To feel compassion is to look inward and surrender to the evidence that if one has such a capacity to hate, they have the same capacity to love.

The difficulty the subtype faces in maintaining a loving attitude is confusing sweetness and benevolence with being overly sentimental. One fears dissolving into the world, becoming bland, losing one's place, disappearing. The Sexual E4 must come to understand that this is a crazy idea, a cognitive distortion; what sounds to them like inauthenticity and fluff is actually letting oneself be guided by the true loving feeling that naturally flows when one stops being hard on oneself.

I've learned all of this in gatherings with friends when I realized the pleasure I got from listening to them, recognizing their gestures, their way of laughing, and speaking \- so familiar and comforting for being so. I also enjoyed sometimes not understanding them at all, but just being there, laughing, being silent for a moment, and taking a break from always wanting to be the center of attention.

To have compassion is to admit you're wrong, to lose in emotional intensity and gain in clarity: realizing everything is simpler than one imagined, that one has a very bad temper but a very good heart.

*The Self-Preservation Four \- Tenacity {#the-self-preservation-four-tenacity}

Different from the “sufferer” (Social E4) and the “insufferable” (Sexual E4) is what in Spanish is called the “stoic,” a term that speaks to us about a capacity for self-denial and endurance. Instead of being an overly tearful person, this “stoic” individual is one who doesn’t complain and avoids crying in front of others. They have learned to swallow a lot and endure pain without flinching.

How can we explain this in terms of motivation? What need can drive a person to become masochistic? It’s somewhat like telling a parent or a loved one: “See, I’m not complaining. Do you love me now? See how good I am?”

The Self-Preservation E4 seeks to make a virtue out of resistance to frustration. I have often explained it with an anecdote from Lawrence of Arabia, as per the famous film, where he’s seen in an office in Cairo lighting a cigarette for someone and then extinguishing the match with his fingers. Someone, surprised, asks, “What are you doing?” And he explains that in this way, he trains to endure pain. He had developed from childhood this supposed virtue of stoically enduring pain, and it undoubtedly served him during his feats, earning him the reputation of a great hero. Not even among the Arabs had anyone known to withstand the harshness of the desert in such a way.

In the Self-Preservation E4, endurance is a passion, but how to explain it? I believe the key lies in the internalization of voraciousness. The visible envy that presents the Sexual E4 as an aggressive and insistent oral type turns here into a counter-envy directed against oneself, now in the form of a self-demand that is also self-consuming.

THE TRANSFORMATION IN THE SELF-PRESERVATION E4 BY CRISTINA NADAL.

The envious character is based on undervaluation. It focuses on what doesn’t work and what’s lacking. It dwells in its own deficiency and develops an intense longing for completeness, which is managed differently according to each subtype. Those who envy always lose in the comparison they make with others – with who they are, what they do, or what others have.

In the self-preservation subtype, called “tenacious,” the passion is effort. As with the other envious subtypes, this individual has internalized the abandoning mother as a way of maintaining contact with her. By internalizing this mother who has not emotionally welcomed the baby (who, for various reasons, has been rejected or separated from her), they also incorporate a negative view of themselves. In this way, constant devaluation is assured. The superego resulting from this incorporation is, while devaluing, very demanding, especially in this subtype. Therefore, it’s essential to confront this demanding character, dismantling it and taking away the enormous power that the tenacious person continues to give it.

In my therapeutic process, it was crucial to identify the vast greed of my demanding side. It was also important to recognize it, disidentify from it, every time it emerged and continues to emerge. It’s a long-term task, the result of which is to reduce its virulence while utilizing its intelligence.

In this subtype, the yearning and effort to achieve something distant brings the sensation of being able to obtain that wonderful thing that was lost. The tenacious one aims to stop being lacking and free themselves through constant effort, like a little ant, based on significant self-devaluation. An effort that states: “I’m going for it no matter what it takes,” perpetuating the mad idea that “we have come to this world to suffer and endure.” Thus, they aim to be lovable.

They have to overcome the stain, the deficiency — for which they interpret that the mother did not provide what was needed — through intense, strained, and tense activity. Often in childhood, the situation was precarious or difficult due to lack or illnesses of parents and/or siblings. The motto there is: “No matter what it takes, I will get ahead.” Another common motto in this subtype is “life is work,” until this becomes “work is life.”

I recognize that I am addicted to work; although over the years I have learned to enjoy vacations, even now I continue to fill the little free time I afford myself.

The tension has several sources of nourishment:

On the one hand, the self-preservation four is an impulsive person who, besides occasionally exploding in intimate relationships, inhibits themselves to achieve external recognition. In general, they live with anguish and guilt when they lose control, invade, impose, or show signs of passionate admiration or love. The possibility of going overboard, as we will see, will be necessary for their healthy transformation, since their character structure is sustained by high impulse control. These people agree that as children they were repressed in their intensity, spontaneity, joy, naivety, and/or talkativeness.

On the other hand, much of the tension is fueled by the fact that the effort they make is intended to overcome a deficiency that is at the base of the trait, and that in reality, is only imagined. Therefore, this deficiency cannot be resolved with concrete achievements. This is why, while this individual is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve legitimacy (titles, jobs…), as their devaluing system continues to operate, their accomplishments will never be enough. It won’t deny their perceived deficiency, won’t save them from their sense of lack, and won’t detach them from their attachment to it.

So, to a greater or lesser extent, all that effort can be unproductive. This person expends a lot of energy fearing they won’t achieve their goals and raises the bar of demand to counteract this. They waste much energy delaying necessary actions for their aspirations and blaming themselves for it. They also exhaust themselves seeking and striving where they already know success won’t be found, ensuring the perpetuation of effort and self-devaluation.

Starting from the conviction that I won’t be effective, I get caught up in the details of an action, whether it’s organizing a drawer or writing an article, or ensuring I consider every viewpoint, instead of getting to the point in a more functional manner.

In this tenacious character system, living well, without so much tension and pressure, is not feasible. Initially, halting the constant and tense activity increases the level of anxiety, as it makes room to feel everything hidden behind the tenacity.

Given that tracking anxiety is a good avenue for transformative self-awareness, stopping the tenacious activity will be a good start to the transformation process. Although initially, it may result in increased anxiety and anger and a deep connection with sorrow.

When my husband and I moved to a house that we didn’t have to start paying for until after a year, far from Barcelona, and I decided to significantly reduce my work to spend more time with him and myself, I went through hellish periods. The internal self-critical dialogues ran rampant, and my demands on him increased too.

Accepting suppressed emotions, giving them space and expression, is essential for healing. The therapeutic thing is to feel anger and sadness without exaggerating or justifying them with thoughts that feed them back and prevent their transformation, which comes from simply living and expressing them.

My first healing step was the intense catharsis I experienced in the first two therapeutic trainings I participated in. It was a blessing that, by the late 70s and early 80s, emotional outbursts were in vogue as a therapeutic method. Even though I needed individual therapy to process the material that emerged from them, they were liberating not only because of the content that surfaced but also because I could accept myself as intense and vital. At the same time, I had to come to terms with the underlying sadness that no catharsis could drain. I was feeding it by not wanting to know anything about it (beyond feeling like a victim) and trying to resolve it, for example, through my partner, without taking responsibility for it.

Recognizing one’s own intensity is, paradoxically, calming. It’s more unsettling not to know it and fear it.

Wanting to live a better life is not easy and is even punishable; it’s not allowed. It can be mistaken for an ambitious pretense, which is disparaged and feared. In fact, often, as with other envious subtypes, when the conservation type feels good, they “go overboard”; they inflate narcissistically more than they find satisfaction and self-support; therefore, when faced with any setback, they deflate the world. We must remember that they strive to be saved from the deficiency in the face of which they feel defective. Let’s add here that this negative self-image that they try to resolve through effort hides and preserves a grandiose fantasy of oneself. It’s a suppressed narcissism fueled by the ability to tolerate pressure and ego-dystonic sensations, and also by the depth of their sensitivity and what might emerge from themselves (as fantasized) if they could achieve ideal love, an ideal job… or be discovered by someone important.

It’s transformative to identify and embrace this narcissism hidden behind the negative self-image; for the tenacious one, it’s healthy to recognize the pretension and ambition that underlie their attachment to work.

From there, it becomes more feasible to question how much they really want what they’re chasing.

I subtitled my emotional autobiography as “Autobiography of a girl who –without confessing it– took on the task of recovering the prestige supposedly lost by her father, emulating her mother’s toughness and trying to be herself an erect phallus.” This woman is now burdened by the attempt, and she knows that this isn’t the only stance she can take in life. However, she still faces the challenge of letting go of this pretension, which has turned into an obligation, without denying her desire for power, which has finally been unveiled.

Often, especially when the relationship with the mother is more traumatic due to rejection, abuse, and/or some mental illness of hers, we see in this enneagram type an inability to be happy. A prohibition, initially mysterious, that fades as it’s confronted and as the pain, anger, and love related to her are worked through.

Like with any enneagram type, we know it’s necessary not only to work with the mother figure but also with the father.

Generally, and especially in these situations, it’s necessary to allow oneself to be happier than the mother or to achieve more than one’s parents, distinguishing this from the rivalry game that keeps a person tied to a deeply entrenched bond. I also had to allow myself to be more socially successful than my parents.

Emotionally, it’s healing to acknowledge fear and shock at their most natural levels. Even though the Type 4 can often express their fears, in reality, they are quite daring. Generally, they don’t allow themselves to experience fragility. They cover it with tension and action.

Vulnerability brings them too close to feelings of abandonment, against which they’ve become strong by feeling like victims and resisting whatever comes their way. Feeling vulnerable triggers intense emotional expressions that one needs to navigate through.

On other occasions, touching on vulnerability awakens the fear of depression. Feeling the decrease in tone, without justifying it with the fears that the inner critic continues to press with to maintain relentless activity, opens up space to, for example, accommodate need, distinguishing it from lack.

Acknowledging the sensation of fatigue will be another good support to recognize one’s limits and those of others. To be able to let go of the effort, release control, and drop the neurotic pretension.

I learned to recognize fatigue thanks to suffering from pneumonia. What was terrible at the time \-being unable to do anything- helped me become aware of fatigue, which previously wasn’t something I could feel. It also helped me to recognize and accept the limits of others.

Given the narcissistic support that the Type 4 with a self-preservation instinct places on effort, setting boundaries to others’ demands without resorting to guilt is a significant step. It means they have value beyond what they do.

Being able to say “no” is a great liberation. Sometimes it’s not easy for me, and it requires a lot of self-attention. Currently, as I’ve acquired and recognized my skills through both internal and external work, as well as with age, saying no means giving up a recognition to which I’m still attached.

In the transformation process of this subtype, their body changes from tense to soft, at least on the inside. It also shifts from being more contracted to being more expansive. Bodywork, both muscular and expressive, as well as sensory and attention-driven, contributes to this change.

The quality of being soft, vulnerable, fluffy… has significantly appeared in my feelings and body perception \- thank goodness\! At first, I was afraid of losing identity, afraid of becoming foolish. Gradually, that fluffiness allows me to accompany myself and feel inside my space with the possibility of establishing the relationships that occur and those I seek.

This change in tone and body posture serves as the foundation for deeper intimacy with oneself, the ability to enjoy, and the capacity to love and love oneself.

The transformation of the Type 4 involves, little by little, identifying what does work, what’s right in themselves and around them, meaning in others and in situations they are immersed in. Specifically, for the tenacious ones, it’s about starting to enjoy what’s good about themselves, without intending to improve it, just savoring it and letting oneself be satisfied with it.

I remember the vertigo I felt the first times I resolved to focus on what worked well in my life. When I indulged in what I liked about my partner, I noticed the dependency I had always been phobic of. Regarding my children, relaxing and enjoying them without so much educational pretension has been very rewarding for me, and for them too.

It took me a long time to rely on the good quality of my work, to savor successes, even without completely silencing the critical voice that points out everything that could be improved.

Recognizing the good, the beautiful, the satisfying… means giving up on achieving what will save us from deficiency, from the stain, from the shortcomings. It means giving up on being as special as the “conservation fours” feel they are, and giving up on their stronghold: compulsive effort.

In the final stretch of my psychoanalysis, I found that I got more directly to core aspects and contents when I valued the positive things in my life rather than dwelling on the negative.

Paradoxically, accepting and accommodating dissatisfaction and deficiency enables one to enjoy specific, concrete satisfactions that allow one to feel comfortable with oneself. Ultimately, this path will allow enjoyment beyond concrete results and achievements, as one can give more space to emptiness and no longer needs to save oneself from their negative self-image. This will be one of the biggest transformations.

As the “conservation four” becomes less reliant on their deficiency and becomes more capable of acknowledging their needs and seeking their satisfaction without avoiding frustration, they discover their capacity to love. Affection and love can emerge from within without any pretense other than to enjoy it. They find greater happiness in their love for another than in being loved. This loving quality serves as a lubricant to also enjoy the work capacity they have developed throughout their life.

It is very satisfying for me to offer others part of what I have learned. Although with great anxiety, due to the pretension and denied ambition that was behind being the head of a team, I finally learned some coordination skills, which I now enjoy offering in peer work groups.

Creativity and art, inherent in all E4s, will be able to serve satisfaction, more stripped of the demand and the need for attention.

All E4s have a high capacity for enjoyment, joy, play, and madness. The tenacious one will be able to open up to it without so much pretension to distance themselves from their deficiency, to gain recognition or to seek security. They will be able to enjoy it, nourish themselves with their creative capacity, and enjoy that of others.

In its healthy maturation, this subtype finds a deep calm based on the development of emotional poise provided by the residue of so much endurance. In this way, equanimity emerges along with the ability to express their vibrant emotional pulses with many subtle tones.

Type Five: Avarice

The Passion of Avarice is the neurotic need to preserve what little one feels they have conquered or what little they possess within. With the existential experience of having lost the original unity, the Five renounces what they do not have while striving not to lose what little they have left.

As for the need to feel that they exist and are loved, Fives distance themselves from the need itself and from others, who represent those who could awaken that need. To achieve this renunciation, they are forced to separate from their feelings and invest their energy in an intellectual passion that they imagine could fill the sensation of feeling impoverished and deprived.

Like the other mental types, the Five seeks to bridge the gap they feel in relationships through the acquisition of intellectual knowledge—a gap they create themselves to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the emotional chaos that comes with emotional relationships. Avarice should be understood as a difficulty in giving parts of oneself to others, whether they are emotions or intimate bonds. Even in concrete terms, Type 5 struggles to let go: the neurotic attachment to concrete or symbolic objects serves to avoid contact with a sense of fragmentation that originates from a lack of emotional containment.

The Five describes their childhood as a place and time of solitude that goes beyond mere events; relationships always have a formal and emotionally sterile style. The mother, while invasive and controlling, maintains emotional distance. She does not facilitate the expression of feelings, lacks empathy, and does not engage in the child's world. Care may not be lacking, but it is not transmitted through intimate contact, including physical contact.

For Type 5, the body—once the primary space for self-definition with its perceptions, impulses, and instincts—early on ceases to be the basis for accessing oneself, others, and the world. Cognitive information becomes the preferred channel for relational exchange and the construction of one's identity. Claudio often says of the Type Five, "they substitute maternal milk for books."

Maintaining relationships is costly, and therefore, not only are they limited to a sustainable number, but they are also categorized precisely and unmistakably from each other: a friend is a friend; if they transform into a colleague, emotional confusion becomes uncontrollable. The isolation, a fixation of Type Five, must be understood not only as isolation from others but also as isolation between their own experiences and isolation between the intellectual and emotional worlds.

For Type 5, the biggest task in interpersonal relationships is to sustain the expectations and demands of others because these represent a bond and a commitment from which they may not know how to free themselves or feel capable of satisfying. Additionally, they carry the risk of abandonment. There is a fundamental mistrust of relationships and love. They constantly fear being invaded by others, a fear stemming from hypersensitivity and a sense of vulnerability.

Of all the mental Enneatypes, Type 5 undoubtedly demonstrates a massive splitting mechanism that tends to isolate the pleasure area from the instinctual area. Pleasure in all its forms cannot be cultivated because it would be a source of emotional disturbance and a danger that would lead to loss of control.

Type 5 appears cold, unexpressive, thoughtful, inhibited, distrustful, and physically withdrawn. They lack awareness of being a body themselves and remain disconnected from the bodies of others, as if they were walking in a world that does not belong to them.

*The Social Five: Totem {#the-social-five-totem}

If Type 4 personalities are so intense that they stand out as very distinct or contrasting characters, Type 5 personalities, on the other hand, with their habitual lack of intensity, appear more challenging to differentiate among themselves.

In reference to the passion of the Social 5, Ichazo used the word "totem," which I find very evocative, a good image. But the passion of the Social 5 is somewhat akin to a need for the essential, the sublime, we could say, instead of the need for what exists. "Totem" simultaneously suggests height and the character of being a constructed object rather than a human being. The height of a totem evokes a tendency in these individuals to look upward, toward the ideal, and to relate to the most outstanding and remarkable among people, somewhat like how Midas wanted everything he touched to turn into gold.

The tragedy is that, in their quest for a super value, the Social 5 implicitly scorns ordinary life and common people. They are only interested in the quintessence of life, the elixir of existence, the ultimate meaning. However, in this orientation towards the stars, they become someone who is not very interested in life down here... They become overly spiritual because emotional impoverishment, which distances them from compassion, is contrary to spiritual achievement. Thus, in this character, a polarity is established between the extraordinary and what makes no sense, so nothing makes sense until the extraordinary or magical is attained.

Transformation in the Social 5 by Angelo Contarino

The following lines condense experiences, insights, reflections, and efforts from many people: those who directly participated in writing with their biographical narratives and writings, and those who participated in discussion meetings to share, reflect, or differentiate themselves from other Type 5 Social individuals. The elaboration of this chapter has been a collaborative effort involving Luis Fernando Cámara, Eduardo Guedes, Paco Aguayo, Miguel, Marian Quintillá, and Pablo.

What Has Been Left Behind

One of the first things that comes to light is the abandonment of a subdued, depressed mode of being in the world. A kind of sadness, opacity that makes things seem the same and repetitive, without a future, without a project, is lost. A kind of laziness that has little to do with a natural rhythm that allows one to enjoy life and is instead related to the difficulty of feeling and perceiving stimuli and responding to them.

The effect of "muffling" is eliminated, which serves to dampen perceptions, and through which, for example, we only realize post hoc the emotions we feel. Moreover, in some cases, there is a shift towards excessive sensitivity and susceptibility. There is a stronger and more spontaneous reaction, with less ambiguity, less need for rebellion, and less resentment, and aggression is experienced.

Previously, emotional charge ended up in the seldom visible but active box of resentment, which was often expressed indirectly and veiled, almost never at the appropriate moment. The habit of swallowing everything is lost, and it becomes simpler to face difficult or discomforting situations. There is no longer an effort to avoid or hide.

"NO" becomes natural, transitioning first from "I can't" to "I don't want." Ambiguity is lost in favor of clarity and transparency.

Previously, it was as if perceptions arrived muted. Awareness of the stimulus came much later. It was as if in a distant time in life, there was a need to dampen emotions out of fear of their excessive burden. It led to indecision in behavior, manifested through hidden doubt and a pretense of indifference.

The crazy idea is to prefer not to feel: "Nothing's happening here, and if it is, I'll endure it and hide it, even from myself. This is when Type Five puts on a poker face, as if everything slides off them, and they are above good and evil, to the point where they neither feel nor suffer. What happens is that Type Five decided at a very early age to lock their heart in a trunk to avoid suffering and threw the key to the bottom of the sea," says Miguel.

So, as the healing process progresses, the feeling of being in limbo, of navigating in a zone of undefined relationships where things could be done but aren't, where a response could be given but isn't, and where one is unsure of what they feel, disappears. It is a sense of suspension in which, to pass the time, we engage in activities like watching TV or using the computer, without enthusiasm, without realizing that we are killing the energy within us.

"I realize that there is less reaction time between what I think and what I express. It is known that the Five has a deep insecurity about what they perceive and they realize it very slowly, so they postpone everything. That time has decreased for thoughts, emotions, and actions. Now I feel more talkative, more communicative. There is less customs, less censorship because the fear of making mistakes has decreased. There is a smoother expression of thoughts and feelings, and I rest in not having the expert posture," says Luisfer. "We learn to say what we feel, what bothers us, and what we need even if we don't have 'solid arguments' to support it. To clearly say 'enough' and to be able to maintain it. To ask for what we need," assures Marian.

Expressive freedom is one side of the coin; the other is giving less importance to the approval of others. "I give less importance to what others think of me. I used to like knowing that I am great and important, and I realize that there is still an anxious part seeking approval and prestige. But I don't give it as much importance anymore; I realize how I desire that, and at the same time, I can put it aside; I no longer believe it too much," confesses Luisfer.

The time spent on inner dialogue decreases. We seek fewer explanations and rationalizations that involve a delay in action. We become more aware that many twists and turns are the result of an attempt at self-manipulation that leads nowhere. "The limits of the mind and will are experienced as real, losing faith in the omnipotence of intellect," says Marian.

We abandon speculations to search for the cause of events in reasons external to lived experience. We accept what happens. The answer is found where the question arises: Trust in theories, the accumulation of knowledge, and extraordinary visions are relinquished. "I am quite tired of learning theories, reading books... Right now, I am more interested in what concerns the body," says Miguel.

We become less planners and strategists: we realize that any plan born out of fear or discomfort in certain situations often does not yield the expected results and is frequently unworkable. "I am not seeking the extraordinary to escape from everyday and real life. I do not replace emotions and human experiences with 'mega-intellectual fantasies' or 'supernatural rushes,' and above all, I don't believe them... I don't even believe my own fantasies," says Marian.

As the feeling of imagined superiority in relation to others dissipates and we devote ourselves more to friendship rather than an expert and teacher relationship, we also abandon the feelings of inferiority and guilt; we let go of the identification with the 'bad breast' or the one that never existed."

Regarding matters of love, the pleasurable experience of contact is embraced, and gradually the idea that it's better to be alone is abandoned. We no longer imagine ourselves alone in life and make space for encounters, coexistence, and family. The couple and sexual relationships become more complete and fulfilling, and we don't want to give them up. The idea of emotional loneliness and the fantasy of being single are abandoned to open up to the unknown world of relationships and/or creating a family. "We leave behind the crazy idea that someone could love us for how weird we are," Miguel thinks, and we leave behind the fantasy that our mysterious and inaccessible image can actually be used to establish relationships.

Of course, achieving new balances is the result of a process that can go through various phases. Regarding significant emotional experiences, having abandoned the armor, emotional openness brings the pleasure of being with the other and, at the same time, the fear of losing one's independence. Sometimes, the initial rejection of the relationship transforms into its opposite: a desire for exclusivity and high demands on the partner.

Recognizing the difficulty of integrating erotic love with affection and being aware that sexuality defends us from loving feelings, the distance between eros and sentiment is shortened, and we embark on a path of progressive integration of the two spheres of loving feelings. The previously repressed or distorted sexuality with daring fantasies regains its pleasurable nature. At the same time, "we stop confusing dependent attachment with friendship and infatuation with true love, and we avoid the mechanism of fusion, convergence, or dependence out of gratitude toward the other," says Miguel.

We no longer sacrifice ourselves or sacrifice other people or relationships on the altar of the totem. This is very important and represents a fundamental change.

Main Changes

"Hey, I'm going to be a normal guy\!" warned another from our tribe...

The film "Simon of the Desert" by the brilliant Aragonese filmmaker Luis Buñuel, in which he introduces a hermit who goes to live in the desert atop a column, ends in a discotheque in Mexico City where the former hermit, clean-shaven, devoid of his hermit's garb, and dressed like everyone else, does his best to pick up some girls.

Among the main changes, a new sensation of life flowing within stands out. A feeling of being and being present in situations, even though at times, we are overwhelmed by emotions due to a lack of emotional training. It's as if we were resuming the path towards our own humanity, abruptly interrupted during the early stages of life, an interruption repeatedly renewed without any real motivation.

"We take care of our basic physical and emotional needs with quality. Beloved people, nourishing relationships, rest, and health care. Awareness and respect for our own limits. We commit to life and people, unlike that eternal state of being on the sidelines, in purity, blamelessness, and nothingness," Marian narrates.

"I'm more aware of what I do. Being more present in everyday life, that's my reference now. If I can't find meaning in ordinary life, something must be wrong," says Luisfer.

Of course, this landing in the world is the result of a process, sometimes painful, of losing trust in old ideals that can provoke fear and unease, making the Five face the void. It feels like the ground is slipping from under your feet, that everything that used to serve no longer does, and even the highest values no longer support you; there's also a moment when you perceive things in a mundane and disintegrating way. That will be the moment when the mask will come off, the innocent will fall from their column, and the fall can be very painful. What you had loved as most precious, what you had sacrificed for, will seem to have no value anymore. "That's the void, a moment of total panic that can make you think of madness. Life loses all its meaning. Depression, panic, despair, feeling alone in a dark pit and unable to get out."

Panic, emptiness. The void. And now what? "Strange, dull moments can occur; a feeling of fragility and not being able to trust having a direction, a withdrawal into one's own life. And doubts. Doubts about whether to continue collecting, out of habit, transcendent wisdom that can lead to some kind of profound well-being, or, on the contrary, intuitively rather than rationally, give up finding that ancient, nonexistent treasure," says Marian.

When everything seems to make no sense, and the mind accustomed to understanding cannot untangle the knots, emotions take hold turbulently, and one feels dragged to unknown and unwanted places. Literally, a way of being breaks down. The old balance is disrupted, and the ingredients of personality are set free to crystallize around an essential core. "You can't suddenly get out of the void, that desert of ashes from burnt books, which leads to an inner sense of uselessness, of being incapable of achieving anything. The substitute for life showed its lie, and the search for love becomes difficult due to lack of faith and self-confidence," notes Miguel.

But the process continues. The focus of life, once expressed through thought, increasingly takes shape through both physical and emotional feelings. The sensation of being, of being present, is rediscovered. Simple things are recognized, such as the pleasure of breathing, of feeling that we breathe while in the company of others.

From a practical standpoint, everything takes on greater intensity. Unlike before, it's no longer possible to be absent. A charge, a force that leads to contact and sometimes harsh confrontation, manifests itself. Everything becomes intense and dramatic. "Taking the bull by the horns," dealing with a problem without postponing it. Awareness of needs, connection with emotions, the experience of fulfilling desires, the wide range of it, the taste of life, no longer make us withdraw, in a bad mood, from something that can be solved by asking for help from the person who can assist us.

"Before, I was engaged in tasks that were above; before, elevated tasks demanded all my attention. Freed from this, I now have more love for myself, I am more aware of what I want, and I am freer and more courageous to say it. I dare," says Luisfer.

The feeling of friendship, which the Five has always cultivated through affection related to esteem and admiration, becomes significant, a fundamental support base for sustaining and understanding what is happening. The saying "Better alone than in bad company" has been followed more than necessary.

"Opening one's heart to a friend, discovering that we can be loved and listened to even in situations that seem strange and still incomprehensible, is one of the things that most heals the E5," believes Miguel.

Recognizing the value of friendship also makes it unacceptable to give up on old friends with whom misunderstandings and annoyances may have arisen. It becomes equally important to repair conflicts, enduring distress, and keeping an open heart to show one's vulnerability.

"Once the territory of friendships is consolidated, as we progress on our path of growth, we will discover that we can also learn from ordinary people, and even from those who did not fit into our horizon," continues Miguel.

One abandons the idea of being in the truth and welcomes the experience of understanding other ways of seeing life. Everyone has their own way of being, and it is difficult to say which is the best way to approach them.

"I have also learned a lot from people I didn't get along with (enemies and hated ones): it has been surprising to see how one can go from intolerance to friendship, to what extent I have the same thing that I cannot tolerate, to understand those relationships and turn them into friendships," adds Luisfer.

New Attitudes that Emerge

While some previously impossible changes are now feasible, we witness the crystallization of a new way of being, of living, a result of the work done. An internal mode that finds a correspondence in a way of feeling physically.

From a certain point of view, it is a psychophysical posture towards life, a way of being in it. We feel our feet more grounded on the earth and our spine straight: both gestures contribute to creating the feeling of "I am here" with dignity and strength. The verticality is not that of a monolith but rather that of a more rounded and soft form; less angularity and more curves; less grey seriousness and more amusement.

The care of the body, attention to the aesthetic aspect, availability towards contact and exchange, an ethic of participation, greater security, are frequent and reduce an old way of presenting oneself as careless and indolent.

"The novelty is being more in the body and taking care of myself, taking charge of my life. Now, at this moment, I eat, I take care of myself, I attend to my body by guiding my diet, my health," shares Luisfer.

There are no longer reasons to identify with the assaulted and guilty childlike part, and the perception of being little and making oneself as invisible as possible fades away.

"I don't feel like doing anything else but what I am doing... My current work goes on by staying there, feeling, until I realize, and as far as possible (this includes my own neurotic limits), putting the means to satisfy my need," explains Marian.

It's like accepting the place you've been assigned in the universe and honoring the life that flows. Between the opposite poles of fear and submission, there's a middle point that leads to an assertive, calm, and self-assured attitude, facing whatever comes without losing composure. The feeling of verticality is accompanied and complemented by a less serious and more reflective attitude.

"I discover within myself a more playful attitude, more childish, more in touch with the inner child. I have more capacity to joke, leaving behind solemnity/grandiosity. To be lighter, not to take myself seriously," confesses Luisfer.

There develops a sense of confidence in the fact that one does what one can, and that there is nothing to fear if we let ourselves go with the flow of life:

"It's inevitable also that a clumsy five decides to take action, accepting the possibility of making mistakes," opines Miguel. The feeling of acceptance extends to everything, including the most sacrificed parts and the parts carried out automatically. "One of the most transformative things I have been learning is to validate myself in all my facets, including the most temperamental one. I assume that I stopped fighting with myself," shares Marian.

The pleasure of certain skills, interests, and competencies that were imbued with egoic motivations is rediscovered, which are, in any case, a source of personal pleasure and connection with the world (reading, writing, appreciation of art, aesthetic dimension).

"Overcoming the feeling of incapacity caused by a very severe judge, one goes through states of euphoria (like a child with new shoes), disillusionment in the face of the first obstacles, and the need for help. But this does not affect the need to go into the world and learn from one's mistakes. There remains the attitude of going with an open heart and looking the other in the eyes, the availability to receive naturally, and learning to ask for forgiveness when one is wrong," shares Miguel.

The feeling of affection and the same compassion that is felt growing, do not belong to the individual but include them. It's something natural. There's less fear of showing and sharing the affection that is felt. Being in contact and faithful to the stream of vibrations, the commitment towards others and the world appears.

Sometimes we don't feel prepared to welcome such intensity, and in this case, another horizon opens:

"I have the feeling of a profound love towards the world... Something moves me, and I feel this love. I don't know what to do with something so big... It's a compassionate love that I live more easily in solitude. At some point, I have been able to share it with the people I love. I still feel embarrassed to express it. I value people, I see the best in people. Sometimes it's harder for me to see it in myself than in others," confesses Eduardo.

This is a moment in the process that leads to the surrender to the evidence that there are no merits in feeling emotions like love and compassion, that there's nothing elevated and special. It's something natural that arises from the relationship; something human, profoundly human, for which, unfortunately, we are not initially prepared, but which can be transformed into a simple disposition to be open-hearted towards ourselves and others.

What has helped us? Therapeutic Practices and Tools

The social E5 has more difficulties than the E1 in identifying with its totemic ideal. This difficulty leads them, on one hand, to seek something ever more extraordinary to save them once and for all, and on the other hand, to perceive the distance separating their daily life from the ideal. Not being comfortable in the place we are accustomed to, predisposes us to travel, to meet new people with whom to establish different types of relationships, and to be in places where something significant can happen. This is enough to crystallize a state of deep equilibrium and well-being. It is, however, useful "to taste the emptiness of having achieved what we desired, knowledge, recognition, etcetera, and see that it does not satisfy the intimate hunger for love and contact," says Marian.

However, "I didn't get much from my searches or from so many books I read. My romantic relationships had been few, and generally were with women who were distant or emotionally unbalanced and heavily charged. Professionally, and despite knowing myself to be a very talented musician, I struggled to value myself and accepted financial arrangements below what I deserved," adds Pablo.

"The dissatisfaction is perceived, and we realize that, locked in the ivory tower of the totem, even enthusiastic, hypnotized, and devoted to it, something is not right," observes Miguel.

To the perception of dissatisfaction is sometimes added the deep experience of despair: when it is seen that everything that has been built—often on ground that was once solid—starts to crumble like after an earthquake, one can experience a moment of cosmic despair. Not knowing what to do, where to go, any movement seems to worsen the situation, and no way out is seen. The pain held for a long time emerges and expresses itself in unpredictable ways, sometimes violent and vengeful.

In the moment we go through this experience of emotional and rational dismemberment, we cannot even imagine that it could be useful and that it represents the breaking of an egoic scheme that opens the way to new possibilities for internal reconstruction and new states of consciousness. When we are in the darkness, other unexpected existential modalities of being in the world are activated, new possibilities are discovered, and above all, awareness of what deeply constitutes us is gained.

At that moment, the small flame of meditation, friendship with friends and the teacher, and trust in the process help to overcome the many difficulties.

In these cases, the presence of a guide and a group of friends who facilitate and accelerate the return home already begun is important. It may be the moment when simple and essential things are discovered or rediscovered: one day I noticed that while my head was occupied with these catastrophic thoughts, my lungs barely breathed. I then began to pay attention to my breathing and noticed that the obsessive ideas that invaded my mind, if not completely extinguished, lost strength. Almost by chance, I discovered a magical recipe: against obsession, breathing," narrates Miguel.

Many tools that favor the awareness of the body and the self as body are discovered and valued. The different body therapies, dance, physical contact, conscious breathing, massages, tai chi, chi kung, Gestalt therapy, etcetera. It also helps to dedicate time and attention to activities like walking, feeling the sun and the air on the skin, listening to the sounds around us, excursions, contact with nature.

In the path of transformation, the experience of Gestalt therapy is one of the most useful because it helps to become aware of the body and allows an integration of body and emotions. For a schizoid character like the five—because, during childhood, to survive, they had to disconnect from the intensity of emotions to later continue on this path out of automatic laziness or mental fear of exposing themselves to other predictable catastrophic events—the path of integration is the main route to psychoemotional health.

"Gestalt therapy represents a quick way of contact with emotions, with their existence, their importance, and their usefulness in facing everyday life. It is a simple and fast way to get off the donkey and step into the mud of emotions," opines Marian.

The authentic encounter with other people who question themselves—characteristic of group therapy—offers a great opportunity to the social E5, lacking trust and withdrawn into themselves:

"For me, there has been nothing so surprising, so unexpected, so transformative as being seen and considered as a person. Genuinely. With interest. Without abandoning me and without overwhelming me. Therefore, there are few things that have been more healing—more revolutionarily healing—than finding that other people treat with respect and care not what I think, but what I am," assures Marian.

Descending from the totemic limbo, we discover how we have entangled ourselves in conflictive situations. We find ourselves wounded and in pain, with an explosive load of aggressive feelings. It has been a relief for everyone to see themselves capable of shouting, attacking, rebelling, and releasing a ruthless and wild inner animal that enjoys the fight.

After having discharged everything that was boiling inside, we realize that it was an important vital energy, part of our animal heritage, and not synonymous with violence as we previously believed. When anger is detached from long-held resentment and one is open not only to feeling emotions but also to confrontation in conflicts, it becomes easier to say "no" without too much trouble.

The old behavior of swallowing and renouncing to respond and clarify things no longer makes sense because we feel prepared to set our limits with words and posture.

The knowledge of the personality map expressed through Protoanalysis and the Enneagram of personality has been, for everyone, one of the most significant things in the path of personal development. And this for many important reasons; some of them are: the depth of the information received about oneself; the simplicity of the vision that supports it and the possible dynamics to move away from the periphery of oneself to go towards one's center.

For many, it has been of great importance "to know that there were other fives who had had a childhood similar to mine, their quirks, experiences, and way of seeing were equivalent to mine. This greatly relieved me. I was no longer the weirdest bug in the world, there were others like me," points out Miguel.

Another significant point has been, for those who have had the possibility to experience it in countries where it is allowed, the experience with sacred plants or psychoactives; it can be very important to temporarily place oneself in a dimension where one has not been before, a place where there are more things than one is aware of. The shamanic journey is a great opportunity to know oneself better, to see at what point in life we are, what are the fundamental dynamics, in addition to being a great help to get out of a situation of stagnation and overcome psychic bottlenecks.

What has helped us most on the journey to consciousness? For a person who grew up with the fear of being invaded, meeting their peers becomes a trial by fire: it is what they most seek and need, and what they fear the most because of the disturbances it can mean.

The closest relationships, and therefore the family ones, are the most transformative. It is important to understand the relationship with parents and the love relationship is fundamental: a true school of growth that tests and pushes towards more ambitious goals.

Being able to surrender, gather ways of loving that are usually separated, exchange appreciation and pleasure of being with the other, can create a fluid so sweet and nourishing that it repairs and regenerates damaged existential tissues.

"The romantic relationship has been an important factor of change, a capital influence. Now I have more capacity to be present, open up, enjoy than before. This experience of love is deeper than in the past, due to an inner change. I don't think I have found a better partner," shares Luisfer.

Through the romantic relationship, we realize how our three centers (instinctive, emotional, and mental) are separated and how, for love of oneself and the other, a process of harmonization can be established. To love the other without forgetting oneself, to balance the modality of love expression and, therefore, to harmonize the three types of love that as human beings we can feel and express (maternal, erotic, and devotional), means to cultivate a plant whose fruits can be tasty and nutritious, and to venture on a path of transformation that is surely among the most laborious for a five.

"I have been able to see how much need for love, sexuality, eroticism, and affection that was missing was placed elsewhere, was displaced in a search for spirituality. It was as if there was an eroticization of the spiritual, of the extraordinary. Now I feel more in reality," comments Luisfer.

The arrival of children is experienced as a grace and with a feeling of profound gratitude. It is an experience of joy and emotion, difficult to describe, that opens the heart and connects with humanity. Children have allowed us to open up to a tenderness and feelings that are only lived with them. It is an experience that can break the rooted egocentrism of the social five, directed to take care only of their own things. While learning the pleasure of serving the child, one notices the need to take care of the world to leave it livable for the younger generations.

One of the most important things is the presence of a special friend, recognized as a guide and teacher, with whom a rich process of experiences is initiated. It is fortunate to have found dear friends — some more significant than others — but for many of us, there was a particularly significant encounter with Claudio Naranjo.

"The relationship with Claudio as a teacher has been the most prolonged in time and the most important. First, for what he taught, then through informal contact: eating, walking... learning from his freedom, his ability to be present, to say what is important. I have learned from the devotion and also from the conflicts I have had with him," shares Luisfer.

For my part, I don't believe I could have navigated through what was the most difficult crisis of my life — in which I felt I could lose everything, physically or spiritually — without the recognition of his presence and the feeling of devotion that accompanied it. When I felt like I was exploding and saw the fragments of my personality drifting apart, the level of loneliness and despair was so high that I wouldn't have been able to get through that tough time — which lasted many years — if I hadn't felt the expansive quality of his presence, if I hadn't trusted that somehow I could find protection in him, and if I hadn't sensed that he could help me because he understood without prejudice what I was going through. His presence gave me security, even in acknowledging that certain processes need to flow and that, even when no light is seen, the end of the tunnel, it's a matter of letting the process flow, trying to keep the flame of consciousness alight.

In this sense, some shared meditation experiences have been fundamental, in which I felt such a deep connection that it alleviated my state and took me directly to another state of presence.

Another important element related to Claudio's presence has been the existence of a group of friends gathered around him; especially some of them, with whom we have been meeting for several years to confront and share individual and collective experiences. In those critical moments, it was clear to me that it was a psycho-spiritual working community that positively influenced and influences this part of my existential journey.

A Different Relationship with the Ego

Now, after many years of personal work, we see the limits and are careful when we feel attracted to paths less frequented by ordinary people. On the path of transformation, one learns to recognize the underlying mechanism that fuels the ego and also to accept it when it could be functional for the situation, but not to give it space when it is clear that it leads to the reinforcement of dysfunctional characteristic tendencies.

Therefore, a kind of increasingly refined internal compass develops, allowing us to perceive the elements that are part of the "return home" or when these elements, on the contrary, take us away. We learn to say yes or no to ourselves. It's as if we were preparing not to be seduced by the song of our own sirens, while, on the other hand, we learn to feel the winds that unfurl the sails towards home.

Progressively, as one renounces the useless isolation from people and situations, one also renounces the effort directed at maintaining a parallel world of ideals and illusions. What once seemed a duty of logical and moral coherence now appears in its false and inconsistent function of a mask.

"Returning to the earthly and real world entails giving up our expectations and our fantasies about personal transformation (both our own and others'). Entering the 'I don't know' and sustaining oneself there, renouncing the extraordinary life, being in contrast more present in everyday life, taking care of ourselves, attending to ourselves, establishing more satisfying contacts," shares Marian.

"In everyday life, with its practical aspects, the need for attention towards things and people does not manifest itself once and for all; there remains a territory to explore and know, in which to advance with the capacity to be surprised and a lot of willingness to experiment," opines Miguel.

When falling into the land of men — after having navigated for a long time in parallel universes — one can feel a great disorientation because one still doesn't know well what we want and how to achieve it. We feel uncomfortable in many situations and "we are simply afraid to realize that such simple and concrete matters, and their management, depend largely on our well-being. It discourages us to recognize to ourselves the little confidence we have in being able to achieve what we need in this sense to be satisfied," comments Marian.

In fact, we carry within us an underdeveloped child who needs to learn many things that previously seemed of little importance but now hold great significance in life. It is necessary to have an educational attitude towards ourselves and to take our own hand. This means making room for that child and starting a compassionate dialogue with them to help them walk through life on their own feet.

We realize that, although on one hand we feel closer to ourselves and more naked, without the need for disguises and identifying perfumes, on the other hand, there are still areas of existence that are not functional, do not respond to authentic needs, and tend to prolong their authoritarian permanence.

Regarding the parts of oneself related to old automatic mechanisms — which can form substitutes for life, illusions, sub-totems — a need for acceptance and benevolence matures. Also maturing is a sense of love that the social miser had not even granted to themselves.

"At a certain point, I resolved to stop flagellating, mistreating, censoring myself, and calling myself useless. I decided that the 'dog upstairs' had its utility to warn of errors and deficiencies, but that I should not become a slave to its torturous hobby. From that moment, the times of depression and discomfort or discontent with myself have not disappeared, I still criticize myself from time to time, but this internal disagreement lasts much less than before. I no longer spend entire weeks or complete months mistreating myself. I try to detect as soon as possible those moments when catastrophic thoughts come to my mind, but I don't fight against them; instead, I have the confidence that they will go away, for example, tomorrow, especially if I do something different from today," shares Miguel.

On one hand, it is necessary to let flow, to accept that there is a part that is still not clean, and on the other, not to make concessions to the postponement of the awareness of events and to wish that certain situations and behaviors do not repeat. With determination, if necessary, freeing our house of useless obstacles, behavioral residues that lead nowhere, reducing the field of laziness, and renewing the intention to work on oneself. It is the moment of the warrior's impeccability, of determination, like that of Ulysses with the suitors, but also of infinite love towards oneself.

It is necessary to make room for both attitudes. To accept oneself, both in the parts of light and in the parts of shadow. To carry out the work in a context of trust in the organismic process. Things are as they are; they have their own dynamics; change does not depend on an act of will but on the faith with which they are clothed. We realize that the ego no longer covers us, does not dominate us; its dangerousness is reduced, and we begin to glimpse that there is room for everything, that reality does not have two faces, but is unique.

From another angle, we see how long the path is, how insistent the force of karma is. However, we witness a beneficial process: while new horizons are opening, some typical character traits remain to be diluted and, finally, dissolved. The important thing is to do it with confidence and with a spirit of surrender.

When we surrender with trust to life, the distance from our personality is perceived. We feel good with the perception of the needs to which we give voice and expression; desires are activated that, when previously perceived, were experienced as something unclean, a useless interruption of normal activity. Playing, walking in the field, seeking satisfaction, enjoying, working, etc., become the most natural things in life, and not a contradiction with our own search for fulfillment. We see the deeply good and natural aspect and wonder how it was possible to have dispensed with it for so long.

"After a process of transformation that has led me to tear down all my celestial idols, including a thousand and one conceptions of God, and to distrust everything that smells of escapist transcendentalism, I still feel deep within me that I am not from here; however, this feeling no longer presents itself as a convenient excuse to not get involved in the world, to sublimate pain or escape the inevitable conflicts of day-to-day life, and even less do I use it as a maneuver to feel special, better, or different from others... So, I am more present in daily life, and this is the only reference," explains Pablo.

We also know that the path is long and must be traveled with confidence. We have already had enough experiences to consolidate our faith in the profound nature of things.

\\*Inner Work and Fulfillment\*\

The social E5 is deeply committed to self-improvement and is, therefore, naturally inclined towards inner work. However, it is surprising to see how the fruits of often disciplined and ethically motivated work can be tainted by the vanity of a self dissatisfied with its image in many areas of life. "Look how good I am... what experiences I am capable of achieving," is something we have all told ourselves more than once. Nonetheless, the psycho-spiritual path already traveled is and continues to be fertile ground for planting.

Of course, one can resume and essentialize this path, and fortunately, spiritual practices have their antidotes, which generally have to do with the body. And the social E5 has a great need for the body.

Dynamic spiritual practices like Latihan, dynamic Sufi practices, Zen meditation, meditative listening to music, all practices involving movement and the reduction of mental control have been very important to us: a constant change in experiences is experienced, and the organism's ability to self-recover and self-balance through the suspension of mental control interferences is discovered. For the social E5 burning with the desire for search, it is fundamental to discover the possibility of relaxing, without making the efforts that often served to align with an ideal of behavior and image.

The social E5 has a marked tendency to surrender to experiences like meditation, but has many difficulties integrating them into everyday reality.

Moreover, there is a moment that all of us who contribute to these lines have experienced in which everything learned seems useless or insufficient for daily life, and one goes through a phase "of disappointment in achievements through the extraordinary. The references on the spiritual path have vanished. There has been a fall from the general lines on how things should be and a stay in not knowing. Without references. Abandoning concepts, ideas borrowed from teachers, adopted by affinity but without a very deep or very embodied approach," shares Luisfer. It is as if life, the great teacher, asks us what is truly ours, not borrowed, not stolen.

There are episodes in life that truly test us, and the experience of being in the dark, disoriented, and sometimes desperate, can be an opportunity for change and transformation. We realize that the amount of accumulated experiences, the curriculum of titles, and the supposed level of spiritual maturity are not useful. We renounce the pretense of knowing where we are going and what we are looking for, and this represents a notable novelty. We marvel at how the organism has the capacity to self-regulate and solve what is possible to solve.

"There is no need to know what is not yet known. Nor is there a need to know to be or to find one's place," says Marian.

"I don't know where I have to go, this compulsive need to know where to go has diminished a lot. There has been a strong need to confront an ideal image," shares Luisfer.

This change in perspective and direction, resulting from previous work, contains and expresses more deeply rooted values. It's about the importance of being over having, of feeling over the accumulation of data and resounding experiences. "It's very important to know, to feel, whether it's a lived idea or it's in the head," says Luisfer.

The sensation of being leads to the perception of life as real. Everything becomes simple. "We move towards a state of simplicity. A progressive trust in our human nature that I realize I did not have before," shares Marian.

"Now that the smoke is clearing, more real images can be seen. In this period I live as new, I don't have a precise direction, I don't compare it with ideal images. Today I know that I don't know and I feel much more down to earth," adds Luisfer.

The feeling of being alive is established and it's discovered that because of this there's no need to do much, to strive too much. It's enough to just let oneself be. We surrender to the wisdom of the organism, leaving behind any intention—useless—of control. We experience that the direction of life does not depend on reflection or an act of will. Transformation is the product of a new crystallization of physical, emotional, and mental elements on the basis of a balance that leaves more space for the physical and for something that comes unexpectedly and mysteriously from within.

The experience of a wide space in consciousness is had, in which there is room for oneself and for the world. Sometimes everything seems to emerge from consciousness. One is at the same time actor and scenery, increasing the microcosm-macrocosm relations. Sometimes it seems that there is a single energetic fabric. Somehow, one discovers belonging to the world, being part of an evolutionary process expanded in space and time without taking anything away from one's individuality.

Without dispensing with the intensity of emotions, the wider space in which they are contained softens the alienating impact of identifying with them and also allows for accommodating them with a wider range.

"We accept life as it comes, what it brings and what it takes away, opening ourselves to different experiences and feelings, and not clinging to them... nor avoiding them," comments Marian.

In essence, we discover that we participate in a greater destiny and accept the part that we have to live. More than anything, to be what we are naturally.

Also, the awareness of the end of life, which for a long time was what drove us to take advantage of it, the motivation for a more authentic search, now loses the dramatic tone that accompanied it to be seen as a real possibility that can arrive at any moment and that fades into a process where full and empty, existence and being, life and death, relate and merge into one another.

*The Sexual Five: Confidant {#the-sexual-five-confidant}

E5 Sexual: Trust

The word "trust" would be the basic issue for the sexual five. Among them, there are many poets or artists. Nijinsky was such a five. He had extreme expressiveness, but it was cut off in many aspects.

If one tries to find the difference between the sexual E5 and the other subtypes of the five, it will not be easy. But if one engages in conversation with them, they will hear them say that they feel very passionate about a person; generally, about a person they cannot find in their lives. Here occurs a case similar to the extraordinary search of the social five—the extraordinary would be what is at the top of the totem pole: the sexual E5 seeks a very high specimen. The same happens to them in love: this subtype is on a quest for absolute love, and their search is so strong that, if you are the one being sought, it is very difficult to pass the test. If someone is looking for the absolute, it is very easy for them to feel disappointed.

We must understand this passionate search in the sense of trust, of being able to trust the other: the sexual E5 is looking for that person who will be there for them and with them, no matter how or what, far beyond the normal vows of a commitment or marriage. The thought of the sexual five is that they must be able to present themselves to you with the worst of their inner world, and that you, as their partner, should maintain complete equanimity in front of their inner monsters, since they love you so much...

So they live the love of a couple as a kind of ideal, but it is an ideal that does not exist in the human world. The sexual E5 is quite romantic—this is the least five-like of the E5s. They can be very similar to other fives until you touch the romantic point: then a vibrant internal life will awaken. Chopin can be a good example of this. Who else was the most romantic among composers? Chopin was more of an aristocrat. He was a bit rigid. Someone who knew him quite well—the lover of Liszt—said of him that he was like an oyster with powdered sugar: he was not very open, he was not open to deep intimacy, except with one or two people in his life. Chopin came from Poland and arrived in France as a teenager, but he did not make new friends in France. He was at the center of high society, and his entire sentimental life was replaced by music.

The transformation in the sexual E5 by Mireia Darder

The characters of the enneagram type five live in an inner world where reason and objectivity are kings. At the same time, we believe in unconditional love as a fantastic aspiration, and we think of ourselves as capable of giving it, as well as hoping to find a person who will take us out of our isolation and dryness. And so we can live indefinitely while observing what happens around us in a detached manner.

We isolate ourselves, we do not expect anything from others, and we do not trust life; both people and life itself constitute a cosmos situated behind a glass that separates us from everything. From there, we observe what happens outside as something alien to us due to fear and guilt of existing. On one hand, we live any relationship with the outside world as threatening, which at best will cause us pain. At the same time, deep down, we perceive ourselves as guilty when interacting with others because we feel we may hinder them. We believe that if we do not need and are self-sufficient, we can survive, and thus they will not hurt us, and we will not hurt them. We live the emotional world as threatening and complicated, as something we can do without since it causes displeasure. Therefore, we prefer not to get emotionally involved and stay in the role of observers of life. This same non-involvement gives us a certain emotional infantilism and at the same time an inhibited hypersensitivity since we do not put our own emotions into practice.

"When I was young, I remember walking down the street seeing everything happening outside as a movie of which I was only an observer and could not enter. I felt very distressed and disconnected from everything."

In family relationships, there is usually a disconnection with the parents: the sexual five does not feel connected to them, and this disconnection coexists with a dependency out of necessity. In many cases, the bond with the mother has not existed or has been broken; in others, it has been a cold bond or has been experienced as aggressive. The wound in the bond usually occurs in the first months of life when the baby has not yet established the differentiation between the world and themselves through the maternal bond.

"In the first months of my life, I had two episodes of separation from my mother, which I do not remember, but they left me with the feeling that the world was not a safe or pleasant place to live. The first episode was when I almost drowned at birth, with the consequent disconnection. The second was at nine months: I became dehydrated and my vital signs dropped for a few days. I was between life and death and was operated on to save me. Because of all this, I was hospitalized without my mother, who was in another hospital because she was pregnant with my sister and was at risk of losing her."

The sexual five has locked themselves in, creating a safe inner world filled with ideations, theories, romantic fantasies, and utopias about the search for unconditional love. In this way, they detach from the outside world, which they live as dangerous and full of obstacles that it is better not to show themselves to, emotionally inhibiting themselves and waiting for the right person to appear with whom they can exist and show themselves as they are since this person, in their fantasy, will accept them unconditionally, and they will be able to live, with the obtained security, everything they do not dare to live in the world. Waiting for that encounter, the only time they allow themselves to be themselves is when they are alone, feeling isolated in everyday life.

"I grew up in a relationship. Since I was ten years old, we played at being boyfriends, at fourteen we became real boyfriends, and until twenty-one, we were together. I always believed that the relationship would last a lifetime, and when he broke it, I felt like the world was falling apart. It was the biggest break of my life, after which I realized how the world really was. It took me a long time to recover. It was the longest relationship of my life."

Our fantasy consists of hoping to be able to be and dare to love when the partner who understands us finally appears. In this way, we believe that we can be ourselves completely, and we can become very demanding of the other, given the extreme expectations placed on them. That person is an idealization, and as such, it is impossible for them to exist. At the beginning of a relationship, one can feel that the other is everything, but as it progresses, it becomes apparent that the person is human, with the consequent frustration, in front of which we inhibit ourselves emotionally, leading to isolation. Until basic relationship and affection needs accumulate, demanding to be satisfied and channeled again. Then someone chosen is sought to confide in or a new partner is sought to start over.

The E5s feel neurotically different and want to be different: a difference that involves not feeling the same emotions as others and not moving through life driven by power thirst and consumerist desires. We have renounced being and existing as a way of surviving; we have renounced showing our feelings. We also try to renounce our needs, prioritizing knowledge as a way to control life. Thus, emotional non-dependence is guaranteed, except for the partner, in which case it is an exaggerated dependence.

"I studied psychology because I did not understand myself at all. I did not understand what was happening with my body and my sexuality; I lived everything as something alien. I also did not understand anything about others: they were moved by things that did not affect me. I hoped to find the tools that would help me at university. In my studies, I found a lot of scientific knowledge, mainly behaviorism, which did not connect me with myself. A few months before finishing, I had some panic attacks; I did not know what I had to do with my life. Only when I discovered humanistic psychology and began receiving therapy could I validate my feelings and sensations and understand myself more."

The Path of Transformation

The first step towards transformation is to realize the existence of an internal world where one lives disconnected from reality, both in romantic fantasies of finding unconditional love and in catastrophic fantasies about what could happen if one shows and opens up. Being aware that one lives in an extreme world of fantasy, not in contact with reality, is the first step towards change.

Transformation begins when one leaves the world of reason and makes room for sensation, recognition of needs, and feeling part of the world without needing so much isolation. It is important to realize that the body is where one can feel pleasure and displeasure and that from there, we can know what one needs and wants.

"I did bodywork, and the first time I moved my hips after five years, I felt like I was breaking in half; I believed I had to be rigid."

When one gives themselves permission to exist and leaves renunciation as a way of life, a psychological change can occur, influencing the way of thinking. This new way of thinking influences the senses; seeing, hearing, listening, feeling, tasting, touching, doing, and not doing. Additionally, lost senses are recovered, which is equivalent to recovering life itself, so little felt, so dry for a sexual five.

For all this to be possible, it is necessary to go through the process of psychologically killing the parents: with this, all the introjects we have swallowed about how we have to be and act will die, leading to paralysis and isolation, compartmentalization.

"For me, it was very important to be able to see my parents as people who had defects and were normal. When I first did an enneagram course and could assign them a trait, I felt liberated from their yoke. Later, when I did the Hoffman Process, I experienced how I freed myself from them and felt very free and individualized."

When we finally begin to release the chains that bind us to our parents and feel more rooted in life, the heart also begins to open, and a feeling of being the authors of our own destiny emerges, recovering the paternal or inner authority figure, castrated by an excessively authoritarian family member.

It is necessary to escape from the demands imposed on us, the invasion suffered, detach from internal parents and kill them psychologically, so that we can affirm ourselves in our own way of doing things and being, as a first step to feeling and living from ourselves. Thus, we can leave behind the fear and guilt of existing, externalizing what is happening to us and feeling, finding the right to be as we are. We can leave ourselves more at peace and not be so judgmental of ourselves while realizing that it is possible to escape isolation to meet our needs pleasurably. We can understand that the risk of feeling can be assumed and that living with more emotion can lead to pleasant results. We can let the trains pass in front of us without catching them, but also board one and enjoy it, suffer and realize that we have not yet disappeared, nor have we been annihilated. We can accept reality more completely, without partializing it, without preconceived schemes, we can sustain the void of not knowing and daring to feel, taking the reins of our own life along the path we want, without predetermined determination.

In this way, sometimes we will come into contact with the feeling of happiness and achievement; other times, we will feel pain and sadness, and we will accept anger, giving ourselves the right to express it, moving from dryness and inhibition to feeling alive and vital.

Without the influences of fears, guilt, and ghosts that limited our existence, we can live the profound meaning of life and recover the open and clear ability to communicate with others: setting and removing boundaries, transforming fear of others into love that arises spontaneously in contact with the other, etc.

If before we gave materially, as a way to compensate for our emotional disengagement towards others, now we give and take. As Fritz Perls might say, now we bite and chew well in all senses, the result of losing fear, mistrust, and the feeling of spiritual poverty.

In the process of transformation, therapy can help us establish a bond with the therapist and see that nothing happens, that we remain there and change, and are accepted as we are. Such a process helps us to accept ourselves without judgment and to embody ourselves in the corporeal.

"One of the things that most excited me in therapy was that my therapist validated what was happening to me and helped me express it without restrictions, telling me that 'what is happening to you is okay, you have the right to feel that,' without questioning me."

What serves as the beginning of the path of a sexual five can also serve for other path beginnings: trusting and daring to let oneself be touched by others and by life.

In the process, we move from being good children to rebels, and from rebels to good men and women. We stop being passive subjects, observers of our life and the world, to become the protagonists of our own existential path. Finally, we dare to love anyone we may find without more, giving what we are without needing to retain or accumulate for when there is none. We can establish unions; we are capable of having feelings and expressing them in the here and now. We can be part of life at all times, taking it whole. We can feel that we are part of a whole with others, that we belong. We dare to express what we think and are even in adverse circumstances, and we can be with someone because we want to and not out of pure practicality.

"One of the first times I dared to show my emotionality was while teaching. I felt that I had been mediocre; I thought I had not done well, and I expressed it. How surprised I was to see that others valued me very positively and liked my way of teaching."

What Helps in the Transformation Process

Emotional expression is essential to enter the transformation process. Gestalt therapy can be an important tool as it promotes expression. Expressing and asking a little more than one thinks is needed from people in general—and not just the partner—is an effective way not to isolate oneself.

It is necessary to commit to life, to psychotherapy, to have a partner, children, and to dare to live. And, of course, it helps to go through the ego-destroying Program SAT.

The type of therapy that can help the sexual five is one that values spontaneity, de-guilt, and promotes letting oneself be what one is, without too much theory. Not demanding oneself and leaving oneself in peace sometimes implies, paradoxically, recognizing the need for isolation and not demanding to be what one is not.

Connection with the body as a path to the recovery of the senses is fundamental. Especially bodywork as a way to recover lost vitality and energy. As one feels vital, they can go out into the world, to meet others. The body is also where needs can be felt, to be satisfied from there. In bodywork, it is important to recover the feeling of grounding and, in this way, energy.

Working with sexuality as a place of pleasure and enjoyment can help one find unknown parts of oneself or places that previously seemed non-existent. On the other hand, learning to relax and release muscle tension can help to feel greater fluidity.

Meditation weakens the negative impulses of our ego and frees us from other aspects that imprison a healthy mind. In it, experiences of feeling connected to the world and belonging to it can be experienced, even recovering the desire to live, which is a fundamental step to opening up.

Volunteer work, such as involvement in some form of social work, where one can relate, discuss with others, and carry out tasks without expecting anything in return or any remuneration, is particularly indicated. Ideally, it would be interesting to work in helping marginalized groups or involve children or animals as a way to have contact with the real world without it being experienced as threatening from the beginning.

Recovering the bond with the nurturing mother, once the introjected, demanding, absent, and invasive mother is dead, helps to feel that there is no separation, that we are part of the same. Through that bond, the key to loving and being loved fluidly opens, wanting to stop filling it only through the partner. Then, finally, the sexual five can fill themselves with love to give it without exclusive or highly selective relationships, and can love life and people in general simply because they exist. The work will involve expanding the circle of relationships where we can express our emotions and allow that flow to nurture us spontaneously, so we can see that exchange is necessary not to dry up.

Experimenting with forms of expression such as art, dance, poetry, creating stories or tales, so that what is happening internally can be given an outlet, will put our healing process on the path to maturity.

*The Self-Preservation Five: Refuge {#the-self-preservation-five-refuge}

The need to retreat is a clear characteristic for the conservation type five. However, it must be taken into account that each subtype of the E5 has some of that: a need to withdraw. In the case of conservation, the passion has a lot to do with finding refuge, erecting high walls that separate them from a world that can invade them, that can take them out of a small precious world hidden inside them. The idea of self-conservation becomes clearer if we imagine them as firm supporters of retreating into a cave. The E5 conservation extremely limits their needs and desires, as each desire could mean a status of dependency for them.

Like every conservation subtype, this one is also linked to survival and the concrete, attached to objects and personal space; but as E5, which is the most mental of the mental characters, it is in thought, in incessant reflection on the way to survive and live by limiting external disturbances, where they find the greatest refuge.

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The transformation in E5 conservation by José Ignacio Fernández

I got to know the Enneagram in 1998 and it had a great impact on me to identify myself in the type five character, seeing for the first time that there were other people like me. Knowing that the creator of the adaptation of the Enneagram to modern psychology was Claudio Naranjo, I always wanted to delve deeper by approaching him, his school, and his books. This led me to undertake the SAT process and to offer my collaboration after the II International Symposium on the Psychology of the Enneatypes, held in Pilas, Seville, in 2008\. I am deeply grateful to Claudio for having created this system that has helped me so much and helps others to go beyond themselves.

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How the process starts: seeing the cave I am in

At first, the main work for ego healing consists of becoming aware of one's own vengeful attitude towards the world, which manifests itself with separateness. It involves undoing the victim image that judges the world as hostile, inadequate, hypocritical, ignorant, brutal, etc. When this issue becomes clear, one becomes aware that withdrawal and hiding are forms of aggression towards others.

The process also involves becoming aware of one's own vulnerability, hypersensitivity, and fear of being crushed, and realizing that these difficulties are so great that they lead to avoidance and disconnection.

It is about seeing how little life one has, that the choice to manage with little implies living little. That giving up needs means having a rather unsatisfactory life. In the end, it is about seeing that there is a great passion for not wearing oneself out, for conserving one's energies, as there is no faith in being able to obtain more.

It is necessary to identify the unattainable ideal of the self. An ideal built of visions of wisdom and profound and elevated knowledge, of greatness, of overwhelming strength, of power, even of omnipotence. Becoming aware of this already helps to begin to bring this ideal a little closer to reality, thus raising the level of self-esteem, which is especially low.

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Avoiding conflict

Conflict is experienced internally and it is necessary to see the toll this entails. On the one hand, the price is self-aggression by internalizing anger, internal rage. Also, killing the other internally: the inner beheader. It is useful to recognize the mechanism by which, when what is perceived as a particularly painful aggression occurs, a great resentment develops internally, which, however, the conservation five barely allows themselves to express outwardly. The most common consequence of this resentment is a reaction of withdrawal that may be accompanied by certain actions if their own safe space is threatened. Resentment is a constant and at some point, it is necessary to see to what extent there is an attachment to it. So much so, that this attachment leads to an internalized vengeful attitude. A testimony can clarify such a process:

"I have indeed left many relationships after feeling hurt by something. The process is always very similar: first something happens that hurts me, I do not express it, I keep it inside and later I start to have feelings of rejection or devaluation towards that person and I withdraw, stop having contact with them. Normally, the person in question never knows the reason for my withdrawal," says Ignacio Fernández.

A typical way of living the conflict is to inhibit the response, sometimes changing it for the opposite behavior to what is felt. For example, when someone unexpectedly shows an aggressive and demanding attitude towards a conservation five, they may accept what is demanded of them to escape the pressure, but at the same time begin to feel a sense of anger inside for not having reacted in a way more in line with their desires, displacing the action.

"When I started that job, there were already three people there, and one of them had the only copy of the key to enter. During the day, the building remained closed, so we had to open and close it upon entry and exit. I tended to arrive late and from the beginning, I found it very humiliating to be at the mercy of someone else opening the door for me, making me aware of my tardiness. Perhaps at first, I questioned the system, but soon I accepted it, at least apparently. However, after a year of this situation, when circumstances were favorable, I managed to get the person in charge to give me another copy of the keys, which greatly angered the person who had previously enjoyed that power. This caused a conflict that remained covert for a long time until it exploded years later," says Ignacio.

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Clandestine action

Acting in secret so that their actions do not compromise them becomes a way of avoiding confrontation and avoiding generating expectations or relationships of dependency.

The hyper-adaptability manifests, for example, in a compulsive way of saying yes to an external demand if the refusal can be uncomfortable or lead to conflict, and in saying what one believes the other person wants to hear. The change involves seeing to what extent this implies a betrayal of oneself and leads to giving up the satisfaction of one's own needs.

The tendency to anesthetize oneself, to forget and to mental confusion is another notable trait of this character. Working on attention and intention at the moment things happen is a good way to counteract this tendency. There is an internal idea of not wearing oneself out by paying attention to things that are trivial to oneself and a resistance to remembering such things. In addition, the habit of being disconnected makes it difficult to be fully aware of what is happening around. Information is lost and then the action becomes clumsy.

"Appearing invisible, playing deaf, that was a way to hide from my own sense of discomfort, of perceiving myself as a coward, a fearful person who, at any sign of threat, would run to hide inside the house. \[...\] I never knew if my perceptions were correct, if my reactions were appropriate, if my feelings were acceptable," says Luciano, describing his childhood.

Seeing one's own withdrawal as aggression also helps, allowing one to take responsibility for it, and consequently, opening the door to being able to see the toll being paid for this withdrawal in one's own life. It also allows understanding conflicts from our personal history, to stop seeing ourselves in them as victims, and to pave the way to understanding others, especially those who hurt us. It is the beginning to deactivate the resentment to which one is so often attached.

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The avarice of time

Not wasting time is an obsession. In the E5 conservation, there is a passion for making the most of time but without a clearly defined purpose, it is rather something diffuse that is connected with when "wasting time."

This character needs to see to what extent they feel attached to objects and safe places, even transferring their emotional bonds to these. Something similar also happens with the few relationships they establish: although they have little awareness of their attachment to them, they actually feel great attachment and possessiveness.

"Recently I understood what attachment was. That getting lost in the other without any limits. Giving everything to the other and being left with nothing, from a little worthiness, \[I understood\] that I have defended myself from sticking with an extreme distance, but when I opened up and related, I not only opened up but went to the other extreme of sticking to the other and losing my dreams, my flat, my limits," says Beatriz Helena Vega.

The E5 conservation also needs to realize the great attachment they have to their own intuitions, ideas, or deductions, and the impoverishment that entails by clinging to them, closing themselves off to other points of view. Realizing that many times criticisms or disagreements with these ideas are experienced as personal devaluation and aggression. And also how this leads to a reaction that can be of offense or arrogance, but also of self-devaluation.

Given the passion for the elevated, for fantasy worlds, it is necessary to see that it constitutes a sterile search if it is done from disconnection in a vain attempt to give life meaning.

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Starting to connect

The first point of reconnection with oneself is to recognize one's own needs:

"During my first year of therapy, I lived through a situation that was decisive for me. I remember a night with my partner when suddenly I see her start to cry. I don't understand anything. Then, after a few moments, she tells me that she has decided to leave me. I am left in suspense, I begin to think: well, it's okay, I will meet others more interesting, I will be free, better, and things like that. However, after a few moments, I begin to feel a very great pain, an infinite pain. Something inside me said: you see?, it has happened to you again, you have lost it again. Then I felt that I was playing everything in that moment and I cried like never in my life, I literally felt like I was breaking inside. That also reached her heart and the relationship continued. It was the first time in my life that I realized that I needed another person," says Ignacio.

Taking care of the body, appearance, and personal image: realizing that it is not something for others. Allowing oneself to want to please others and oneself... All of this is fundamental.

"For me, taking care of myself is treating my body with love and delight. For example, I used to see physical activity as something useful to achieve an ideal, to have a strong body by subjecting it to discipline, subduing it, and it was like fighting against myself. Now I have learned that physical activity can be a pleasure. Without pursuing an ideal goal, the enjoyment is in the activity itself, which also gives me a sense of more presence, of more connection with my existence," says Ignacio.

Nutrition is another factor to change. There can be a lack of interest, neglect, eating for the sake of eating. Other times it can be compulsive eating to fill the void. There can also be automatisms that should be discarded: eating while reading, watching television, etc. It is about transforming all this into conscious eating and also eating with enjoyment, with delight.

At first, there is great disinterest in people in general, for example, wasting time getting to know someone who is not interesting for something. The change comes by paying attention to names, to the trivialities they tell one, but it is about loving attention, which must be given when there is a genuine interest, without implying forcing oneself to do it with everyone. Respecting oneself in this is important. One must learn to say no when one really does not want to pay attention.

Experiencing situations of joy, jubilation, uncontrollable laughter, spontaneous play, is another element of transformation. It is necessary to recognize and identify two mechanisms: freezing and rationalization or intellectualization. Only by experiencing these situations can we become aware of the paralyzing effect of these mechanisms and allow them to become more habitual and lasting. Not taking things so seriously and not taking oneself so seriously is an attitude that also helps.

And, of course, experiencing pleasure helps. Realizing that one can only enjoy from trust in the other.

Another area to explore is experimenting with one's own assertiveness. This character is so unassertive that sometimes it is difficult even to understand what it is. Starting to respond differently is part of the transformation: being more congruent with oneself, trying to say what one wants to say, even if it is not what the other expects to hear...

When the anger so characteristic of the conservation five comes into play, consisting of punishing in silence, not speaking, showing a bad face, etc., it is about becoming aware of the inner discomfort it causes and experimenting with other ways of reacting. For example, sharing what one has felt can be very liberating.

Showing oneself more is a very important part of the process. Coming out of the cave is also letting others know one more. Sometimes, the fear of generating expectations in others is so great that there is an intentional concealment of oneself. Hence the appearance of being strange. The work is to realize that one can share information about oneself, opinions, emotions, tastes, while reserving a space of intimacy. Sometimes there is a desire to share everything intimate, and it is about being able to share this space with whom one wants and when one wants.

Detaching from cherished objects and safe places is a big step forward. There is a lot of attachment and emotional transfer to certain personal objects; the first step for this is to become aware of such attachment and move forward even further by trying to let go.

How does all this process result? Transformation consists of feeling more alive, acquiring a new vision of oneself and the world. It is also discovering that life hurts and above all it is discovering what love is. And this is a great discovery. It opens the door to living relationships more intensely, developing trust. From there, there can also be a new intuition of what spirituality truly means.

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Taking one's own space

Taking one's own place is activating an antidote to resignation. It is typical of the conservation five to resign rather than take risks: "taking risks for what?", "it's not worth it," are the usual thoughts. It is a path of renunciation from the fear that what is desired cannot be achieved. There are desires, but they are sublimated, diverted, replaced by small things or simply annulled. Well, it is about trying to take risks, starting to identify one's own desires and needs and taking steps to achieve at least some of them and feeling what happens with it.

The next step is to develop more presence, to participate where one is. This opens the conservation five to being more connected and generates more intense relationships with people around. It means being more available to the demands of others and also allowing oneself to need others. It is a work of developing trust in oneself and in others.

It is necessary to learn to express oneself more directly. To ask more clearly, to speak louder. Accept that sometimes they will listen and pay attention and sometimes they will not. The same goes for opinions and ideas: it is about expressing them when one wants to, accepting that sometimes they will be liked and sometimes not. It is important to detach from one's own ideas and conclusions.

Developing empathy means putting oneself in the place of the other. Seeing from the perspective of the other. Developing understanding and compassion.

Taking one's own space is another attribute that helps. In social settings, at work, etc., it is transformative to take one's own place. The opposite of hiding and disconnecting is showing oneself and being connected, being respectful of what comes from oneself. It is not an abrupt and clumsy coming out but a conscious and connected one, congruent with one's own feeling, with awareness of one's own needs and fears.

Often, it will be necessary to do what is most difficult for a conservation five: teaching groups, leading therapy groups, doing individual therapy, giving lectures, leading a team, to name a few examples. And also allowing oneself to live one's emotions and instincts. Trying to let go.

"My sexuality awoke from very early ages and was always linked to my fantasy, I could say that the creations of my imagination always mediated in my experience and sexual desire. A strong contradiction between a great need and desire and great fear led me until the end of adolescence without having a real experience with a woman. And also then I always needed to resort to the creations of my imagination. The first big step was the experience of feeling my partner as someone real, feeling her desire for me, for my body, and recognizing the fear I felt to abandon myself to pleasure, to give myself to pleasure with her. I experienced a great advance. Years later another experience connected me with a great desire for another woman, reciprocated, which led me to feel for the first time in my life being totally surrendered, in a passionate and instinctive way, living something like the fulfilled dream of being through surrendering to pleasure," narrates Ignacio.

Another step is reconciling with one's masculinity or femininity, as appropriate, which are so suppressed by such little experience of one's instinctive part. This means recovering one's own aggressiveness, understood as adgredere, to go towards, to put the energy into achieving a goal, to satisfy a need.

Celebrating a birthday party and, in general, organizing parties for fun is very helpful. This can be very good because it is so strange for this character to be the host at one of these events. And also, it is likely that they discover that they actually like it.

Allowing their friends to get to know each other, taking them out of the separate compartments where they often have them, and doing it consciously, will be a step forward.

It can be good to learn jokes and tell them. To make others laugh. To laugh at oneself and, in general, to give life to their inner child.

"For me, it is allowing myself to do crazy things, giving myself the luxury of saying what I think, allowing myself a bit of narcissism, self-promotion, self-indulgence, giving myself a break, a satisfaction," says Maurizio Cei.

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Blooming

It is coming to give oneself. Giving oneself to life through others. Giving one's time and attention. It is finding what one is in the world for. Finding what life and the world expect from us. This is not a goal, it is a process. It requires developing an intention to go towards and act on what is present. An example can be illustrative:

"During my therapeutic process and my training as a therapist, I went through several phases. At first, it was something I did for my own growth, I never imagined being a therapist. Later, the desire to be a therapist someday appeared in me, as I realized how much it helped me to be connected, but I saw it as something distant, someday when I had sufficiently prepared and obtained the necessary titles. Finally, I started to practice as a therapist with my current resources. First, it was organizing and leading a Zen meditation group. Then the idea of doing a gestalt workshop arose, then a series of bioenergetics workshops. Next, someone asked me for individual therapy, then a colleague sent me another patient... Throughout this process, I could experience my fears, my insecurities, my ignorance, but I also discovered that I had many more resources than I believed and increasingly trusted myself," says Ignacio.

Developing a commitment to service is fundamental, in the field that has personal meaning for each one. For example, working with groups, being a therapist, or similar.

Meditation, naturally, will be more useful once a process of self-knowledge has begun, as without such a process there would be a risk of using it as a refuge. It can be useful to connect with the "without a defined purpose," "without seeking anything" of Zen.

Leading, motivating, taking the reins, in any case, from a purpose with personal meaning, are transformative elements, always from a purpose congruent with moving towards self-realization. Whatever the point of the path one is on.

"Embarking on a project that involves opening my own practice, having a psychotherapy center with other people, has meant daring to let myself be seen, going out into the public sphere, aware of my fears and difficulties and also of the satisfactions and opportunities it offers me," says Ignacio.

Helping others to heal is another step. From where one is and with one's own resources, whether as a therapist or as a teacher, parent, sibling, friend, or whatever. This can lead to connecting more and more frequently and counteracting the tendency towards self-absorption.

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Finally, it especially helps to work and balance the three loves through relationships, giving more space to compassionate-maternal love and recovering and giving life to erotic love or love-enjoyment.

Type Six: Fear

If the E9 seeks to overcome the anxiety of separation with forgetfulness or the illusion that it never existed, the E6 has a surprising awareness of loss and, in the face of it, reacts compulsively to defend against the danger inevitably spread in the external world.

The passion Fear implies a compulsive need—not determined by internal or external events—to move in relationships and in the world always in a state of alert. The anxiety of the loss of meaning becomes constant background anxiety, which it manages to mitigate with a clear separation between good and evil. It is as if, faced with the anxiety of feeling lost and fragmented, the E6 finds relief only in constantly defending against danger, with the illusion that Fear will guarantee control to foresee from where or from whom that danger will come. The anxiety is channeled through the search for the enemy—the cause of the suffering experienced—even preferring to feel guilty to avoid navigating an uncontrollable ocean.

This tension implies a disconnection from one's own emotions and a paralysis of action, because since each action would be a possibility of error (guilt that deserves punishment) and each error would be irreversible, it paralyzes in the face of experimentation.

They try to anticipate difficulties using thought as a way to control and study the consequences of causes and effects (like in a game of chess). Deep down, the anxiety is intimately connected with the fear of being the cause (guilt) of separation, rejection, and therefore their interpersonal style and philosophy of life are always based on self-accusation and devaluation, a deep self-rejection (fixation).

During childhood, there is often a lack of a guiding or paternal authority (understood here as a function not necessarily identifiable with the physical father) connected to reality, irrationally punitive or emotionally dangerous, and a relationship with the father or mother experienced, on the one hand, as castrating and harmful, and on the other, as a source of protection.

Like all schizoid types, the E6 splits good and evil, identifying alternately with one or the other, in a constant attempt to feel good to be safe from the danger of being punished, and therefore deserving rejection; they find refuge in the search for meanings and interpretations of reality, with a ruminative and labyrinthine way of thinking, completely losing contact with reality itself.

Regarding interpersonal relationships, this attitude often focuses on perceiving the other as a potential enemy; cultivating distrust instead of maintaining contact with the difficulties or pain that intimate relationships may involve. Accusation is their style of contact with themselves and the world, aiming to control where the evil is, where the enemy is, ultimately reaffirming themselves as their own enemy.

Instinctivity must be controlled and kept at bay because surrendering would mean opening the doors to a devastating external invasion, thinks the E6: the head must always be in command of experiences.

*The Social Six: Duty {#the-social-six-duty}

Here is what I call a "Prussian character." The social six is cold, very formal. Kant, for example, was a great philosopher. He was Prussian, and the Prussians had this type of character that feels great love for precision and intolerance for ambiguity. This is precisely the complete opposite of the conservation six, who is warm and feels too much permissiveness for ambiguity.

Among the Nazis, there were many social sixes. Their behavior is very visible: "this is the line, the party line, the line that defines who the good guys are and who the bad guys are... and what we need to do, and we do it very efficiently." In efficiency, the social six is similar to an E3.

Ichazo used the word duty, which is more than just being concerned with duty, as social sixes are primarily concerned with the point of reference. They have the mind of a legislator, with clear categories. Their intellectual orientation is to know very well where the north is, where the south is, the west, and the east, and...

And if they ever wanted to become human beings, they would first need to go crazy and forget all the reference points. They need to forget duty—no duty—and connect with instinct and intuition, with life.

The transformation in the Social Six by Gerardo Ortiz

After years of personal work, what remains behind?

It seems a very difficult task to make a self-assessment of my process over time and not fall into the conscious or unconscious temptation to favor myself in the evaluation, pretending to sell the idea that I am currently better. However, recognizing the great subjectivity in which I can fall by doing this self-evaluation forces me to be stricter and more demanding when applying this test to myself, making an exercise of honesty.

With this preamble made explicit, I can refer to my conclusion, sharing that a significant element in this diagnosis is the feeling of well-being with myself, achieved in recent times. This is a real novelty, as for many years of my life I felt a deep rejection of being as I was and maintained a fierce fight against myself.

This felt sensation—as Eugene Gendlin calls it in his book on Focusing—of deep well-being, pleasure, and joy for being as I am, is the seal of guarantee that I am not deceiving myself and that this appreciation I now feel for myself is the fruit conquered over years of work and commitment to my personal transformation.

I recognize that several characteristic and defining traits of my personality have not ceased to manifest. However, I can confidently say that their intensity has decreased.

I have not stopped feeling anxiety, but it is no longer an experience that traps and takes hold of me. Now it is lighter and sporadic in its presentation, and most of the time, controllable.

I am learning to be patient and not to get angry when things do not go as I intend or I do not have control over them.

Likewise, I have incorporated flexibility into my behavioral repertoire and my body through dance and body expression, which helps me not to obsess over the idea that everything has to be done according to my codes or points of view.

I have also managed to significantly reduce judging— that favorite sport or pastime that traps us social sixes—also recognizing that this aspect is intimately intertwined with self-esteem, as every time I made a judgment, I was indirectly manifesting with arrogance that the people I put on trial were inferior to me.

Currently, I do not need to belittle or take away anyone's authority to feel valuable. Now I recognize myself as important and valuable, without having to resort to vanity or arrogance. I am no longer afraid to show myself nor do I feel guilty for not being as others want me to be. Episodes of inadequacy appear less and less intensely, they are more sporadic, and I feel more capable of socializing, leaving behind the shyness that accompanied me for many years of my life.

Among the pending subjects, I recognize that decision-making is still a topic to continue working on, as it is true that I stop much less in the face of the challenge of changes, but I still do not do it at the speed I would like.

Traits and attitudes acquired during the process

By contacting my deepest emotions and expressing them adequately, I have found tranquility and inner calm, developing the ability to be patient, to be moved, and to get enthusiastic.

By making decisions from strength and courage, I have felt my self-esteem increase, and I have been able to let go of the belief that "everything is going to go wrong." The same happens to me when I dissent from authorities and express it, and also when I handle frustration better, accepting that I cannot please everyone and stopping imagining what others might think of me, while avoiding self-judgment and judging others.

A genuine joy of living has been born in me, leading me to meet new people and establish a greater number of affective bonds; now I surrender to the flow of life with confidence, accepting what is, what comes, flowing with intuition, stopping just enough in thought to immediately act with freedom and courage.

I recognize myself with a better sense of humor, I laugh easily, even at myself. I find myself flexible and open to listening to other opinions different from mine. I find benevolence with those who confront me, without automatically discrediting them in my mind. I am more self-indulgent, I see myself with less critical eyes and I am able to embrace, shelter, and accept myself in my weakness and with my mistakes.

I trust myself. I am more secure in my physical appearance, the energy that my presence radiates, my knowledge and wisdom, my sexual power. In touching and being touched. I live pleasure with enjoyment, I savor it.

What helps on the path?

I confess that, in my case, the path is still being made and, nevertheless, I have walked with decisive steps, thanks to unblocking or completing, through therapeutic exercises, intimate situations that have been barriers in my life.

For example, facing fear. Frequently doing something that scares me or can provoke it, without risking any life, knowing that fear is an ally, not an obstacle. Recognizing it, recognizing my doubt, my ambiguity, has been painful and at the same time liberating. I have let go of the need to be perfect. Other times I have intentionally failed in some responsibility entrusted to me, like arriving late to one of my therapy groups, for example.

By expressing my disagreement with authority and defending my position, I manage to act with determination and strength, with courage, feeling the impulse regardless of what they say. On the other hand, practicing compassionate love with myself has helped me to heal from self-demand and self-criticism.

Therapeutic theater has helped me. Exaggerating my own character, my gestures, or acting out my opposite has liberated me, as it has allowed me to bring to my daily life an antidote tool against my character. Every day I leave home as if I were brave.

As a psychotherapist that I am, the Gestalt and body approach, the SAT process, contact with Claudio Naranjo, with his being and his work, meditation, body work, expression, biodanza, and authentic movement have helped me in my process of discovering myself: removing what covers me and does not allow me to shine with my own light.

More particularly, working with my parental figures has helped me: it has allowed me to detach from my mother's toxicity, a very fearful woman who breastfed me with her insecurity, as well as to shake off the gray shadow of a father without courage.

A different relationship with the ego

Above all, I want to mention the awareness and acceptance of the ego as the psychic structure that has helped me get to where I am. Knowing, recognizing, and accepting myself as a coward has been a painful and sad mission, and it has also been the catapult that has launched me to come out of myself and start to dare. I have learned to live without a previous script, with the certainty of having the courage to face whatever comes, knowing that at every moment I will have the right answer. I am learning to tolerate uncertainty.

Here, I want to refer to changes achieved in my professional practice as a therapist. Before, when giving therapy, I was very concerned with determining what my next intervention would be and I was filled with anticipatory anxiety trying to comply with my mental scheme of how the process should continue in each session. Now I never know what my next intervention will be, I remain silent, without resorting to any established pattern in my mind, of how to be a good therapist and how a good session develops. Instead, I wait, I am fully present, in contact with myself and my client, and something always arises, and it is precisely what appears that indicates my next step. This makes me enjoy my work much more, and each session is a unique and wonderful experience. No two are alike.

I am in deep contact with my desire versus what I should feel, I judge less harshly, critically. I recognize my fears, doubts, anxiety, and ambiguity, although, paradoxically, I find serenity and joy, with less mental dispersion. I am more attentive.

What has helped us open our hearts

Evidently, the SAT process, which I have completed twice, has been fundamental. And also the meditation retreat with Claudio Naranjo for ten days, where his presence and his guidance, at a decisive moment when he suggested I practice authentic movement, led me to contact a transpersonal experience that began with panic and terror on my part, where at times I thought I was going crazy, but which I was able to sustain, and that sensation transmuted into a very profound experience of contact with an infinitely loving presence within me.

Meditation, Gestalt and body therapeutic work, energy work, breathing, body expression, unblocking body segments; the sensitization and contact workshops I facilitate; holotropic breathing exercises with classical music, especially sacred music, have helped me.

In my work as a therapist, I am constantly faced with the dramatic realities of my patients, who generously share their wounded intimacy with me, generating in me the effect of the drop of water that constantly falls and, by force of hitting the stone, gradually wears it down. The same effect is produced in my heart by the daily sharing of my patients' pain, subtly and slowly opening it, from compassionate understanding and solidarity.

Participating in indigenous rituals and celebrations with sacred plants, such as yopo, whose influence made me connect with what I call the album of my life, has helped me. I visualized many people I had forgotten about, like the driver of the school bus from kindergarten when I was four years old, and many other people who throughout my life I judged insignificant, like the old lady Doña Cande, who ran the shop we used to buy sweets from as children.

I also saw my mother and father with my grandparents and great-grandparents and many other men and women who paraded with them before me, and whom I was sure were my ancestors. There was no shortage in that vision of a group of people who have been, throughout my life, my benefactors or teachers. At one point I burst into a gentle cry, feeling deep gratitude for each of the people who appeared in my journey, recognizing that they had all contributed something to my life and enriched me.

On another occasion, the indigenous ceremony was animated by the sacred plant yagé, and at the risk of appearing irreverent to a religious audience, I dare to compare this ritual to receiving the sacrament of the Eucharist. A mystical presence manifested in me and a deep voice that emerged from within called me to surrender to the divine, recognizing in all existence and all people, the manifestation of God.

Experiences like these have motivated me to practice compassionate love and to open my heart even more, as well as to look at others beyond appearances, seeking their essence, accepting them as they are and recognizing their inner richness as human beings.

Recommendations for therapeutic work with a social six ego

The premise is that people with this character do a lot of body work, grounding exercises, dance, spontaneous movement, sensitization and contact exercises, promoting the exploration of pleasure (Dionysian experiences); work with creativity and artistic expression (clay, painting, sculpture, etc.), favoring the expression of feelings and focusing on contact with emotions.

It also helps to meditate and even practice Gurdjieff's stop technique, where several times a day, we stop to respond to what I am doing, what I am thinking, and what I am feeling. It is also necessary to work with compassionate love to balance it with admiring or devotional love, which is almost always the most developed.

A lot of emphasis must be placed on generating self-confidence. They need to be helped to discover the courage to act and make decisions, following the impulse to question norms, structures, submission, obedience, and the need to please. It is important that the patient learns to act immediately, as this does not allow time for doubt to appear and, therefore, anxiety does not appear either.

The optimal state of a social six

The optimal state of an Enneagram type six, social subtype, in my opinion, is the full acceptance of oneself and one's fears. This acceptance will allow me to relax and conceive a deep state of gratitude, joy, and self-confidence. Freed from the sense of duty, I will be able to choose the life I want to live every day, trusting with my heart and intuition, feeling loved for what I am and not for what I do.

In this way, the next step will be to live my emotions freely, containing myself with kindness, being sober but with a sense of humor, optimistic, joyful, experiencing life with serenity, calm and peace, open to fun, enjoyment, and pleasure.

I will express my unconditional and non-judgmental love, balanced in the three loves; I will show myself and be assertive and trustworthy without explaining or justifying actions, accepting error and the ability to correct, in myself and others. I will live creating a world of possibilities, with more tranquility, facing what comes at the moment without thinking about hypotheses, risks, or dangers.

*The Sexual Six: Strength {#the-sexual-six-strength}

And here is the so-called counterphobic character: the Sexual Six goes against fear. We could call this neurotic need "strength." Descriptively, we can say "strong" in the same way that we might label a conservation six as "weak." One is like a rabbit, and the other is like a bulldog: a counterphobic is very much like a barking dog. He doesn’t always bite; he barks more than he bites, but he has a fierce appearance. The need isn’t just to feel strong, but also to be able to intimidate. The internal programming says that the best defense is a good offense.

A very illustrative joke regarding this: a man visited several psychiatrists because he kept hearing the sound of wings in his bedroom, which prevented him from sleeping. An innovative psychiatrist gave him a gun, telling him that he could end his phobia by shooting, “because you know you’re stronger.” The next thing that happened was a big scandal: the man killed his guardian angel.

So these are the people who go against danger, who can kill anyone because anyone could become dangerous.

The Transformation in the E6 Sexual by Grazia Cecchini

With contributions from Mireya Aregui and Barbara Grassi

The Consciousness of Passion

The first step toward transforming the counterphobic six is not easy: recognizing oneself as an E6 means coming into contact with the passionate/emotional part, which is fear. To recognize fear as the underlying motivation for behavior and cognitive structure, the counterphobic must take a paradoxical step: feeling the emotion of fear.

On an emotional level, the counterphobic feels fear, but this fear is redefined in terms of an obstacle, a limit, and a shameful defect that must be overcome. To do this, they develop a series of behaviors aimed at convincing themselves and others that they are not victims of fear. Being discovered as fearful reactivates the feeling of indignity and insecurity that they try to hide through their specific passion: strength.

Thus, the first step is to feel insecurity and the sensation of indignity, blocking any attempt to attribute these feelings to events or people who are guilty of being bad or uncomprehending.

Fortunately, life provides many opportunities for this: in my case, the first conscious contact with fear and insecurity occurred at age 17 when I was hit by a car:

"The impact was mild and caused no injuries, but it was followed by two months of panic attacks. The fear came suddenly, it was vast, and the basic awareness was: you can die. The emotion was fixated on the obsessive idea of death and prevented the next step: awareness of the need for security and protection... But I became aware of the existence of fear."

For Barbara, the first significant contact occurred when she was sent to a boarding school: “In that place, alone and with the obligation to stay (because that’s what my mother wanted) and to control my twin brother, I felt an enormous terror that paralyzed my ability to express what I felt, even through normal crying. However, this inability to cry at the same time increased my awareness of strength and resistance.” The paradoxical situation is very clear here.

For Mireya, intense contact with fear occurred when her mother was admitted to a hospital: “They took her up; she was still anesthetized and did not respond to my call. A chill ran through my body; I thought my mother had died. There I was, petrified, and when the nurses saw me, they began asking who I was, who had let me in, and they took me out of the room.”

From a consciousness perspective, the SAT process and the recognition of the six-character according to the Enneagram are fundamental. Recognizing that fear is the fundamental neurotic need and that strength is its direct manifestation helps the counterphobic give existential meaning to their way of being, overcoming the obstacle of fear as a symptomatic emotion that must be eliminated. This expands the horizon of consciousness beyond the strictly psychological aspect. It is difficult for a classic psychotherapy approach to focus on this crucial point.

Once fear is recognized as a passion, the counterphobic individual comes into contact with the true self-deception: strength.

In counterphobics, strength is often cultivated on a physical level (almost all have spent time on sports or physical activities that helped them feel muscularly strong). Another characteristic is the cultivation of strength as resistance to fatigue, repression, humiliation, and even pain. This aspect makes them resemble a conservation-type E4. The difference is that the E6 sexual cultivates strength as an illusion to withstand the other's attack and to combat fear. However, for transformation to occur, it is necessary to reach deeper levels: recognizing that strength is a substitute identity that fills the deep sense of unworthiness and serves to avoid feeling the need for others. “If I am strong, I won’t fall into relationships, and I won’t be hurt.” “If I am strong, I can exist, whether or not the other person is in a relationship with me (because I will know how to defend myself), or even if the other person abandons me.” The neurotic illusion of strength is directly connected to the illusion of independence and invulnerability, as well as to the narcissistic trait of megalomania. To deeply penetrate the meaning of strength, it is important to understand what it implies to be a sexual subtype; in the counterphobic, it is not easy to perceive the energy they put into the relationship because they hide it from themselves and others. In reality, their passionate search for strength is intimately linked to the love relationship (attack and flight from intimacy).

In the process of transformation, the experience of weakness and the need for the other’s love are fundamental. Sometimes physical weakness is also important. For me, fasting experiences through the practice of yoga were crucial: “Fasting leads to an inner emotional contact to which one cannot react in an adrenaline-driven way; one can only surrender. This helped me feel a way of being that is soft and slow, without any connection to emotional weakness or external events.”

It is difficult for a counterphobic to surrender to crazy and passionate infatuation. But in reality, it is an experience they need. Some counterphobic women say it has been very useful not to flee from a difficult and loving relationship. After having a marriage relationship in which I felt protected and dominant at the same time, the change in my experience as a woman occurred through an extremely conflictive and insecure relationship: “As usual, I would have kept my distance by controlling my feelings. Thanks to the analytical work I was doing at the time, I did not automatically enter the defense mechanism of avoidance and stayed in the relationship. This brought with it intense emotional states and a sense of madness. But when I came out of the tunnel, I found myself stronger internally and with a new state of fullness, produced by having intensely lived the emotions. It was an experience of integration because this staying did not allow me to split sex/love and thought/emotion. Above all, it dismantled my fundamental conviction: that he was to blame and I was the victim.”

\\*The Accusation: The Rejection of Self\*\

It is not easy to recognize accusation as a life philosophy. The cognitive distortion is surely understandable on a rational level, but it is the part that most resists change.

The sexual six starts from a fundamental distrust of the other, whom they believe will surely harm or deceive them; therefore, they must prepare with their strength not to succumb. But the deep conception that a six has of themselves is that they have caused the other's anger (because they have been bad, or because they are not adequate, or are not beautiful, or are annoying), and this constantly leads them to reject themselves.

Another fundamental step (probably the easiest) related to the deconstruction of the nuclear cognitive error consists in recognizing the defense mechanism of projection. The difficult part is recognizing how the accusation of the other allows them to preserve the good part of themselves. The counterphobic, by accusing the other of being guilty, ensures that they are not seen as bad and, therefore, guilty; if this is achieved, they will not be punished and, as a consequence, expelled.

Behind the fixation of the accusation is a constant and exhausting search not to be punished, but the accusatory behavior allows the deep belief of being the true culprit, the true bad one, to be covered up.

For the counterphobic, the monster is God's punishment and the consequent expulsion from Paradise: this rejection by God has been the original indelible punishment, and they have no other possibility than to project it outside of themselves, onto another guilty party.

The change lies in abandoning the anxious and illusory search to be good, accepting, and recognizing the aggressive part. The counterphobic is not aware of living with a gesture and an aggressive attitude towards the other.

"Today I can situate the recognition of my counterphobic character in adolescence (12-13 years), when after exhausting attempts to "be good," constantly making vows and promises — which I never managed to keep — to the Virgin, on the occasion of the preparation for First Communion, I abandoned all control and had a behavior of uncontrolled aggressiveness. Today I think that the teachings on goodness and holiness acted as a mirror regarding my feeling of exclusion, and I decided to move to the opposite side: to stand with the excluded.”

For an E6 sexual, crazy ideas, disconnected from reality, must change their value: "Even if I am bad, I do not lose love," "even if you are bad, you can love me," "even if you are bad, I need you." To achieve this cognitive change, the counterphobic must recognize their inner child who needs affection and tenderness. They must recognize that eliminating the good mother (as Melanie Klein would say) does not solve the pain of renouncing love. And they must realize that putting all their energy into control to avoid feeling deceived or manipulated denies the need for tenderness.

The most substantial change is the integration of good and bad within oneself and the other. It is abandoning the illusion of finding another totally good person in life (and therefore reliable and not dangerous).

To achieve this integration, a miraculous technique is the Gestalt hot seat; I believe there is no other therapeutic method that can be as successful as this one in unveiling the cognitive deception of the sexual six. The hot seat reveals the defense mechanism of projection and cognitive generalizations, dismantling the logical scheme accusation-danger-distrust and disarming the counterphobic in the face of contact with reality.

Thought and Fixation

The quality of thought in the counterphobic reflects ambivalence in the relational context. Like all E6s, the counterphobic has, on an emotional level, the sensation of being trapped in a relationship or situation from which they cannot escape. The love relationship is the place most sought after, but it is this same place that can hurt them and where they can completely lose their freedom and, above all, their mental capacity.

The counterphobic's style of thinking is doubt. Taking a direction means acting, and acting means risking making an irreparable mistake. Every mistake is, for the six character, a fatal and definitive mistake.

Deep down, the counterphobic has a strong sensation of being precarious, whether in the relationship or in life itself. They never have the certainty of belonging. They want to belong and, at the same time, fear losing their psychic freedom and independence (integrity). They try to resolve the anguish of non-belonging or belonging by staying on both sides, always doubting the path they must take. This is functional for maintaining the desire to belong while at the same time the desire to be free, without fully achieving either.

Consequently, they do not manage to feel loved and part of the other, nor do they manage to feel completely free. The truth is that they are afraid of freedom. It is better to be heroes in a confined space.

Staying in doubt means saving one's skin.

Change in the realm of thought is a very hard part of the transformation. Not using doubtful thinking means completely exposing oneself; it is like throwing oneself into the void because it necessarily involves an action. And if there is no certainty that it is the right action (i.e., not wrong), it is better not to move and use doubt.

The fixation of accusation and doubt keeps the fear of acting in place because acting means heading towards the risk of irreparable error. Not acting reinforces the sensation of emptiness, the culmination of the passion for strength and fear.

To transform the doubtful style into a thought connected with emotion and action, it is necessary to experience that there is not a single truth. For the counterphobic, it is like moving from Newton's causal law to the theory of chaos. Nothing is measurable, nothing is predictable; the only truth is a fluctuating nothingness. For the counterphobic, this is true madness; it is the loss of self, the dissolution, which they try to avoid by maintaining the doubtful style of thought and behavior.

"The retreat marks a new way of facing my paranoid thoughts, full of doubts and judgments. The game was born; I put my contrasting and ambivalent thoughts to fight with swords, and I laughed. Once, I surprised myself because I was laughing alone on a bus, and people looked at me as if I were crazy, which made me laugh more. Every time I managed to play with myself, my thoughts dissolved, lost their value, and my obsessive struggle with my feared god was relieved," says Barbara.

Getting lost in madness, that is, in the void without space or time, is the cure. In this sense, I venture the hypothesis that zazen could be an important type of meditation practice in this phase of transformation because it creates an internal containment regarding the fear of going crazy. At the same time, the sexual six needs to experience crazy, extravagant, out-of-the-ordinary things.

The Virtue: Courage

Courage is a word that a counterphobic does not deeply feel until they experience that the only way to get rid of the anguish of life is action. It is not important to act rightly, but to act. For the counterphobic, courage means deciding on an action, making a mistake, not defending oneself from the error, not accusing oneself or the other, accepting the consequences. It is important for someone to accompany them in decision-making so that they can verify that the error is not fatal, that it can be recomposed, that they can apologize. One can fall without dying and without getting hurt (this was my most important discovery in martial arts practice). They need to experience that anguish disappears when they act and not when they have acted correctly.

Disarming oneself is also courage in the face of the pain of the love relationship: disarming oneself to open up to tenderness.

"With meditation, I was able to experience tenderness towards myself; I learned a new inner dialogue in which there is a place for everything. In a season of deep sadness, I visualized myself as a mother comforting her sad, desperate child in her arms, and for the first time, I felt loving towards myself, a mother who transmitted courage," adds Barbara.

Almost all counterphobics have difficulty feeling supported and in tune with the courage mudra that corresponds to virtue. The closed fists on the chest seem to reflect the rigidity of someone who is closed and the strength they use to defend themselves. When I learned the mudra of my virtue in SAT, I could not feel its help; it was more useful for me to leave my arms and hands open as if to discover my heart. Only with much practice and deepening in my personal work did I come into contact with the profound sense of courage: entering the unknown and spontaneous, crazy action. Thus, the mudra revealed its profound meaning to me, that is, the courage to surrender, to surrender in the cognitive plane (accepting that I am not right), or in the emotional plane (surrendering to the unknown).

Spontaneity, Anger, and Sexuality

The E6 sexual has the neurotic illusion of being spontaneous. Only the deep experience of spontaneity, as carried out in Gestalt therapy or in the spontaneous movement of the SAT process, puts the counterphobic in a position to recognize their inhibition in the face of spontaneous action.

The counterphobic six manifests marked control over the body with the aim of cultivating strength and not feeling the chaotic emotions linked to the release of anger or free sexuality.

It is important to emphasize that, while aggressiveness is the predominant gesture in the counterphobic, anger is not easily expressed in the context of the intimate relationship — a context that would be useful for expressing feelings or rights; it is easier for the sexual six to express it in social relationships than in intimate ones. Expressing anger in the context of the sentimental relationship means reliving the fear of receiving aggressiveness, the fear of being punished, and the fear of the ancient expulsion. But this means practicing authentic heroism.

Likewise, the free expression of eroticism and sexuality is inhibited because it would mean playing with the area of pleasure.

The sexual six also experiences pleasure with ambivalence: while on the one hand, they seek it (sexual instinct), on the other, they cannot demonstrate it because pleasure is closely related to surrendering to the other. And for people with this character, the other is always a potential enemy.

Moreover, freeing sensuality and eroticism would mean making room for tenderness, that is, showing the weak side. Being tender brings with it the fear that the other might take advantage of the weak side and also reveals the shame of feeling fear. The counterphobic resolves this conflict by separating emotions: behavioral aggressiveness is disconnected from the deep experience of anger, and sex is completely separated from the feeling of love and intimacy.

In this respect, the transformation has shown significant progress in the practice of spontaneous movement. All sexual E6 people declare themselves astonished by the power of this instrument, and all recognize that spontaneous movement should be practiced for life, not only to connect and integrate the split parts but also to cultivate surrender and trust.

\\*Trust and Faith\*\

Talking about trust to a counterphobic is like talking about cats to a mouse\! Not only is the other, as a potential enemy, not worthy of trust, but the counterphobic does not trust themselves. The cognitive conviction that every mistake can be fatal strengthens the idea that every decision can be fatal, and therefore, no argument that the counterphobic has meticulously constructed in their logic, disconnected from reality, will be enough to reach trust. The separation between good and evil, and the projection of evil outside, allow them to cultivate the illusion — on the brink of psychotic defense — of always presenting themselves as good and just. But if the split is not entirely psychotic, they keep and hide within a brutal monster.

The counterphobic constructs an intellectual explanation based on which the monster has every reason to exist: they have been unjustly mistreated, they are unjustly misunderstood, they are unjustly abused, they must protect themselves from humanity, which is bad... Based on this approach, they unleash incessant battles advocating against social injustice, for the equality of peoples, for the right of all to exist...

But if the monster has to face love, that is when it doesn’t know why it exists: in the face of love, the monster is just a scared child who has learned to give up, who feels like one of the demons expelled by God because they were not worthy, who thinks they will never be able to bridge the gap that separates them from the beautiful and worthy beings.

Reconstructing the dialogue with the inner child is the only way to transform the monster: from a bad child (who wishes to see mom and dad dead) to a scared child.

The sexual E6 often perceives beauty not only as an aesthetic characteristic but as representative of a category of people from which they are irremediably excluded. The ugly and the bad are equivalent. Although they dedicate their lives to demonstrating that aesthetic beauty is not important — cultivating it is an index of stupidity — in the hidden recesses of their psyche, it is an unattainable quality. The only thing they can do is conquer the beautiful object by secretly cultivating poetic or visual art or trying to conquer the beautiful other, projecting all qualities of perfection and dignity onto the other. Once conquered, they can say to themselves that if the beautiful other is seen with them, it means they are not so ugly.

Reclaiming artistic expression is one of the essential stages of transformation. Overcoming the shame of being an artist. Returning to writing poetry, prose, drawing, or composing music means showing oneself and exposing oneself, recognizing the right to be a vehicle of creativity.

Reclaiming seductive and erotic capacity is a fundamental stage of transformation: being seductive and sensual means approaching the other and being in contact with desire, instead of opposing it (moving from six to three). For this, Gestalt therapy, along with spontaneous movement, are certainly important tools. A kind of discipline of physical contact is very effective. Practice touching the other. At an experiential level, practicing some body techniques and any type of couple dance that involves physical contact and dancing together can be very useful. Couple dancing is based on the other’s movement, feeling it, and moving by surrendering to it.

Besides the therapeutic work focused on projection and aimed at dismantling generalizations, bodywork is much more effective because it is beyond the conceptualization of which the counterphobic is always an expert, as they always have an argument at hand to prove the contrary.

The knot of distrust on a relational level is very important in the transformation process, not only to rebuild a basic trust that opens the way to emotional experimentation (the social and concrete one is quite accessible). If we take attachment theories as a reference, the counterphobic could be framed in the insecure/avoidant style, like all E6s, but the sexual subtype has a history of insecure/ambivalent attachment. This combination makes it difficult to rebuild a secure attachment base. On a relational level, the therapeutic work must involve the sexual six in approaching the other through contact, clearly establishing the boundaries between contact and withdrawal, while allowing free access to withdrawal, that is, the possibility of differentiating/separating from the other without guilt. The counterphobic must learn to let go, to separate, to build their differentiation process, with the courage to lose the relationship. The next phase involves practicing the courage to enter a relationship. This clarity of boundaries is useful for building a support base for faith.

Faith is an experience that bypasses mental construction and, above all, intellectual understanding. For the sexual E6, as for all mental characters, the concrete and pragmatic are secure ideologies that allow for control of the world. Faith in organismic self-regulation implies surrender and trust that the world has natural justice and beauty and that they are part of this world. There is nothing more to do; they can leave themselves in peace, lay down their arms, and appreciate tranquility (transition to point nine of the Enneagram).

In reality, access to faith for the counterphobic comes through experiencing being a creature of God, a child like the others, belonging to the supreme family of all. If they can perceive that their origin is not cursed and that their existence does not depend on who gave birth to them nor on those around them in the here and now, they can then perceive themselves as a spiritual being.

For me, the timeline technique as reformulated in the SAT process was of great help. If this technique is experienced in a framework that does not have a strictly psychological but rather an existential and spiritual meaning, it can lead the sexual six to an experience of belonging to the fundamental whole. For me, the door of belonging that transcends the concrete interpersonal relationship opened, and I was able to begin to feel worthy and beautiful, to open myself to the other without asking if they are trustworthy, enjoying instead the opportunity of pleasure, love, and also affection.

If a counterphobic can reconstruct this experience of themselves, they can rely on faith that goes beyond the visible, enjoy the unknown, and recover their ability to build love.

The Three Loves

In Claudio Naranjo's theory, the E6 is a character predisposed to admiring love, that is, to seeking someone superior and trustworthy in whom they can believe. After subjecting them to various tests, the other can be recognized as a bearer of qualities that the sexual six would like to have, or as a good authority (as opposed to the bad authority they experienced during their childhood) with whom they can resolve their conflict between surrender and trust.

Unlike the E6 conservation, who seeks protection in the idealized other, the sexual E6, in contact with the sensation of not being worthy, seeks in the other a recognition that will allow them to be and not be expelled.

In this sense, the sexual six is an idealist, a dreamer, a hero of great battles and great ideas.

This love leads them to develop empathy and approach the other with compassion. But, since they lack maternal love (caritas), the counterphobic can become very protective but not warm. To develop truly compassionate love, the counterphobic must go through understanding the bad other who expelled them and through understanding their inner monster. If they manage to see the enemy as a suffering creature, they can recognize the inner child as a tender creature, and in addition to fighting great battles for them, they may begin to embrace them. Children are happy if someone defends them from abuse, but if no one hugs them, they may die.

To develop this level of compassionate understanding, the work on the inner family, as reworked in the SAT Program, is very valid. In this program, the work on the family has a personalized approach to the process, and the phase of compassion and forgiveness is supported by an authentic attitude, indispensable for the counterphobic.

The development of maternal love leads to giving the instinctual child permission to exist and above all helps them trust their instincts. Their instincts are wisdom, beauty, and goodness.

Erotic love is certainly the least developed in E6s — even in the sexual E6, although it may seem otherwise. We could say with Freud that the sexuality of the counterphobic is more phallic than genital. There is an enormous taboo around erotic pleasure. For counterphobics, it is easier to have impulsive sexual activity than to surrender to the sweet pleasures of foreplay. It's as if the erection were more important than the orgasm with ejaculation (and in metaphorical terms, this experience is valid for women as well). The counterphobic is sexually driven to demonstrate power and dominance over the other (this also applies to women), rather than being motivated by enjoying the other.

The transformation lies in losing oneself in pleasure, surrendering to the orgasmic and ecstatic pleasure of union with the other: reclaiming erotic love as a passionate and tender experience of union with the whole, with the supreme.

*The Self-Preservation Six: Warmth {#the-self-preservation-six-warmth}

The E6 Conservation type is the opposite of the E6 Social. This type is warm and ambiguous, bland, even a bit dull. They find it difficult to assert that something is black or white. It takes a lot of courage to say that something is black or white. For them, it’s easier to say: "Oh, there are various shades of gray between the two. And I’m not sure which kind of gray we’re dealing with because life is very complex." And so, they can go on endlessly, always beating around the bush.

Here we have a person who needs a lot of protection. They fear not being protected, a fear that manifests as insecurity. Their characteristic passion is the need for something akin to friendship: a bit of warmth. What characterizes the E6 Conservation among the three types of six is precisely this search for warmth. They are like teddy bears. They want to feel the embrace of a family, to be in a warm place, in a familiar environment where there are no enemies.

In social contact, there is a kind of alliance formation of "I won’t hurt you, and you won’t hurt me," "I’m your friend, be my friend." Freud said that such alliances were the essence of friendship, but, of course, they are only the essence of a neurotic friendship: banding together against a common enemy, forming a united front against danger. The phenomenon of "I support you, and you support me" is generally human, but the E6 Conservation does this constantly in their longing for a small and warm world.

Transformation in E6 Conservation by Betina Waissman

My first contact with the Enneagram occurred in Rio de Janeiro in 1985\. At that time, I was participating in a growth group with Guillermo Borja, Memo, who came from Mexico to Rio de Janeiro every year. He was the one who introduced me to Claudio Naranjo, his teacher, with whom I took the Protoanalysis course. That encounter marked a before and after in my life.

In that first course, I did not identify with the dynamics of Fear but with that of Gluttony, which resonated more with me due to what I was experiencing at the time. I was 28 years old, doing group theater as my primary professional and vital activity. I was deeply involved with my therapy process, Reichian body training, and the expressive bodywork of the Rio Abierto system. I was also studying and working with Tarot and was interested in astrology and Kabbalah. My theater group specialized in street theater, and although we also performed in theaters, our main focus was researching the language and our social commitment.

I graduated in Sociology because social issues had always mattered a lot to me, but I found in theater my most gratifying path of expression and social work. I lived alone in a small studio in a bohemian neighborhood, far from my family. I earned money to support myself, although I relied on my parents’ help when I needed it. I was single after ending my first significant romantic relationship, which had lasted six years while living in separate houses.

From age 20 to 28, I broke with the patterns and expectations of my family. I felt idealistic, like I was liberating myself and discovering life. I liked to travel alone, dress unconventionally, was vegetarian, and took care of myself with alternative medicine. It was an expansive phase of my life, which resonated quite a bit with characteristics of the Seven Enneatype.

For all these reasons, I placed myself in the Gluttony trait, and for a good while, working from that perspective was very enriching. I learned to enjoy a more open lifestyle and approached something I was seeking: to be freer. I understood the value of seeing oneself from different viewpoints and the importance of delving deeply without clinging, allowing what is central to finally emerge. Over time, I realized that Gluttony wasn’t what was hindering my growth; that wasn’t my main defense and mechanicality. It was hard for me to see Fear as the central neurotic issue.

Fear and the Search for Warmth

Living in fear was something natural for me: I didn’t see it as an impediment or a problem. Since childhood, I felt shy, insecure, but I wasn’t aware of fear as a problem and normalized it. Although my shyness and insecurity held me back a bit, I always had a friend who was braver and more outgoing than I was, and that complicity pushed me forward. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t register that fear could prevent me from living what I wanted to live. My mother, her family, and friends were from Argentina, and we spent our vacations there every year. I studied at an American school attended by children from many countries. I learned languages, traveled, and met people from other places. All this gave me a certain ease in social relationships, although in groups, I was always withdrawn and quiet.

I usually accessed the social through someone close with whom I felt safe, like my close friends or cousins. This way of relating, so typical of the E6 Conservation, I recognize since childhood: I’ve always had a close, intimate, and trusting bond through which I felt safe, and from there, I could relate more broadly to the group. The search for warmth as a strategy still operates today when I arrive alone in a new group: I tend to stay on the periphery and naturally locate someone to approach. I don’t usually stay long in environments or situations where I can’t generate some sense of complicity and support, some homely, warm protection. When I achieve it, I relax, the internal tension eases, and I can start to enjoy the group.

In childhood, I was seen as a good girl, kind, affectionate, calm, obedient... I never caused trouble. "Sweet," that’s how my father called me. I think I had an appearance of contentment, docility, and adaptability. My mother says that from babyhood, I didn’t cause her any trouble: I slept well, ate without problems, smiled. I was so easy and so good... I don’t remember being particularly happy, but I was gentle and cooperative, with good disposition and good humor, typical characteristics of the E6 Conservation.

My parents were young — my mother had me at 20 years old — and had a very active social life, so they entrusted me to caregivers throughout my childhood. I remember loving my first nanny very much. She told me stories with monsters and fantastic beings that fascinated but also impressed me. I would dream about these creatures and often had nightmares and delusions when I had a fever.

The next caregiver left a deep mark on me. This happened between the ages of three and six. She was a very cruel German woman who beat me a lot, threatened me, and tortured me physically and verbally. She was always behind me, watching me with coldness and extreme harshness, telling me that everything she did was for my own good because she was educating me. She kept me totally terrified, and I, the eldest of two sisters — the third was born during this period, and the fourth had not yet been born — lived in an environment of fear, alertness, and silence. My parents couldn’t know anything because otherwise, she would take it out on me. Nor did I want them to know what was happening because they might get scared, suffer, or be disappointed, and I preferred not to bring them any problems. I even thought that the caregiver might hit my mother as she hit me.

I was a child who never talked about negative things, didn’t share what hurt me, didn’t complain, and didn’t ask for what I needed. I did or responded to what was asked of me, what I was supposed to do, or what was expected of me. Looking at my photos from that time, I find my gaze sad, different from what it was before I was three years old. During that period, I developed a continuous allergy on my legs that lasted until I was over 20 years old.

Little by little, I stopped identifying what was happening to me and didn’t know what to say when asked about myself. It wasn’t that I knew and concealed or dissimulated, but that I diluted the conflict, suppressed it internally, remaining blank, disconnected. I conveyed naivety and an appearance that everything was fine, and I believed it myself. All the painful and hard aspects of my childhood were hidden, minimized; I didn’t share them with anyone and didn’t consider naming them until later when I went to therapy. From the Enneagram perspective, I understood that this was how my E6 Conservation character crystallized.

I endured the caregiver's mistreatment without saying anything until the day before my parents were to leave on a trip, after which the three sisters would be left alone with her for a month. Although I had already faced that situation, now I was six years old, felt stronger or more desperate, and had an outburst of tears, overwhelmed by fear, and revealed the mistreatment to my parents. I didn’t tell them the details of the atrocities the caregiver subjected me to, but they were very frightened, canceled the trip, and fired her. Some time later, she came to visit us and wanted to greet me; she asked for a kiss, and I gave it to her, shyly and fearfully. The same happened a couple of times at the park where I used to play. I don’t remember feeling anger, just fear.

I also don’t remember expressing anger in childhood, and the only fights I remember were quite innocent, a little later, with my cousin from Argentina. Besides, I felt very bad when I had bad thoughts about people or when the monsters appeared in my mind and nightmares: I took on guilt and fear of punishment.

I became very fearful. Any noise, a change of light, or a shadow could trigger my fear. I lived as if reality was always populated by invisible and threatening beings. These beings and God were watching me, even scrutinizing what I thought and felt; they were always alert to punish me because it was for my own good.

I grew up being a good student, a good daughter, a good friend, and at school, I also managed to befriend the loudest and most rebellious. Perhaps because I was cooperative and loyal and because I liked art and teamwork. I was never a leader but helped in groups, and they counted on me; I offered support.

During the transition from puberty to adolescence, I began to perceive my anguish. And to discover that relationships with boys were very difficult for me. They scared me, I felt awkward, shy, I blushed, didn’t know how to chat or be entertaining, so I preferred not to go out with them. I took refuge in my group of friends, and as they started dating boys, I realized my shyness and fear of intimacy. I remember wanting to show myself as more open and bold than I was, but when they approached, I withdrew.

Ambiguity, Contradictions, and Guilt

The adults around me said I conveyed balance, serenity, peace, tranquility. This bothered me because, inside, I felt the opposite: tight, tense, repressed, a little tormented, anxious. What they said was so different from what I felt or lived\! I lived with different realities, and they only unified in my silence and endurance. All this contributed to confirming a characteristic of E6 Conservation: the sensation that head and heart were separated and that the unknown and threatening instinct was associated with monsters and bad things.

I started gaining weight, which made me suffer more. I was very scared of anger, aggression, provocation, confrontation, as is typical in this subtype. I withdrew, pulled back, shrunk, but didn’t want to be seen as a coward. I presented myself as peaceful and conciliatory.

I had fantasies of having a monster that could burst out and that one day I would be discovered, that the ugly and bad inside me would appear, and then I would disappoint and let people down. Seeing that others perceived me as so different from what I felt inside made me feel false, a liar, and guilty. It was like a ghost that could appear at any moment and reveal the evil I carried inside.

This was one of the issues that led me to initially place myself in Enneatype Seven when I took the Enneagram I course (as it was called then) with Claudio. When I heard the word fraud in relation to E7, I associated it with this familiar sensation of feeling inside something different from what people saw from outside: I feared being a fraud. I never believed I was prepared or capable, but I seemed to generate that expectation in others.

I felt a lot of ambiguity: a part of me wanted to move forward; I was attracted to expression, freedom, and bravery. Another part was pure insecurity, impotence: not knowing how to position myself, what to say or do in front of problematic or conflictive situations or people. I found it hard to accept my duality, my contradictions, as if that in itself were something bad and deceitful, fraudulent.

Doubt being such an important issue in Enneatype Six, I didn’t recognize it as such. Instead, my experience was contradiction. Integrity, being true and consistent, was fundamental to me, as was the fear of hurting loved ones, of disappointing them, of not measuring up. Mentally, I’ve always been clear that contradictions are inherent to life and our humanity. Intellectually, it’s very easy for me to relativize, justify, and include different aspects of others and reality. But emotionally, it’s been very hard for me to move beyond the dichotomy of Good and Evil.

Guilt was another clue that led me to place myself in E6: it triggered very easily, with the consequent discomfort and fear of punishment. As a child, at school, when they threatened the whole group because they wanted to discover who was responsible for something that shouldn’t have been done, I, who never got into trouble, started burning inside as if I were guilty and would be discovered. As a young person, the same thing happened when I went through some police control, which was very common in my city at that time. I knew I had nothing to hide, that my papers and life were in order, but I lived it as if I were guilty of something.

From Disconnection to Greater Freedom

Theater, expression, movement, and bodywork were my salvation. I started dancing as a child and participated in all the theatrical and artistic activities organized at school, but I never thought of taking the lead. I enjoyed the expressive and playful aspects, and when I fully immersed myself in this world at 18, I began to transform.

That same year, my younger sister died of leukemia. It was a turning point in my life. The contact with death pushed me toward life. I committed myself to everything I was doing and began to have a conscious search and see life as a path of growth. I believe my reaction to my sister’s death was my first great victory over fear. I remember the strength, certainty, and bravery I felt one day at the cemetery, visiting her grave, crying, and telling her that I was committing to my life, to giving meaning to life, to not letting it pass by in vain, not to settle. That was when I took theater as a profession and a path of life. Theater made me feel alive.

A few months later, I entered the University of Theater, participated in other free courses, and took my first big solo trip abroad. This trip to the United States was an adventure for me. Staying at friends’ houses, I managed to feel protected enough to move around alone and seek what interested me. I felt brave and adventurous, had my first meditation experience: an intensive Transcendental Meditation, something entirely new to me. I visited theater schools, saw shows, walked alone in the streets, had my first sexual experience, and even an altered state of consciousness experience. In short, I felt courage and the effervescence of freedom.

Upon returning from this trip, I joined the theater group that would be the center of my life for the next 20 years and sought less analytical and intellectual therapy: I underwent three years of bioenergetics, and later continued with Reichian therapy.

Both artistic expression and clinical framing have been the most healing and transformative for me. In both contexts, I gradually overcame the taboo of expressing what was happening inside, which implied connecting with my emotional world, so blocked by unconscious fear.

I didn’t know that the blockage I perceived in my relationship with my emotions and inner life, typical of E6 Conservation, was a consequence of fear. Fear of feeling, fear of pain, fear of intensity. I had the fantasy that I wouldn’t be able to withstand the intensity, that it would disintegrate me. And on the other hand, I longed to break through the barrier that prevented me from feeling.

What I most perceived was my disconnection: I didn’t know what was happening to me, I didn’t identify what I felt or if I felt anything, I remained blank, paralyzed, a bit dead. This mechanism of the E6 Conservation character to disconnect from the reality that scares or bothers is especially active in conflictive or painful situations. I wouldn’t realize what affected me until some time later. When I finally woke up, I felt worse about myself because only then did I realize the things, their impact on me, and what I could have done but didn’t.

Something similar happened concerning my sister’s illness, which lasted two years until her death. I perceived that something important was happening. I was almost 16 years old and realized it was serious. But since it wasn’t talked about at home, I didn’t mention it either, nor did I ask questions. My parents wanted her to continue with a normal life and chose to conceal the situation, saying she had a severe anemia, thinking that would avoid suffering. I lived as if nothing serious was happening, although I was very attentive to my sister. I felt anguish, a bit frozen, and started gaining weight. When she fell into a coma, and everything finally revealed itself, my heart opened. Emotion gushed forth; I felt alive and present and not afraid of pain. A pain that opened me up to feel love for my sister, my family, and life as I had never felt before. At that moment, I understood the inner tension I had experienced under my disconnection during the previous two years. Understanding this, as well as experiencing the consequences of everything that happened then, unlocked the possibility of deeper changes within me.

Body, Expression, and Transformation

A fundamental change was starting to perceive and say what happens to me without much time passing. When I’m in fear, it’s hard for me even to realize what I see, feel, and think. In fear, everything becomes blurry, as if I were in a cloud that confuses me; I get blocked, and there I stay. If I let myself be taken by this feeling, the fear grows, and I become increasingly blocked and shrunken, and the distance between my head and heart increases.

In my process, I learned that if I can hold the fear and go through it with awareness, I start to see, to realize what is happening to me, beyond fear. The most transformative thing happens when I can say what I feel/think/see. I’ve learned a lot about this in my marriage because, in previous relationships, I almost never said what I felt, especially what I didn’t like. I kept it to myself, adapted, molded, and told myself that time would resolve it. I justified everything because if I named the conflict, it could worsen, I could lose the other person, be rejected. I was so afraid to express myself that I thought it was better not to say anything: it will pass, it will change.

Seeing fear as a central element in my neurotic dynamics, rather than something natural, has been decisive and very healing. Before, it was so attached to me that I couldn’t focus on it, and therefore, I couldn’t delimit it. Since I also tend to be trusting and optimistic about others, I didn’t identify with the descriptions of paranoia and distrust associated with this character. Now, whenever I can name the fear, it becomes more concrete and localized, and then it diminishes.

What has helped me the most in my transformation has been paying attention to the body: identifying the physical sensations of fear — how I feel when I’m afraid — and allowing myself to experience it, especially when it’s that diffuse, ambiguous, disguised fear that distracts and destabilizes me. This fear doesn’t seem like fear and fills my mind with thoughts that devalue, entangle, confuse, and increasingly paralyze me.

One of the particularly healing experiences I had occurred during work in the context of the SAT Program. I was able to surrender to feeling fear throughout my body, without containing or controlling it, without judging or fantasizing, or taking it to the mind. For the first time, I let my body tremble freely and consciously: tremble with fear.

I had experienced trembling and vibration in bioenergetic and Reichian therapy exercises, but this was entirely new. Surrendering to fear was an intense bodily experience that brought me enormous liberation and consequently a great sense of vitality. Before, my unconscious strategy was containment, and from there, I would cool, disconnect, dry up, and block. Then I would judge and blame myself for it.

Now, when I feel fear in my body without avoiding it, I can make decisions. If I allow myself to tremble, even subtly, and manage to endure it, breathe and stay there, a change occurs. I start to feel my body, be in the body, and that in itself already calms me down, I feel more real. The focus shifts: it’s not just a tremor of panic anymore; it’s also vibration, and it connects me with the flow of energy in my body. I feel alive and can move forward, even with fear; I’m here, and I do what I can.

Anger, Aggressiveness, Innocence, and Punishment

Getting in touch with anger, living it, expressing it, and holding it has been very healing. When I started my process in body therapy, I couldn’t connect with anger. I knew it was important, I understood it, but I couldn’t live it. I did the classic anger exercises: hitting pillows, using the racket to hit, pushing, screaming, all the things one was supposed to do, but I didn’t feel it. The guilt and fear were so unconscious and internalized that I only managed to cool down and disconnect. Distrust and disbelief in oneself and one’s own experience seem to be a very active defense in the E6 Conservation trait, which can lead us to give up or not value important issues.

Seeking contact with anger — initially in a mechanical way — helped me approach and demystify the taboo towards this emotion, and gradually, internal permission to live it began to open up.

As I began to experience anger, I saw more clearly how constant and internal the fear of punishment was: life could punish me. I lived with the fantasy that if someone got angry or fought with me, they would never love me again. Therefore, I feared that if I got angry, I wouldn’t love the other person anymore either. I couldn’t reconcile love and anger. For me, the great learning about anger has been in relationships, in love, and in trust. The effort has been to overcome the fear that the relationship would end or that love would be withdrawn. Now, when there is trust, I can get angry, disagree, or have a different opinion, and the world doesn’t end. But if there is no trust, I can still tend to remain silent, withdraw.

With aggressiveness, the taboo was also immense. I felt incapable of defending myself, without resources, and therefore fearful of the world and life. I knew my endurance strength but not the strength to confront. It wasn’t just the idea that the world is dangerous, but that I wouldn’t know how or be able to defend myself. Claudio asked me about the tendency of E6 Conservation to do what some small dogs do, which is to lie on their back offering their chest, belly, and soft parts to the aggressor. I think I’ve done that many times: showing myself fragile, weak, open, and submissive to defend myself from aggression.

There is also an unconscious use of naivety as a defense in the form of "I didn’t realize" or "I don’t know," an infantilized attitude. A position of innocent weakness. I think this also relates to guilt and fear of punishment. It’s a mechanism that blinds me and really prevents me from being aware in the present, so I can’t take responsibility or defend myself at the moment. Today, when I see myself like this, I stop and ask myself what’s happening, what I’m afraid of. When I perceive it, something changes, I can take responsibility, and although it hurts, I reconnect with strength and confidence.

In the process, I understood that behind so much fear of the harm that others might do to me lies the fear of causing harm. When I started to feel anger, the fear of exploding, losing control, and doing a lot of harm appeared: the monster.

Protection and Security

I’ve heard many E6 Conservation types mention the search for and importance of external security. I think this issue becomes compulsive because we don’t believe that security can be achieved: a floor can burn, money can be stolen, the future isn’t certain, nothing is certain, nobody knows the future... Still, there is a constant attempt to ensure, to anticipate just in case; often investing energy in creating security in which we don’t end up trusting. This tendency often appears in material things, even in the most mundane and trivial. More than once, I’ve resisted the temptation to buy two of something I need or like in case it runs out, is used up, or breaks. In my bags and suitcases, I always carry everything I might need; I don’t like to ask or depend on others. There’s satisfaction in being able to meet my own needs and also those of others without having to ask. Although consciously there is a rejection of dependency, protection is sought in relationships. Friends have been my main support since childhood, and I’ve always lived them as my family, as the most valuable thing I have.

A crazy idea that fuels neurotic behavior is: "If I have friends, people who love me and whom I love, I’m protected." If something happens to me, someone will lend me a hand; I’ll have something to hold on to. On the other hand, there’s a lack of confidence in love. I didn’t believe anyone could really love me, much less protect me. The child in me didn’t understand why my parents, who loved me so much, hadn’t defended me from the caregiver’s abuse. My fantasy was that my friends would forget about me, that they wouldn’t see me. Therefore, it was important to have many friends and maintain relationships. Most of the time, I was the one offering the hand, the one protecting. As if this would guarantee future compensation in case of need. A kind of life insurance, which like all insurance, I preferred not to have to use, but it relaxed me to know I had it.

I’ve noticed the difficulty of breaking off relationships even when they have left wounds. There is a tendency to maintain an amicable relationship with everyone, as if this could ward off danger or a next attack. Nowadays, I can break off a relationship with someone who has harmed me, and this makes me feel stronger.

Trust

Another big change is perceiving certainty and trust internally, not just placing them outside. When I manage to recognize my intuition, realize what is real for me without external confusion, I feel connected and secure. When I can listen to an inner voice that I experience as true, even if it’s not perfect, and life confirms it, I feel stronger and more consistent. This voice corresponds to sensations in my body: I locate it between the solar plexus and the lower abdomen, in a central place within me.

It’s not about the voices in my mind, which are many and can confuse me. When I’m insecure and questioned from outside, my mind gets tangled, and I lose my center. I start to doubt even more, think that maybe there’s something I’m not seeing, that I have to consider it, and that the other person might be right. This brings back the feeling of being a fraud, of impotence, of not knowing, of not being worthy, or of being inconsistent.

If I stay connected with my body, trusting my perception, I feel more whole and can defend my point of view. This experience is already something else: it connects me with trust. It’s an experience, not an idea. Working with Authentic Movement, practicing it, and teaching it has been key to this achievement.

Writing about myself, showing myself, and allowing this text to be published is an achievement against another fantasy: that exposing myself is dangerous and that it’s better not to appear. Exposing myself means being too much in the spotlight, and that’s very dangerous, an idea confirmed by my childhood experience of severe punishment. This is another crazy idea: if I stand out, they will cut off my head. It’s not a conscious thought; it’s something that, when it happens, is so quick and automatic that it completely invades me: it burns me, I blush, I want to flee and leave the spotlight; it’s too much of a threat. I remember hearing from my paternal grandmother, whom I loved very much and who was a model for me, a Jewish saying that said: it’s better not to stand out too much, neither up nor down. Otherwise, it arouses envy or contempt, and the consequence would be persecution.

There is a kind of taboo against standing out, being very visible, which seems common to E6 Conservation. Just as the childhood image of a severe, controlling, and punishing God, like that of the Old Testament, with whom one must constantly negotiate, praying for forgiveness.

The playful, expressive, and creative path, both in the artistic and therapeutic realms and especially in theater, allowed me to expose myself with meaning and pleasure, with less guilt and more freedom.

Knowing Claudio Naranjo’s work, which integrates the wisdom of compassion — so central in Buddhism — with his own Jewish cultural heritage, was profoundly healing for me. I didn’t conceptually understand the meaning of compassion: it was a very new vision for me, but in his presence, I felt it like a balm that flowed internally through my body, my cells, my heart, and my mind. And it continues to be so.

The love of my husband is another miracle of healing for me. At 42, I moved to Spain to marry. With my previous partners, I hadn’t lived together; we kept separate houses and economies. I didn’t fully commit; I feared intimacy, although I desired it. I didn’t trust that I could be truly loved, so I didn’t commit. I protected myself in my independence while I fantasized about a wonderful love. Until the relationship with my husband, Juan Carlos, arrived, with whom I am much happier than I could have imagined.

Today, I feel more resourceful, more autonomous, and more capable of defending myself, even though fantasies and fears, especially about the future, occasionally return. It helps to remind myself that all this is part of the neurotic dynamic. I still blush, but less, and it doesn’t bother me as much anymore...

Type Seven: Gluttony

Gluttony is the irrepressible need to taste everything the world offers. Tasting without digesting means taking from the world only the most exciting and delightful aspects and easily rejecting anything that hurts or is harmful. The E7 avoids the feeling of emptiness by "filling their mouth" with pleasurable experiences and stimuli, thereby cultivating a great skill for staying on the surface. The E7 believes they are filling the void with an illusory layer made up of multiple behaviors aimed at displacement and distraction.

The pleasure of seeking stimuli requires constant movement, which prevents E7 from feeling the lack or frustration that the world, obviously, confronts them with. If something or someone disappears, it is enough to turn towards another pleasurable stimulus.

From childhood, the E7 develops an intellectual repertoire that allows them to move nimbly around obstacles. This function has been experienced in family relationships, where often the E7, in the absence of the father (physically or emotionally), took on the role of alleviating the mother’s pain or depression.

For males, this has meant a distant or rejecting relationship with the father; for females, it has meant fulfilling a masculine role, setting aside the feminine dimension (whether in terms of erotic or emotional aspects). This supportive function did not translate, as it did for Type One, into a rigid assumption of responsibilities but led to a compulsive need to please and be recognized as a skillful harlequin who serves others without giving up their own advantages.

Although touched by feelings of guilt, they try to escape by distracting the other’s (and their own) attention from their wrongdoings. The weapons they use to charm and obtain forgiveness and approval are cunning and seduction (self-indulgence is their fixation). They take pleasure in their achievements, confusing cunning with intelligence. Making others fall into their traps gives them a narcissistic valuation of themselves; they are not interested in knowing the real feelings of others; their constant search is for the feeling of satisfaction from their own abilities.

For the E7, maintaining a relationship—whether sentimental or social—means adopting strategies. In love, friendship, or profession, they always have a plan B ready to resolve both emotional suffering and the weight of a commitment.

For an E7, taking on a commitment means finding themselves once again immersed in that subtle obligation to satisfy the impossible expectations of the family environment (and also to stop them). The greatest fear of an E7 is being unable to escape or not having an exit.

The Social Seven: Sacrifice

The social E7 is the countertype seven, in the sense that it is difficult to recognize the passion for gluttony in them, as they strive to hide it with altruistic behavior that, somehow, should purify them from the guilt of feeling an attraction towards pleasure or personal advantage. This is an attraction they try not to feel by pursuing an ideal of themselves and the world: they sacrifice their gluttony to be better and for a better world where there is no pain or conflict.

Social sevens are people who, on the surface, do not want to exploit others, do not want to be tied to their desires. They are very pure people, too pure. Some sevens are very concerned about their diet, world hunger, etc. The New Age fashion was a hotbed of this social seven culture.

It would seem that the individual has the intuition of hiding a pig inside themselves and says, "No\! I will define myself by being a detached pig." That's how the social seven is.

The word Ichazo used was sacrifice. But it is a sacrifice of gluttony. It is a postponement of desires before an ideal. The deception consists in that these people really have a great gluttony for recognition of their sacrifice. They crave others to see them as very good.

Now I am going to give a bad example of the social seven, as I will refer to the life of a true saint, much venerated in the Christian world. Obviously, I am talking about Saint Francis, who was this type of person.

Saint Francis followed the kind of advice that William Blake gave: if we lived madness and followed it, then it would turn into wisdom. If the crazy and neurotic man lives his madness completely, he would become wise. It is a path.

So, Saint Francis wanted to be good. Therefore, he did all the things that a seven needs for transformation: he lived miserably, lifted stones to repair the sanctuary, kissed the lepers... Nothing could be more horrible. So, he did all the right things to detach from his seven. But if we examine Saint Francis's early life, we will find a very revealing anecdote. Along with his monks, the saint built a sort of tent for shelter. Suddenly it started to rain and Saint Francis and his monks headed to the shelter to rest. But upon arrival, they found a farmer with his cow inside the tent. And Franciscan generosity had to give priority to the farmer and his cow.

It seems to me that health, both mental and spiritual, has to do with loving what your neighbor asks of you. But when you love your neighbor more than yourself, then you are trying to be too good. This is very typical of nuns, and some social sevens can also get into that kind of goodness stereotype, which consists of trying to be good according to a code or social consensus.

Maybe today's humans would be tempted to think that they have more rights than a cow, but maybe we are wrong about this too: deep ecology has something to tell us about it. But where is the limit of goodness? There is a kind of goodness for applause, very typical of the social seven.

The transformation in the E7 social by Francisco Peñarrubia

The word sacrifice with which Claudio Naranjo has traditionally labeled the social subtype of enneatype seven aptly portrays a complacent and generous personality, capable of managing projects and mobilizing energies for a determined goal, to which they can devote themselves with great dedication. This requires enthusiasm, idealism, and social skills, and a sacrificed seven usually has all these in abundance. Such a stance towards the world has many egoic compensations: appreciation, recognition, good image, conflict reduction, and creating debts in the other (so that they treat you as well in return), ultimately generating interested relationships that end up devoid of real meaning (I-you), with a tendency towards superficiality.

The path towards self-realization involves dissolving this compulsion to be a good child, facing two complex and complicated internal obstacles: guilt and selfishness. The guilt is hidden, rather projected, blaming others for their lack of commitment and dedication (the latent complaint is: "with all that I have done... and how unfairly I am treated"), or reproaching oneself for being naive and delusional, for expecting so much from humankind.

But behind all this, there is guilt for feeling so interested under the mask of being good, for manipulating through enthusiasm, for delegating excessively in the name of tolerance, etc. So, they begin to distrust their good intentions, feel quite miserable, and get confused between what is altruism and/or selfishness.

Changing from "being for the other" to "being for oneself" is a complicated process: attending to one's deepest motivations is extremely difficult because either you don't see them, or they seem "bad" (self-interested). So, they must be disguised as altruism, idealism, dedication, and sacrifice to make them acceptable. The reverse path is to recognize comfort, laziness, narcissism... and then the insatiable hunger for recognition and love.

The healthy path for a social E7 is to decriminalize selfishness, to turn this taboo around and start truly loving oneself, legitimizing one's real needs instead of disguising them fraudulently. There are many contributions in this regard, received from other social E7s:

"Being more for myself and less for the other. Being more deeply selfish, knowing what I want and need" (Irene Díaz).

"Legitimizing one's own and others' 'no,' without conditioning or commodifying it... Generally, we use sacrifice to cover our deficits and lacks, to claim recognition and admiration, to be loved (as we do not know how to love ourselves), to legitimize our desires and whims" (Enrique de Diego).

"Sacrifice and service is the price to pay for my neurotic need for others' admiration" (Josep Micó).

"Acceptance that 'nothing happens,' but not in a superficial sense of false joy, or rather, of superficial joy, but in the line of trust in others and, above all, real trust in myself" (Jaime Locutura).

"...when the complicated mind quiets down, one can be at peace, open, to the rhythm of the present day, with nothing to prove and nothing to hide" (Katriona Munthe).

"Sometimes I feel guilty for not giving what is expected of me, but it is like a load of guilt that I do not need, better to pay attention to my responsibility, not to make myself a small child to avoid the things I do. Take responsibility. Not guilt, but responsibility" (Manuel González).

What has been left behind, what has changed

The most notable thing that has been falling away is idealism, that mix of illusion, good intentions, idealization, and naivety that functions as an intellectual drug (a cognitive stimulant) for action. With a shot of idealism, one can maintain the energy and effort that every sacrifice entails; otherwise, the strength and dedication would wane, and time would be spent dreaming and not doing. And the social E7 is active, driven by ideals that they try to materialize in life, generally referring to improving the world, whether from religious, sociopolitical, therapeutic premises... with a certain sense of mission, not in the most extreme version of messianism, but in that of the visionary, one who is capable of imagining a freer, or more peaceful, or healthier world, or whatever moves them. In this idealism, there is a considerable component of rationalization and ideology, almost always in favor of changing the obsolete for the modern. If any of these beliefs prove to be wrong, they are changed for another, explaining this change as evolution.

The dissolution of this idealistic structure is therefore very difficult and at the same time inevitable if one takes maturation seriously. The fear of ceasing to be driven by ideals is that of falling into apathy, losing the fuel that allows them to intervene in the world, exist socially, be recognized.

At the core, there is a deep pessimism towards oneself, towards people, and towards the world: with a little more confidence in life, there would be no need for so much indoctrination in one's ideals nor so much effort to please and mobilize others with these ideals. Something of all this is being abandoned in exchange for greater and more authentic trust.

The mind of a social E7 has something of a permanent adolescent: provocative, enlightened, simplistic, and lazy when the task becomes too demanding. Growing up literally means becoming an adult, more realistic, less subjective and willful. More understanding of the models previously ideologically denounced.

"The change is to see with more precision even what I find ugly or painful... Discovering simplicity... Suspecting excessive enthusiasm..." (Katriona M.)

"I see myself and feel more normal. I am aware that sacrifice is to achieve my ideal... for the search for recognition (narcissism), to avoid setting limits for myself... and it is also a compensation for the more manipulative part, which leaves the other in debt" (Irene D.).

"I have stopped having perfect future fantasies, where everything was as I wished. Now I only have catastrophic fantasies, and the other day I understood that they are a way to give outlet to my fears" (Xavier Florensa).

"Breaking the mask of being good, taking my strength and power... Not avoiding dissonance, conflict... Stopping wanting to be the permanent savior or helper of the other, who has their own responsibilities and does not ask or need me to be the savior" (M. González).

"I understand better my need to be loved, the fear of not doing what is expected of me. I can compassionately look at my need for my actions to be valued, as if constantly asking: 'Look, mom, what I can do.' I can realize this and smile when it happens" (Pep Durán).

What a social E7 would have to understand to transform

That the world is beyond repair.

That humanity is quite abominable.

That beliefs are self-hypnotic.

That there are a few solid and respectable values: the search for truth and knowledge, correct action, compassion... Everything else is questionable (or directly false).

And, with all this, not falling into cynicism, accepting the pain of lucidity, and honoring life as a sacred joke, which is not the same as surviving or adapting.

I have ended up with a sort of manifesto, a somewhat skeptical anti-idealist declaration of renunciation of altruistic ideas to cure this subtype's illusoriness. Therefore, let's see other contributions less iconoclastic than mine:

"How to be completely awake and do nothing. Awake and sensitively empty. Hungry without being sad. But avoiding the trap of putting oneself in parentheses ('I will attend to your needs now and think of mine later'). Partial-time sacrifice (a form of postponement or self-denial) idealizes intermittent effort. And postpones being. For transformation, we need to understand the continuum... the present, here and now... That each of our actions tends to open and reveal the simple and dynamic development of life" (K. Munthe).

"In the rebirth (SAT 3), I had a sort of vision of Jesus Christ with these words: 'You have already sacrificed enough, now it's time to live'" (J. Micó).

"The fantasy that everything has to be perfectly fun and that any pain, no matter how small, is not worth living, makes you lose the sense of life. You have to understand the sense of life. You have to understand that happiness is not an idea, it is something real, often (when there is harmony at home, etc.), and that the price I pay is being sad, in pain, or angry when, in those same situations, things do not flow" (X. Florensa).

"Understanding that things are simple. That no matter how brilliant one thinks they are, they cannot deceive everyone all the time, particularly themselves. And that it's okay to be weak or clumsy: it's worse to be an emotional idiot" (J. Locutura).

"That the world can function without your presence. That what the body feels is real and appropriate... That what needs to be done is what life puts in front of you. And it must be done at the moment. Doing requires time, awareness, and presence" (P. Durán).

Difficulties in love

The hardest thing is to recognize one's own and others' limitations in love. Not everything is pure and perfect, nor does the opposite justify disbelief.

What is hard is to humanize, to see the other as such and not as an expression of your unattainable models; all that are dreams, ideologized fantasies to avoid loving surrender, without guarantees or reservations. Feeling (emotionally and sensorially) instead of thinking and imagining transcendent love, the one that makes you touch the heavens. That love, as a transformative force, exists, it is a real and known experience. The mistake is not accepting its gratuity and impermanence. Wanting to retain it is condemning oneself to limbo and then sinking into hell. The love aspiration is that of a perpetual infatuation, even denying that it is impossible and exhausting to maintain such a level of exaltation.

The experience of maturity puts things in a less absolute place: the heart is generous and also mean, love is sometimes unconditional and sometimes calculating, etc. And that psycho-spiritual development is not going to end all imperfections, as one also takes on the presumptuous position of feeling better than their partners and waiting resignedly for them to evolve towards perfection. This position hides a poor internal opinion: incompetence to love, limitations to trust and surrender. Without crossing these wastelands, it is difficult to rebuild self-esteem and become more permeable to love.

In my work, a certain emotional indifference has been appearing, initially forbidden and reprehensible, but later recognized: in reality, it is not feeling less but feeling better. Quality instead of quantity. Fewer things move you, but those that are genuine touch your heart more deeply.

Regarding admiration, the same venerative love remains towards everything that was once really significant. Most of the true appreciations have survived the process of disidealization. But it is more difficult for me to recognize new ideas, people, teachings. Partly there is less willingness and openness, partly the experience is disappointing: almost everything sounds like déjà vu and usually loses when compared to what has already been received and learned. It happens with teachers, books, music, artists, etc. The loss of the old enthusiasm leaves a certain tone of indifference towards novelties, except for joyous exceptions.

In this same line of the three loves (father-mother-child), we present some more contributions, followed by other more generic reflections on love and affections:

"In my feeling of the three loves, I see fraudulence. In the father's love (admiration), there is competition: it is an example to follow and soon surpass... with the illusory dream of becoming another who surpasses the old limits... The mother's love (compassion) seems like an overwhelming current of empathy, but it is a deception: I pass over my loneliness, hiding it in the illusion of 'being together in this,' seeking companionship and comfort in this valley of tears, but without revealing my feelings, without letting myself be touched. Childish love (pleasure) sometimes gets confused with indiscipline or distraction. I recognize feelings of guilt or introjects that contaminate my naturalness and control fluidity, abandonment, and trust in life. Fear paralyzes the child's creativity" (K. Munthe).

"The hardest thing is to keep the heart open... If I get paranoid, my internal dialogue shoots up, I get angry and thus avoid feeling bad. That closes my heart and separates me from the world" (X. Florensa).

"In relationships, I have always had a high concept of commitment; I have done the impossible to fulfill what I promised. This sense of responsibility, I believe, is what makes commitment difficult for me, especially with a woman, as it will be for life. This, combined with the idealization of women (the certainty that there is a better one), has been a difficult cocktail to solve" (J. Micó).

"My biggest difficulty is to surrender, to give myself. Sometimes I feel that the situation of not having love is a punishment for not taking it when I had it" (M. González).

"Not encapsulating or hiding anger, rage, or narcissistic wounds, which only procure a false isolation and resentful loneliness" (E. de Diego).

Recommendations

In the general wave of practicing the virtue of sobriety, it is good for the social E7 to stop, slow down their actions, curb anxious action, and prioritize what has intrinsic importance.

The development of non-action as a psycho-spiritual attitude is the most powerful field of experimentation for their transformation, as it does not correspond to the passivity or comfort that every E7 drags, but to a detachment from interested, egoic, narcissistic action and an approach to action per se, to well-done work (not in the sense of perfectionism but of impeccability): doing what is needed at each moment without going overboard or falling short. Then much of the compulsive activity ceases to make sense, things simplify, and the inner chemistry transforms doing into being, helping the experience of being.

Meditation is the practice par excellence to cultivate this attitude. In my case, as I am not into static meditation, I find more help in moving meditation, focusing on physical/manual activities (gardening...) or artistic activities that require concentration and at the same time inner freedom.

Listening to one's own body is a royal road, as well as the practice of the present, especially separating from goals and focusing on the process.

This attitude is highly recommended when giving therapy, as well as the previous: developing a therapist with more patience, less savior and more companion, precise instead of overwhelming, more tolerant of dry phases; and without absolute maps of health, awakening, maturation, and much less therapeutic success.

Here are some contributions in this regard:

"Realizing projects, transforming them into accomplished works, consciously suffering the pain of disillusionment when the final result does not resemble the original idea... Practicing the Gestalt precepts: be aware, live in the present, and take responsibility\!... As a therapist, working on my own character has helped me develop an attitude of help and service to the other, to not be the protagonist but a discreet witness... with more patience with myself and the world... incorporating the relationship as an essential factor in the therapeutic process... that helps to feel the pain in company, without feeling judged or indulged... with the help of silence, body awareness, and especially with work done with hands" (E. de Diego).

"Meditation helped me a lot, being in the obvious, here and now, as a mantra to be in contact with reality. And working with the body" (I. Díaz).

"Connecting with the pain of seeing oneself with judgment and contempt towards others" (J. Micó).

"Helping the social E7 to focus their monkey mind and challenge it... to reach a place of rest and quiet. They must find an inner sanctuary... frustrating their escapism: no one can do the work for them, it is the only opportunity they have to truly live" (K. Munthe).

"Telling the other: 'up to here, I am with you, now I am leaving, or I need time for myself.' Lately, I have managed to be more at home, reading, calmly, and I have stopped wandering around aimlessly" (M. González).

"The practice of meditation to not lose myself in fantasies... really listening, to others and myself. Being. Laughing, not being ironic... Paying attention to the body... Going to the essence of the problem and not staying on the surface... Admitting when I don't know something" (J. Locutura).

"In my case, I have found pleasure in the physical, in the body, through simple activities: walking, cooking, digging the earth, resting... The formula Claudio gave me has been magical: 'doing what corresponds at the moment'" (P. Durán).

The Sexual Seven: Suggestibility

The sexual Seven is not earthly but celestial. They are not interested in the things of this world. It is the gluttony for things from a higher and more advanced world. The sexual E7 is what we might call a dreamer. To define it, Ichazo used the word "suggestibility," which I understand as the passion for imagining something better than the desolate reality. It’s the passion for enchanting reality, for fantasizing, for painting things in a rosy hue. In other words, it's a form of idealization. If the word for the social E5 is totem — totemizing being a type of super-idealization — here, it's more about the idealization of the ordinary: the sexual Seven looks at things with the optimism of those who are in love. They say love is blind. It could be that the sexual Seven is blind in the same way. They are overly enthusiastic.

Their passion is dreaming, of going toward the sweetness of what is imagined instead of connecting with the ordinary and not-so-interesting reality. Cari Abraham, a collaborator of Freud who had a better eye for character descriptions than Freud, spoke of a completely optimistic character in every sense: "I'm fine, you're fine, everything is fine." And, naturally, this can be very therapeutic... for anyone except a Seven. Or, put another way: virtuous life is good for anyone who is not a nun.

Transformation in the Sexual E7 by Enrique Villatoro

Aspects that are left behind in the therapeutic process:

Thinking

Nowadays, I feel more distrust towards rational thinking and more belief in sensation and instinct. I don’t listen so much to the intellectual flow, which makes it easier for me to silence that internal mental noise of multiple possibilities, plans, opportunities, exciting ideas, etc. This inner silencing also manifests externally with more silence, speaking less. Gone is the rambling on and getting excited about one's own speech. Now there is more precision and the ability to better use language, both in exact words and in structuring speech. I can express with more accuracy what I want to convey. I don’t feel the same need to externalize those wonderful ideas and possibilities that arise in my mind because even I don’t believe them: they are less important, they captivate me less, and they don’t hypnotize me as much.

It’s similar with constant planning. There is less anticipation of the future, fewer "pipe dreams," and more contact with reality, both internally, with what I feel, and externally, with what’s happening: it’s being more in the here and now. I feel more distrust of improvisation or of a divine force that solves everything, which I now see as an evasion and escape. This implies better and more thorough preparation of things and a greater acceptance of what happens. There is less need for anticipatory strategies.

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Feeling

There is a more generalized sensitivity; emotions are more on the surface, from sadness, anger, pain, frustration, to joy, satisfaction, contentment. It’s a feeling that is apparently less intense but more real, more authentic.

I could compare it to taking off rose-colored glasses to see the darker colors, that is, to feel and bear the pain, frustration, and discouragement more and without manipulating one's perception of reality. Dissatisfaction and what displeases are felt and manifested more clearly and directly. There’s less self-deception, falsehood, and manipulation. Instead, there is more transparency with oneself and others in the expression of feelings (pleasant or unpleasant), saying what you want or don’t want. With this greater integrity and transparency in disagreements, passive-aggressive rebellion, hidden resistance, biting irony, etc., diminish. There is more honesty in this regard.

There is also less restlessness and anxiety. There used to be a state of constant alert and activation, without knowing how much was defensive and how much was opportunistic or self-serving — probably both. In general, there is no longer such a strong sense of being threatened, nor that life is a jungle where survival is an over-effort, possible only for the sharpest. This decrease in inner anguish is linked to greater awareness and connection with fear, with difficulties, and limitations. I used to live with an overestimation of the belief in being able to handle everything, which actually hid the feeling of being insignificant and the discomfort that caused.

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Behavior

First, there is a considerable reduction in physical movement. This implies greater stability, being able to stay still for longer, in one place and with one activity. On one hand, there are not so many fronts or simultaneous activities anymore, and on the other, there is no longer the feeling of life's transience, in the sense that someday, that idyllic and promising future where everything will be peace and happiness will arrive. Awareness is taken that the moment is now, here and now.

There’s a more rested, balanced way of being, as if, both internally and externally, there was always a constant vibration, jumping from one thing to another due to a lack of consistency, solidity, and firmness. The transformation involves discovering an internal place where you can stop, where there is peace and calm, and simply, nothing needs to be done. Furthermore, this decrease in agitation, in chronic oscillation, allows for channeling activity and facilitates greater concentration and focus. There is a greater ability to focus on what is being done at each moment. In practice, this manifests as apparently doing fewer things, but with more discipline, and what is done is completed. There are fewer open fronts and more self-control in being able to do one thing at a time, unlike before, when there was the belief in being able to do several simultaneously.

The world is no longer a vast marketplace of extraordinary opportunities that must be seized, where the more you take, the more you have and enjoy. Although this caused much excitement and enthusiasm due to the many scenarios it opened up, the emotional cost was high due to the dispersion and anxiety caused by the difficulty of not being able to be in all the scenarios at once and having to give something up. Against that dispersion of multi-possibilities and experiences, something more concrete, routine, disciplined, and austere now emerges, valuing situations of greater quality and depth.

Now, the great and tempting external world has been reduced to a smaller scope: home, work, family, a few relationships, spirituality, and little else. The focus of attention is more inward than outward. From looking and prioritizing the external, the public, the outside, there has been a shift to valuing the internal, the personal, less spectacular and outwardly bright but more personal, intimate, simple, and deep. There is a change in the measuring stick, appreciating more what you have rather than what is missing or what you might lose. The discomfort of losing what you already have is greater than renouncing what is possible, no matter how interesting it may seem. It’s becoming more conservative. As the saying goes: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

In a way, it’s not just about being able to hold back one's own desire, the impulse, the trigger that fired voracity, but also that this same desire has shifted toward other interests. The excitement of consuming many experiences has been transformed into the tranquility of savoring fewer experiences but with more depth. Opportunism has diminished, as it has become clear that what actually attracted me was the excitement of something new. It wasn’t that I needed more before, but that I digested it poorly, simply because I didn’t take the time to digest. Now, although it’s less in quantity, I go deeper, I digest more.

The change also involves acting without so many expectations, without putting so much excitement into action or hypnotizing myself into thinking that what will be done will be so exciting and spectacular. There is a need for self-distrust against this search for intensity and extra in everything, and to hold a lower level of activation, of excitement. In reality, it’s about sustaining monotony, routine, custom. That so promising future I used to sell myself is no longer credible. Automatically, more attention is paid to the real, to the present. The sexual Seven acts like someone who enters a bakery and orders a little of everything to try it all, even mixing different flavors. In doing so, they don’t distinguish between nuances, and satisfaction consists solely in having tried everything, in not having missed anything. Now I enjoy eating just one entire cake and savoring it. In short, I feel more satisfied.

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New Traits and Characteristics that Are Emerging in Character

I will now present in more detail a series of traits and new aspects that have emerged in this process of psycho-spiritual maturation. The order of presentation does not imply a specific hierarchy, but rather they constitute different fronts and paths of simultaneous and parallel development and evolution in such a maturation process.

One of the most significant aspects has been the discovery of silence, understood as a reduction in internal noise, a decrease in interaction with the external world, and a work of attention and filtering of perceptions.

On one hand, this reduction in noise allows me to calm the constant mental effervescence and reach a point of centering where the mind is more collected within itself. In this way, it is possible to be less trapped by external stimuli, less tempted to pick at what the world offers. Today I have more control over my own perceptions and the direction that the focus of attention takes. Although the senses are open, seeing, hearing, feeling, and the mind perceives them, it does not follow those perceptions.

In that internal place of silence, besides being able to detach from external noises (not only auditory but of any kind of stimulus), no new internal noises (thoughts, fantasies, strategies) are generated. Of course, all of this has to do with talking less, both externally and also in terms of one's internal dialogue: literally, thinking less.

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Another aspect of this process of maturation is simplicity, ease, and austerity, in the sense of not complicating things so much, making life easier, more concrete, less complex, and with fewer unnecessary branches. It’s about positioning oneself in a more centered and collected place where the focus of attention is neither so open nor so active. It’s like the radar for permanent search disconnects, no longer scanning the horizon of experiences. Physically, it would be like closing your eyes a little, your ears, and the rest of your senses, even closing the internal muscle of reasoning, of thinking. The senses, the world, life becomes more sober, not because there is less quantity but because there is less voracity and attachment to that apparent abundance. This perceptive distancing is not a retreat into isolation, but rather a greater capacity for renunciation and detachment, meaning a greater ability to say no to those temptations that attract and incite us to fall into what is not so important.

This simplicity also implies removing the excitement, the adornments, and the fireworks from things. The experience in particular, and life in general, are less transcendental and spectacular than one believes. That constant attempt to inject an extra dose of excitement and suggestion to make the experience more interesting or valuable than it really is decreases. The volume of life turns down. One becomes more natural, more spontaneous, less anticipatory and strategic about what might happen. Planning or constantly strategizing for success stops being the norm in every event.

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Finally, simplicity also involves going beyond divided consciousness. Life’s different aspects are less fragmented and separated: family, work, people, spirituality. There is more holistic and global functioning among the various spheres.

The next aspect to highlight in the transformation is an orientation towards spirituality and, especially, an awakening to devotion, understood as giving oneself to something or someone greater than oneself, which takes care of higher levels, with the protection, security, order, and rest that this entails. The sensation is similar to the surrender of a child, but unlike the capricious child who expects to be given things, one surrenders from the tranquility and filial trust that someone knows what to do at every moment. This allows the child to let go and simply be a child without taking on responsibilities that don’t belong to them. It’s a feeling of being full, protected, and, again, in an internal and external place where one can rest. Similarly, this place facilitates being more honest, more responsible, and, paradoxically, more adult. With this surrender, acceptance, and openness to something greater, one's position in life becomes clearer, allowing them to do what is necessary with more commitment, involvement, and presence.

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Parallel to devotion, humility and compassion emerge. On the one hand, it involves looking at others more, seeing them, taking them into account, perceiving that others also have their needs, sufferings, and interests. Realizing that they are another self. On the other hand, it has to do with being less self-focused, less interested in oneself, less capricious, less childish, and being able to value and feel more satisfaction with what is there: being less opportunistic by taking others’ interests into account and not thinking solely about one's own. In other words, humility and compassion have to do with becoming more aware of narcissism and its ally, trickery. It’s difficult for us to put others first, to yield, or simply to see and take others into account, because immediately, strategies emerge to get ahead and not be left behind.

The change comes by recognizing and delving into what’s behind that search for greatness, for self-interest, for taking advantage of situations. On the one hand, there’s the feeling of being small, insecure, and to some extent, inferior. On the other hand, there’s a deep distrust that authority will be fair and grant security and protection. With this way of thinking, it seemed more reliable to become one's own reference, one's own authority, with a self-serving sense of justice, security, and self-protection. A Seven’s mind is programmed toward survival and cleverness. In almost any situation, the thought and plan of how to get something out of it arises.

The antidote is commitment to oneself and to what one wants and desires. It’s giving oneself permission to be transparent and honest, expressing more clearly what one wants or what bothers them. Clearer demands can be expressed, and the frustration of one's desire and lack can be more easily tolerated. This honesty and transparency with oneself and with the world is the antidote to rebellion and hidden conspiracy.

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Paradoxically, there is less interest in social relationships, in people, in contacts. With the psycho-spiritual process, greater awareness of the antisocial aspect of the E7 arises. Now I have more desire to be with myself or with my loved ones, and not so much to discover those who are more distant. What used to be a painful loneliness, translated into abandonment, marginalization, rejection, and fear, is now security, comfort, rest. The fact that there is more honesty, transparency, and frankness in the expression of desires and needs frees one from having to pretend, from having to put on a good face, making it easier to come and go from contact with others.

The general feeling is one of maturity, of becoming more adult, serious, sensible, and judicious. To stop feeling like a child dependent on the world and instead assume responsibilities and tasks, becoming more present and competent in the world, and understanding responsibility not as a burden or weight, but as a freedom to choose and decide for oneself.

In my process, I’ve gone from feeling blocked by fear of rejection, of not being adequate, of not knowing exactly how to behave (as if there were a correct way, a standard to reach) to trusting myself more and giving myself more credibility, without so much invalidating, neutralizing judgment, without so much doubt or fear.

This represents a liberation on a very essential level that has to do with giving oneself permission to be real as one is, without criticism, without judgment, with effortless acceptance. It’s a genuine permission that arises from the absence of doubt: there is no need to choose anything. There’s no choice between better or worse, correct or incorrect; the permission starts before the dilemma itself. Action arises like a spring that simply flows without asking whether it’s better to go left or right.

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Maturity implies greater resilience to pain and frustration. Instead of stopping to feel lack, the typical trap of the sexual E7 is that the frustration of not having something is replaced by a rosy fantasy that provides substitute satisfaction. The mental insistence is such, with logical arguments that sustain the fantasy, that one begins to enjoy it in advance. This means disconnecting from the discomfort caused by lack: the illusion is built to avoid it, and gradually, one loses touch with reality, to the point that, dragged more and more into one’s own lies, the sexual Seven becomes unable to distinguish fantasy from reality.

The interruption of this avoidance cycle is achieved when the impulse of one’s desire is sustained without necessarily acting on it, both in its aspect of attraction to the new and stimulating, and in the avoidance of the unpleasant, the frustration, the painful. Patience, serenity, and self-control have grown. Being able to tolerate the anxiety and desire with greater calm and fortitude, and not being easily disturbed by external circumstances, is one of the great fruits. Solidity manifests in internal stability and external perseverance. It’s as if the willpower has been strengthened and solidified. There is more diligence, discipline, determination, to the point of being able to endure the routine, the repetitive, the boring, and the unenthusiastic.

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The way into this internal stop, this rest and tranquility, consists of the connection and discovery of the body as another place of the self in which to be. This begins by descending from the head, stopping the constant cognitive activity. To do this, one must take control of their own desire, being able to restrain the craving, the appetite, the urge. At first, it was especially difficult to hold back the impulse always to sexualize relationships, especially with women, whom I always sought as a source of excitement, novelty, activation, and also recognition, validation, etc. After better managing sexual desire, comes the domestication of temptation in other areas, for example with drugs and altered states of consciousness, or with the consumerist and gluttonous desire for any kind of experience that could produce excitement, enthusiasm, and novelty, which Sevens often use to avoid unpleasant sensations. Finally, it helps to sustain the neurotic attraction to always follow one's thoughts, sensations, and perceptions. And that is a very subtle aspect of the process.

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Insights into the State of Self-Realization

One of the main themes of psycho-spiritual transformation is ceasing to look at the sky as an escape from the earth, that is, becoming more realistic, more grounded, and even more visceral. This greater objectivity implies less cognitive defense in the form of suggestion, fantasy, illusion, and consequently, less manipulation and self-deception, both with oneself and with others. There is less head, less rationality, and more heart, more emotion.

Thinking and planning become more concrete and systematic, more real and less cosmic. Efforts and energies are focused more methodically, with greater diligence, consistency, and determination. This greater presence and involvement in what is being done allows strategy and planning to be used as a pursuit of greater commitment and not as avoidance, escape, or opportunism. For this, it helps to trust that happiness lies in working in the present moment and is achieved step by step, little by little, not all at once and greedily.

In this sense, honesty and transparency are essential. On one hand, with greater contact and awareness of what is felt, wanted, and needed at each moment, and on the other hand, with more self-confidence and integrity in showing it and operating from it, expressing both what is disliked and gratitude and recognition to others. This means being more confrontational, direct, and clear, rather than moving from the background, from the hidden, manipulative, boycotting, or rebellious stance typical of the E7. It would involve assuming oneself as the authority and becoming responsible for one’s own life. That is, developing more seriousness, commitment, and presence, not just with others, but primarily with oneself, with one’s own feelings, desires, and goals.

It helps on this path to be able to sustain and face pain, frustration, and unpleasant sensations. To be more in contact with one's own dissatisfactions while also valuing what one has. Seeking more satisfaction in the real, in the quality and depth of life rather than in quantity and variety. Trusting more in what life brings, rather than moving from fear and the dread of lack, of dissatisfaction, and from that trust, renouncing the preventative strategy. It also helps to build a solid internal self-confidence, relying on one’s own resources and acknowledging limitations, rather than appealing to the false tranquility and detachment of improvisation, or believing things will work out on their own, which is ultimately an avoidant behavior.

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It’s helpful to approach life with more tranquility, simplicity, and even naivety, in contrast to the complicated, murky, and convoluted tendencies of a sexual Seven. It’s worth seeking more spaces without filling them with anything, more idle times without external or internal activity. Of course, this implies more silence, fewer words, and more listening. The goal is to live without avoiding anything that arises or appears, without fleeing to the idyllic future that is so typical of this planning character.

The spirituality of a transformed sexual Seven is not so fantastic or ideal but more practical and materialized in concrete actions and deeds. For example, it involves developing generosity, collaborations, and more altruistic and selfless tasks, as well as a greater devotional surrender and compassion based on truly seeing the other for who they are, not as a means of inflating one’s ego with "how good I am."

In the process, a cleaner, more open sense of humor and optimism has awakened in me, less ironic, escapist, and hurtful, understood not as another defense mechanism and aggression but as a way of detachment and lightness towards life. It’s the ability to enjoy and help others enjoy with contagious optimism from transparency and honesty.

It’s not that the ego and neurosis have stopped doing their tricks, but their antics and escapades bother less because the character is less untamed. Like those dogs with a long leash, with a mechanism that allows the owner to pull it in at any time to reel the dog in. Depending on the situation, the leash is longer or shorter, but the dog is always under control. I observe a distancing from and detachment from neurotic impulses and habits, but not through repression, but through the awareness of their existence. Sometimes I even have the ability to use them as seeds to develop more awareness and attention. It’s not about avoiding anything but integrating and managing what’s there better.

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Therapeutic Work Suggestions with a Sexual Seven

From a therapeutic perspective, Sevens in general — and sexual Sevens in particular — tend to come to therapy either due to an acute crisis they cannot escape from or out of curiosity, to experience a new toy for illusion and fantasy. In case of attending therapy due to a crisis, once the most painful symptoms have been overcome, it’s easy for the Seven to leave the process, deceiving themselves with the belief that they are better than they really are and settling for a band-aid instead of a deep cure. In case of attending therapy out of curiosity, once the initial excitement and illusion have passed, along with the fact that painful issues begin to surface, they are likely to flee to more motivating and less distressing matters. Therefore, there is a certain difficulty in getting people with this type of character to have enough perseverance in the process to enter deeper work.

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Therefore, one of the first pieces of advice for therapists working with sexual Sevens is to make them aware of the importance of creating a favorable environment for the development of perseverance, patience, and commitment to therapy so that the process can unfold. From there, it can be helpful to re-contract sessions periodically in packages of a determined number. This will allow for mini-processes with their proper integration and closure. On the other hand, it will prevent the process from being abruptly interrupted by an escape or rebellion, and it will leave the door open so that, if desired, they can resume the process at another time. This provides enough space and flexibility for them to come and go with certain margins of freedom.

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It’s also very useful to stimulate their own curiosity. Leaving them with a bit of hunger from one session to the next. In this way, we can take advantage of their own gluttony, suggesting or showing them that there is a better place than the one they psychologically inhabit and that they can obtain something more essential than what they are currently living.

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With a sexual E7, it’s necessary, in fact, to find the middle ground between a clear, concise, and firm therapeutic framework and a certain gentleness, delicacy, and spaciousness to foster their trust. If too strong and rigid limits are imposed, they will leave therapy; if the limits are too soft, they will tend to invade the therapist’s space and escape the process. It’s important to find the balance so they don’t invade, to ensure they respect the therapy and don’t confuse the therapist with a friend; at the same time, it’s necessary for them to feel an atmosphere of calm, encouragement, and trust so they gradually open up and allow themselves to fall into their pain. All this will mean a constant back and forth, where the limits must be reminded almost throughout the entire treatment. It will be a process of continual confrontation but very gentle, a soft fight with much nurturing and protection for when they begin to fall. Space must be given so they can show themselves without dragging the therapist down, seducing, and entrancing them with their confusions. It will be something like letting them believe they have the power. This push and pull will undoubtedly tire the therapist because the sexual E7 will constantly test the boundaries we set.

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The challenge is the intellectual side, rationalization as a defense mechanism. We must keep enough distance to avoid getting caught up in their games, traps, and mental acrobatics. Everything must be filtered to differentiate between the story and the experience, manipulation and authenticity, fantasy and reality. It’s about teaching the sexual Seven little by little to be silent and listen to themselves from other levels. In this sense, bodywork often works very well to silence the continuous mental noise.

It’s necessary to earn their trust by showing the ability to hold their pain, their sensitivity, and fragility. We need to convey security, calmness, and encouragement for them to go as far as they can, letting them know it’s better to go a little deeper, as long as it’s genuine, rather than wanting to progress much with falsehood. We must support genuine authenticity, honesty, and transparency. We will help them connect with the feeling of what they have not had, of what they have lacked, bringing them down from the fantasy of having it all and facilitating their contact with pain.

This descent into pain — the plunge into the well — is usually a very delicate moment in the process. It has to do with remembering and mourning the past, childhood. It’s a realization of the self-deception they’ve been immersed in and the time they’ve lost. It’s a recognition of vulnerability, insecurity, fear, the sense of abandonment and loneliness. At this point, much nurturing, understanding, encouragement, and hope will be needed to help them continue along that path. At this point, resistances may arise in the form of lateness and absences until, eventually, they flee and never return. Therefore, it’s important to have previously developed a solid and genuine bond based on trust. At this time, it’s essential to anchor them, in the sense that they find internal supports other than reason: therapy will be an internal (and external) place where they can stop and rest. In any case, depressive states are a sign that the process is advancing.

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Lastly, it’s essential not to overlook any of a Seven’s manipulations. As they become more involved and gain confidence with the therapist, they must be called out more rigorously each time. It doesn’t matter if they believe they have control of the therapy, as long as they don’t use it to attack or escape through rebelliousness. In such cases, this game must be progressively exposed and frustrated, so that greater honesty can be expressed in the therapeutic space.

Finally, as an effective tool, it can be helpful to use their own mechanism: humor and irony, bearing in mind that Sevens in general handle this very well.

The Self-Preservation Seven: Family

It is often easier to recognize a sexual or social Seven than a preservation Seven. To refer to them, Ichazo used the phrase "the guardian of the castle." He also used the word "castle" for the preservation Five — I preferred to use the word refuge or lair. But what is the meaning of the phrase "the guardian of the castle"?

The E7 preservation is a person who makes alliances. Family could be an alternative word, but not in the true sense of the term, which is filled with positive connotations. The word "family" describes an aspect of life, but in the specialized vocabulary of the ego, there exists a kind of "family game" that can be played. In it, preservation Sevens form relationships with people based on ideas like: "I will be family for you, and I demand that you be family for me," "Let’s come together, I will serve you and you will serve me," "Let’s come together, and we can create a good mafia together..."

I mention the word "smuggling" because this kind of behavior can become shady. It is clear partisanship. There’s a strong element of corruption involved. Self-interest, selfishness, is behind this alliance, although it appears denied. Naturally, every form of ego depends on a lie that makes it seem like it’s not there. That’s why confession is so beneficial, so interesting for consciousness work — especially when the confession is public, because then one realizes they can continue with everything, continue being themselves.

Thus, the E7 preservation is the opportunist, the person who must find advantages, who must gain something. It’s as if there is a threat to preservation looming over them that must be compensated for. Therefore, gluttony, in this case, is expressed as an excessive concern to escape this threat to preservation by making good deals and arrangements at every opportunity.

A friend of mine was a dentist for part of his life. He seemed like a kind, friendly, talkative person. Some people love the dental profession because they always have the other person’s mouth shut, so they can talk and talk as much as they want. Surely, you’ve encountered very talkative dentists. They may not realize it — unconsciousness plays tricks. And it’s typical of preservation Sevens that they like doing something with their hands, something useful for others. They are practical.

Talking and talking, the preservation Seven soon discovers the other person’s weak points. "I see you’ve bought a new car, how’s it going?" asks the dentist. "Well, it’s an excellent car, I’m very happy with it," responds the patient, "but unfortunately, I have to sell it." "Ah, well," says the dentist, seizing the opportunity, "then I’ll buy it\!"

It seems that with the preservation Seven, no conversation fails to lead to business. They make instant deals because their mind is so alert for opportunities that they never let them slip by. Their position is one of someone who thinks that if you aren’t alert, if you don’t keep your nose to the wind to detect opportunities, you’ll be a loser.

\\*Transformation in the E7 Preservation\*\

By Albert Rams

The following pages contain several quoted passages from the author, taken from his text "Biography of Character" (1996). The rest of the quoted passages come from individuals identified with the preservation Seven who kindly contributed to this report. They preferred to remain anonymous, and Albert Rams expresses his deep gratitude for their contributions.

\#\#\#\# \\*What is left behind\*\

It seems that what gets left behind in the process is essentially a kind of craving, a state of nervousness, of undefined agitation that sometimes manifests as "greed, impatience, wanting to devour everything," as one preservation Seven puts it. Other times, it shows up as "a thought that holds that I can always focus on everything from the positive; the desire to be surrounded by people who anesthetize me and allow me not to be conscious of myself, to live asleep, in a dream," says a woman with the same trait. It is also, according to another person, "the sensation of a fictitious life, as if lived outside of myself. As a young girl, I used to describe it as if it were a movie; it was fast, fun, I was the protagonist, but I didn’t recognize myself within: I recognized myself dissociated." Sometimes it’s "fantasy," understanding it as the tendency to replace reality with what is invented (unconsciously, of course), even to the extreme of defending the invention as reality," according to another preservation Seven. Other times, it translates into "always getting my way; spending so much energy controlling everything, managing everything without it being noticed."

In my personal case, I sum it up like this:

"Until recently, I thought I was born weighing six kilos and at a normal time. Then I found out that it wasn’t exactly six kilos, but 5.8, and that the reason was that I was born after ten months of pregnancy. I believe that this anecdote contains three main elements of my character: the sensation of deceit (and the vague awareness of self-deception), the retroactive compulsion to the womb (where I apparently stayed a month too long), and the fantasy of grandiosity."

This state is often accompanied by "addictions to alcohol, drugs, and other excesses that also invite me to anesthetize myself."

Preservation Sevens seem to have a self constituted as a sort of I-you erotically interested relationship with the mother, in the case of men, and with the father in the case of women. In the former case, the father does not take up the paternal role because he is subject to the mother, either by excess of authoritarianism or by being perceived as weak; so there is no good law. The norm, the limits, are not reliable. In the case of women, there seems to be a father-not-father, a father who doesn’t make it clear enough that his wife is the mother and not the daughter (who is often daddy’s little girl).

The paradise, the false paradise, seems to be cut off, broken (separation, abandonment, trauma...), and we are left with the idea that it was all a lie... Then everything is a lie... Ergo, I can do whatever I want because there is no law. Anything goes. In my case:

"At thirteen, I took a trip to France that marked me deeply. I spent a month at the home of a former neighbor, whose parents, Spanish immigrants, hated Spaniards and, I suppose, projected all their resentment from years of hardship and effort onto me. For me, it was the first major blow I remember. The image I had of myself and the world crumbled.

"First, I was smaller than my friend at an age when differences are quite significant. Plus, I was fat, so the girls didn’t like me, I had to speak a language I didn’t know, and do activities like sailing or horse riding that were totally new to me. I felt so much ridicule, shame, loneliness, and today I know, I accumulated a lot of resentment against the world and my family for sending me there. It’s also true that I became more self-reliant, and much of what I learned there has been very useful in life... But I think I swallowed too much without chewing, and I ended up artificially alone without realizing it.

"It turned out that the brilliant, seemingly beloved boy was a clumsy ball of fat. The world I knew was just one of many possible worlds, and everything that had been easy for me became terribly difficult or almost impossible. It turned out that the child so praised for being well-behaved, always saying yes, getting good grades, not being too mischievous... and particularly eating everything and a lot of it (which was the ultimate family value at the time); it turned out that this was not the only me that inhabited me. And at that time, that meant that it wasn’t me, since I could only be one. So it was logical to conclude that someone had deceived me, that things didn’t add up. I remember writing to my parents daily, and in none of the postcards was I able to tell them how badly I was doing, or, of course, ask them to come pick me up. I was in shock and unable to realize it. I also couldn’t dismantle the fantasy we had in the family before going to France: that everything would be wonderful and very exciting, how could it not be — once again, all rose-colored."

Thus, life is going to be dedicated to the search and restoration of that primordial paradisiacal state, that family-mafia in which the preservation Seven occupies a place of tacit privilege.

One of the signs of the process is that "the way of constructing families to feel alive disappears; I continue with them, but now I allow myself to have my own true family."

Similarly, what is left behind is the escape — often unconsciously — from what is dysphoric, from loneliness, from what is unpleasant, from emptiness, from boredom, from the little: "the desire to constantly experience new things to avoid boredom and fill my time," says one preservation Seven; the inability to touch unpleasant emotions, the feeling of rushing because life is running out, the impatience, the need for everything to be permanently okay; "the excessive noise in my life," adds another preservation Seven; "believing I’m so good and generous, that I help so much, believing that everyone depends on me, instead of me depending on them," concludes another.

\#\#\#\# \\*What emerges in the transformation process\*\

When the lie of excess is discovered, little emerges — silence, the goodness of scarcity; the freedom of

not needing as much as one had believed. Calm, serenity (relative, of course), the realization that there is no need to rush anywhere because one has already arrived at nowhere in particular, which is appreciated as good enough.

Another important change is the distinction between desire and need — fundamental\! — which had been confused from the start. We had told ourselves — and others — that our desires were needs. And, in fact, we need little, truly, although we can desire much.

It helps to let go of the dictatorship of "this yes, this no, imperiously," and also to develop greater flexibility: staying in the "…or not." It helps to not have to discriminate beforehand between what is supposedly euphoric and what is supposedly dysphoric; to stop clinging to the first and fleeing from the second in terror (and subtly). Access to sadness, to emptiness, to unjustified anger, to feeling one's own malice.

Here are some specific ways to put it:

"Questioning myself, being critical, brings me peace, connects me with reality; it relaxes me to be concrete, serene, to walk slowly and enjoy it. The more insignificant things are, the better. For example, I get great pleasure in sorting the waste for recycling, placing it properly and feeling responsible and in solidarity. Routine gives me peace, knowing that if I want, I can escape from it."

"When I give myself permission to fully experience things, I feel ecstatic and happy, positive about the good things the cosmos offers me."

"Serenity is emerging. The awareness of 'this is what there is.' And I enjoy it. It used to be harder for me to stay in things as they are."

"The need to be more with myself is emerging, the need to be truly present and connected with what I feel, and the sense that it is enough, that it’s okay with what is. I also try to hold onto the Buddhist principle that says 'if you’re not happy now, in this precise moment, you’ll never be.' And I rely on it as the only truth that exists because I have spent my life chasing a fantasized happiness that was always just around the corner: I thought the next thing would always be better than what I have now."

\#\#\#\# \\*What serves the transformation\*\

My general impression is that what helps the most is finding someone (a therapist, a teacher, sometimes a friend) who can combine a clear ability to say "no" and who can offer accompaniment during the fall. "No," then, to the games, the tricks, the manipulations... That person will be a wall to crash against, while also being a loving companion, sometimes silent, always close during the breakdown, allowing the discovery of what was avoided, making it possible for me without living it as a catastrophe: silence, loneliness, nothingness, sadness, anger, malice...

Here is another passage from my biography:

"In the summer of 1988, I took my first SAT program course, and it turned out to be the beginning of a long crisis that would last until the summer of 1993: the crisis I’ve seen repeat in different ways in many people when they focus on character work. Those were five very hard, very intense years, during which I clearly felt at least twice the boundary between being alive and being dead. That is, I clearly felt the desire to be dead. They were years in which I discovered aspects of myself that I hadn’t even suspected, such as feeling absolutely stupid in things I had always felt capable of, or seeing the immense anger inside me and the aggressive acting out that can stem from accidental mistakes, jokes, forgetfulness, or distractions."

During those years, the process became extreme, especially in SAT:

"There I felt like someone was breaking me and holding me at the same time; that someone was hitting me and healing me; that someone was moving me and calming me deeply. Everything was breaking, breaking... And there he was, Memo, and they were there (Paco, Antonio, Cheriff, Juanjo...), and they were there (Annie, Graciela, Use, Silvia...). And Claudio. During the fall and winter of '88-'89, I thought I was going crazy. Looking at it now (January 1993), I think that magical thinking exploded in my head, anxiety in my heart, and paralysis in my body. I became paranoid and fell into the most terrible panic I’ve felt since I was fourteen \[...\]. I, Albert Rams, 'famous therapist known all over southern Europe,' was scared out of my wits. I remember I couldn’t even call the travel agency to book tickets. Everything was an enormous effort, even the smallest things. I felt incapable of writing the smallest note or letter, and any phone call scared me. I was completely trapped in guilt, but I didn’t know it then..."

\\*What helps in the process?\*\

Here are more testimonies:

"Reducing activity, contacting the body as both an end and a means to reach emotion. Concreteness, dimension. Making it my goal to be punctual, in my case, has led to respecting others, considering them, seeing them, and taking care of myself. What helps is understanding before finding something within me, confrontation, taking the risk of being direct, of being 'bad.' Opening my eyes, seeing reality, seeing the present without sugarcoating it, acceptance, silence, loneliness. Believing there is something bigger than me, spirituality."

"For me, above all, what helps is sustaining emotions, not running from what’s happening to me, from what I feel (shame, anger, discomfort, frustration); daring to say what’s happening to me, how I feel, what I think, what I want to do, even if it leads to conflict. Behind that fear of conflict, there’s always pain and fear of rejection."

"What helps me is letting myself rock and fall into the pain. Loneliness helps me to be with myself and then lose myself less in others. The more I stop running from myself, the less I trade with others. Not staying on the surface, going deeper. Realizing that I use people."

"Self-observation. A bit of self-absorption (as Ortega said). Therapy. Meditation. Spaces of solitude. Contemplation without judgment. The silence of the countryside."

\#\#\#\# \\*What doesn’t help in the transformation process\*\

"Action and more action, thinking, designing strategies, escaping, sex and eating to escape, letting myself be nourished by the scent of my own seduction. Wearing myself out, overexerting, trying to make my fantasy reality. Constantly saving the world."

"Letting myself be carried away by anxiety, doing and doing without awareness, starting many things and not finishing anything, letting boredom win, not accepting life’s reality as it is, and allowing myself to be swept away by the idea that life can be rose-colored."

"Always blaming the other person and not taking responsibility for my own issues."

"Appealing to my spoiled inner child. Avoiding conflicts — how hard it is for me to face them, especially when there’s no intimacy and my good-person image is at risk."

"I’ve lived through something that gave me too much dispersion, which fed the most unconscious and least authentic parts of me. It’s a sort of permission for everything to go, for everything to be allowed. I’ve needed to set my own limits, but without a doubt, it has also helped to see limits from others, from the everyday world."

"That space, so nourishing for others, which encourages the expression of the inner self, creativity, spontaneity, and other facets of the individual, led me to get a bit lost. I’m not saying it’s not useful, but it serves me little. However, I can work with it easily. I can use the most instinctual, basic, and spontaneous aspects in favor of others’ internal work. But for me, the most concise, clear, and simple things help me, as opposed to other explosions of being."

\#\#\#\# \\*What tasks favor transformation?\*\

Here are more testimonies:

"The most favorable tasks are the tasks themselves. A process that consists of a proposal with a beginning and an end, and the responsibility to achieve it, already has meaning in itself. Working through the Enneagram has gained great meaning because it requires continuity, follow-up, updating, review, constancy, and, above all, authenticity. I have such a conflict with deceit, trickery, and the complex path of fraud that I give a lot of meaning to understanding and practicing something sincere and authentic, while also putting in significant effort."

"Meditation as contact with myself and an attack on reality is essential."

"The practice of a space for the spiritual, for the divine path, for believing in and surrendering to something greater than myself or my supposed desires, makes me feel like a better person."

"Silence."

"Nature."

"Saying no. Doing things slowly. Caring for plants. Doing things where there are no rewards of any kind afterward. Meditating."

"What helps me is making decisions and carrying them out. Creating self-programs and following them (to avoid the tendency to scatter). Committing and fulfilling the commitment. Reflecting before acting. Trying to act with as much emotional sincerity as possible. Seeing others."

\#\#\#\# \\*What needs to be understood\*\

It seems to me that what we preservation Sevens need to understand is, fundamentally, respect, which I believe we lost in the formation of that devour-it-all monster because everything-is-a-lie-so...

And no, of course: not everything is a lie. There is honor, there is what is, in itself, and not because it serves any particular purpose.

We also need to understand that limits, the "no," can be healthy because they not only limit gluttony but also protect. Like the border that marks a "not there," but also "here yes... this is my house

... my country."

Some testimonies say:

"That the world wasn’t made in two days, nor will it end in three. That without me, it won’t end either. It doesn’t have to be so intense to be alive and happy. It helps to discover that the small, the insignificant, exists from within."

"That pain, sadness, loneliness, and boredom don’t kill: they are part of life and enrich it. That you can be comfortable with reality. That not everything goes just to feel good. That I’m a slave to my ideas and an Enneagram about psychology that I make bigger and bigger just to avoid contact with what I don’t like. That pain and love go together. That the armor against pain only comes off with pain. That pain and suffering, in the long run, bring me closer to people and to myself."

"The beautiful gift that life is. Nothingness as the beginning and end of all things."

To conclude, I’ll share another fragment of my biography:

"\[...\] I feel more concise and less in need of external recognition. The professional style that began as something very excessive, very loud and flamboyant \[...\] has been gaining refinement and calm. I still have the ability to detect falsehood that had emerged so brutally then, but I no longer feel the same need to use it to show off. Or, simply, I give myself the opportunity to keep it to myself to the extent that I can distinguish what I really want at that moment and, above all, what I’m willing to take on. I can be confrontational without being violent. And, above all, I’ve been developing the experience of living in a heart that I didn’t inhabit before, or didn’t inhabit in this way; which professionally shows up, at times, as the grace to touch people’s souls in increasingly simple ways. However, I feel the weight of years of work, I’m less passionately interested in it, and I tire more easily."

Type Eight: Lust

The passion of Lust denotes a passion for excess, "a passion that seeks intensity, not only through sex but in all kinds of stimuli: activity, anxiety, spices, high speed, loud music, etc." (C. Naranjo, \Character and Neurosis\).

It transforms the intensity of suffering into the intensity of satisfaction, of feelings, of pleasure, and of the battle against the abuses suffered.

Type E8 is an excessive character, the most impulsive of the action-oriented types. The consumption of energy, the search for intense stimuli, the attraction to violence and risk, and the effusive manifestation of enthusiasm are typical expressions of Lust.

Lust manifests itself through an uncontrollable tendency toward satisfying impulses and needs; a relentless pursuit of pleasure, understood not as surrendering to the senses or as well-being, but rather as an intense experience that brings back the sensation of being alive and that can go beyond the barrier of hardness and insensitivity.

In summary, one could say that their passion consists of obtaining satisfaction and gratification here and now, like a teenager. The future does not exist, and the past is unnecessary.

They are pragmatic and concrete; the problem must be solved immediately (and the problem is their need to possess and obtain satisfaction).

The wound is an offense received, an abuse: the E8 feels and lives with the conviction that they must be immediately compensated. Their interpersonal style is revenge (fixation); accounts cannot be left unsettled; when they carry out revenge, they find fulfillment again.

The origin of this character structure is found in a childhood where they were denied being a child; they did not receive proper care either concretely or emotionally-psychologically. In extreme cases, we can find abuse and mistreatment that humiliated and subjugated them.

This situation of oppression and abuse leads them to cultivate within a desire to respond to violence with the same vehemence and strength while awaiting the day of final revenge.

They are a child who had to grow up quickly, who could not surrender to weakness, tenderness, or fragility.

They learn to fight and defend themselves and others from injustices. The strongest experience is the attribution of being a bad child.

The sense of justice sometimes derives from a family context in which the paternal figure exercised violence concretely, physically or psychologically, or abused their power, while the mother—or siblings—are perceived as victims of this violence and as objects to be rescued.

The compulsion to restore their power at any cost clearly manifests itself in relationships with others. The sense of justice can also be an ideal, but it is above all a way to settle outstanding accounts.

From this point of view, the relationship of friendship is one in which the E8 commits to defending close people on the condition that they do not interfere with their power. Power is maintaining dominance and control over their territory and the people who belong to it.

The E8 lacks empathic capacity. Considering that they are not in touch with their emotions, the bond with others can be very strong and intense, not because they are sensitive to the needs of others, but rather because they are driven by a compulsion to defend those who belong to them. Due to this lack of empathy in affective relationships (sentimental or friendship), they are unaware of how they may end up dominating their close ones, and they are unconcerned with others' judgments; they have great difficulty feeling guilt.

They are autonomous and often despotic and overbearing. Their motivation is not to appear superior but to obtain satisfaction for their needs.

They learned to be strong; their body shows it: thick skin, solid musculature, firmly grounded, confident behavior without revealing a state of alarm, and great resistance to both physical and psychological pain.

Just as they do not allow themselves to feel their emotions, they also do not leave room for physical pain, to the extent that they neglect their body; even when they suffer, they find satisfaction in the intensity.

The Social Eight: Complicity

The E8 social is a kind of antisocial social type. If we want to use modern psychology categories, the Eight fits into the label of antisocial personality: more or less, a person who opposes social norms. Or rather, a rebellious person.

But a social Eight is a type that can only be explained in contradictory terms. It’s like a child who became violent in defending their mother against their father. Their violence stemmed from solidarity. The phrase "to explode against injustice" resonates strongly with them.

The central issue of the E8 social was named by Ichazo as friendship. I don’t like to use words with universal meanings or ones we could associate with great meanings to describe specific ego games, because often we end up using those words to justify those same games. That’s why I feel more comfortable with the word complicity. It relates to loyalty, like that of a child who allies with the mother against the father and develops a strong detachment from the paternal bond, likely becoming a difficult child at school. They reject school because the whole institution feels like paternal authority, and they come to experience intellectual detachment because intellect is also part of the paternal complex. Patriarchal culture is, after all, composed of intellect, authority, and control of impulses.

Looking at the social Eight with a Freudian mindset, the concept of complicity becomes clearer. We could talk about an Oedipus complex. We could say the child needs their mother’s love and has no hope of finding love in the father. Therefore, they conclude: “I’ll join forces with my mother against my father. I’ll protect mom, and I’ll earn mom’s love.” Entering Freudian psychodynamics, we could also add that this mechanism is not purely about loyalty but is a matter of self-interest.

For anyone with this character type, it’s very difficult to go beyond the felt experience of simple loyalty. If we were to ask Karl Marx about the nature of his solidarity with the exploited, I don’t think he would be receptive to the Freudian reproach, which would say he just teamed up with his mother against his exploitive father. Or that his affinity with his mother was Oedipal and had something to do with his own need for love.

It’s difficult to make an Eight aware of their need for love. We are all driven by love. Every form of disturbed personality is a distortion of the way we act to seek love. One person tries by being too nice or too good in school; another by being too perfect in their morality, etc. In an Eight, the central issue seems to be renouncing, abandoning love.

They think it’s better to pursue power, pleasure, or what they want rather than wait for love or become sentimental. For an Eight, people who seek love are sentimental. Thus, an Eight is a character that veers toward cynicism, harshness, and toughness.

Moreover, Eights don’t usually engage in activities related to self-awareness since developing this kind of insight into their emotional life is a bit harder for them. They repress their tender side as if they had to bury their inner child to face life fully armed, ready for the struggle for existence, red in tooth and claw, as the Darwinists say. An Eight is someone armed to the teeth.

\\*The Transformation in the E8 Social by María Elena Tinoco\*\

Some hidden memories...

Perhaps I was four or six months old. I’m looking at mom; she’s so beautiful, full of light; she seems like a celestial being. I feel so complete in her arms; the nectar of her breasts is so full of love that it shakes me; I look at her and feel ecstatic love for her. When she leaves me in my crib and I see her walking away, I feel almost like dying from the pain. I believe this is where that awful sensation of being dead comes from, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and abandonment, extremely deep.

I decide to hate her, but in reality, I would give my life to be in her lap; I ask myself: Is this where I first felt this existential void that leads me to try to fill it with lust, yet never succeeding?

When I was between two and three years old, I wanted to go out, and near the door, mom had a brazier full of lit coals; she was about to cook something, and I passed by... I could barely squeeze between her legs. I lost my balance and placed my open hand directly on the burning coals. I felt a huge pain that ran through my entire body, and they pulled me away. A sort of bubble appeared on my hand, and it hurt so much that I exploded with anger at both mom and dad, deciding that they were idiots because they didn’t know how to take care of me.

Revenge appeared as a companion in my life. It wasn’t a premeditated or planned revenge, but rather a hidden one, lurking, an act suited for those who don’t know how to fulfill their obligations (how messed up\!).

\\*The Lurking Adolescent\*\

An adolescent assassin? I don’t know where she was hiding. She had her hair styled like Yoko Ono, a shapeless body, felt enormous hatred toward women, and total contempt for men. She was 1.54 meters tall and weighed 38 kilos, just skin and bones: she was "La Flaca" (The Skinny One).

She was almost flat since neither her breasts nor buttocks grew, so she wasn’t very attractive. I felt more like a man than a woman, although I wasn’t sexually excited by girls. I was very daring with jokes and very aggressive.

I had a sickening hatred for my stepfather. At the slightest provocation, we would beat him up hard. My younger siblings were smaller than me, so I would say to them: "If you don’t beat them up, I’ll beat you up instead."

Most of my friends were boys. I had one female friend from school; the others were acquaintances from the party scene.

My desire to continue secondary school was thwarted by the poverty we lived in, so I had to go to work. I cleaned a spa. I would leave home at five in the morning and return at five in the afternoon.

I didn’t know what I wanted, didn’t know who I was; I felt lost amid a very difficult situation at home. I lived just to hand over my salary to my mom and to stay on the defensive with my stepfather. My existence seemed to have no meaning. I think this was where I developed a great disdain for life itself; at the same time, I recognize there was also a desire for suicide, but more out of revenge, to make others feel guilty. The desire to kill or for someone to die was also constant.

I felt immense oppression, and it hurt me greatly not to be able to quit my job since we needed to eat; the boss was the worst, and there was no way to tell her off.

Also, during this period, I felt caught in ambiguity.

Religion gave my life some meaning. Even so, I always felt a constant hunger.

I became a missionary, and in those years, I lived entirely for that goal. But no matter how much I worked, and even though the mission was successful, there was still a great void that was never filled. It manifested itself in the disproportionate lust for projects. Now I seek to deepen the work I started fourteen years ago.

Today, I see that I was a very dark and undervalued adolescent, with a strong instinct to destroy everything while living as the quiet cleaning girl who spoke little and received too many humiliations from American employers who were never satisfied.

\\*The Beginning of the Search\*\

Meeting Claudio in my life seemed to make everything better. At that time, I saw the SAT Program as a very liberating path for the indigenous people I worked with in the mission. I viewed it as similar to an educational synthesis for peace.

As I walked the SAT path, I realized I was trapped in a shell bigger than a turtle’s. Finding my truth consisted of recognizing lust as a sickness that automatically drove me to be intensely attached to the life of groups without recognizing my own deeper needs. It was being chained to the power that a group provides, but at what cost?

Upon recognizing my Enneatype, what first emerged were the beatings: the pain, the helplessness in the face of such heartbreaking situations I had lived through, and from there, the decision that it was better to defend oneself and seek revenge than to become vulnerable.

The process involved assuming a life where the constant was: “I’ll hit you where it hurts the most so that you’ll be careful not to cross into my territory.”

A very small little girl also emerges, with the crazy idea of saving her father and mother because they are so stupid. They are so unwise that they use violence for everything. So, this little girl is going to show them a finer, wiser violence, with fewer blows to the body and more blows to others’ egos. And she goes through the world like a dead fly, pretending to be good while undermining those who take advantage of the weak.

It’s something like: “I can’t hit or kill you... but I’ll kill you with my internal contempt and manipulate your surroundings so that you realize what a piece of crap you are, and I’ll always be there to remind you.” This would be the "Little Shit Elena" from when I was five years old.

In reality, this little girl doesn’t care about adults, she doesn’t fear them; her strength lies in those around her, her group, whom she protects with her life and also manipulates against all those considered enemies.

"Little Shit Elena" is incapable of committing to a single person because she can’t stand submission and doesn’t want people clinging to her. So, the saying goes: “The ox licks itself well alone.” Directing everything from behind the scenes—that’s what she likes. If it goes well, she thinks, “Wow, I’m awesome\!” If it goes wrong: “These idiots can’t do anything right.”

Envious, gossipy, rude, a liar, bossy... I have the intensity of a volcano\!

“Recognize me\!” is my childish cry. “Recognize me\! I’m just a very small child, full of needs, full of hunger for tenderness.” A hidden tenderness, concealed under the shell of a turtle. A tenderness that I often hated to acknowledge.

I have hidden my primal need: to recognize that I need to be loved to love myself. To recognize myself, my shame at being such a small child. My fear of rejection and abandonment.

At its core, my lack of commitment to a partner has more to do with the fear of abandonment. My peculiar way of committing to the mission in the congregation I belonged to was, in reality, a path of seeking where, through service to others, I found myself, my own reality as both an angel and a demon.

My greatest suffering was the decision to leave the congregation and stand on my own feet without knowing what I needed or what I really wanted. It was like being an adolescent again: I felt great shame in recognizing the crooked and deceitful nature of my life, and it was very difficult for me to see myself as I truly am.

Today, I begin to walk with greater awareness, realizing when I want to dominate someone or when I am manipulating. And I step back. This makes me feel freer, with fewer attachments to relationships, teamwork, material or spiritual things.

\\*What Has Changed in the Process?\*\

One of the greatest differences from the past is that now I can give myself plenty of time for reflection. It’s a new way of entering thought, looking at the ego as a prison, a rhinoceros with small eyes and a horn ready to charge when it doesn’t get what it wants.

I also find myself better able to choose in each situation, becoming aware that I can respond from the rhinoceros or from Brisa (the new name I assumed in my religious life, meaning mercy), feeling from the heart and thinking about what would be most beneficial.

This is no longer automatic: I move from one side to the other at different moments. I’m still on this path...

I see myself walking here and now with what each day offers me.

I am now committed to a partner.

With eighty percent less anxiety, I remain involved with the civil association I founded, Edupaz, working as part of a team and taking responsibility for my role: I stopped being the protective mother. And I feel free.

Now, I live my life for myself, according to my needs. I started by renting a house and supplying myself with the basics. Before, even food was in service to the group.

I still work with groups, but what has changed is my detachment.

I’m recovering my sexuality, which I had lost several years ago.

I feel honest with myself for deceiving myself much less.

\\*What Helps in the Path of Growth\*\

In my path, self-knowledge made possible by SAT and recognizing the ego, its magnitude, and its sick power have been especially helpful.

Now I feel a new way of entering thought and can look at the ego as a prison, like that rhinoceros with small eyes and a horn ready to charge when it doesn’t get what it wants.

I also find myself choosing better in each situation, becoming aware that I can respond from the rhinoceros or from mercy, feeling from the heart and thinking about what would be most beneficial.

Above all, I have taken responsibility for my actions into my own hands, which means entering a space where every event I experience is a lesson for me. The feeling is one of a pleasant internal unity.

\\*What is Left Behind, and What is Emerging Now?\*\

What is left behind is blindness. From lust, there was always great anxiety, which is now behind me. I neither invite it nor avoid it; it arrives, and from it, I recognize myself as needy.

The gang leader or patotera, as we’d say in Mexico, is also left behind. That instinctive little girl is left behind.

The disproportionate lust for projects is left behind: I now seek to deepen the work I started ten years ago. I begin to walk with greater awareness, realizing when I want to dominate or manipulate someone.

All this makes me feel freer, with fewer attachments to relationships, teamwork, material or spiritual things.

Now, intensity also emerges, but the difference is in how I use it.

Now it’s about sharing that strength from my personal needs.

It has been very important to me to maintain a concrete commitment to SAT for the Mayan indigenous people, trying to strike a healthy balance between work and my personal life.

I am also more tolerant of frustration and recognize the rights of others.

I understood that if my block came when I was a two-year-old baby, it is completely absurd to remain in a place as if it were the ultimate in the universe.

At this moment, my work is to occupy my real space, a more humble space, from authenticity. I work to be more receptive, more vulnerable, less arrogant, acknowledging that I can’t do it all, admitting my needs and allowing space for them. I understand that others are doing their best, and I am not one to disqualify them. I understand my difficulty in recognizing my own tenderness and love for others. I open myself to making my way with others, accepting necessary confrontation as part of the process of maturation and growth, playing fair, without tricks.

I have also placed myself in a different position within my work team. I try to encourage everyone to take their own space without being “Mrs. Protector.” At the same time, I feel free from expectations, happy with a more concrete, democratic, and achievable project.

\\*How I Work on My Specific Character\*\

I practice working on my character by working with others. Being in SAT for educators and SAT for Mayan indigenous people has helped me a lot. It’s a constant process of mulling over and becoming aware. I think I have a character of constant action, and through that, I learn. It hasn’t been easy. I haven’t found another way to grow besides through action, recognizing my ego, which often hurts both myself and others.

Every day I review my actions just to realize where I was responding from, what I said, how I interacted, what parts were ego-driven, and where those actions are leading me: toward transformation or the trap of the ego.

If I want to keep walking, I need to watch myself. Otherwise, I won’t even realize the actions that sabotage my growth process. I make my way through observation, looking at my way of acting with curiosity, listening to my words, studying my reactions, and telling myself things as they are, without sugar-coating them.

Friends who approach without judgment, books, theater... and above all, love, help me.

Meditation has done me a lot of good in my life: the beginning was also a long process. Some years ago, I got carried away, and instead of doing one hour of meditation as my teacher instructed, I would go for up to five hours straight. This burned out my circuits, and at one point, I abandoned everything without understanding what was happening. Now I realize that it was the intensity, trapped in harshness, that cracked in the first moments. But I wasn’t aware of it at the time.

\\*The Path to Self-Perfection\*\

The pleasure I feel for intensity is very strong, and the path for me involves learning to live with limits. The companions in Edupaz and in daily life help me a lot with this. It is through feeling affection that I put the brakes on my actions, especially when they have a disproportionate and lustful nature. Meditation is another space that allows me to center myself and pause before rushing into fruitless actions.

In the future, I hope my process will lead me toward the unity and integration of my mind, emotions, and instincts. I want to become more human every day. It’s about trusting more in the smallest part; Fritz Perls would call it “the underdog.”

In my experience, orgasmic regulation has become very important; after many years of living without understanding what was happening, the instinct was not asking for permission and wanted to do everything its way.

In my future, I see greater harmony, unity, authenticity, wisdom, freedom, mercy... These are very beautiful words. This is what happens when we look at what we truly are.

It’s still not done: I have to realize all these things moment by moment, as if it were a constant challenge.

For me, the path to perfection lies in being who I am. The ego has its place, but I can’t allow it to drag me down all the time. It’s a bit like a demon in service to truth seekers. By giving the ego a space, it also helps in the process. I find it present every time I think I’m enlightened or want to put myself above others by crushing them.

\\*Recommendations for the Internal Work of a Social Eight\*\

Although it’s very hard work, it would be helpful for social Eights to write down their actions each day and see where they lead them. Writing my biography, as Claudio asked me to, helped me a lot, as did group therapy.

Working with the body is also very helpful. In Buenos Aires, my first therapist would hold me like a baby, and I would spend the hour crying until little by little, they led me to work with my body, to regain trust in my value for who I am, not for what I do. Losing ourselves in group actions and believing that they must be grand actions to be valued and feel powerful is a huge deception. As a social Eight, I lost myself in megalomania. If I didn’t focus on the concreteness of actions, I would get caught up in wild fantasies. I spent vast amounts of energy trying to be recognized as the flag bearer for the poor—how absurd... In doing so, I also fed my narcissism.

Definitely, SAT and meditation retreats with Claudio have been a great help. Writing my emotional autobiography, reviewing my narrative: Who do I say I am? Who am I really? What do I say about myself in my narrative, and what do I hide or fail to recognize?

Meditation has been essential, especially vipassana meditation.

Body therapy has helped me release and regain my sexuality.

For a social Eight, it helps to leave the guts a bit and move toward the heart, through genuine and selfless service to others.

It helps to spend more hours in reflection, meditation, and observation.

Group therapy and silent retreats are the techniques that have helped me the most.

\\*How to Help a Social Eight Through Therapy\*\

It’s very hard for me to acknowledge that I need help. It’s difficult to find a therapist I can trust because my internal sensation is that of having a radar that immediately perceives others’ flaws and shadows, and this is very tough for therapy. When I was living in blindness, I thought what bothered people was my frankness. It hurt when they told me they hadn’t been honest with me because they feared me. But instead of letting it hurt, I would react with anger. Of course, I was the kind who would stick their finger in the wound and not let go until I had destroyed the target. On top of that, I didn’t even feel remorse.

With therapists, I felt a lot of distrust: sometimes, feeling rejected or judged, I would shut the door without further ado.

That’s why it’s necessary for the therapist to be true to themselves, to be sincere. What has helped me most from the SAT teachers is their acceptance of me as I am. In group therapy, they hold me, not with words, but with their bodies, making me feel accepted for who I am. The therapists who have helped me the most are the ones who are closer to my person than those who are concerned with my neurosis.

Group therapy allowed me to observe myself from within the group until little by little I let my solitary wolf disguised as a sheep come out. The therapist accompanied me and invited me to take my place without having to attack or defend myself. Their acknowledgment was enough.

It also helps when the therapist makes constant references to the actions that the social Eight is taking because it’s in action where they get lost. It’s good to focus on their world of personal relationships, especially those outside the group, as the social Eight has great difficulty committing to individualized relationships.

The Sexual Eight: Possessiveness

A sexual Eight has a tendency toward social detachment. This person is rebellious, even more so than other Eights. They are also more provocative, flaunting, proclaiming that their values are different from the norm. This occurs with all Eights, but in the sexual subtype, this tendency becomes a clear detachment from intellect.

The defining word is possession. I used to think this also had to do with physical possessions, but I later realized that this passion is about holding onto the other: the sexual Eight is very possessive in their relationships. This word also relates to taking possession of the entire scene: the sexual Eight always wants to be the center. They are always fascinating. Their power stems from a greater seduction, a greater power of fascination, which stylistically sets them apart from others. Other subtypes don’t have as many colors in their feathers. Compared to other subtypes, the sexual is more emotional, while the self-preservation subtype is pure action, and the social subtype is the only intellectual Eight.

Transformation in the Sexual E8 by Alice María Ribeiro

The following text is based on interviews conducted with five students of the SAT Program (three women and two men), all of them identified as sexual Enneatype Eight, from various professions (butcher, therapist, doctor, police officer, and retiree), and ages between 40 and 50\. Each one is at a different stage in their path of self-discovery (one has been on it for 20 years, another only five), within the SAT school.

The general impression is that none of them could express themselves as they were in childhood. There was no affection, love, attention, appreciation, recognition, or even respect.

Only one of the interviewees chose not to talk about their childhood, but from their life story, it’s possible to assume they also suffered from a lack of respect, affection, and attention, like the others.

All of them found it difficult to write about themselves. This may appear as indiscipline, but it might also be an excuse to avoid putting themselves in others’ hands and to avoid revealing their weaknesses or showing their vulnerability.

Four of them mentioned not recognizing parental authority. They lost trust, felt betrayed, and refused to be guided by someone who didn’t provide them with the necessary security. Hence, the rebellion.

All broke society’s rules, didn’t respect the laws of the world, and disregarded divine laws as if they were immune to them.

All are antisocial, feel excluded, and are attracted to illegality, dressing it up as legality.

Shyness is also present, but it appears combined with seduction, strategy, and fear of being swallowed by society. It’s also a way to hide their marginality. One explanation that emerges is the need for control and power: since they don’t like or want to expose themselves, they need to know where they’re stepping, which is a form of control. In this way, they manage to hide their insecurity, their sense of devaluation, and their fear of appearing weak.

None of the women completed university studies or were interested in developing their true talents. All sought adventures, challenges, risks, and lots of adrenaline; one of them got involved in drugs. All are somewhat masculinized women; they never paid attention to appearance, vanity, or image.

One of the men, despite considering himself vain, says that vanity served as a function for conquering the opposite sex as a form of dominance or pleasure. The other male interviewee didn’t refer to image or vanity, showing that he gives it no importance.

Two of the interviewees (one woman and one man) sought professions of power: one in the police force, the other was once a police officer and is now a surgeon.

They are very generous when they believe the other person deserves help. Otherwise, they ignore them as a form of punishment.

All said—unanimously—that, through intentional personal work, they discovered new ways to relate with their partner, family, work, and with other people in general.

Personality Before Starting the Path of Growth

Possession/surrender and sexuality, anger/intolerance, intensity/excess, theatricality/rebellion.

All sexual Eights sought, voraciously, love, sex, and excessive pleasure in life. It was a form of rebellion, as if they were all deprived of their dreams, desires, and sensitivity. Undoubtedly, they managed to develop armor to hide their devaluation.

During childhood, they were forced to do what they didn’t want, disrespected, and had an authoritarian father or mother. They behaved differently at home and outside, as they didn’t have the right to be who they were.

“At eight years old, my sister got married. I was left at home with three brothers and my father. The three women in my life disappeared at the same time, and I was left alone with men and with the feeling of fear of being abused and not respected; I felt profoundly alone,” C. tells us.

As children, given that they weren’t recognized for their sensitivity and matured very early, they began to rely on the value that things have in the world, without differentiating people from material things. As adults, today, they buy what they dreamed of in childhood.

The value placed on material things and people wasn’t aimed at fulfilling any type of material security but rather at obtaining power over them. None of them mention that possession serves for sustenance or security in life; quite the opposite, all five come from wealthy and/or powerful families, tied to politics, livestock, construction, etc.

“Since I was little, I leaned toward the material. People were valued for what they possessed and not for who they were. I was raised that way: entirely focused on having and not on being. There was this crazy idea that everyone and everything has a price, no matter what,” says A.

All of them, without exception, were possessive in their romantic relationships or with friends, things, and situations.

“When I was little, I had the clear feeling (I think it was a crazy idea) that the world started functioning when I arrived. Everything belonged to me,” says G.

“My relationship with possession extended to everyone around me. I wanted to know what was happening with everyone; I didn’t want to lose control of anything and wanted to influence what others were going to do with my words,” adds P.

“The world was mine. Whatever was missing, I took, bought, or appropriated. I didn’t give anything away, didn’t share anything. Because no one was worthy of even what was left over. Not even a torn boot or a broken sock,” confesses E.

The act of taking/surrendering is related to sexuality. It’s perceived that there’s a moralism in this, which is merely a game to protect oneself and to protect the other from whom they take possession. All out of fear of betrayal and loss, as if the other were an object. This is why they have difficulty accepting any Dionysian behavior when relating to someone.

Sexual Eights control their partner by completely dominating them, distancing them from friends and acquaintances, making them dependent. They demand fidelity and consistency and get very angry when this isn’t the case. This shows a capacity for control and power over the other, as if they were their owners, masters, and responsible for them. In this way, they satisfy their sense of possession even more, which fuels revenge, which strengthens lust, creating a vicious circle.

“I felt very powerful and very much the owner of everything. This is where possession comes in. In wanting, I felt like I owned the desired object, especially the partner, who had no right to a life before me. I had to be the center, the focus. I wanted everything from the other, but I didn’t give anything. In the sexual relationship, this was very clear: I made the other surrender to my pleasure, but I didn’t want to surrender. It seemed as if my soul would escape, and I was afraid of losing it,” C. tells us.

Regarding sexuality, three people said they encountered sex at an early age. They discovered adult sexual behaviors very early, and the disturbed awakening of sexuality became a pivotal piece in the development of possessing and, consequently, the difficulty in surrendering. They had no guidance on this, followed their instincts, and recount enjoying that sensation.

“My interest in women appeared very early, around six or seven years old. Cracks in doors or keyholes were a celebration for me. Sex is my neurotic base. But along with it comes possession above all else,” says G.

“I started getting interested in boys at ten years old. They sent me to a boarding school in Rio de Janeiro, and I only saw my parents six months later,” adds A.

In other areas, there’s no moralism. Quite the opposite, they violated norms and didn’t respect laws, ethics, morals, or good manners, which were trampled when they wanted to get what they desired: sexual Eights are amoral.

“I’ve been around guns since I was young, and being a police officer seemed like a way to fix things. The police could use guns,” explains G.

They were deeply angry, intolerant of weakness, dependence, and people who were slow or foolish. This made them impatient, to the point of theatrics and outbursts, sometimes resulting in physical aggression. Everything happened very quickly, due to the speed with which they arrived at their own conclusions, without even listening to or allowing the other person to defend themselves.

None of the interviewees were aware of guilt.

“I’ve been through many fights. Before, I would physically attack others,” says E.

“Before, I didn’t consider myself quarrelsome; I swore I wasn’t. I would say I was just. But I had a very personal, peculiar sense of justice, very much my own,” adds G.

Self-Exclusion and Feelings of Marginality

Self-exclusion is very strong in three of the five participants. It’s a state that consists of feeling that they belong to no one and nothing. They were all sent to schools far from their families, which created a sense of abandonment, rejection, and loneliness. This further strengthened their marginality, which ultimately is a way of feeling included.

“I knew from a very young age that my father had been excommunicated from the Catholic Church. I knew that he paid bribes so that I could study in the best schools (which were Catholic). Once again, money spoke louder, and so I grew up thinking I could even buy God,” says A.

“I had, and still have, that feeling of being excluded. After SAT 2, I began to realize this. First, I enter a place, study the whole environment, and look for a gap to enter; it’s a very strategic approach. Today, I know it’s a strategy. It was so habitual that I didn’t realize it. It was a game, an unconscious seduction. ‘Where’s the weak spot? Ah\! Then I’ll go in here,’” explains G.

“When I enter places I’m not familiar with, I always stay by myself, on the edges,” says C.

Most Significant Changes in the Process of Self-Awareness

None of the interviewees were aware of their possessiveness, intolerance, or aggression, nor could they precisely identify when they became hardened and started developing this armor and insensitivity. None recognized the coldness with which they handled their problems. There was an ambiguity in how they saw themselves versus how they presented themselves to the world. It was a huge surprise—after beginning the growth process—to come into contact with this state of war, as they believed that the truth had to be told, “hurt who it may,” and they didn’t consider themselves cold or insensitive. On the contrary, they saw themselves as passionate, fiery, very sincere, and authentic.

“Cold? Me? How can fire be cold? I wasn’t aware of my hardness. I’m cold, I’m insensitive. That’s why I’m a surgeon. It was hard to admit,” comments G.

During the process, they became aware of revenge as a response to anything that didn’t go according to their will. Three of them were surprised when they realized this feeling, and they are now observing how they react when opposed.

“I didn’t know that I was vengeful. I didn’t realize that what I returned to others was a form of revenge. Knowing this was a huge surprise; I always considered myself very good, and I still can’t perceive all the moments when I take revenge,” says A.

“I didn’t know what revenge was; I thought that word wasn’t part of my life,” adds C.

It’s common for all of them to say that they became aware of their possessiveness. Two of them experienced losses that made them feel helpless, causing a break in their ego.

“The helplessness was total. I was losing the loved one, and there was nothing I could do (this hit me directly against my possessiveness). I remember that day I thought I would die. I could only sleep at five in the morning, praying the whole time. When I woke up the next day, I was grateful to be alive,” recounts C.

One of them said that they found themselves in an arid emptiness and a very deep well when they realized they owned nothing and needed to experience other losses to feel that there was no other option but to open their heart and surrender everything into God’s hands.

Another interviewee said that they felt the capacity to love and be loved after feeling divine love within themselves during an exercise in the SAT program.

According to their responses, only four feel closer to spirituality. One says they have no religion or spiritual sense of life, but just acknowledging this fact is already a step toward reaching it, a means to attain peace.

In the process, they all began to control their anger and fury when they were contradicted and sought, by observing those feelings, to discover where the true motives were hidden. One of them declared:

“It was difficult to become aware of egoic characteristics. Realizing lust and aggression caused me pain, but it’s undeniable that it also made me feel that there’s a path.” These are G’s words.

Four of them said they have changed, that they went through moments of reflection, and they saw that intensity and exaggeration could no longer be the fuel of their lives. One of them said they still need it and that it’s still vital.

The most significant change is that they are all more tolerant, and by observing possessiveness, they are aware that the process of self-awareness can lead them to a less arduous and more loving path. It was noted that things cannot be achieved “by iron and fire.”

There is also consensus about a greater awareness of the ego’s tricks. They all understand that they must take a step back and start again or take a different approach. They are all trying to reduce the intensity with which they do things, paying close attention to excesses and outbursts.

“In life, concerning ego and the way forward, I have tried to observe people and their mysteries more closely. I feel more humanized, less invulnerable, and less vulgar,” explains G.

“When my ego begins to manifest, especially in relation to people, I notice and feel that there’s an alarm inside me,” adds P.

“Becoming aware of egoic characteristics wasn’t easy at all. Recognizing lust and aggression caused me pain, but it’s undeniable that it also made me feel that there is a path. I feel calmer, more at peace, and less demanding of myself and others. I feel like a better person,” recounts G.

“I’m less possessive with my things. I even lend my car to others. I’m doing things more slowly; I’m no longer in such a hurry, and I know that others have their own timing, and I can’t change that,” says A.

“I sold my car, which gave me a lot of power (a Jeep); I ended a seven-year relationship…” explains C.

“I’m beginning to think before responding, I even feel very slow. I’ve reduced aggressiveness, intensity, excesses, possessiveness, and acquisitions,” concludes E.

There is also unanimous willingness to embrace discipline, such as the effort to organize themselves in relation to university work or dedication to professional life and family.

As for the women, all interviewees are reclaiming their femininity, seeking their roles as women, mothers, or daughters. One entered this process after becoming aware of motherhood following the birth of her grandchildren.

“My true fulfillment was directly connected to my talent as a therapist. Then I understood that, in the same way I repressed myself in motherhood, I was also repressing that talent,” says C.

“I’m cultivating more of my femininity, but it’s been very difficult, as in certain situations I still can’t fully achieve it. I can look at myself and say: You’re a woman\!” comments P.

“Today, I have an excellent relationship with my children, although I still have a lot of control over them. I have to be mindful of that 24 hours a day,” adds A.

The Imagined Future: What Would Full Development Look Like?

The group emphasized the need for responsibility with oneself and others. It was highlighted as important to have discipline with daily tasks and professional work, recognizing and honoring their true talents.

It is necessary to develop an awareness of the responsibility of using sexual energy (previously used solely for pleasure). They aim to eliminate the religious/sinful concept linked to sex and instead seek love for its own sake and a sense of dignity.

They are all making an effort to leave the ego’s anesthesia and show a profound interest in improvement, attempting to recover certain stages of life that were neglected, particularly in the family realm. Only one interviewee did not speak about what they want for the future, though it is apparent that they have a desire to stay on the path of growth through attention, intention, and slowing down their pace of life.

“I need peace. I must learn to be still,” says E.

Meditation was the main point raised by four interviewees as a way to slow down and draw closer to spirituality, as a support for living well. There is also a visible understanding of impermanence and the acceptance of the nature of things.

“I think one of my options is to slow down through the practice of meditation, to reduce my pace and stay centered. The awareness of impermanence has reduced the voracity that has always been the fuel of my ego,” comments A.

They also noted that it will be necessary to find the inner emptiness to be filled by something greater. They seek a reference point within themselves, having a teacher as a bridge—a guide who can help them replace the food of the ego with compassion and love for God, healing the original wound. Because only in this way can they feel included as human beings and beloved children of the Father’s heart, so they can reclaim the lost link from childhood, which is the sweetness and spontaneity where innocence resides.

The Self-Preservation Eight: Satisfaction

The most armored of all E8s is the self-preservation subtype. The word that defines them is satisfaction: “I have to have it. This is mine. I need to have it.” It’s more of an intolerance for the frustration of not having what they want than the possession itself. In this sense, they’re somewhat like the E1 sexual subtype, which also becomes obsessive in its desires. But an E1 (Type 1\) is very different from an E8. The former is hypersocial, while the latter is completely antisocial. One is overly concerned with norms, and the other cares far too little.

The E8 self-preservation subtype pursues the satisfaction of their needs. They don’t usually speak much. They’re like the lion. A lion only moves when it’s hungry. It seeks to satisfy its unmet hunger and then sleeps for the rest of the day, very majestically. They embody a “no-nonsense” attitude—no words, no word games in a self-preserving E8.

We could say that their need is that of an exaggerated self-interest. These are people who know how to do business and know how to bargain to place themselves above everyone else. There’s an expression, “a used car dealer.” This is the art or talent of the self-preserving E8. But it’s also their need: they’re a survivor, a term often used to describe Eights in general but more indicative of the self-preserving Eight. They know how to survive in the most difficult situations. They know how to get things, how to get their way.

\\*The Transformation of the Self-Preserving E8 by Juanjo Albert\*\

Claudio: I’m not sure if everyone here knows Juanjo Albert, a figure of national psychiatric mythology. We haven’t seen him around here in a long time. Self-preserving Eights are rare, so I’m delighted to have one who is not only a self-preserving Eight but also an experienced psychiatrist who has not only seen himself through a long process but also seen many patients throughout his life, and surely he’s come to understand people like himself.

Juanjo: Well, I had prepared a serious lecture, with etiology, etc., but I’ll stick to Claudio’s suggestion to talk about what the path of self-awareness is like for a self-preserving Eight. So, I’ll read my text to save time.

First of all, what self-preserving Eights need to understand is that, by relying on our belief that goodness and good intentions don’t exist, we discredit and disqualify any feeling, person, idea, or institution that opposes our desires in our own eyes and those of others. We also disqualify merely to have something to oppose.

When an E8 approaches therapy, they already sense this. Even if they don’t entirely believe in the therapeutic process, it’s from this intuition that they approach it.

From here, we must begin to accept the anguish caused by the emptiness of having no real reason to oppose things. We also need to accept that this compulsive movement is purely a response to intolerance, frustration, and anguish and that, ultimately, it is nothing but a desire for revenge for reasons we’re not even aware of. It’s healthy, therefore, to open ourselves to understanding that something must be covering up this compulsion to attack since there’s no objective reason to attack.

Self-preserving Eights also need to open themselves to the understanding that, in reality, there is something beyond the purely material and physical, and that we are more than just a body. We need to understand that life goes beyond what can be perceived sensorially. That love exists and that, for us, it is a completely unknown experience. From this ignorance of love, we can acknowledge that it is precisely love, being unknown, that frightens us. It helps to recognize the impotence to love and the disqualification with which we view the world of feelings, precisely to hide this impotence toward love.

Self-preserving E8s also need to recognize that their generous protection of the group—even allowing others to rely on them—is merely a way to secure their status and hide their insecurity. We must realize that this generous offer imposes the condition that things are always done our way and demands that others give up part of their lives and ways of doing things. All this implies a form of obedience that we falsely call loyalty.

Self-preserving Eights give in drips and drops, under strict control, as a way to create dependence, and in turn, we also end up enslaved by this dependence.

Under the guise of securing others’ loyalty, what we seek is to feel safe. Then we end up blaming those we protect for being dependent on us, for not doing things well and independently, on their own terms, since we want everything our way.

A very important step in evolving consists of letting go of the need for possession—both of material things and the emotions of others. It’s about coming to the conviction that the world and people don’t belong to us and aren’t at our disposal.

Recognizing others’ right to their own lives, letting go of the desire to possess people and goods, and trusting in the generosity of others and in life itself are equally steps toward healing.

This renunciation of possessiveness may be one of the hardest and most time-consuming steps toward establishing a healthy core in the personality, as possession is one of the ways we feel we secure in our lives, and relinquishing it forces us to confront the anguish of insecurity. It feels akin to being stripped of any possible protection.

It helps to take responsibility for our actions, and especially for our own failures, excesses, and exploitation of both ourselves and others, without blaming anyone for their weakness. This inevitably involves recognizing the pain we’ve caused ourselves and others.

It’s necessary to acknowledge the ways we’ve used people and their lives—both emotionally and physically—for our own benefit, even those we claimed or believed to love, whether out of malice or ignorance.

It’s important to see the insensitivity to pain, the disregard, the lack of consideration, the indifference to others’ lives except as mere objects to be thrown aside... This is the critical bridge for the self-preserving Enneatype Eight, and crossing it entails such a laceration of emotional and physical pain that one never wishes to cause this harm again, neither to others nor oneself.

I believe this is the point of no return. Once we become aware of the consequences of the pain we inflict on ourselves and others, there’s no desire to revisit that.

In my experience, this has been the crucial point. The experience of the pain caused leaves no option but to continue forward, trying not to fall back into it. And to restore, as much as possible, the harm done.

After this realization, we become intensely sensitive to the emotional pain we can unnecessarily cause. By seeing the pain, we strive to be impeccable in our actions and care for others.

On this path, we come to understand and realize that the other’s pain is also ours—not theoretically, but within our own flesh. And we can come to choose to be harmed rather than harm others.

Thus, consideration for others, recognizing them as free and sensitive individuals—not as objects of exploitation—is the achievement from which this enneatype begins to grow and mature.

But maintaining this awareness is not easy, due to both the tendency toward unconscious action, based on the pure habit of not considering anything beyond ourselves, and the difficulty of controlling our own impulse.

Control over impulsivity—whether for actions that, from a moral point of view, we might consider bad or those we’d consider good—is a tool without which it’s difficult to move forward. Controlling the impulse involves not only stopping the action but, most importantly, being conscious in the present of the consequences our actions may have on others. This means keeping others present in our awareness to avoid acting without regard for the consequences. It’s difficult, but this awareness helps in striving for impeccability in action. It’s worth trying.

Stopping the impulse and remaining still offers the opportunity to see what lies behind the compulsion to act. Additionally, it provides the chance to discern what we really need and want, and it opens the possibility of realizing that the compulsion to act is merely a response to the intolerance of frustration and anguish so typical of the self-preserving E8, engaged in a perpetual avoidance behavior—a cowardice.

Stopping the impulse also means giving others the opportunity to see us stripped of the power we often wield. It’s the chance to present ourselves as limited and ordinary individuals, something we avoid as it might stifle our source of security.

The neurotic thinking assures us that, “as long as you’re loyal to me, I’ll meet your needs.” This is an important point, as it’s one of the most unconscious movements in the self-preserving subtype, a pillar of their neurosis, since the self-preserving Eight assumes themselves omnipotent, capable of satisfying their own and others’ needs.

All of this implies that the path involves understanding and accepting that limits aren’t set to restrict me or limit my freedom but, on the contrary, to enable us to be free. Normally, we tend to see limits as the end point of something, but they could rather be seen as a foundation from which to start something new. Accepting limits means containing the anguish and not running from it. It means letting go of the “coasting downhill without brakes” mindset, screaming silently, “My God, someone or something stop me\!” Accepting limits is about leaving behind rebellion: rebellion against the external world and the need to dominate reality. It means finding rest.

But it’s even more important to leave behind rebellion against oneself: that is tangible, present-day health. We must accept that things are as they are, that we are who we are, with our own physical, emotional, and intellectual limits; something as simple as realizing that being tired isn’t the same as being sick, and being sick isn’t a trivial inconvenience. It’s about accepting oneself and realizing that we can change from within. I need to change from within, and I can influence my path more effectively by moving with rather than against the current.

Letting go of inner rebellion, against oneself, is to reach the peace this type needs, the peace they yearn for, the love they don’t know. It offers the possibility of self-care, self-love, and being loved.

In my experience, this means being able to love and be worthy of love, and also releasing the need to demonstrate power: surrendering power, just like that. Allowing that others may have reasons and feelings that I perhaps have yet to recognize in myself, and which might help me develop and grow.

It helps, therefore, to allow that the other may be right instead of approaching them with a preconceived attitude of rejection. It helps to stop presuming others’ malice: this opens the door to establishing real emotional contact and enables us to be genuinely generous, tender, and kind.

I believe that surrendering power is where a new stage in the path begins with more truth. And then the journey becomes faster: one perceives deeper and more lasting changes, and though it’s also more painful, it’s much more loving, especially toward oneself.

One begins to perceive that people are good and worthy. And from there, one accepts whatever comes. In essence, it’s about developing an attitude of trust and surrender to life as it is presented.

Claudio: What’s great about \[Juanjo\] is that he’s believable. His words sound like he went through it.

Juanjo: Yes… through blood and fire.

Type Nine: Sloth

Sloth here refers to a sloth of consciousness. Having a passion for Sloth means having the motivation to maintain a low level of awareness so that no stimuli, whether emotional or environmental, can conflict with a pre-existing status quo or equilibrium. Faced with a loss of life’s meaning, the E9 responds with spiritual and psychological indolence, a “deafness to the spirit and a loss of the sense of being to the point of not even knowing the difference: a spiritual coarsening” (C. Naranjo, \Character and Neurosis\).

Energy is invested in external action, which compulsively seeks to resolve any type of conflict or confusion without cognitive processing or connection to inner needs and their emotional significance; all conflict is nullified through a loss of interiority.

The E9 is generally a person who, even from childhood, was forced to practice a kind of numbness to avoid confronting the wound of being unacknowledged as a child. This is a child who has deeply renounced their nature and self-connection, seeking to fill their existential void by merging with others and serving others’ needs. Their relentless activity hides a profound sense of inadequacy and lack of importance to anyone. They reacted to the lack of care and recognition by identifying with a maternal function, aiming to take care of the mother (and often the entire family), and thus, only by caring for others could they care for themselves and find a place in the world.

Faced with the pain of separation, the E9 denies separation itself, as they lack awareness and, above all, do not differentiate between the feeling of an “I” and the awareness of a “you.” If there’s no separation between “you” and “me,” then, illusorily, there’s also no possibility of being abandoned.

In order to maintain this lack of differentiation, the E9 demonstrates a considerable aversion to introspection and change, developing a lifestyle aimed at self-forgetting (fixation). Behaviorally, they engage in distractions such as overeating, overworking, or filling time with accumulating activities, even intellectually or professionally, like reading or spending hours in front of the TV.

They perform their activities robotically, without complaining about fatigue, displaying a high level of anesthesia, even physically. They neither listen to the needs nor the pains of their body and often neglect their appearance.

The Social Nine: Participation/Belonging

The Social Nine is a good-natured person. What drives a good-natured person? What lies behind these cheerful, lighthearted individuals? According to this framework, the passion of the Social Nine is participation. They need to feel like an integral part of something. But anyone with an intense need to participate, to become part of something, is someone who doesn’t feel part of anything.

For the Social Nine, the experience of not fitting in, of feeling different, of believing they lack what it takes to be part of a group or community, leads them to overcompensate by showing a kind of generosity, being highly attentive to others and the group. They are particularly skilled at meeting others’ needs and often become effective leaders—the best type of leader, in the sense of being a good person, generous, and self-sacrificing when it comes to any responsibility others might assign to them.

Their passion is doing what’s necessary to pay the toll to be admitted into the group. But this requires a great deal of effort: Social Nines are the workaholics of the Enneagram. They feel they need to give a lot, but at the same time, they need to be pleasant and agreeable. Their internal motto is, “Don’t show pain, don’t burden others.” Their expression is happier than sad, but this doesn’t mean real participation; rather, it’s a kind of partial participation—a substitute.

\\*Transformation in the Social E9 by Miriam Ortiz de Zárate\*\

\How did the beginning of the search occur? What was the moment of greatest suffering?\

I don’t think there were periods of great suffering in my life, just as there were never periods of great joy. A striking characteristic of my life is that it went on for years without major ups or downs, without disturbances. Zero degrees: neither hot nor cold. Flatline. Sometimes I would look at others enjoying and celebrating moments of happiness, but I didn’t feel like them; they seemed excessive to me. I didn’t think I had any problem. Everything in my life was fine, under control. I was blind and insensitive, the perfect formula for not seeing, not feeling, not noticing.

My search began in a somewhat accidental way (and I put it in italics because I don’t believe in accidents). At the end of 2003, at the age of 44, I left my job as an executive in a multinational company. It wasn’t a planned change but rather a decision I made impulsively, as I have with some of the most important decisions in my life. Leaving work allowed me to slow down, to think more carefully about how I wanted to shape my life, and to decide that I wanted more balance between my professional and personal life. In the following months, I decided to take a sabbatical year to train as a coach, so I started 2004 with this idea.

For a semester, I took a coaching course, thus beginning a process of self-knowledge and transformational learning. At Easter that same year, I took an Introduction to Enneatypes Psychology course (again, following an impulsive decision and my sister’s advice, who had been telling me about the SAT for years). That same spring, I attended a few family constellation seminars, started doing yoga and meditation, and, after the summer, just after turning 45, I began therapy. All at once\!

When I think about that period and what got me moving, I think it was a mix of luck and intuition, as if some part of myself, which I was very unaware of, had decided that it was time to make changes. When I started my therapy, I stated that I wanted to live with more awareness, not so much for myself (I was fine) but for my daughters. I also remember the fear of losing what I had (my partner, my daughters) and how blind I had been for years, too focused on the work world, in positions of great responsibility, believing I had everything under control when, in fact, it was quite the opposite: my daughters had problems, my relationship was completely deteriorated… This was the situation I found around me when I opened my eyes and began to look.

In other Social Nine colleagues, the active beginning of their search is marked by a painful event. And this pain, in many cases, is triggered by a separation: separation from parents and children, separation from partners… The separation might be due to death or the end of a relationship. But in all cases, the most significant person to the Social Nine stops being present in their life, triggering a conscious cataclysm, like the one described by a young Social Nine woman regarding her partner:

“When he died, I fell into a deep void; I realized I had been living his life, and I had died with him.”

Or it can manifest in the onset of symptoms, like a woman who describes how, after her father’s death, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that developed into paralyzing agoraphobia.

In most cases, the person who caused the pain was the one who gave the Social Nine a sense of identity and reality, as they often doubt their own existence. In the before-and-after descriptions of their own process, Nines often use phrases (which I quote directly) such as: “I didn’t feel like I existed,” “I didn’t exist,” “I had a life full of things... but without me.”

\How do I see myself now? What are the greatest differences I perceive?\

One of the main differences has to do with my ability to see, to feel, to notice things. I used to live in a much more automatic way, less conscious, more disconnected from emotions and sensations. For example, I was very absent-minded. This absent-mindedness was a defense mechanism for me. Not that I’m no longer absent-minded, but I’m much more aware and have fewer slip-ups.

As for my ability to feel, I’ve very clearly experienced what Claudio calls the “elephant skin,” so typical of Nines. I’ve learned to refine it, and through this work, my sensory capacity has developed. I remember a period in my process when I used touch to connect. I would touch things, textures, touch myself, and this helped me connect, center my attention, and ground myself. I remember dreams from that period related to the idea of inhabiting the home.

Working with sensitivity, the ability to perceive sensations, was my entryway to approach emotions. At first, every time I stopped to look and ask myself about my emotions, sadness invariably came up. When it happened, it felt like meeting an old acquaintance who had accompanied me throughout my life. However, behind the pain and sadness was anger. And fear, which appeared much later. I barely experienced intense emotions before. Being able to feel and evoke emotions of love, gratitude, joy, fulfillment... and also feeling sadness, fear, or anger are all very new to me.

It was very difficult for me to face conflict situations. In fact, it was hard for me to even see them. I could have people around me who hurt me, who attacked me, and I had an enormous capacity to endure, not realizing it, acting like a punching bag, allowing myself to take the blows without acknowledging them. Now I clearly perceive aggression; I know when something hurts me or causes me pain. This has been especially true with my partner: it’s been hard to accept his mechanisms of revenge (and my own). Setting my boundaries, defending myself, handling difficult conversations are things I didn’t know how to do before and now do much better.

I used to be much more controlling. Things had to be a certain way. At work, with my coworkers. At home, with my daughters and husband... I would organize, give orders... Everything had to be done the way I said. I didn’t trust others; I had to intervene, supervise everything. I still have a lot to learn here, but I’m gradually letting go, controlling less, and trusting more. Accepting that there are other ways of doing things, that my way is not \the\ way. That my eldest daughter’s lifestyle, for example, isn’t better or worse than mine. Before, I was constantly intervening in her life, in her choices, in her ways of doing things. Then I stopped intervening, still thinking, however, that she was making mistakes, that she wasn’t doing things right. Now I accept that she has her own criteria and respect her decisions… almost always.

A feature of my life has always been not feeling like I belonged. I was a “sandwich child” (the middle of five), belonging neither to the group of older siblings nor to the younger ones. I always had to do something extra to feel entitled to be in groups and never felt completely integrated: it was a longing that went unfulfilled, a fantasy with no correlation to reality. For example, I’m a founding member of a choir and one of the oldest singers; I’m the president and have a special relationship with the director, who has been a good friend for twenty years. Yet, I’m constantly plagued by the thought that I don’t belong, that I haven’t earned the right to be there, that I don’t sing as well as others… It’s completely unrealistic, a fantasy. I can see it and laugh about it, but it’s a recurring thought, especially if I’m feeling sensitive or if any difficulty arises.

I had completely denied my instinctual world: desire, sexuality, my inner child. Working on this has been the hardest part for me because it involved breaking a family mandate, addressing something I experienced as very threatening and dangerous. I’m working on it now, noticing it, introducing small changes, allowing myself to feel and desire, playing a bit more, trivializing things, taking myself less seriously. Gradually, the fear and threat are dissolving, and I’m learning to feel better about myself, freer.

\\*What has helped me to grow?\*\

The tension inherent in these impossible lives, dominated by self-forgetfulness, generates the energy needed for Social Nines to embark on their search. Sometimes this happens almost magically, by chance, as an emergency measure, or as a matter of survival.

All the practices I’ve undertaken have brought me something. Certainly, the SAT process, therapy, the Fisher-Hoffmann Process, my work as a coach and trainer, family constellations...

I believe group work has been very beneficial for me; it helps me connect, refocus, and remember myself. It’s like a battery recharge for me, a catalyst that accelerates my learning and transformation processes.

Meditation and yoga have helped me center my attention and stay present. They’ve also helped me connect with my breathing and my body.

Bodywork and authentic movement practices have been especially important.

Seeking mentors and fellow travelers, knowing they were there to help me, allowing myself to move forward and be cared for—often without knowing what lay ahead—forced me to trust.

Certain readings helped me understand and intellectually process what I was experiencing.

Writing an emotional journal and reviewing it frequently, so I don’t forget and can bring back to the present what I tend to let slip away.

And, of course, writing and working with dreams.

\\*Through pain arise doubts and questions…\*\

A Social Nine might ask: “What if all my acceptance is just the result of my indolence?” Taboo topics, or simply ignored ones, also arise: “What if it’s all a mask, and my love isn’t as unconditional as I thought? What if the true source of my unconditionality is fear of abandonment, fear of conflict, fear of separation, fear of losing the apparent and feigned peace and harmony?”

Claudio has said that the essence of the spiritual path is transforming our attitude toward suffering. This can be observed in all cases. Undesired emotions like fear, anger, sadness are felt and accepted. Here are some statements on this:

“Before, I rarely experienced intense emotion. Being able to feel and evoke emotions of love, gratitude, joy, fulfillment… and also to feel sadness, fear, or anger are very new experiences for me.”

“I’ve learned to feel and endure pain.”

“I feel pain much more strongly, but also pleasure—both physically and mentally. I live more.”

“My awareness of what I do occupies a significant part of my thoughts.”

“I allow things that hurt to hurt, I get less angry, and I enjoy more.”

\\*What have I left behind, and what is emerging now?\*\

I’m not sure I’ve definitively left anything behind. For me, the onion and layers metaphor is very clear. Now, I can handle many difficult conversations, but some still catch me off guard. I feel more centered and less forgetful, but I still experience forgetfulness and distraction. I feel more connected, with a greater capacity to feel, but I still disconnect at times. I control less, but I still control. I feel more of a sense of belonging, but I still long for an undefined, impossible sense of it. And so on.

Nevertheless, peeling back the layers of the onion has revealed new things. Something new for me, for example, has been the experience of fear. Before, when I felt fear, I disguised it, got angry, controlled, or blamed others… Now, I recognize it as fear and feel it in the pit of my stomach—a completely new emotion for me.

Another new development is a need for transcendence, a spiritual dimension, which I still don’t know how to handle or through which channels to express it.

\\*How to work on the specific character of the Social Nine?\*\

For me, there are two phases: the first is awareness. The second is action, change. For both, I need to pay attention and stay conscious because the automatic tendency is to forget and disconnect. I have my tricks to help me remember and stay connected. For example, I wear a medallion with the Enneagram symbol, which I use as an anchor. I touch it, and it reminds me, helps me wake up. Meditation and even just breathing also help me.

I try to go beyond, to do something with what I become aware of, to take action. Most of the time, the action involves a conversation, a request, a complaint, a declaration…

It also helps to ask myself what I need, what I want, how I feel… To take time for myself, to care for myself, to be alone.

\\*What do I aim for in the future?\*\

To continue with this work, which is a lifelong journey. Looking back, I see much growth, but looking forward, it seems there is still a long way to go. This year, I’ll complete my therapy, but I’ve decided to start training in Gestalt. I want to continue having group support, but I’m also considering doing something with all that I’m learning. I want to stay connected to the SAT in some way; I’d like to be an observer or monitor in the future. I can’t think of anything better to continue my personal process than being connected to others’ processes. That’s why I’m passionate about my work as a coach and as a trainer and supervisor of coaches, and why I want to work in the SAT and, in the future, perhaps as a therapist too.

\\*How do I imagine my own path toward perfection?\*\

I believe my path toward perfection is oriented toward that spiritual dimension I mentioned earlier. A barely glimpsed path, but one I know I’ll walk.

It’s worth highlighting a response to a Social Nine’s question:

“Interestingly, toward unconditional and compassionate love, which I thought I had at the start, but with the authenticity that comes from the awareness that there are no shortcuts, that it’s not possible to love others without loving oneself.”

\\*What would I recommend to Social Nines for their internal work?\*\

In the work of self-awareness, we Nines need to be very attentive and mindful, so as not to lose focus, not to forget ourselves. We must establish mechanisms to avoid dulling our awareness and to stay awake and conscious. For me, approaching my work from many angles and in a massive way has been helpful: meditation, yoga, therapy, bodywork, group work, reading, writing, staying in touch with others who are doing the same work, etc. There was no escape\! And even with all these supports and reminders, you still forget again and again...

I also think it’s important to refine the “elephant skin” by working with sensory experiences. Connecting with the body, with sensations, inhabiting one’s own home.

This is a journey that lasts. Social Nines who have embarked on the search engage in various practices that allow them to keep growing and avoid things that have been harmful in the past. They’re now more selective with their circumstances, seeking quality over quantity in their relationships, carrying less baggage, and managing time in their favor. Of all the discoveries found in these accounts, the need to have time for oneself stands out. Most dedicate time to practices such as meditation or yoga. Bodywork is very important and common for Social Nines because it helps reinforce their sense of self. Group participation is also essential for working on the feeling of inadequacy, allowing them to feel accepted without needing to earn the right to be there. Writing an emotional autobiography has been a great tool, according to a Social Nine, who was able to connect with their life this way.

\\*The person emerging from this process of change describes themselves as happier, more joyful, more authentic, more attentive to themselves, more centered, with a greater capacity to feel, responsible for their own life, less rushed. Ultimately, as one of them puts it, they feel their own inner power.\*\

\\*Advice for future therapists working with a Social Nine on their process\*\

My therapist has helped me a lot by repeatedly asking me the hardest question for me: “How are you?” My tendency was to answer from my head. “How am I supposed to be? Things are going well, so I’m supposed to be fine.” Being able to shift attention to my body, to listen to what’s coming from my gut, daring to open the Pandora’s box containing my instinctual and emotional self, and looking inside—that is the answer.

Working with dreams has been very revealing: metaphors appeared very clearly and gave us many clues. I didn’t dream often, but each time I needed it, I had the dream I needed to work on a specific issue at that time.

For a Social Nine, confrontation is very helpful—being lovingly but firmly shaken because we slip away a lot. One of the ways I did this in therapy was with a lot of chatter, which was like a smokescreen to distract my therapist.

And finally, how important it is to know how to give good feedback, or anything else that helps with awareness…

The Sexual Nine: Symbiosis

I would prefer to use the word "union"—the word that Ichazo used—in a more elevated sense. Union signifies the response that we find in love, the desire for communion with the beloved. Thus, such a word should not be used to describe a neurotic game. Therefore, I prefer to use words like fusion, confluence, symbiosis...

The sexual E9 experiences the need to be through the other, the need to be through union with another, through fusion with another person. They use the relationship to feed their being because they cannot find footing on their own. A true union would require both people to stand on their own two feet before coming together.

But in this case, there is a kind of substitution. Because these people lack their own place, their own being, they wish to exist in the world through the other. This makes them very affectionate people, but it’s a suspicious kind of affection, like one of the many surrogate forms of love that appear in the repertoire of the ego.

What stands out in sexual nines is that they belong to no one: these are people who do not fully live out their passion—in the best sense of that word. They are precisely too dispassionate. When the Beatles wrote the song \Nowhere Man\, they may have been referring to someone of this character.

In Spain, there’s the term “mosquita muerta” ("little dead fly"): nobody would notice this person, as they blend into the wallpaper pattern. In English, there’s a saying for people who are “wallflowers”: they are lost in the background.

Elias Canetti wrote a book on characters called \Ear Witness\, in which he describes someone who is clearly a sexual nine:

“The Legate never asks for a certificate, nor would he ever obtain one, as he never goes anywhere on his own business, and thus has no need for one. It’s true that he eats, but he does so modestly and without causing any trouble. No one has seen him with his mouth open; he prudently takes his food in a corner, silently. He discreetly touches his teeth; he has a few left.”

This is a very cruel characterization: this person betrays his own needs, is so focused on satisfying the needs of others, that he has few teeth left.

“People take many photos on trips, and sometimes, when he hasn’t had time to step aside, he appears in the photograph without having been invited. The family of the host looks at the picture and grimaces. But even in those cases, he can be trusted. He himself takes the rolls to be developed, and when he returns with the photos, he has disappeared from them. How he does it is a mystery; they don’t ask, and he explains nothing. What matters is that the family remains as a family, and the Legate is nowhere to be found in the pictures.”

All of this is a result of the need for fusion. You can fuse with another person, with a group, or even with your own body. But at the cost of life, at the most subtle level of life…

The Transformation in the Sexual E9 by Juanita Richter

Acknowledgments: to Wilma Hannig, for receiving me in her home in La Serena, Chile, and opening her life to me without reservations. To Mónica Ventura, for lovingly sending me her biographical interview conducted by Dr. Claudio Naranjo, thus helping me to write mine.

\\*My Life Before Beginning the Process of Self-Knowledge\*\

When I was born, my mother spent the first three weeks with me, and then my father and she went to the coast to pick up my Aunt Helga, who was arriving by boat from Hamburg to take care of me. My aunt had just studied neonatal care, and I was her first case. She, at 20 years old, having arrived in Bogotá from her native Germany, became my second mother, while my mother returned to her job as a secretary for the ambassador at the German Embassy in Colombia. I was made independent at three weeks old, which left a deep mark of emotional need.

Inside me, there is a painfully needy space. And what this space does is absorb all the energy inward, to the point of disappearing. The feeling of belonging to the world vanishes, and it feels as though I live on Mars, not on Earth. The sounds of Earth reach me as if from far away.

"You were a wanted and loved child," my mother tells me. For me, it has been very difficult to come to understand this profound emotional void.

At two years old, I was taken to live in the countryside, two hours from Bogotá. The house was enormous, and I had two large rooms on the opposite side of my parents' bedroom. How alone I felt. I couldn't sleep there. They eventually had to move closer to me. At night, I would climb into their bed.

I lived in that big house until I was five, when I started school. At that time, my brother Christof was born, and my mother left her job at the embassy to raise him at home. My father left his job at the university and went to live at home to paint full-time. And I went to live in Bogotá, at my aunt's house. My cousin Stefan was born there, and I found him much more charming than my brother. I lived there during the week while going to school, and on Saturdays at noon, I went home, returning early on Mondays to Bogotá with my little suitcase.

With the birth of my brother, envy was born in me.

I lived with my aunt for about two years; then I was taken to live with Frau Jung, where I was very unhappy and marginalized. It was a painful seven or eight months. It was so bad that, despite my difficulty in standing up for myself, I managed to get them to take me out of that house.

As soon as it was Monday, the idea of going back home seemed tremendously distant. I became rebellious there. I was supposed to bathe at night, so I would put the shower cap on the floor of the tub so it would make noise, turn on the shower, wait a while, and come out without having bathed. Another act of rebellion, for which I was punished by being left without lunch and sent to bed in the middle of the day, was that I never ate the buttered roll the lady sent me to school with; instead, I collected them in my desk, in my little tenant’s room. She found around a hundred stale, hard rolls and became very angry.

Finally, that torment ended, and I went to live with the Franck family: Karl and Gisela Franck, with their three children, Silvia, Gine, and Lolly, the youngest.

Things were a bit better for me there. I remember myself standing beneath Gisela Franck’s enormous breasts, saying to her, “Hey, when I grow up, I want some just like those.” And there was something nurturing about her large breasts that did me good, something good about Gine as well. They weren’t as hardened as Frau Jung.

After the Franck family, I went to live with Frau Pieper and her daughter Susanne. There, I finally felt good. She was a teacher at the German School and had turned her house into a boarding house for teachers. I arrived and felt on equal footing with everyone else, not as an outsider to a family. And that was very good.

At that point in my life, there was a shift. I began to feel better in my own skin. I started to feel more pleasure, more joy.

After my stay with Frau Pieper, my mother arranged a transportation system with some neighbors, so I could come home after school. I enjoyed this very much. My memories from this time have a different light; they are joyful. I see myself riding in Mr. von Rotkirch’s very old VW Beetle. They would buy us ice cream in Panquiaco, and that trip to the checkpoint, where my mother was waiting, was delightful.

At home, on weekends or in the afternoons after school, I would go horseback riding at a nearby farm. Aladdin was the name of this creature that carried me on his back to the mountain. This was my first experience of freedom. I loved him and the forest. I always dreamed of being able to share these moments with a human man. That was my desire. And riding this animal, I had my first orgasms. This time is a light in my life.

At last, my menstruation arrived. I was happy. I wanted to tell my mother but didn't dare. Finally, I told her, and the expression on her face made me understand that I would find no support there. Alone again with myself, I went to the kitchen and spoke with the housekeeper. And my womanhood disconnected from my menstruation.

Throughout my life as a woman, I forgot my menstruation. Month after month, it would catch me by surprise. And it was also during this time that I lost contact with my roots—with the people from school, with the Germans in Bogotá. My connection was with the humble people of the countryside, with the housekeepers in my home.

The boys at school that I liked didn’t see me. And I imagined romances that never happened. Here, my difficulty with relationships with men began to appear. I didn’t know how to relate to men my age or from my social class. My parents never encouraged discussions about these topics. Never.

If I had lived in loneliness and abandonment since I was three weeks old, I now lived in loneliness and abandonment regarding my sexuality, my body, and my emotions.

But my drive pushed me forward with a strength that my parents' weak attempts to control it could not stop. When marijuana reached the school, I felt very drawn to it. I wanted to become a marijuana user, but smoking it made me anxious and paranoid.

At school, I stopped understanding what they were teaching. I got involved with a completely inappropriate boyfriend for me, a much older, addicted man who would take me to seedy places in Chapinero for sex. Everything was very depressing, and I didn’t know how to say that I didn’t want it. Besides, I didn’t enjoy any of it, but there was a force in me pushing me forward. I clashed with my mother, was willing to leave home, and desperately sought boundaries that no one had the courage to set for me.

At that time, I stayed home studying with my father, terribly bored. But I also adamantly refused to attend any school, as my mother wanted. After a while, I found a painting school and took some pottery classes. In the pottery classes, I met Fernando Villar, my pottery wheel teacher, and fell in love with him. I followed him, pursued him, managed to become part of his workshop, and eventually, he became my partner. I became pregnant, and we had Esteban.

Esteban was born on April 1, 1975, two days before I turned 18\. On the day of his birth, we were given the keys to a house in Cota called Rancho Alegre, which we rented. We lived there for fifteen years.

My Search

For my parents, it was very difficult that I became pregnant at such a young age, and for me, it had two sides. I was pregnant, uneducated, and had very limited skills: what little my father had taught me and the ceramics I learned with my partner.

A few days before my son’s birth, my mother told me she had dreamed of a little native child. This dream showed her non-acceptance of the coming grandchild. She, with her Nazi German conditioning, had to have a dream like that. And these things made our relationship distant and not very loving.

When my son was born, I was alone, without my mother or husband. It was midnight, and I was taken to the delivery room, hands and feet tied. They injected me with something that put me to sleep just before my son’s birth. I missed that moment and received him I don’t know how much later, coming out of anesthesia. And the story repeated itself. Neither my husband, my mother, nor I knew what to do. We all went through this unconsciously, without connection, without love.

From the moment of Esteban’s birth, I was confronted with the painful fact of not knowing what my son wanted. I didn’t know how to be a mother. And in that deeply real situation, my disconnection became evident—my living on Mars. Now, it was Esteban’s turn to experience loneliness and abandonment since his arrival in this world. I spent a lot of time with my son, but it was a presence without being present, without real connection.

Everything emotional was chaos and always overwhelmed me. I became very jealous of Fernando, tormented him, and he tormented me as well. Our sexuality was also not very satisfying. Anger and reproaches began to surface, and there was also very little money, so I began to earn a better income than he did. The gap between us continued to widen. Almost from the start of our relationship, I was supporting him financially, a very typical trait for a nine. I was the generous one, the one who could handle everything, but inside, I despised him for this weakness. And I let him know it.

I became an intense woman, abandoned, hysterical, and crazy. But I couldn’t separate from him. I was glued to Fernando.

During this time in my life in Cota, I remember often tripping, hitting my head, smashing a finger, etc. A great clumsiness accompanied me. I would tell myself I preferred physical pain over inner pain. I think pain also connected me.

The situation was difficult, and my son was alone. I began to feel that life like this wasn’t worth it. I started to search. I found books. A longing was born. I began to feel that I needed help.

My father died two days after turning 88\. I was with him that day. I sat at the edge of his bed, and I told the nurse that I felt my father should let go now, as he was very ill. He had been in a childlike state for a year, needing everything to be done for him.

After a while, the nurse called me to accompany my father in dying.

I was with him in his last minutes of life. I knew I was receiving a great gift, but I didn’t know what to do. I asked him to take a piece of me with him.

And he passed away. And a great silence entered the house. That day, my son came home counting crosses along the road.

It hurt a lot to bury my father. And a few months after his death, I hit rock bottom.

Around that time, a friend took Esteban and me to see a wise Indian man, Sanjay, who had come to Colombia. A week after that visit, the principal at Esteban’s school said to me, “Juanita, you have a sad son; I recommend therapy for him. Go to Félix Cantoni.” And Esteban began working with Berta Gamarra, Félix’s wife. With Sanjay’s help, Esteban and I began the journey of reclaiming our lives. He stayed with Berta for five years, and I stayed with Félix for ten.

Two months after starting therapy, I separated from Fernando.

With Félix, I had appointments twice a week. I worked on my big identity problem, my complete lack of structure. I saw myself as jelly, without bones. He set boundaries for me. I broke away from so many foreign beliefs. I was able to separate because I now had emotional support. I worked on my masculine and feminine aspects, eros and thanatos. A feeling of hope began to emerge in me. I cried a lot; it was very hard to see the state I was living in. To see my son’s pain.

With Félix, I worked through my grief over my father’s death. I learned to express my affection, my love for my son, to receive him with my heart. I learned to express my needs, to talk, to call on the phone, to say yes or no, and I stopped barking and biting. Slowly, I became human. It was a very beautiful, but very hard, learning process. I was able to see the symbiotic relationship with my mother. For me, whatever she said was law. I learned to distance myself, to visit her for two hours, have a cup of tea, and then leave. My internal mother would often appear as a punisher whenever I made love: immediately, my passion would be cut off, and from that point on, I had to pretend.

I dreamed that I was in the living room of my parents' house, and inside the living room was a large, red truck, making a lot of noise and spewing smoke from the exhaust. In the analysis, we saw that it was my father who was occupying all of my erotic and sexual space in such a graphic way.

Often, I would forget my therapy session or arrive an hour late: my resistance sabotaged me. It was difficult and courageous work. Money was scarce. The only thing I knew for sure was that I needed help and that, now that I had found it, I wasn’t going to abandon it.

I met a man at a party, and we fell in love. I discovered erotic pleasure with him and lived it. And again, I created a relationship of dependency. This was because, at the beginning of the relationship, he had another woman. When he left, it was as if a piece of my flesh had been torn away. It was only after a while that he separated from her.

I felt that I couldn’t live without Duny. Not seeing him was extremely painful. I lost myself again. And it was from that feeling that I abandoned my son. The other was stronger. I didn’t have the internal resources to handle the situation. It was either him or my son. My identity as a mother was only just forming through therapy, and my need for affection was still very great.

He didn’t have the resources to accept me fully along with my son. Esteban felt abandoned once again, reacted very strongly against Duny, and went off with his friends, getting into alcohol.

In therapy, Cantoni told me: “The day your son accepts the man in your life, that’s the man for you.”

I’ll never forget that phrase.

\\*My Accident\*\

On September 15, 1991, I suffered a car accident as I was leaving Duny’s house. I had 33 facial fractures. My face, after the accident, was different and would never be the same again. When I came to terms with this reality, I felt tremendous vertigo. But the accident gave me two important gifts. It showed me my deep love for my mother, which I felt when I saw her enter the clinic at two in the morning. I felt great love for her at that moment, when I had no mask. The next day, when my friends came to see me and cried upon seeing my swollen, disfigured face, I realized that it wasn’t my face that had fractured but my shell. These two experiences became fundamental: to seek a way to relate to my mother in a healthy way and to seek my true face, my true self.

And I received another unexpected gift during those days. Despite having lost my face, which, although it wasn’t ugly, I had never been able to accept as my own or as beautiful, I now accepted myself better. I no longer felt repulsion toward my face; I accepted it. It was crooked, irregular, much less beautiful than the first, but it was mine. I accepted it; I loved it. I had to let my old face die to be able to accept myself with the new one.

My relationship with Duny strengthened during the first three months after my accident. For him, it was also a blow that opened him up. And three months later, it ended. It ended because he went to his farm in Ráquira with an old girlfriend for a few days, and I, vulnerable from the accident, couldn’t take it and left him.

Then began a long period of surgeries in which many things happened, but I’ll mention only two significant events. After one of the many surgeries, I had another accident, and this time my son took care of me. In another instance, during another surgery, I almost died from anesthesia, and upon waking, they showed me my heart on a screen through a catheterization. I saw it beating nonstop, carrying out its task without faltering, touchingly constant. I cried when I saw it and felt very, very fortunate to have such a wonderful gift. And then, I decided to live, to enjoy, to arrive on Earth. To stop drifting away.

After that experience, Cantoni worked with me by holding my hand in his, transmitting warmth and bringing me back to life. He taught me how to earn money with my work, working alongside others, showing me my arrogance, my anger, my voracity. Each time, I came to see and appreciate more the importance of my time with Félix.

After the accident, a period began in which I dedicated myself to living my life, taking charge of my own things, and being a mother to my son. In terms of work, I had to learn to let go of my personal projects in favor of production work. I had to face my resistance to prosperity, my resistance to believing I was capable, my resistance to happiness. And it was in those years that I began to feel a sense of belonging. Sometimes, a feeling would arise that I was part of this city; I would walk down the street and, all of a sudden, feel that I was from here.

\\*My Work with the Gurdjieff Group\*\

A question always lingered for me: what is faith? Then, at Félix’s suggestion, I joined the Gurdjieff group. For me, it was wonderful to see how the paths of God reveal themselves and how everything is a process. Here, I’m going to quote a passage by my father, which I always carry with me. It says: “An idea or a work is never born out of nothing. A leaf grows after another, then comes the flower and the fruit. Successive development is the intimate nature of all creative work.”

In the Bogotá Gurdjieff group, they taught me to feel my body with acceptance and kindness. They taught me to bring the image of my mother down to my heart and to begin to accept her with gentleness, with affection. It was there that, during the work with the sacred dances, the transpersonal opened up for brief moments. The difficulties that life puts in our way, they called “the little dirt we work with.”

For me, waking up in the morning was accompanied by a feeling of depression and a sense that the ceiling was going to fall on my head. One morning, that feeling appeared again. I sat on my bed and began to meditate as I’d learned in the group. I could hear the voices that had been recorded in my memory since childhood, saying: “Janni, you’re good for nothing” or “Janni, I’m pulling you out of school,” and so on. I listened to each one and told them I would no longer hear those messages. My depression and the feeling of the ceiling collapsing over my head went away, never to return.

This was one of the most significant events in my life. At that moment, I saw that I was truly being helped, both by myself and by others. And those others are here and also on a more subtle, spiritual level.

With this work in the group, my work with Félix was complemented: after ten years of psychoanalytic therapy, I asked him to discharge me. Here, I see a very nine-like trait in my behavior: I had gone to therapy diligently for ten years, both for myself and for Félix. Inside me was a voice that didn’t want to disappoint my therapist.

At that time, I was in a relationship with Alberto, a married man. For both of us, this relationship was a breath of life and an illusion. And I also saw how I related to others, disappearing myself. This happened with Alberto, with Azucena, a woman who worked with me for seven years, with my mother, with my therapist... This was how I related: my boundaries dissolved, and I lost myself in pleasing others. That’s why it was significant for me that, after four years of being lovers, one day I opened the door and told Alberto to leave. And this happened without him seeing it coming, as if out of nowhere, because I had been holding it inside without saying much. Suddenly, a demolishing “Get out” erupted.

And I realized that I didn’t have to feel guilty; on the contrary, I was doing what I felt, defending myself from being unhappy. That relationship was good for a time, but no longer. He was not someone with whom I could build a real relationship. Now I go to bed with a deep sense of peace and joy. I am finally supporting myself.

\\*My Professional and Financial Journey\*\

A phase of learning to live off my work begins. And, as a true nine, I am not organized, I get easily distracted, I put off essential tasks, and I don’t believe in myself or my work. When a client shows interest, I practically feel like giving away my only piece hanging solo on some wall, and I even feel like thanking them for being interested in something of mine. My work doesn’t seem to have any value. My financial situation is difficult because of this attitude.

When I do make money—because whenever I have work, I sell it and earn something—I can give it away without hesitation so others will like me, all while ignoring my own needs and those of my son.

In my work with Félix, we agree that I should find some helpers. Tirso Junco arrives at the studio as a business advisor. He helps me a lot. Before long, I have several people working with me. Again, this is a learning process that takes years. We create large murals. I have to learn to draw so others can apply the color. They demand that I draw better and more clearly. I feel envy; I don’t want others painting my work. Each issue that comes up, I can discuss, process, and resolve with Tirso and Félix. It’s a period of much conflict, tears, not knowing how to stand up in front of others, not knowing how to defend my work. I have to go out looking for clients with a bag of catalogs and photos. Now, I have to make payroll for my employees. This is the time when I learn that my work has value, that it is valuable to others, and that I can charge for it.

Today, I work with three of those people who joined the studio back then: professional painters, designers, and ceramists—Pedro, Indira, and Pilar. Last week, Indira invited us to her house to celebrate her fifteen years working at the studio. Now, the studio doesn’t require all of my time, which frees me up to do other things, or sometimes, to do nothing. And today, I have a good relationship with money and abundance. I have a relationship of trust and worthiness. People enjoy my work, and they seek me out to buy my paintings. And I enjoy selling them and receiving payment in return. I can charge well for a good painting, and I’m also able to give it as a gift, wholeheartedly. And I am also generous with others from my own abundance. Just like my father, who was very generous. (Thank you, Dad, for knowing what you were doing when you took me out of school and taught me the narrow path of independence. And thank you, Mom, for making me endure being so alone, because that solitude forced me to seek help.)

\\*My Journey with Jorge Llano and His School\*\

One day, my friend Janine Spitz invites me to Jorge Llano’s Wednesday group. And I remember that night as if it were yesterday. Jorge has us pair up to work on our breathing, which gradually becomes more erotic. I partner with Germán, Julieta’s boyfriend. At the end of the exercise, Jorge invites us to form a cuddle pile. I feel that I have finally arrived home as I sense the warmth of so many bodies beneath, above, and beside mine. I can laugh from my gut, and Jorge laughs with me. That moment is so liberating, so joyful. This is how Jorge welcomes me and shows me the path toward life. I spend two years attending Jorge’s Wednesday sessions. I enroll in his therapeutic training program.

I begin my training and realize that I can’t be part of the Gurdjieff group and also attend Jorge’s training because it would drive me mad. I leave the Gurdjieff group and stay with Jorge until I complete the program and graduate. It’s a personal process as if I’ve never done one before. Starting from scratch. Everything is new. Cleansing. Unlearning. Learning. Around this time, I also complete the Fisher-Hoffman Process with Jorge. It helps me tremendously to see that my parents are who they are because of the lives they’ve had, and never out of malice. Today, I am here to care for my mother in her old age, whereas before, just thinking about it would drive me to drink.

Halfway through my training, I travel to Mexico with Jorge and others from the group. There, I experience being here and now, without the ego’s clothing, standing in the middle of the desert, overwhelmed, in my true size, tiny before the vastness of the planet, breathing. And there, I also confront my arrogance again, refusing to get into Aurelio’s car, even though he came to pick us up, only to get lost and realize that this is what I do with men: I look down on them, reject what they want to give me, leave with an air of superiority, only to get lost, arrive late and alone, shivering, with no one there.

There, I see my son in his greatness, after two eagles make me turn back and put me back on the right path. I then find Jorge and my friends Beatriz and Nerea, all snuggled in a sleeping bag under some trees in the desert, laughing. How beautiful it is to arrive and meet soul friends. Thank you, Jorge, what a journey. Later, in Tepoztlán, drinking tequila and coffee at Jorge’s old house, integrating what we experienced, we meet Don Lucio and receive his blessing. And there, I realize that I won’t continue my journey alone—I need a partner. I learned that there, with Jorge, because Jorge is the master of life and its pleasures, of home, earth, partnership, children, animals, service, and abundance.

\\*My Partner\*\

I always asked myself why I was so invisible to men. And I realize that I don’t see them either. I’m the one who doesn’t allow myself to have one for myself. I also see that I haven’t really been alone because I had made a partner out of my son. And when I see this, I make an effort to free him and to find my own partner. I really set out to look for him, clumsily, but with a genuine desire for companionship. First, I meet a strange character, kind of a wizard, a Black man. The next day, I have a one-night erotic encounter with a young man. And a few days later, sitting in my living room, looking at the sliver of sky visible from there, I watch a cloud pass by, and inside me, something opens up, and I realize that love and companionship are for me too.

That night, I go out to walk my dog around midnight, and from the bar on the corner, Maria Helena comes running, calling out, “Juanita, Juanita, Hildebrando invites you to his son’s graduation on Saturday.” I love the invitation; I’d been wanting to see Hildebrando for a while.

And that Saturday, I feel that nine-like thing: that laziness mixed with procrastination, with that sense of unworthiness, and I almost drift off to Mars again. I almost decide not to go to that party; sticky fear sets in. Until finally, I go: I arrive around five in the afternoon to that lunch, where I first meet Pablo, Hilde’s son, whose graduation is being celebrated, and then I see Hilde, so different from when I met him 25 years ago, dressed in a suit. Hilde introduces me to each of his daughters. Then, the mother of his children greets me. There’s a party, and I end up staying at his house, in one of his daughters’ rooms. Dawn comes, and I leave feeling content.

A week later, on a Friday, Hilde shows up at my house with a radio as a gift. And from that night on, he stays in my life. By the end of the year, he has built his own house just around the corner from mine. “I made a house,” he says, “for the two of us to live in.” We’ve now been together for four years, supporting each other. And of course, we’ve had our share of difficulties. Our sexuality isn’t perfect. This is where we both need to work, and it’s from this place that I love Hilde the most. He has opened himself up to the workshops, the readings, and all the transformative thinking from Claudio, Jorge, Ramón, and Félix. What a wonderful man life has brought me. With him, I can finally see my own madness, arrogance, classism, and ego. How true were Félix’s words to me early in my therapy with him: “Juanita, when your son accepts the man who comes for you, that’s the man for you.” And that’s how it’s been: Esteban and Hilde love each other. Hilde has helped me to let go of Esteban without abandoning him. And it’s been the same with my mother: he has shown me that you love your elders just as they are, period. No debate about it. And I’ve learned to love his children too.

\\*Meeting Claudio Naranjo\*\

The SAT 2 came to us. We went. We worked with Ramón Resino and Suzanna Stroke. Ramón assigned me the task of finding my older siblings, my father’s first children. The Enneagram work with Suzy was a revelation for me.

And at last came the encounter with Claudio in SAT 3\. Jorge Llano brought him. And at last, I could meet a Western teacher from my own culture. Here, I feel at home.

At that first meeting, I identified with the fours, but Claudio told me no, that my face was too gentle to be a four. He told me to try the nine. It hit me hard because I didn’t see myself there, out of vanity, but as I’ve continued to work, I see that Claudio was right.

The meditation work with music that Claudio practices is a beautiful experience for me. I always have to confront my resistance, rigidity, and intrusive mind, but Claudio’s teaching and way of transmitting it are very moving.

In this SAT, I had an important experience while working with Ginetta. I jumped on top of Leda to tell her I loved her because I felt that I wasn’t loving her in those days. I sat on top of her and spoke to her. At that moment, I realized how I was invading her. I expressed it and got down. I told Ginetta that I felt envious of her closeness to Claudio. I realized that I have to exaggerate so much because I actually feel that I don’t feel. She invited me to walk around the group and see what I felt with each person. What a beautiful exercise for a disconnected sexual nine like me…

\\*What Makes Me a Sexual E9\*\

The primary abandonment. My strategy for survival is to exit, to disconnect. My voracity, my merging, my deflection, my insatiability, my oral fixation. My loss of contact with myself. Because contact is too painful, because what I find is an emptiness that is too vast, there's nothing there, no containment, only a large, boundless space. The place between Mars and Earth is too desolate, lonely, and cold.

I feel a lot of anger that I don't know how to express: so I bite, scratch, growl, and shout. I feel melancholy at five in the afternoon. I can't stand being scolded. I can’t stand being denied something. I have no boundaries, and I don't know how to receive or set them. I don't know how to receive. I don't know how to give. I start to give so that others will like me, to be generous with others while having nothing for myself or my loved ones. And I don't know how to receive or ask for what I need.

I don’t exist. I have no rights. I don't show up. I have no affection. I don't have empathy. I feel a lot of envy… I don't acknowledge my tenderness. I don't recognize my fragility or my vulnerability. I think I can handle everything. I carry everything. I am the tough one.

There’s no time for me, and if there is, I get lost in it.

I seek pain to feel alive. I hurt myself. I am masochistic. And if you hurt me, I will hurt you even more with my indifference.

I instill fear. There is something very harsh about my lack of affection, my indifference, my insensitivity, my judgment, my non-acceptance of my body, my sexuality, myself, my feeling of being ugly, my dressing in ugly clothes.

A homeopath in Strasbourg, Dr. Levy, prescribed me the remedy Hyoscyamus. This medicine has the following description, among other traits:

"Wants to bite, curses, blasphemes, is cruel, inhuman, arrogant, indifferent, impatient, very irritable. Sometimes, aggression turns inward, with suicidal tendencies. Complains and reproaches herself. Rude. Feelings of guilt, remorse. Constant fear of everything. Easily startled. Has an aversion to answering questions. Gossipy, secretive. Laughs constantly or excessively. Premenstrual hysteria. Talks about religious topics. Erotic. Exuberant joy or anxiety. Difficulty concentrating. Confusion. Great veneration and respect for those around her."

\\*The Inner Work in the Sexual Nine\*\

Without inner work, there’s no chance. Because only through inner work can I see my game. And if my game comes from so far back, my work will be lifelong. Through analysis, to break my resistance, year after year, to be able to return to this world with its sorrows and joys, its challenges and blessings, slowly, step by step. And to start talking, to say what I want and what I don't want. To take from the world what I need. To recognize what I don't need. To create my own living space. To not abandon. To learn to give the other their space and time, without the need to run away, to abandon.

The work with my body has been essential. Being here and now, feeling my waist, accompanying my breath. I accept myself as I am. What a relief to return to myself. The disconnection has been a rejection of my body, and connection comes from accepting my body, from breathing deeper, acknowledging my intuition, my deeper knowledge. From meditation.

Working in therapy groups has been incredibly valuable because I see myself in others, and they see me. The group’s containment is vital. The closeness of others is vital. Touching others is vital. Loving others is vital.

Homeopathy has also helped me.

The work also comes from my love for my mother, whom I now see, and my heart warms. I can hug her, and I can also ask her not to interfere in my affairs, without hurting her. And when she opens up and tells me about her life, I can feel moved without getting involved in judging her.

Also from my love for my father, whose German children and grandchildren I met a year ago, thanks to Ramón Resino. And thanks to that, I now also have family on my father’s side, whereas before I only had family on my mother’s side. Now I feel more complete, more balanced. And I have loved him always, now with a love that is more fair to me.

Also from my love for my son, whom I love just as he is, with whom I love to talk, travel, and share. If he needs to wean himself off of me, let him do so: I am here for him.

From my love for myself. Just as I am, and with the body I have, which has been changing since I entered menopause. I am becoming more full-hipped. I have more arms and more breasts, and I am broader.

Accepting all of this has been possible thanks to my partner. Thanks to not being alone. Thanks to having support. (Thank you, Hilde, for loving me just as I am.)

The Self-Preservation Nine: Appetite

We will end with the E9 self-preservation type, for which Ichazo used the word "appetite." It is obvious that these individuals tend to have larger bodies, so it is likely they also have a larger appetite. Sancho Panza is a literal example of the E9 self-preservation type, and it is interesting that Cervantes chose "Panza" (belly) for his name, as it is something so central to this character.

Let’s consider the idea of a person who might say: "I eat, therefore I am." Each of the types can be approached with this Cartesian expression: "I think, therefore I am," an E6 might say. "I suffer, therefore I am," an E4 might say. These are actually very descriptive expressions of how each type experiences the void of their being. Take the example of the sexual E4, whose central issue is competitive hatred, and who goes around metaphorically "cutting off heads." They might say: "I hate, therefore I am." This main trait of each subtype corresponds most to this equation of resolving the question of being through substitution or an illusion of being.

Human beings have all kinds of substitutes for being: an authentic frenzy of pacifiers. We have all sorts of pacifiers that give us the impression that this or that is what we were looking for. And we go astray because we chase after these illusions that promise us a sense of being where it is not.

In the case of the self-preservation Nine, there is an excessive resemblance to a small animal. It’s not just "I eat, therefore I am," but also "I sleep, therefore I am," "I have, therefore I am," "I am standing here, therefore I am"... The ordinary facts of life have the capacity to block their awareness. For this type, there is no metaphysical level. In a way, the question of being has been erased from the life of a self-preservation Nine. You cannot talk about being with Sancho Panza. There is only his belly. The substitution of the mother’s breast with the bottle has been so complete that there is no memory of maternal love in their vocabulary.

Thus, these self-preservation types are very loving people, but deep down they do not feel loved. Their resignation is their most prominent feature. And there is a kind of joy, a kind of tenderness that, nonetheless, is far from the full experience of love.

As Erich Fromm says: to have or to be. For them, it is probably the same issue. In the world of big bankers, for example, you can see many friendly faces with double chins, very practical people... Here we have the Homo Economicus.

Transformation in the E9 Self-Preservation by Emilia Ligi

Today, March 4, 2012, I turn 55, and I still have a chance to share things about myself.

I am a woman living in Florence; my roots are here, and I never had the desire to move away from its beauty. I was born in the center of this city, and after moving houses several times, I bought my own, right next to the house where my life began, as if closing a circle — a gestalt I did not initiate. I fell in love with this house at first sight; I’ve lived here for 25 years, and today I believe it truly is my mirror. It feels like my real dimension, even though the decision to buy this house was made with a man I thought I would love forever. Today, he is less of a lover but more of a friend, and that feels even more important to me\!

I earn my living from a job that, despite the years and the healthy disillusions, I still enjoy: I am a home assistant, providing a public service that the municipality offers to citizens facing various social difficulties.

Every day, I visit people’s homes; they might be children I accompany to school or other places, people with psychiatric problems, elderly individuals who need bathing or help getting up, or someone who needs me to do their shopping or cook for them... Essentially, anything related to daily needs, and even more.

It’s not just a job, but an exercise in life. I like it because I feel free: there is an office and my colleagues, who provide indispensable support, but in dealing with cases, I have autonomy, facing different situations throughout the day. I have the freedom to make decisions and choose methods, moving from homes to streets, whether it rains or shines. I couldn’t work confined in an office, always facing the same faces — perhaps unbearable — doing a job that doesn’t change.

How did I meet Claudio? It was simple: I was undergoing individual Gestalt therapy. It was the year 1992, and my therapist told me about the possibility of experiencing something new with an American therapist who was coming to Tuscany for four days to talk about Protoanalysis.

As a typical Enneatype Nine — although I didn’t know it then — I agreed to the experience, more to please my therapist than out of real interest or curiosity. But I am glad I obeyed\! It was from that Protoanalysis that I began my journey: I wasn’t aware that I was searching for something, but without a doubt, I was, because every year, without concrete expectations, I never missed the chance to meet with Claudio and his work. For me, his work was easier to engage with through experiences rather than theory. Over time, the encounter transformed more and more into the joy of simply being with Claudio, regardless of what might come.

Maybe even today, I wouldn’t be able to say exactly what the work consists of, but I never questioned it: I only know that something shifted, beyond my own will, and for the first time, a part of me took control when I heard Claudio speak about the Enneatypes. He offered me a thread, called indolence, which I took into my hands to enter my labyrinth without getting lost, and to wind it up until I found the end — that is, the emptiness at the center of my labyrinth: a place where I could rest.

Of When, for Having Desired, I Paid Too High a Price... And Then, to Avoid Making More Mistakes, I Gave Up on Pursuing My Desires: "Better to Try Not to Truly Exist, Better to Sleep, Perhaps to Dream, and to Show Myself as Little as Possible"

A little girl abandoned to her own pain, frustration, and anger, in order to survive and not go mad, exchanges her true self for the illusion of being. The soul, defeated and betrayed, falls asleep, forgetting itself. From that moment on, the Enneatype Nine experiences the illusion of being able to live without existing, without desires to pursue.

The memory I have is of a little girl of six or seven years old: my mother gave me a disproportionate punishment for having bought sweets on credit at a bar without her knowing. Her reaction to the shame that my desire had caused her was to annihilate me — mostly with her words, rather than physical violence. Her desperate rage overwhelmed me like a giant wave, leaving me defeated, hurt, and, above all, alone in no man’s land.

From that moment on, I gave up fighting and held onto the illusion that there might be a painless way to regain my family’s love and attention; that’s when my successful career of hyper-adaptation began.

I turned myself into a machine that remained constantly on standby. If I only knew how to make mistakes and create problems, it was better to stop: "Guide me, you\!"

So, the machine lives when it is turned on: images are seen, sounds are perceived; then, it exists and expresses itself. It can be activated simply by pressing the buttons on the remote control. You can always choose the same program without feeling the desire to change it: it obediently gives us what we want. If its volume is too high, you just press a button to lower it gently; it can also be muted while it continues transmitting. If we get bored of it, we can turn it off, leaving it again on standby. When in standby mode, it remains in waiting, without feeling abandoned, rejected, or anything else, because it does not have the appropriate emotions to interpret its non-living. It can be alone for long periods, but when it is turned back on, it smiles again, cries, loves, and hates.

The machine does not have a life of its own: it is the one holding the remote control who decides the intensity of its color, its brightness, and its volume.

This is how I was before doing the work: I had handed my remote control over to others (parents, sister, teachers, friends, lovers). I allowed them to guide me, deciding what was good or bad for me; it was enough for them to tell me what to do to be good, helpful, and valuable in their eyes. In essence, I was an eternal, little, well-behaved Maya Bee, deluding myself into thinking I was loved and loving.

I also used a remote control on myself: when I didn’t like the reality I was experiencing, I endured it, and to avoid risking the desire to change it, I put myself back into standby mode. Laziness took care of it, accepting boredom.

The positive note for me, as an E9 self-preservation type, is that, in my almost total self-nullification, an infinitesimal part of me never gave up and continued to believe in the joy and spontaneity of the child I once was. From that small flame of self-belief, everything could start anew.

If I Don’t Know Black, I Don’t Know What I Am Calling White. I Must Change Position: This Egg Where I Keep Adapting Myself Is Strangely Transparent and Small. What Is Happening? I Feel Fresh Air\! What a Delight\! So, There Is Something Beyond the Shell... Now I’m Afraid. What If I Die? Lord, I Place Myself in Your Hands.

(This is what the worm thought before transforming into a butterfly.)

The magic of the work led me to start a journey backward through time: a journey towards myself. Each memory was a step towards something I had forgotten: from pain to pain, like Hansel and Gretel, I retraced the story of my life. Remembering myself, while accepting the path of pain, was the first act of love towards that missing little girl who, unconsciously, wanted to be found again.

It was a journey of many years; I never doubted its meaning or value. For the first time, I met a man/father/teacher, and from the first day I met him, my hand naturally reached out to his.

Rediscovering the child within meant reconnecting with aspects of myself that I thought didn’t exist: the spontaneous openness towards life and experience. The child has nothing to lose; seeing her tortured, wounded, dirty, yet alive and still innocent, pure, made me feel her sacredness, and I discovered that spirituality existed within me as well.

Thanks to the child who never lost trust in the mystery, all those parts of me that imagined with open eyes and believed in the extraordinary existence of the other started to feel it was legitimate to live. I remember during a SAT (Seekers After Truth) workshop, during a rebirth experience, while I was playing the role of a mother (though not being one in reality), I didn’t know when to help by stimulating the birth. I didn’t want to create obstacles to the person’s rebirth and called the therapist Ginetta Pacella. She took on the role of guiding the birth, while I stayed and watched in fascination: what I was witnessing was truly the mystery of birth. As the person passed through the birth canal, they were leaving behind who they had been: the one who was being born was a blank slate. I thought: "This is what happens when we come into the world." A mystery had been unveiled.

The process of opening up made me aware of and helped me integrate the opposites, the masculine and the feminine, and it shaped my material self. I also gave myself permission to exist, to embrace my selfishness and my pleasure. Knowing my dark side, accepting it, made me a three-dimensional being, not an Egyptian painting. During a shamanic workshop on our spirit animal, a fly repeatedly landed on my hand. I accepted it as my spirit animal. But how could I accept this creature, culturally associated with evil, with the devil? Simply by accepting that there is a little-known, undesirable side of humanity within me: by listening to its reasons, I was able to grant it the freedom to act and discovered that it didn’t want to kill anyone. On the contrary, it was a healthy selfishness that made my life better and placed the sense of altruism in a less absolute position: an important step towards inner balance.

My belly has been the container for the expression of my spirituality; through the inner child, I accessed a spirituality that allowed me to see things from another plane. And from there, I saw and understood what my material substance and primordial chaos were, and how I had ended up standing there, using only the reptilian part of my brain. If we want to see our footprint, we must get out of our own way.

Knowing my spirituality allowed me to recognize my materiality; only then did my soul awaken and reincarnate within me.

The automatic behaviors had disassembled me, but the child, with her intuition that seems like alchemy, finds answers and solutions. Today, intuition and creativity are the tools I use to replace compulsive action and inertia.

Frankly, many times I find myself like a stranger, searching while looking up at the sky for a way out.

Yesterday, I believed my only duty was this: to obey, remaining in a prison to adapt to the world. Today, I think I will never truly adapt to this world and to humanity: in truth, maybe I don’t want to, and I prefer to remain on the path, alone but free, like the Fool of the Tarot.

Perhaps that little girl, when she saved others by numbing herself, was feeling that she did not love this world, that she did not love that family.

I can love only a very few people: I am not a good girl; I respect the rules, but I am guided by my own ethics, which go beyond the rules. I never had a family because I do not believe in it.

A few years ago, one night while listening to music, I had a vision of myself: I was a small robot designed to fix malfunctions on a large spaceship. My life was outside that great machine, but I was connected to it by a very long tube, and from there, I watched the lives of the people who lived inside the spaceship. Being a robot, I felt no emotions about what I was seeing, but I knew that I did not want to be part of it; it was better to stay outside, in the darkness of that immense and silent space.

I feel a lack of harmony: I don’t know how to find it within myself.

I am glad I have not completely lost the Dionysian sense of life.

What is this discomfort? I can’t be unwell; I have to help the world\! And Superman cannot have doubts\! Listen, I will tell you all my symptoms, I will give you all the information you need; you investigate and analyze for me, because I don’t know how to do it, and I am busy. But he says: ‘Sit down and tell me about yourself.’

For a self-preservation E9, the hardest thing is to admit that the other person is right. There is always a "but." Quickly, they flee from discomfort by distracting themselves, covering themselves in fog, perhaps getting lost in a phrase or an observation. They disagree, they are uncomfortable, but rather than confront anger or admit their disagreement, they generate confusion and fog, trying to distract themselves and others.

Understanding the capacity to lose oneself as a form of defense is essential for becoming aware.

Often, there is a genuine difficulty in understanding concretely what the therapist is asking, as if the words were unfamiliar. Internal confusion and fog cloud the intuitive part of the brain.

Additionally, I was very good at adapting to the therapist: I tried to please her and not bore her. Yet, I was the one paying her, often aligning with her because I had a clear feeling that I was helping her understand me, telling her everything so she could later give me a synthesis.

I think achieving a synthesis of oneself alone is a great accomplishment for a self-preservation E9.

If the Nine has come to therapy, perhaps they feel there is a defect in their machine that prevents them from giving their best, and it needs to be fixed so that everything can return to the way it was before.

But the discomfort exists, and the client does not realize that the little cube of ice that unexpectedly slides down their back, causing suffering, is not just a cube, but the tip of an iceberg. And that suffering is just another illusion of being so good at preventing pain from being more than a fleeting discomfort, while the ice slowly melts and the water is on the verge of overflowing the dam of lies.

What should be done in therapy with a self-preservation E9?

Give the session a sense of sacredness: feel that the space between the therapist and the patient, including the physical space, is a place where both will put something of themselves, and that this place is sacred because it is the line that separates the "I-you."

Establish a form of contact to close the session; the most effective gesture is a hug. For a person who is unfamiliar with introspection, experiencing it can feel like entering another world where there are no certainties, and the contact serves to bring them back to earthly certainty after a journey to the center of that nothingness they find within.

A Nine lives on the surface, and diving into depth is an enormous effort; but they will do it if they know that when they resurface, already at the limit of their breath, someone will extend a hand to help them return to solid ground.

Inviting a self-preservation E9 to dive inside themselves concretely means asking them to remember: to remember their life, their childhood, their adolescence...

For me, the work Claudio proposed was crucial: to remember through pain, using the regressive method; to remember, remember, and remember again: everything is contained within this verb\! Going back in time to recognize that one has a life made up of this and that, of pain, of frustration, of love, and of carefreeness.

Remembering was like swimming against the current in the river of my life, discovering the rope that allows you to navigate close to the shore and not in the middle of the river, where the current is strongest. Each memory was a port where, after pain and frustration, I always found the confirmation of the same crazy idea: "I am alone, after all; I have to do it alone; I cannot ask for help; asking for time for myself means creating problems."

Through the act of remembering and recounting myself, I slowly began to shape the block of clay that I was.

I believe it can be useful to frequently ask a self-preservation E9 to tell about their childhood, their adolescence, showing interest in their life.

To help the person go deeper, free association is also helpful because it brings us closer to sincerity, and it helps to ask again each time the person distracts themselves because they are approaching something interesting.

When Claudio first said to me, "Tell me about yourself," I felt dizzy: I was in chaos; my fog appeared in an instant; I didn’t understand anything, not just because of the teacher’s question, but because, for the first time in my life, someone was interested in me.

Now That I Have Made the Hero’s Journey, Now That I Have Overcome Trials and Obstacles to Rediscover Myself, Now That I Choose for Myself, Now I Feel Loved by the Sky and the Earth, Now That Desire Guides Action, Now I Can Lay Down My Luggage and Continue on My Path with Just the Staff and the Flame

I thought that by finding myself again, everything would be simpler, that it would be the cure — but no\! Rediscovering oneself is not healing. It is simply rediscovering oneself\!

Now that I have made the hero’s journey, that I have overcome obstacles and have rediscovered my soul and the child within me, now that I am facing the origin of my neurosis, now that I have traveled around the world and returned to the starting point, now it is up to me. I set out again for the return journey.

I take the first steps without knowing what my destination will be. I encounter the world again with its excesses; I live as if every day I were undergoing open-heart surgery without anesthesia: it hurts too much, and I feel incredibly fragile.

In the temple of Apollo, it was written: "Know thyself." But also: "Nothing in excess."

Excess. This is the cause of everything. My path has been paved with excesses until now, even during the hero’s journey. But now I am myself again, and I do not want to give that up. Finally, I sense that I can be for myself, by myself.

I do not know a path to healing, but I know that remembering myself every day is the only possible route, the great act of love towards myself.

When I understood that everything is an illusion, including myself, and that this presence is the only necessary truth, I felt an immense sense of freedom: I surrendered and fell upon myself, like when a veil falls.

Now I can leave everything behind, I can stop and just be; I no longer need to keep repeating to myself that I exist because I act, feel, think, love, desire. I am\! Everything else is just a manifestation of my being.

But since the manifestations of being, even if illusory, can be Dionysian, it is better to live them each time they appear and to treasure them while I am in this world.

So, let Dionysus rejoice whenever he remembers me, and I remember him\!

I am certain that the healthy being of the self-preservation E9 is very Dionysian\!

If I Allow Myself to Be Myself, What Will Happen? What Happens If I Start Not Believing in My Crazy Ideas Anymore? I Don’t Know, But I Feel a Sense of Freedom. The Experience of Retreat Is Calling Me. There I Expand, Perhaps I Will Dissolve and Feel Myself as Part of the Whole That Ordinary Consciousness and Mind Cannot Grasp

I believe an important stage of my evolution has been the collapse of the dogmatic sense of the crazy idea: I held it as a commandment, as if the crazy idea, with its power, had replaced God. The work gave me confidence in myself, and I began to take the risk of living, dying, causing suffering, or ending up alone, challenging the very crazy idea. I started facing my resistance against life, surrendering more to what is here, now, in this moment and not another, and the result is a sense of simplicity and spontaneity.

The appetite, in all its forms, no longer serves to exorcize the fear of emptiness tied to the neurotic lack of love. By surrendering to love, I discovered that the emptiness only frightened me because I did not know it. I discovered that it is a fertile void, a neutral place within me where nothing has form and there is a timeless silence. The experience of emptiness is relaxing; there is no anxiety, and the hunger for stimuli is calmed because in the void, there is no more illusion or absence.

Now I believe I am closer to the true meaning of my actions: reading is reading, eating is eating, loving is loving, thinking is thinking, and living is living\!

I felt the desire to experience a meditation retreat, accepting not to exist for the world for eight days, no matter what happens. This experience transformed the excessive sense of responsibility, almost omnipotent, and I admitted to myself that the world could continue without me.

Stepping out of the ordinary state of consciousness, mind, and heart was a state of grace I reached by surrendering to contemplation. Living in contemplation feels like a form of mystical rapture of the senses, where everything appears in its simple truth. But I cannot describe this experience; I only know it is a deep happiness in existing, a discovery of a natural state of joy and love that belongs to another dimension.

In contemplation, everything dissolves, I dissolve until I become merely a contact, a vibration, perhaps erotic, with the divine; yet at the same time, the reality of the world is there, present, as a manifestation of the here and now that needs nothing.

To love the world through contemplation is like making love with God. And I have understood that, for me, God manifests both immanently and transcendently: they are two faces of the same manifestation.

Contemplation means diving deeply into reality to then go beyond into the mystery of the spiritual, passing through expansion rather than concentration.

One morning, upon waking and observing nature, I understood that there are no separate opposites, but rather a duality that is simultaneously a unity, that everything begins and ends in its opposite, in a continuum, with no beginning and no end.

While observing a fruit, I wondered where the form was and where the substance was; all aspects were present, but the fruit was an inseparable unity of both. Is this the Tao, the yin and the yang? Perhaps so.

Defining things with words is a human need, the first step toward understanding, which does not require words, because everything is in a continuous state of manifestation, everything simply is.

I understood that I am a neutral, infinite, indescribable, and timeless mind, but at the same time, an ordinary mind that lives and feeds on what it projects through its gaze.

Now I know nothing, but through the experience of retreat, I have found the sense of my meditation, which is not an exercise in style, but rather a state of presence and awareness.

I end my contribution with this song by Julio Numhauser, a Chilean poet, which bears the title of an irrefutable truth:

Todo Cambia (Everything Changes)

Everything superficial changes; so does the profound.

The way of thinking changes, everything changes in this world.

The climate changes with the years, the shepherd changes his flock,

And just as everything changes, it is not strange that I change too.

The finest diamond changes its sparkle from hand to hand.

The bird changes its nest, a lover changes their feelings.

The traveler changes direction, even if it causes harm,

And just as everything changes, it is not strange that I change too.

Everything changes, everything changes.

Everything changes, everything changes.

The sun changes its course when the night endures,

The plant changes and dresses itself in green during spring.

The beast sheds its skin, the hair of an old person changes,

And just as everything changes, it is not strange that I change too.

But my love does not change, no matter how far away I may be.

Nor does the memory and the pain of my homeland and my people.

What changed yesterday will have to change tomorrow,

Just as I change in this distant land.

Everything changes, everything changes.

Everything changes, everything changes.